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Death Battle: Ebony vs DIO

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Ebony Vs Dio Set by NathanTheManTheMHFan

Bringer of Darkness: Alright, the sun has set and these vampires are out for blood! Let’s settle this debate once and for all!

TheMHFan: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

****

Hogwarts Grounds

The glow of the full moon illuminated the immense castle that stood by the lakeside as it rose from the horizon. The sun had set, classes had ended, and the students from different houses had returned to their respective dormitories and dozed off to a well-earned rest.

Still, it didn’t necessitate that no one else was awake. There were prefects roaming the hallways, sure, but there was someone else in the grounds.

The man patrolling Hogwarts, Mr. Norris, somehow sensed that someone, and had went down the grounds, holding a lamp in one hand, and his pet cat, Filch the cat, was resting on his right shoulder. Why’d he decide to go down to the grounds and find that student, you ask? No one knew.

Still, he snorted. It wasn’t one of those delinquent students again, was it? A wry smirk appeared on his face as he trekked the grounds, prepared to give that student the punishment of a lifetime—

SCHLICK!

Something sharp buried itself in the back of Norris’s head, and the creepy watchman of Hogwarts was silenced forever.

The hairs on Filch’s body stood on end as the cat shrieked in horror, only to be silenced as well by a golden fist crushing her head into a paste.

The mysterious killer shook his fist, the blood of Filch flying off of his hand, and slowly rose up to his feet, his eyes meeting the terrified gaze of a male student who had—inexplicably—wandered into the grounds.

A mad grin formed on the mystery killer’s face as he strode towards the student, cracking his knuckles…

****

Meanwhile, a girl was wandering the castle. She was clad in a black-and-red leather miniskirt, a black corset, pink fishnets, and black combat boots. She wore a ton of makeup: her pale white skin was masked by white foundation, and she wore black lipstick, black eyeliner, and red eye shadow.

Why did her outfit and makeup have to be described, you ask? Well, she did come from a fanfiction where every single outfit exposition was described in excruciating detail, yet many other things were vaguely described.

She had went out of her dormitory to take a stroll in the grounds of Hogwarts. Of course, none of the prefects stopped her, since they were—inexplicably—lovestruck with her. Of course, almost every male in the castle had fallen for her, but rudely did she brush them off.

This was the seventh-year witch/vampire student of Hogwarts, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

Upon reaching the grounds, she lamented in a dull tone, “Oh, fr Staan’s zaek, I msis Vumpyre so much, y did Vlodemotr kill him so secksily.”

She looked down to find a dead body before her. This was the corpse of the student “Hairgrid”, his body riddled with bruises and a knife embedded on his neck.

Any normal person would have called for help, but what Ebony did was give Hairgrid’s corpse the finger.

Ebony looked around to find more corpses of Hogwarts students, but of course, seeing as they had been “preps” all year, the goth did naught but saunter past them, giving the finger to the corpse of a student named Britney. She would have grinned wide at the deaths of all these “preps”…

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!!”

“AAAAAAGH—”

SQUELCH!

Ebony looked up to see a corpse flying at her. It was…Draco Malfoy! (Note: The ellipsis was unnecessary, but intentional.)

Like she did all the time, Ebony gasped.

And then, her hand clenched into a trembling fist. Why did this have to happen?! She was going to screw Draco again! His “sex-pack” was the stuff of legends! Why would someone dare take it away from her?!

Her eyes narrowed in anger as she strode out of Hogwarts and marched towards where Draco’s corpse had flown from. Whoever killed him was going to pay.

****

The source of all the carnage was one man. His clothes, and hair, were golden as the noontime sun. His features were sharp, matching perfectly with the gaze he shot towards the trail of bodies and rubble he had left behind, and his lips curled into a grim smile as he walked from the grounds back into the castle.

“Unexpected, but easy nonetheless…”

This man was the “great” vampire, Dio Brando. He had no idea how he had stumbled upon this castle, but the treasury of blood and gold had satisfied him. Truly, he hadn’t expected the people living in this castle to just inexplicably run out of its safety, but he was satisfied. “So much blood to claim…”

His  stride was interrupted by the sound of footsteps. He looked up to see a girl clad in heavy makeup and exaggerated clothing, staring down at him in anger…that just as easily subsided.

Dio, on his part, felt his heart inexplicably race. What the hell was happening?!

Still, he couldn’t resist the urge to walk up to the girl, saying in a deep voice, “Hey.”

Clearly forgetting the carnage she had just seen earlier, the girl responded, “Hey.”

“Tell me, what is your name, and what are you doing here?”

The girl quickly responded with “Hi my name iz Enoby Dark’ness Dementia RAVEN Way. Im a goffik witch and vapmyre, I go tu dis skul fro magikc and sutffz. Ur cut, wuts ur nim?”

“I am Dio Brando,” replied Dio. “So, are you in a relationship with somebody?”

