neoshayna888

scuttle.

121 Watchers113 Deviations

31.8K

Pageviews

Latest Deviations

See All

Dying is an Art - XVIII. by neoshayna888, literature

Dying is an Art - XVII. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XVII.

XVII. (Ett, Ensam) I am lonely, an anxious, fearful, awkward infant. I talk too fast and too much and too often and too confusingly. I talk about things people don't understand or don't understand what people talk about. I avoid what others run to and seek out what others avoid. Who am I? Who am I I think I might be crazy. I keep existing, though, somehow not yet taken by Evolution. Is that right? Am I a correction or a mistake? Am I the eraser or the scribble of pencil?

Dying is an Art - XVI. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XVI.

XVI. (Chaos) I can feel things moving, even when my eyes are closed. They are fast and swirling, particles bumping into each other without so much as an, "I'm sorry. Pardon me." You left me. You left me alone and shuddering, convulsing and abandoned. You left me for yourself. How can a mother do that? How can you do that without a second thought? I lost you and was angry. And then I lost him, and I felt guilty. Do you think it hurt when I had to sign away his body to cremation? Do you think it was easy to feel like I should be feeling something, anything at all? My personal existence, it crumbled, it swirled, it tri

Dying is an Art - XV. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XV.

XV. (Kneeling) When I am bound, I am flying. When I am punished, I am smiling. Take from me, take anything and everything. That is my gift to you, the promise I make every time. Life will make me stronger, resilient. I will never back up, never back down. I will fight for everything, I will be at peace for everything else. I will resist and battle, and I will rest in between. That is life. But, for you, things are different. Things are love. I will lay here and wait, I will give up and be silent. I will bow and listen. I can't explain, I can't even know myself. And for that, I will know you, and you will know

Dying is an Art - XIV. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XIV.

XIV. (6-14-2010) I am connecting the dots as they are falling and collecting the fragments of childhood. You were once a part of me (but never knew); You took a part of me (but never will know). Because I thought I had more time, I ended up with nothing but chimes striking one o'clock. Too late to try, too easy to -- A landscape portrait without you. Every option, every possible path presented here, is lonely. In time, I have lost you (and that piece of me you tore off on the perforated line). In time, I will look for you, behind every second hand and binary calculation that picked you out of my life too soon.

Dying is an Art - XIII. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XIII.

XIII. (Closing Time) Things were going to be over, so I wrote for You. Do You remember when I asked on a whim and expected nothing? Do You know how much I was shaking because I thought I had made a mistake that I couldn't take back? Do You think about what You felt, what made you reply with a clear and simple yes? I know it will never mean the same for You. I know you may forget it in time, but You need to know. You need to know -- It meant something to me. It meant I could be happy without over-thinking it, just for a little while. Quiet between the conversation, and the sun out the window with the thin clouds. A

Dying is an Art - XII. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XII.

XII. (Broccoli) When my heart felt like it was stopping, it was worse to know that theirs' actually were. To witness, to cry, to feel their blood on your hands. To feel their knives, their claws and their hooves beating into you, a thunder of life. There is no way to ignore. There is no way to ignore. (There is no way to wash it out of you mind.) The stain remains, plain and unscrubbable. But until leaves scream and grains rain tears, I will have to suffer them instead.

Dying is an Art - XI. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XI.

XI. (Punch Out) I worked there for forever. (I don't remember the real time anymore.) And in a way, I still work there. I will be back, and they are still waiting. They, the ones that I love more than I can describe, the brothers and sisters and aunts that I have gained. Still reaching out, still calling when it isn't a good time because there is no other time. Do you remember when we laughed? Do you remember the plate and the pizza and the zucchini bread and the songs and the kid that was high with bleeding knuckles that scared you? I do. I do, now and tomorrow. Let's so this again sometime, let's make somethin

Dying is an Art - X. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - X.

X. (Sister) We weren't always together. We weren't always happy. We weren't always talking. We were always sisters, though. I was still at camp the day that you left. I saw you for a short time and returned to a room that was vacant, hollowed and cold. One I cried. Three I cried. Fourteen I cried. I still couldn't forget you. If it keeps on rainin' The levee's goin' to break. I don't know when it stopped hurting, but I remember that you told me we would always keep in touch, we would always keep in touch. I hope it's always true. Don't lie to me. When the levee breaks, We'll have no place to stay.

Dying is an Art - IX. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - IX.

IX. (Babble) Rhyme and rhythm do not define me. I define them as I please. I shine a light on them when I need, tucked in the corners of the attic. I reach into my skull, poking at my throbbing brain and plucking out what I need. Dying Is an art, like everything else. I unravel myself, untying each memorial knot in my head and reassembling them on crisp pages. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. It is amazing how real and raw and revealing a person can be. Language is the door. Language is the key.

See All

Featured Gallery

See All

Dying is an Art - XVIII. by neoshayna888, literature

Dying is an Art - XVII. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XVII.

Dying is an Art - XVI. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XVI.

Dying is an Art - XIII. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - XIII.

Dying is an Art - X. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - X.

Dying is an Art - IX. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - IX.

Dying is an Art - VII. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - VII.

VII. (Return) I told you that I would return and this time, I'm staying as long as I want (or at least as long as I can). You brought me so many things: laughter, embarrassment, hate, friends that were friends, friends that weren't friends, et cetera. I thank you for everything, but most of all -- I thank you for him, even if it means nothing and even if it wants nothing. Do you know how hard it is to stand by? To smile and laugh and congratulate, and then have to watch it fall apart and try not to be happy about it? To watch her push me away from herself and from you until I'm not sure who is what anymore? It hurt

Dying is an Art - V. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - V.

