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Critiques

by xanroth

Okay, I said I would do another critique at the end of the chapter and I'm as good as my word. Things here were chaotic, jangly, and un...

by xanroth

Ok, here's the thing, you clearly are stretching yourself and developing your art here, but, this is something I noticed in almost all ...

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Okay, I said I would do another critique at the end of the chapter and I'm as good as my word.

Things here were chaotic, jangly, and unexpected, which can be great if handled well...

I don't think I need to finish that sentence.

Inexperienced arrogant Dawn-castes getting beaten down by a Dragon-Blooded: fine. Individual Dragon-Blooded getting five and six confirmed anathema kills in the space of minutes and not being half-dead?

I'm sorry, no.

The DBs can't take the anathema alone, and never did: DBs key advantage is cooperative teamwork, fighting as groups, squads: kill-teams. they don't face the anathema alone, they do it in groups of five and six at a time, and that's how they WIN.

Now on to this specific page:

Ok, the vision and guiding principles here are clear and concise, perfectly executed.

Originality suffers for two reasons: 1: Exalted. 2: the "bard's tongue" thing is tired and trite.

The technique is just my standard "Always room for improvement" deduction, so take that as you will.

The impact is one specific thing if you had shown the dawn's facial expression and in the last panel that would have been a five.

I look forward to seeing more.
Ok, here's the thing, you clearly are stretching yourself and developing your art here, but, this is something I noticed in almost all the scenes featuring this woman that I've looked at so far: why does Lady Razek have the eyes of a snake? I mean she's a Realm Dragon-Blooded apparently of good breeding and I'm like 95% sure she's NOT either a wood or water aspect, WHY SNAKE EYES? Are you trying to invoke a more 'draconic' vibe with that? I mean, that's alright I guess, but I've never seen in the lore that that's a thing. Did she perhaps take that 'WYLD Hunt' business a bit too literally at some point in the past and get herself a cosmetic Pox? No matter how I come back to this I keep feeling it's just... OFF.

Moving on, Ok, she's built this awesome airship and just leaves Megumi in charge, that... Eh? It seems a bit weird, but you've gotta know how to delegate.

In other news, your use of horizontal lines to portray motion is getting a bit repetitive at this point in the comic, though you do switch it up in the last panel.

However, on the last panel, you do that blacked out outline that is also starting to grate a bit.

Now on to my specific scores, Vision, could have some small improvement, but it's pretty top-notch, so 4.5.

Originality you go docked major points for three reasons, reusing the lines and blackout and the simple fact that this is an exalted comic, not a pure original design. Yes, exalted has space for a ton of stories and you've advanced the plot a long way, BUT you're still cribbing off someone else's notes. -.5 for each of those reasons.

The technique is at a 4.0 just because I don't like to give a perfect five on ANYTHING for technique, as there is almost always room to grow, and you've clearly developed a long way since if your previews are any indication.

Now for impact: Impact is great in this scene, it flows, it shines, and it tells the story: had to give it five stars.

Now, all that said, this is a great comic, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes, but you asked for critique and I'm not here to tell you what you did right, you KNOW what your doing right, I'm here to tell you how you can improve, and that's what I've done: but more to the point, for all I know you've already improved on all this, this is just a critique of THIS page, I'll drop more feedback after the end of this chapter.

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