Ebony’s face quickly contorted into one of annoyance. “Ye I dun thik so u perv, Im datgin Darco!” she screeched, pushing Dio back.

She quickly whipped out a pistol and shot at Dio once. However, all the bullet served to do was to bring Dio back into reality.

Dio clenched his fist as the realization struck him. He had almost fallen for a lowly human scum. This was impossible! He was a God, and he wouldn’t meet his end by falling for a piece of trash!

The vampire responded with his own words, lifting his chin up haughtily and pointing an accusing finger. “You clearly are the most ignorant of all scum, for you don’t know who you are dealing with. I am DIO! The true ruler of all the earth, the master of all humankind! Falling for scum like you was a mistake on my part!”

He then spread his arms wide, the arrogant grin never leaving his face. “Now, what brings you, you worthless trash, to even bring yourself before ME, DIO?”

“U kiled Drcao, u stupid preppy fucker!” Ebony screeched. “Ur probly just jelos cuz hes gut a sex pack—haha, geddit cuz his sexy and he has a six pak—nd u dont!”

“So, you come here under the premise of vengeance, am I correct?” laughed Dio. “What can an insolent brat like you do? You face the God amongst men! I am DIO!”

Ebony stood there, the gears of her juvenile mind shifting and shifting, trying to process all of Dio’s words and craft an appropriate response. After a while, she came up with the perfect answer…

“YA I DON THIK SO PREP!”

As quickly as a cowboy would draw his gun, Ebony whipped out a wooden wand and aimed it at Dio, declaring, “Philpedo!”

A burst of something erupted from the wand, sending Dio flying back and crashing backfirst onto a tree, snapping it in half and letting it fall over the vampire.

“wel dat wuz EZ” sighed Ebony. “Gues Il jus find Dumblydore n tel him 2 bring Draco 2 lyf.”

.

.

.

“ZA WARUDO!”

A bright explosion interrupted the goth before she could walk away, and she turned to see the the tree flying out of existence.

When the light cleared, a figure arose. It was Dio, wrapped in a fiery, golden aura. Floating next to him was a ghostly golden figure, brimming with muscles.

This was Dio’s almighty Stand, The World!



Dio strode towards Ebony. “That was quite an amusing display, scum,” he spat. “But if you thought that was enough to defeat ME, DIO, you are truly mistaken!”

Ebony looked on with bewilderment, as she pointed towards…The World. “wut iz dat hot ass thing nex to u?”

Dio was shocked. H-How…How can this trash see my Stand?!

Dio’s shock was quickly replaced with anger. This girl, this scum, able to see his Stand? This was pure mockery!

“Alright, that’s ENOUGH!” roared Dio, and he slammed his knuckles together by the time he said the last word, The World reciprocating the action. “I, DIO, am the most powerful being on the planet, and I shall not fall for—and to—some utter scum!!!”

In response, Ebony aimed her wand at Dio, its tip glowing red, and she roared back, “OH ITS ON, PREP!”

FIGHT!


Their fists cocked back, Dio and The World surged forward, aiming to strike Ebony in the gut with a well-placed punch—!

Only for their fists to meet thin air. At the very last second, Ebony had Apparated to safety, avoiding Dio’s gut-punch, and then she rematerialized behind Dio, declaring, “Erecto!”

A bright blue streak of light shot out of the pointed tip of Ebony’s wand, shooting towards Dio at breakneck speeds. His ears perking, Dio swerved to the side at the very last second, the Reducto spell hitting the wooden door leading inside Hogwarts and smashing it to splinters.

Dio whipped around, dashing towards Ebony and retaliating with a vicious uppercut that nailed the goth right in the chin before she could react! Ebony was sent flying upwards, and without hesitation, The World gave chase, landing a solid haymaker at Ebony’s face.

Dio immediately took this opportunity to run forth and position himself in the same spot where he calculated Ebony would land, and cocked his fist back as The World did so, prepared to crush the goth’s skull into a paste—!

Only for both fists to miss entirely, as Ebony somehow managed to Apparate away…in midair. She reappeared behind the vampire…
“Stupidfry!”

Another blast shot towards Dio, the Joestars’ archenemy being warned of it by his senses in the last second and weaving to the side, the blast narrowly flying past The World.

Dio whipped around, zooming towards Ebony and cocking both his fists back, The World reciprocating the action. Ebony was already a millisecond too late when Dio set to work, a pair of fists overlapping his—The World’s!
Moodah by NathanTheManTheMHFan
“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDADMUDAMUDA!!!”

At the rate of minigun fire, Dio hammered away at Ebony, the goth unable to react as punches pummeled every part of her body. Cocking his fist back, Dio prepared to unleash a final strike to end his combo…

“MUDA!!!!”

…only for his fist and The World’s to miss entirely and punch right into the ground as Ebony was able to exploit the one-second opening and Apparate away.