V. (Trees) Then I met you, and you took a hold that she can forget but I cannot. You are too good to be erased. I don't remember what I first thought, but I know that I grew to love you, despite your flaws. For such a name, you had few trees. Instead, there were angry children and hateful love. But that isn't your fault, is it? It was too much, so we had to leave. (I promise that I'll come back to you. I promise.)

Dying is an Art - IV. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - IV.

IV. (Canada is for...) Of all of the places I've been, I admit that: (I loved you the most.) You were cold, and you never returned my calls, but you were the most beautiful of all. O Canada, Our home and native land. You could have been mine. Why did things have to go wrong? A note and a van full of everything and an empty heart. True patriot love in all thy sons command. Did I wave to you? Did I collect the last of what you were? You are a stain on my heart, the only (but what if?) that matters. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free. I want to be like you.

Dying is an Art - II. by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

Dying is an Art - II.

II. (Father) Taking steps, I gained my legs and you lost yours. I remember. I remember before you stopped trying. The bikes that we rode, the cigarettes you smoked, (why didn't you stop?) the fishing and the ice cream, the fake dollars with Bugs Bunny smiling up at me. I remember before you stopped trying. And then it ended, and you slept and slept and slept and never seemed to wake. And then it was over, but you couldn't let go, wouldn't let go. Your fingernails dug in but we couldn't go back because it changed and you changed. You became nothing. Don't blame the enemy, don't blame the enemy, don't blame the en

Watchers 121

See All

tbarrettl

0n1yme

parqo

dawnbal

DraakeT

comicscomixcomikz

SeruhShepard

tinplz

t3hBeckz0rz

Suspiceoner

BAZZ1392

yindo

Watching 799

See All

House-of-Playwrights

JackEmerald

RyRyzTheDarkOne

AdamLife

LeAndrewStone

KhepriRising

ValenVain

surrenderdammit

Charaky

yjsmr

yindo

Mattr0city

Brandun-Djet

strangecondition

Indigasphyxia

Deviation Spotlight

Ready by neoshayna888, visual art

Ready

neoshayna888

Deviation Spotlight

6-14-2010 by neoshayna888, literature

Literature

6-14-2010

I am connecting the dots as they are falling and collecting the fragments of childhood. You were once a part of me (but never knew); You took a part of me (but never will know). Because I thought I had more time, I ended up with nothing but chimes striking one o'clock. Too late to try, too easy to -- A landscape portrait without you. Every option, every possible path presented here, is lonely. In time, I have lost you (and that piece of me you tore off on the perforated line). In time, I will look for you, behind every second hand and binary calculation that picked you out of my life too soon.

6-14-2010

neoshayna888

About neoshayna888

July 1, 1992
United States
Deviant for 18 years
facebook.com/shayna.medinger
She / Her

Badges

I Heart DeviantArt Gear: Proud supporter of deviantGEAR

My Bio

//Remember, you came from the stars. You're perfect just the way you are.//

Current Residence: Sheboygan, WI
Favourite genre of music: Anything and everything.
Personal Quote: With no power comes no responsibility.

Favourite Movies

28 Days Later, Donnie Darko, Gamer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Kick-Ass, Ben X, Inception.

Favourite Gaming Platform

Xbox 360 or PC.

Other Interests

Reading, writing, music, movies, gaming and conversing.

Posts

See All

neoshayna888

Apr 2, 2011

Second Semester

0 min read

It's already nearing the end of second semester. Wow. I haven't been writing much lately, but I'll see if I can add some newer stuff soon. Not much else is going on with me now. Mmmmmyep. Hejdå!

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

neoshayna888

Dec 15, 2010

First Semester

0 min read

I finished my last (and most difficult) final today. It took me about five hours, and I'm not confident about it. Still, I have successfully completed my first semester of college. Fuck. Yeah. I'm excited for break, mostly because this build up of stress requires a while of relaxation to fully end. I'm already starting to feel it, though. I've been so happy since I sent in my last final. I can't stop smiling. Now that I'll have more free time, I'm going to try to write more. I have a bunch of poems that I wrote for an autobiographical project for Life Writing, but many are only so-so. If I like any in particular, I'll submit them. Otherwis

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

neoshayna888

Oct 30, 2010

NaNoWriMo

0 min read

It's finally (almost) here! I'm incredibly excited as this is the first year I'm really trying. I hope that I'll "win" and get 50,000 words, but I'm worried that college (and like in general) will get in the way. I'm still excited, though. For those that don't know what NaNoWriMo is, here's the website with all the information: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ Basically, it's called National Novel Writing Month, and those that sign up try to write an entire novel in one month (November). The goal is 50,000 words. That's about 1667 words per day. Oy. But this time I actually have an idea somewhat planned out, so hopefully I'll get somewhere this ti

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Profile Comments 4.8K

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

marry me?

I'm a few days early, but I hope you have a happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday~

!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

It's July 1^st which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year! Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team

_{--- Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: TaNa-Jo}

birthdays

Jul 1, 2013

!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

It's July 1^st which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team

_{---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: ~KoudelkaW}

ice-or-fire

Jun 30, 2013

Hello!

_{Happy [early] birthday!}
^{Wishing you a wonderful year, and may it be a colourful and full of excitement!}