LIF Clare Blues Finale

The block pary has started, Norbert is at the Block party waiting for Tree Flower.]


Norbert: Any time now.


[Norbert gets a text from Daggett, he just ignores it. Nickelback's This Is How You Remind Me plays as the party begins. Mordecai and Rigby are at the block party.]


Rigby: Dude, she's probably going to show later.


Mordecai: I'm still gonna wait dude.


Rigby: Are you at least going to have a beer? There's a chugging contest going on at the end of the street.


Mordecai: That's cool, you can go.


Rigby: Fine. I'm actually going to enjoy myself. Unlike you who wishes to wait for what could be hours.


Mordecai: [Ignoring Rigby] Yeah, that's cool.


[Rigby walks away in a huff. N, Mabel, and Double D enter the block party.]


N: Wow, seems almost like every fornicator and alcoholic in town is here.


Mabel: Who cares, we made it in time. They're even playing my favorite Nickelback song. [Mabel starts humming the song.]


Double D: At least I got some peace and quiet for one day. Good thing Eddy isn't here.


[Eddy appears behind Double D]


Eddy: Hey Double D, haven't seen you all day.


N: Ironic, isn't it?


Double D: Very ironic.


Eddy: So listen, me and Ed were in the garage, making something to sell. We had to listen to couple rap songs to get the ingredients.....


Double D: Wait, ingredients?


Eddy: Well, to cut to the point, [shows Double D a bag filled with crack. Double D looks in shock.]


Double D: Good lord man! Is that...... is that........


Eddy: Yes it is Sockhead. Soon we'll be rolling on the gravy train to jawbreaker ville.


Double D: You know Eddy, it's one thing to scam people on a daily basis, but selling drugs? Your not even out of high school for pete's sake!


N: He makes a good point Eddy, is jawbreakers really worth inevitable time in prison? You realize there are cops around here right?


Eddy: [Lie] Hey N, is that a doctor selling the cure for acid reflux and speech problems?


N: Where? [N goes looking for the doctor]


Eddy: Look Double D, we could make 10 times more then we do selling crap watches.


Double D: Well, well........


Eddy: Trust me, if we get caught I will take the blame.


Double D: Look Eddy, why should I join you in breaking the law for any other reason outside of money?


Eddy: How about that new state of the art micro telescope you've been talking about so much?


Double D: [Anguish] Fine, but if we do get caught, you will take the blame right?


Eddy: Totally.


Double D: Also, where's Ed?


[Ed is seen on a stage doing the chicken dance while everyone in the crowd cheers him on.]


Ed: I don't want to be a duck, I don't want to be a goose, I want to be A CHICKEN! Buck buck buck buck.


[Norbert see's Tree Flower walking with another man. He runs up to her.]


Norbert: Hey Tree Flower, who's this?


Tree Flower: Oh hey Norbert, this is my boyfriend Joe.


Joe: Sup.


Tree Flower: We've been going out for three weeks now.


Norbert: [Crushed] Um, well, nice to meet you..... Joe.


Joe: Sure, whatever.


Tree Flower: So Norbert, wanna get some booze or something?


Norbert: [Crushed] No thanks. I'm good. [Notices Mordecai] I think I'll just see what Mordo is doing.


Tree Flower: That's cool.


[Norbert walks up to Mordecai, who is still waiting for Margaret.]


Norbert: Hey man, waiting for Margaret?


Mordecai: Ya.


Norbert: I've had enough of women for one night.


Mordecai: Let me guess, Tree Flower?


Norbert: You guessed it. [Daggett calls him. This time he answers.]


Norbert: Hey Dag.


Daggett: Hey Norbert, what time is does the Walking Dead start?


Norbert: 9 PM.


Daggett: You sound down. Let me guess, Tree Flower?


Norbert: Yeah.


Daggett: Look Norby, I don't know what to say because I rarely read mushy stuff, but I think you should just get a drink or something. You sound more down then usual.


Norbert: Maybe I will.


Daggett: Wait, it's 8:57. It's almost time. [Daggett hangs up.]


Mordecai: Maybe a drink sounds like a good idea.


Norbert: Maybe. What about you?


Mordecai: Gotta stay for Margaret. Maybe tonight I will..........


[Mordecai see's Margaret entering the crowd with another man at her side.]


Mordecai: On second thought, I think I'll join you.


[Rocko approaches his neighborhood.]


Rocko: What the?


[The street party is at Rocko's street. At the alcohol table of the party, Rigby is getting hammered with several other people. Eileen approaches him.]


Eileen: Hey Rigby, awesome party huh?


Rigby: [Drunk] Hey Eileen, hows, hows, hows work?


Eileen: It was good for my first day.


Rigby: Yeah that's awesome. Hey Eileen.


