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Mature Content

observatoryi don't know any system to tell you how
your eyes can hold an entire galaxy each,
yet that seems to be an understatement
as mars no longer allures me
with its mysteries nor saturn
with all of its rings–
nevermind the moon and its radiance
i used to chase because, for now,
i will only be professing adoration
to the light held by your gaze;
in comparison, the sun quakes.
and thereafter, your eyes are
the earth i want to exist in.

Damned Kids"You wanna see something cool, Peter?"
Marnie's hair was long, shaggy. She peered at me through it. Shy. Brown eyes behind black curtains.
Every time she said that, it was an adventure. Danny'd snicker at me. "Where'd she drag you off to this time, Pete? Catch a chicken and kill it? Pull the wings off butterflies?"
The whole town thought Marnie and her family were strange. Marnie was bullied at school. One time Danny shoved a cup of worms into her locker. Everybody thought that was real funny.
I didn’t. It was stupid. Marnie was just quiet. Her mom drank a lot, didn’t leave the house much. Her dad, well. He wasn't around.
Marnie drummed threadbare sneakers on my porch. One of her knees was scabbed.
"Sure," I said. We grabbed our bikes.
--
Marnie led me down a dirt road. She stopped, skidded up dust. I did the same. "There," she said, "We're going under the fence." She slipped her thumbs under the barbed wire and scooted under it like a raccoon. She held the wire up for me.
TribunalWhen you speak, you read me lullabies, 
stories of my youth that have been etched into your eyelids -- 

              They are intricate forgeries 
              with an eloquent taste on your tongue 
              and a soothing touch for your conscience


But your words only amount to hearsay...and my memories to heresy 
because I can't remember being wanted...and you always deny being wicked 

Book Cover - To Make A King by MirellaSantana

Mature Content


AgesThe fadings of the eye,
so moonlike,
coming and going
as the worry and the desire
to calll for a doctor
tide up and down
like the beat of the planet;
Our eyes fade,
and grow dim,
like our opinions of the family
that flees the city,
flees the burden
of the sibling that grow
too old,
too heavy
even if they
want a lower wind
that can help
with the tightening veins
and their pressure;
the eye is full in its whiteness,
the ear
wishes
it could ignore
the quarrels
of the neighbour telephone,
and we all want clarity,
yes,yes,
we all want our eyes and ears
to be spoonfed
like the spring of babydom,
but it is time
to shudder
and stand up,
reader eyes,
it is time to
pay attention
to the pins
pounding inside
the head,
fogging eyes of the typist.
Of GodsPrometheus-skinned
Icarus-limbed
Muse-fed
Eros-led
Yet only
my words
are immortal
:thumb748100730:
Call of the Rift: Flight, Chapter 1
“Ouch!” I cursed under my breath and sucked on the line of blood that appeared across my thumb.
“You’re doing it wrong.” Fendul took my hunting knife and peeled a curl of dark wood from the palm-sized figurine. “Hold it like this. You’ll stab yourself in the gut otherwise.”
“Nei. It doesn’t work that way.” I yanked it back from him.
We sat cross-legged on the rocky beach of Kotula Huin, a still, glacial lake. Drifts of fog surrounded us. Colossal hills loomed over the valley, its dense layer of trees barely visible against the dark sky. A dull pink glow silhouetted the jagged peaks to our right. Behind us, the forest dripped. My fingers were too damp to grip the rawhide cord wrapped around my bone knife.
Voices drifted down the shoreline. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I asked.
Fendul shrugged. “Not until the ceremony starts.”
“So you’re up this early for the fun of it.”


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:iconautismscribbles:
autismscribbles Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for asking for my work. :heart:
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2018   Writer
:D You're very welcome.
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:iconcaffeinated-bunny:
Caffeinated-Bunny Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Is this group still accepting submissions? 
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2017   Writer
Yes. We're slow to vote; there are many rl things to do for some around the holiday.
We'll get there. (:
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:iconcaffeinated-bunny:
Caffeinated-Bunny Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Is it alright if I ask why Starcrossed chapter two was declined? I think I can guess if was the sex and bloodshed involved there but it would be nice to get confirmation either way. :(
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2017   Writer
Sure. I voted to decline chapter one and I'll be happy to tell you why. (I was outvoted on very good grounds: it shows promise. Very good promise.) I voted no because I thought too many sentences were awkward. Please be aware that this is only my opinion and not anything else! I looked at the chapter again to pull out a few sentences and discuss them. The awkwardness is passive writing, seen in verb forms (a lot of them end with the passive "-ing") and too many prepositional phrases. I also think these sentences are run-ons.
 
The song trailed off and the gathering dispersed, one or two listeners dropping bits of copper or a couple of semi-clear, nearly white stones that were so precious here.

He cursed under his breath, using a mild soldier's oath and she sighed, kneeling next to him as she plaited the warrior's braid into his hair and tucked it behind one ear.

As much as he tried to focus on the meal and the acrobatic pair of dancers providing the entertainment, his gaze kept slipping toward Militsa until the thralls cleared the remnants of food away.


Wiki has a good example showing how prepositions make a sentence passive, as well as verb choice:

"Passive: The cheese was eaten by the mouse.
Active: The mouse ate the cheese."

Once you see the prepositions used, you'll see how to avoid too many in the future. I had to learn the same thing, and still edit a lot out of my work.
The passive verb forms usually occur in prepositional phrases, and maybe by choice. "...kept slipping" could be "slipped" - "..dancers providing the entertainment" could be "..dancers who provided  entertainment" - etc. I'm sure you can look at your work and see what is meant here.

Hope this helps a little. I had a "eureka" moment when prep phrases were pointed out to me. Your work seems good otherwise. (:
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(1 Reply)
:iconblackbowfin:
BlackBowfin Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Hey there. Yes we are, but some longer submissions take longer to get thru the process. Sorry for the inconvenience. :)
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:iconcaffeinated-bunny:
Caffeinated-Bunny Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Whew. :)
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:iconmuteloop:
muteloop Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2017
HI. I made a new baby-group. It's an amorphous, confusing and confused thing, at this point. But if you felt like affiliating, it's unrealists.deviantart.com/

Hope I'm not being the worst, hocking my links on your page.
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:iconwill-reierson:
Will-Reierson Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2017   Writer
This is absolutely atrocious behavior. How could you ever do such a thing?

Don't worry, I'm joking ;3

We'll take a look :)
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