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Bionicle- Nova Orbis- Mystery- Chapter 15

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By NickOnPlanetRipple   |   
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© 2014 - 2020 NickOnPlanetRipple
Yeah, sorry this chapter ended up being so long. I had a lot of ground to cover, and I wanted to get it all wrapped up in this chapter so we could move on.

Taipu's line, "Before things get any more complicated..." was kind of a jab I was taking at myself. I've heard so many people say that after the first few years, Bionicle started becoming much less accessible than in the beginning, and it only got worse as the years went on and the backlog of world building just kept getting bigger. It got too complex for its own good.

Now, granted, this is a story made mainly FOR hardcore Bionicle fans who want to see the old story continued in some form... but, another part of the draw is that it's still a fresh start, mostly disregarding all of the loose ends from the last few chapters of the old serials. You can just jump in and discover this new world with the Matoran... but in the last coupla' chapters, and especially this one, I think I may've ruined that feel with all these conspiracies an' whatnot coming to light. I've revealed (or at least hinted at) a lot of things I was going to save for later, and to some people who already saw these things coming, it may be refreshing to not see the characters dancing around it as much as in a lot of other stories. Still, I started writing this doosey of a chapter with the intent to tidy up a few things, make things less complicated. And yeah, we have a few of those answers, now, sort of... but I think this is quickly starting to spiral out of control. Granted, a lot of these things WILL be made clear by the end of this story arc, and almost everything else in next year's story arc, but for the moment, I understand if this is just getting hard to follow.

That said... we don't need to know who made the Crust-Buster, what they were looking for, who Kopeke's agent is, or what "units" are. You can guess, but all we really, REALLY need to focus on at the moment is clear enough. Stop the Crust-Buster.

On another note, Albus just said the d-word... no, that THAT d-word, the one with an "a" in it. Yeah, this isn't going to be the sort of thing where I throw in lots of unnecessary swear words an' whatnot to try to create the illusion of it being grown up or whatever. In fact, you're not gonna hear anyone say something like that again for a long, LLLLONG time. It just seemed like the most natural sort of thing Albus could've said at that particular moment. I don't know why.

At the very least, I hope people got a kick out of Vesta's whole mystic babble shpeal. That scene was really, REALLY fun to write.


Anyhow... that's it for today. Next chapter should be up in a few days.


Beginning >> Bionicle- N.O.- Mystery of the Toa Miro- Prologue by NickinAmerica

Previous chapter >> Bionicle- Nova Orbis- Mystery- Chapter 14 by NickinAmerica

Next chapter >> Bionicle- Nova Orbis- Mystery- Chapter 16 by NickinAmerica

Full series >> nickinamerica.deviantart.com/g…



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Comments24
anonymous's avatar
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Battledroidunit047's avatar
I can just picture Vesta mentally flipping a table in his mind since things went so badly. 78.media.tumblr.com/f73b553f14…
Sl33pdeprived's avatar
Sl33pdeprivedHobbyist Artisan Crafter
Talk about total prick that fire turaga total prick nice to see that maku, taipu and green one are so defiant in this I can totaly see some of them geting jailed at the end of this
Orionide5's avatar
FWOAHH! Plot just shifted into hyperspeed, and I love it! And I was really, REALLY glad Dreadorax turned out to just be satirical. I mean, I was PRETTY sure you would never make such a cliche`d character, but... and anyway, come on, Vesta is smarter than that, isn't he?
MephilesTheDark2182's avatar
MephilesTheDark2182Student Traditional Artist
I love the pacing of your story; it just seems to flow at a much more consistent speed than some of the other fanfiction on the Internet. Also, the way that you depict the characters is just plain amazing.
I especially like the contrast between the views of Calor and Akhmou, as well as how well you used Akhmou's to point out the illusions that Turaga Vesta was poorly crafting. Personally, I can relate to people like Calor and his predecessor, Piras, because both of them have certain personality qualities that I often find within myself.

For example, Piras despised authority figures, so he chooses not to act like how he perceives them to be; I can EASILY relate to that because I too do not have a particular fondness for authority figures.
And in Calor's case, he's always very trusting of those around him, even if it's someone that has the potential to exploit him (lookin' at you, Vesta.) for their own agenda; I can also relate to this, because I too tend to be a little too trusting at times.
Another reason that I find Calor to be likeable is because of the relationship that he holds with Bahni/Banhi; I admit that I've always wanted to have that kind of friendship with someone, especially considering that being a 17-year-old, life can be rough, and I often want a shoulder to lean on for support. (Admittedly, that DOES make me a little jealous of Calor, but he probably needs it more than I do, so...)

To sum this all up, I love your characters in this story, because you made them feel like real people with real personalities and real weaknesses; something that I feel a lot of modern-day authors and fanfiction writers toss aside in fear of their story being "too emotional to be appealing" or because "it doesn't make them look bad-ass enough".

NickInAmerica, I love your storytelling, and I would be shocked if somewhere down the line, no one asked you to work for them as a story-writer for their game(s). And lastly, if I could take these pages, and turn them into an actual book, I would already be doing it.
Keep bringing us these awesome stories man; this world needs people like you to help remind us of the things that we are so quick to forget.
Avalaxy11's avatar
Avalaxy11Student Digital Artist
That "squid" seems to be much more dangerous than I had first thought.