Eileen: Yeah Rigby?


Rigby: Has anyone ever told you you look awesome without your glasses.


Eileen: [Confused] Um, yeah. Are you drunk?


Rigby: Hell ya I'm drunk, it's a fucking party. You, you, you want to spoon or something?


Eileen: I don't know Rigby. You don't look well.


Rigby: Hold on. [Rigby vomits] Come on Eileen, take your glasses off and spoon with me.


Eileen: Not when your drunk.


Rigby: Come on, I'm not that drunk. Maybe a little.


[Eddy and Double D are selling the crack to a teenager.]


Eddy: No less then a dollar.


Teenager: I only have 50 cents. Take it or leave it.


Eddy: Is that really all you have?


Teenager: Okay, 75 cents?


Eddy: Deal.


Teenager: Your really cheap dude, you know that?


[The teenager gives eddy the money and walks away with the bag of crack.]


Double D: 75 cents, this won't be half the cost for the microscope.


Eddy: Who cares, as long as we get jawbreakers, no skin off my bone.


Double D: Do you realize what we did? We broke the law for a couple cents.


[A cop approaches them.]


Cop: Excuse me boys, what did you sell that person?


Eddy: Nothing.


Cop: Funny, I could have sworn you sold drugs.


[The teenager walks up to them.]


Teenager: Hey man, what is this shit? This ain't crack, it's fucking bleach. You can't smoke this shit.


Eddy: Um, well, Um, [laughs uncomfortably]


Cop: That's all the evidence I need.


[N walks up towards Mabel, who is still singing Nickelback songs.]


N: A doctor with a cure, I can't believe I fell for that. Another addition to my everlasting life of disappointments.


[Mabel continues to sing the Nickelback songs, ignoring N.]


N: Fuck it, I'm going home.


[N walks away. Rocko is walking through the crowd and walks on top of the stage where Ed is still doing the chicken dance.]


Rocko: Hey, what the fuck are you people doing?


[Everyone, including Ed stops and listens to Rocko.]


Rocko: I don't care that you choose to get drunk and have sex on people's private properties, but I have had a very long day, and now I just wan't to go home. Can I just do that without hundreds of drunks blocking my way?


[The crowd starts to throw stuff at Rocko. He runs towards his house as Ed continues to do the chicken dance. Margaret approaches a drunken Mordecai.]


Margaret: Hey Mordecai, this is.......


Mordecai: [Drunk] Let me guess, boyfriend #7 isn't it? God, how promiscuous are you? For christ sake, why do you act like I barely exists. You date total assholes and yet you pass the only good guy who actually likes you for you and not your awesome, sweet tits.


Norbert: [Drunk] Oh yeah, he's owning ya.


Margaret: Right your drunk, I'm just, sorry.


Mordecai: Sure you are.


[Margaret walks away.]


Norbert: Hey Mordo, guess what?


Mordecai: What?


Norbert: [Singing] Welcome to my life.


Mordecai: Shut up man.


Norbert: Right, sorry.


Mordecai: Hey, hey, Norb, Sorry about that man. It's just, do you know what it's like to see the only girl you like with a million guys.


Norbert: Yeah, Tree Flower.


Mordecai: Oh, right. Well, I identify with ya man.


Norbert: Same here bro.


N walks into his house and enters his study. He then proceeds to write a short story called "Requiem Of A Life".]


N: [Monologue] I am N. I have no idea what my real name is or even who my family is. I have speech issues and health problems as my acid haunts my every waking moment on this planet. I have friends even though I feel they never listen. My overall point is that my life in inadequate. I barely got out of college alive led alone get through this life as it is. I now write, write about the endearment at which all humans must eventually face. I am N, this is my life.


[That morning, the neighborhood is trashed. Rocko wakes up from his bed and looks at the remains of the block party from outside. Spunky barks at him.]


Rocko: I'm alright boy, it's over now.


[Eddy and Double D are in a jail cell.]


Double D: Nice plan Eddy.


Eddy: Hey at least I took the blame didn't I?


Double D: 75 cents. We are in prison over 75 fucking cents. We are two juniors in a prison cell over fake crack that you sold for 75 cents.


Eddy: At least it worked better then most of my plans. We got something out of it didn't we?


Double D: At least with your other plans we don't end up in a jail cell.


Eddy: Hey, don't blame me.


Double D: Why not?


Eddy: Because..... because.......


Double D: Don't talk to me.




[Outside, Norbert and Mordecai are sleeping on a sidewalk. Ed is sleeping on the littered staged. Rigby wakes up. He is drenched with alcohol. He wakes up intoxicated.]


Rigby: What the hell happened last night?


[N is seen sleeping on his computer chair.]



FIN