neek-zique

Glad to help. I know darn well you're not dull. From how you explained it in the description it sounded like an attempt to jumpstart the writing process rather than stand on its own as a finished product. In that case, this was a very happy accident, the way it worked out.

Yep, the world is ded. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title="Bucktooth - "/> But here I come to try to inject a critique to make it at least seem to be ded slightly less.

Here we have some short free verse, describing the bleak Pennsylvania winter the writer is experiencing. The word static invokes images of a still, windless environment, but, though the wind isn't blowing, the world around her is still lifeless.

The language =anextraordinarygirl uses is not vivid, which is appropriate since the world she is describing is dull and, arguably, uninteresting. In effect, the plainness of the subject matter turns this weakness into its strength. We're not being beaten to death with a dictionary of big, fancy words to describe a beyond-mundane scene. Why wear your Sunday best to the laundromat? I don't mean to speak ill of the work, but the language is so dull, it's brilliant.

All the same, I only came to realize this on closer inspection of the poem, which really was a pleasant surprise and earned it big stars for technique. It's hard, however, to give it stars elsewhere. As great as the language is to describe how painfully dull it is outside, the reader still isn't given anything to really "see" aside from a blurry pastel sky and barren forest surroundings—and even those are clichés brought forth by the feelings this poem stirred in me.

Which makes the title of "Static" seem all that more important (and earns it more stars, even as I write this critique). Simply put, there's nothing worth describing in any detail in the world right now.

Where it suffers from not being in-your-face about how dull winter is, it gains by being very dull about how dull winter is. This really is a gem of a poem, but only on closer inspection, in this critic's opinion. And on closer inspection, I found there was grass under all that snow. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Wink) - "/>

I do agree with you; something can be described without being specific. I just have to work on achieving that happy medium.

That's the thing though—it's meant to be vague and very unspecific, though I do agree it's not enough to really get what could be in the darkness. You (or the reader in general) are the one bringing claws and thick red liquid into the picture. I want the reader to bring their own qualms about the dark and its inhabitants into play.

Trying to work with the language to be as unsettling, yet nonspecific as possible. I'm not there yet, but I'll probably be coming back to this.

You're very welcome.

I don't think utility is thought of often either, except maybe after it's been done. I made some emotes in the past and, looking back, think "who would ever use these?" I like to think a good emoticon is meant to be used often!