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neilak20's avatar

Paragon Ketch Pg 9

Posting it a day early! :onfire:

More info about this new project, Paragon Ketch can be found in this journal [link] and in the pages I'll be posting every week on DA for awhile.

I'm posting these to get peoples feedback, that means your opinions! Be vocal, don't like it, tell me why! If you like it tell me why too. XD

I'm planning on submitting this to a company, but I am aware of the current "State of the Industry" and what have you so PK may wind up becoming some sort of webcomic.

I am also working on some other collaborative projects at the same time, so I can't guarantee a new page on PK everyweek, but I sure as h3ll will try to get one up. (First run on DA may just be pgs 9-18). Also my Birthday is next Monday so I might wind up posting pg2 page later than this one.

Till Later,

Edit: Tweeked a few things on the page.

:bulletred: Page 9
:bulletgreen: Page 10 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 11 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 12 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 13 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 14 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 15 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 16 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 17 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 18 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 19 [link]
:bulletgreen: Page 20 [link]
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BlueVagabond's avatar
Well, weightlines in the last panel's filling background are not ideal; but overall it's a good start.
The character seems solid and well drawn in the intro. ^^
Details are frequently more and less on the same level in each panel, which is good.
neilak20's avatar
On this page I was still getting used to working on 11x17inch paper (and think I will Always be getting used to that) So I was kinda guessing at the line weight for the backgrounds. I like to think the more recent pages have better line weights.
BlueVagabond's avatar
11x17inches, just figured that must be about 28x43cm(since we dont use inch). And that's quite large!
neilak20's avatar
Yup, its the standard size for U.S. comics though, so I figured I should use it and get used to it instead of the smaller sizes I used to use.
Yuri-pad's avatar
really nice lines; love all those details!
neilak20's avatar
Thanks glad you like it ^_^ any critiques?
Yuri-pad's avatar
hmmm -- maybe have a little more contrast between foreground and background? I love the details in everything, but the girl gets a little lost amidst the busy bg. maybe use a thicker range of lines to draw her sometimes.

If you have a minute sometime I'd love critiques on my comics too :)
neilak20's avatar
I'll be sure to use a thicker line weight on Kaylee. I'm still getting used to drawing on 11x17 paper XD

Tanabata Story seems neat, some of the smaller text and sound effects are a little hard to read though (the English version I don't know Japanese that well) I like your panel set up and overall layouts. I can't really think of much to say critique wise (I'm bad at giving critiques x_x )
My only question is does it read Right to Left or Left to Right? It's a little difficult to tell at first.
Yuri-pad's avatar
I agree about the smaller text ^^; I need to fix that at some point.
it reads right-to-left. thanks for pointing that out; I need to remember to put up a notice about that on the new site I just started for my comics :)
neilak20's avatar
You're welcome ^_^
Enka2040's avatar
I like it.

I'd say its almost Kantz-like in its inking.

It's clean, it's clear. It's solid.

Bring on page two!

(Also nice little ref to the previous story with the poster)
neilak20's avatar
I think Kantz and I are inspired by some of the same artists, (and I must say I am inspired by Kantz's work)
I'm glad people noticed the poster. It'll be a nice inside joke for those that stuck with me through the neverending Ouroboros Days.
Hiurro's avatar
I don't know how she can do it. I always get creeped out when there's a picture of me hanging on the wall of an abandoned gas station.

As for the story, I'll have to wait for more pages before I can tell anything.
neilak20's avatar
She's got other stuff on her mind, so she didnt notice the poster. XD
Hiurro's avatar
just curious, but how many pages do you have fully planned out so far.
neilak20's avatar
Fully planned? I have an outline that runs about 16 to 18 for issue 1, with about 8 pages scripted and 3 thumbnailed. I'm trying not to over think things like I did with Ouroboros, because the story got stale as I worked on it.
Hiurro's avatar
By fully planned I meant you have thumbnails and know all the dialog and where the speech bubbles will be.
I guess that would be like a draft.

I was just wondering how you worked.
neilak20's avatar
I'm working a little different than normal to see how it goes. XD
caat's avatar
This is so beautifully detailed 8)
neilak20's avatar
Thanks, I worried it would be Too Detailed though, it doesnt seem muddled?
Captain-Savvy's avatar
I like it! My head's too muddled to say why though ^-^u Just that its awesome!
neilak20's avatar
I'm glad you like it ^_^
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