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One word critiques, go! Link me one piece. 

58%
7 deviants said Come oooon I need to convince myself that visual art minor was a good use of time :P
42%
5 deviants said It really doesn't just have to be lit, but go ahead!

Devious Comments

:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Revelation
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:iconlion-essrampant:
lion-essrampant Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, could you elaborate? :)
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I can!

Keep in mind this is about as subjective as it gets - I didn't gain any fresh insight on what love feels like from reading this. Which is kind of weird, given that it's one giant extended metaphor, but to me the description felt distanced from what is actually happening to the narrator ('thermodynamics of my skin' stands out as a particularly odd line - the context doesn't add much meaning to it, so the conclusion I come to is that the narrator has deliberately chosen it in order to avoid simply saying 'my skin').

But, again, very subjective. People who are all about love may nod their heads to this entire piece.
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:iconlion-essrampant:
lion-essrampant Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm, okay. Thank you! I'll have to look at it and see what I can do.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
;p

Confidence
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Consistency

that ending though... pfft!
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:icondenisecroy:
DeniseCroy Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, consistency was never my forte ^^"
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Editing!

I really wants to enjoy it, but the shifts in voice were jarring.
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:icondenisecroy:
DeniseCroy Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
How so?
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aargh I'm getting dementia or something... rereading, it's not so much shifts as in need of refinement. There are some very long sentences happening.
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:icondenisecroy:
DeniseCroy Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, yes, the curse of long sentences T_T thank you, French !! I will see to it. Also, do you think I should get rid of the "you see" incise when I talk about the godmother? I put it there so it sounded like a narration, but maybe it's confusing.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmmm... I like that kind of narrative feel in fairytales, but it is demanding. Worth the effort though, I think.
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(1 Reply)
:iconarthurthebraveone:
ArthurTheBraveOne Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Execution
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:iconarthurthebraveone:
ArthurTheBraveOne Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm going to be bold and ask a question here in more than one word: does this mean you feel the gimmick simply didn't do what I intended it to do, rr that I didn't pull off the gimmick well enough?
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're supposed to ask questions, actually. A one-word critique by itself should be useless. P:

Anyway, the answer is 'yes' - if you'd pulled off the gimmick it would do what you intended it to...my main issue is that while the concepts are loosely associated, it's up to the reader to infer any meaning.
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:iconarthurthebraveone:
ArthurTheBraveOne Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, gotcha, I'll keep that in mind for the next one, then :)

Well, that's a darn shame, I'd hoped the story I was trying to tell would become clear regardless of the unorthodox structure, but I guess that's where I missed my mark. Still, thanks for the critique! These really experimental pieces are usually the most interesting ones to get some good feedback on :)
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I think the issue may even be trying to tell it so directly. Like haiku rarely come out and tell you how to feel, they generate an image that is specific and clear and hopefully does the job.
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:iconarthurthebraveone:
ArthurTheBraveOne Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That counts as one word ;)
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:iconchasingcloudbursts:
chasingcloudbursts Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Student General Artist
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Semantics.
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:iconchasingcloudbursts:
chasingcloudbursts Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Relating to the structure? Could you expand on that?
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Some of it didn't make sense to me. What are quinine conversations and compass-rose regrets?
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:iconchasingcloudbursts:
chasingcloudbursts Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Quinine is a medicine known for bitterness. Compass-rose regrets refers to the metaphor where the clock hands are ticking away from North (aka 12, or the beginning of the day). It just means each degree corresponds to a regret. But I mean, people could interpret it differently and it would still make sense.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I know what those things are. I don't see how they fit in. Quinine has a lot more context than simply bitterness--it can be a symbol of colonialism, freedom from tropical illnesses, man overcoming nature--using it just for "bitterness" is, honestly, a complete let-down.

Wouldn't saying "clock" make a lot more sense than compass rose?
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
(also, the tonic in gin and tonic mmm)
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:love:

Ambience
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:iconspiralingspontaneity:
SpiralingSpontaneity Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Could you expand a little? <3
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course!

I felt like the mood isn't consistently developed. It's kind of an odd thing to get, so I might be tripping, because the imagery goes in one direction and all, but I never quite figured out if this was supposed to be uplifting, defiant, etc.
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:iconspiralingspontaneity:
SpiralingSpontaneity Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ahh, I understand. :nod: Thanks for pointing it out! I'll definitely go through and see what I can change around. :heart: Thank you again! I hope you have a great night. :love:
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries, you too! :love:
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:iconspiralingspontaneity:
SpiralingSpontaneity Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: :heart:
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:iconamour-raven:
amour-raven Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank 'ya, thank 'ya!

fav.me/d77mobw :heart:
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait, no. I definitely meant:

Direction
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:iconamour-raven:
amour-raven Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
They both make sense though. Thank you. :giggle:
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:lol:
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Concreteness.
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:iconamour-raven:
amour-raven Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Understandable. :nod:

Thank you! :huggle:
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sure!
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:iconriorlyne:
Riorlyne Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014   Writer
Okey-day, here goes: fav.me/d7gk9gq

Thank you!
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:la:

Devices
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:iconriorlyne:
Riorlyne Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014   Writer
Okay, I have puzzled over that word and am afraid I just don't get it. :? Sorry! Did you mean I've used a lot of poetry devices like alliteration, line breaks, repetition, or something completely else?
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It needs more devices. Right now, the linebreaks feel a bit arbitrary to me (and tbh I can't think of too much that uses such widely different line lengths).

Here's the first bit of yours:

Don’t you remember the fickle breezes spattering droplets in our faces, how a great gust carried off your Donald Duck umbrella and we chased it, across the square, across the park, where it finally caught in the rosebushes.
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:iconaerode:
Aerode Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This one please! :la: And thank you.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:la:

Stiffness
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:iconaerode:
Aerode Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
For the dialogue? :la:

And thanks again!
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