Also, funniest line - "Yes, you may keep the costumes."
scrapmetaru's avatar
Y'know, vesta seemingly has no staff and acts like a filthy politician rather than a wise sage...you sure he's a Turaga? And what kind of Toa was he? Who would follow such a prick of a leader? Not the Chroniclers Company, I can tell you that.
0nuku's avatar
0nukuStudent Traditional Artist
Everything was sounding great, and then you brought up the "Crust-Buster." Coming from a race ruled by "The Edict" and where "The Rogue" comes from, it seems just a little bit cheesy. I can't stop picturing those sandwich "Krust Busters." Maybe like "<insert cool sci-fi name here>ian Drill."
Kopeke seems a bit more outspoken too, and Taipu's childishness kind of bugged me last chapter. I guess it's hard rewriting characters keeping the charm, but making them more mature. I'd picture Taipu as more of that naive, unexpected wisdom, and Kopeke speaking as little as possible. For a second, I thought he was using birdspeak before when you said no one had heard his voice. :D
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Yeah... Sorry, but I thought making up names for them like "Miserix" would sound even cheesier. I even satirized those sort of names during Vesta's shpeal, heh. As for Vesta, he was never really a leader. He sure wanted to be, though. You could say he's living vicariously through Calor, like all those awful mothers who exploit their kids on toddlers and tiaras an' shit like that.

There's a reason for "The Edict's" name in particular. You'll know when you see what he looks like, down the road. That's just his codename, and he isn't a ruler. As for The Rogue, he does have another name. This is just what they're calling him in the meantime, because that's all he is to "the others."

As for Taipu, I guess you could say his foolishness was something of a front in the previous chapter. You may've noticed he was much more pragmatic in this one. He was probably just trying to get under Tenius' skin before.

And as for Kopeke... it's pretty rare to hear him speak, but when he has something important to say, he won't hesitate to say it.
0nuku's avatar
0nukuStudent Traditional Artist
Well, that makes more sense. Still could be something better than "Crust Buster." You could follow the naming convention, like "The Drill" or "The Borer." Both of those still have plenty of humorous opportunities. :D It's just such a huge, intimidating thing with a silly name, and I can't stop picturing this.

I actually really like the idea of a corrupt Turaga. All the Turaga we saw were perfectly noble, but what happens when someone like Tuyet or Spinner fulfills their destiny? I love toying with those preconceptions in my storylines, which is probably why you see so many dishonorable Toa MOCs in my Flickr account. :D (Illum, Silas, and Surek to an extent)

And I forgot to mention the camera angles on this chapter were interesting. It's cool how you can draw things from those angles, although the are a little odd at times. The first shot also looks like Ahkmou is getting eaten by some huge, brown monster with green eyes (from Silva). I also should say that I really love Silva's design. You always make him look so dynamic and the dark, bristly look is so different from his wonderful character, but somehow works. Kopeke's mask also stands out to me. It's very similar to his old one, but has a lot of character that suits him.
DeathsHead079's avatar
Three things immediately come to mind with this chapter:

1: I loved the Monty Python reference that you put in there.

2: That bit at the end where Vespa contacted the people that he hired to fool the Toa was hilarious "Yes, you can keep the costumes."

3: That unknown person at the end... A new Makuta for a new generation of Toa perhaps?

In the end, this was the best chapter yet, great work man!
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
There will be no Makuta in this story. I want it to be about new ideas, you know? I feel bringing back old villains like the Makuta could ruin the whole thing.
DeathsHead079's avatar
Yeah, I meant more along the lines of him/her being similar to Makuta, a powerful schemer who has his own agenda, not that he/she is ACTUALLY Makuta. I should have been more clear about that, sorry.

I like the fact that you're taking a different route with the villain in this story, it's one of the reasons I like the Piraka so much, it's not just Makuta in a disguise or some of Makuta's minions, same thin with the Bohrok.
steamdiesel's avatar
steamdieselStudent Artist
This is a question that has been on my mind ever since I have started reading this story: Are the "Elder Spirits" the Great Beings from the old Bionicle storyline?
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Maybe.... or maybe they're just today's mythical equivalent of Mata Nui, himself.
steamdiesel's avatar
steamdieselStudent Artist
Hm... You do have a point.
jayzor17's avatar
Would we have happened to have met a couple of these 'guardians' already? Say, one that looks draconic and one that looks sorta like a messed up squid?
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Yes. There is at least one more.
Glenfoxx's avatar
GlenfoxxHobbyist General Artist
Love it. Vesta's shpeal I almost thought legit till the end lol. Then I cracked up. But wow! Things are accelerating quite nicely.
I love Ahkmou.
jayzor17's avatar
The whole thing sounded way too fake to me right from the beginning. For a little bit I was doubting the future of the story! Of course there was no need to.
Alhu15's avatar
So that crust-buster seems like it will be one heckuva boss fight.

So many conspiracies, I love it!
ToaArcan's avatar
ToaArcanHobbyist Writer
Excellent chapter, loved the contrast between Ahkmou's world-weary realist view and Calor's spiritual loyalty, and of course, Vesta making a butt of himself.

As for our villains... They're pretty cool, I'm looking forward to seeing more of them.
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Thanks. I just realized there were, like, 20 spelling errors in this chapter. Oy... I've fixed them, though.
ToaArcan's avatar
ToaArcanHobbyist Writer
YW. I see.
SchitzoTiger's avatar
SchitzoTigerHobbyist General Artist
nice monty python reference :D
anonymous's avatar
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