“Explosio!”

Dio only had a second to react to see a streak of light zoom at him, courtesy of Ebony’s wand. The vampire jumped away at the last second, the spell hitting the ground…

BOOOOOM!

A bright explosion of magical energy ensued as soon as the Expulso spell hit the ground, and while it didn’t hit Dio directly, the blast wave hurled the vampire back, towards the wall of a stone hut behind him. Dio regained his balance and landed on his feet, small embers of flame dying out on his golden jacket.

“Philpedo!”

Another streak of energy raced towards Dio, who could do naught but brace himself…

…but the shoving spell never met its mark.
Theworld by NathanTheManTheMHFan
The World had appeared in front of Dio in the last second! The spell shoved the Stand back, but it held its ground nonetheless.

And then the next thing Dio saw…was a barrage of multicolored streaks flying at his face!

Seeing as he couldn’t escape in time, Dio cocked his fists back, standing his ground as The World did the same…

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!!”

Faster than any trained eye could ever perceive, Dio and The World let out a ceaseless barrage of fisticuffs, punching all of the spells out of existence!

Dio and his Stand punched and punched away, hammering the spells Ebony sent his way and reducing them to nothing…

…until The World’s fist made contact with one particular spell—Stupefy.

The World teetered back, a sudden pain flashing through its head…and so did Dio. The Stupefy spell had left them stunned! As a result, they couldn’t stop the rest of the bolts from peppering them!

Dio, too dazed to move, couldn’t react in time to see Ebony stride towards him, whipping out her pistol from before. What was the pistol? No one knows.

Still, the goth trained the pistol at Dio, and declared, “Eat dis u PREP!”

Upon saying the last word, Ebony pressed on the trigger. And then, in an event that would seem impossible to the naked human eye, bullets flooded out of the pistol…by the gazillions.

The World, stunned itself, couldn’t move in time to save its master, and Dio was, as a result, peppered by the ceaseless barrage of rounds. The vampire was doing the best he can to tank through the barrage, but after a bullet had hit him square in the forehead, he lost his focus, and knew that he would be overwhelmed soon. He shut his eyes as the bullets kept coming…

After a few seconds, the bullets stopped peppering Dio. His eyes still shut, Dio wondered why he hadn’t hit the ground yet. Dio, curious, opened his eyes…

…and he was absolutely shocked at the fact that he was still alive.

And in pristine condition.

Dio stared Ebony down, and immediately replaced his shock with confidence, a grin showing it. “Silly girl,” he haughtily said. “You thought that would stop me? WRONG! I, DIO, have faced far worse and survived! Your petty tricks cannot hope to match me!”

Without a word, Ebony darted away. “Come back here at once, you coward!” roared Dio. He cocked his fist back, the fist being enveloped with The World’s own, and then threw a punch at Ebony’s back…

…and missed.

Dio snarled in anger, and whipped around. The girl wasn’t using her teleportation trick again, was she?!

Unfortunately, Dio saw no one as he turned. How dare she flee from his sight, how dare she turn tail—

“Com an get me, posr!!!”

Ebony’s declaration caused Dio to shoot his gaze upwards. He saw the goth, seated on a broom, one hand holding the broom’s tip and the other gripping her wand.

Frustrated, Dio zoomed up to the sky, defying gravity by every possible measure, and raced up to meet Ebony. So this trash wanted to take this fight to the sky? He would gladly take that challenge.

With a roar, Dio rushed towards Ebony, The World materializing beside him and doing the same! Of course, with unparalleled precision, Ebony manipulated her broom to avoid Dio’s straight jab, and aimed her wand at the vampire, bellowing, “Explosio!”

This time, the spell hit its mark, engulfing Dio in a massive explosion! Dio roared in pain, as while the explosion wasn’t enough to do him in, it hurt like hell, burning off some of the flesh in Dio’s face.

Regaining his bearings, Dio looked up to see Ebony barreling at him, her hand reared back and her overly-polished nails glinting in the moonlight, aiming to strike Dio’s heart.

Then, when the goth was but a few breaths away, Dio smirked…and then bellowed:

“ZA WARUDO! TOKI WO TOMARE!”

The air rippled around Dio. Everything instantly became distorted in a grey tinge, and everything instantly came screeching to a stop. Ebony’s charge, as well as the odd expression on her face, all froze. Time had stopped.

And the only one who could move in this frozen world was one Dio Brando.

Dio crossed his arms, flying a foot back. He flashed a malevolent grin, satisfied that time itself was still under his behest, even after he had commanded it to stop so many times. “Your power is nothing, trash,” sneered Dio. “Your petty magic tricks are nothing…compared to the power of The World.”

There ensued a series of nauseating cracks, as Dio’s regeneration had kicked in, instantly healing his body from the aftereffects of Ebony’s Expulso. Stretching his arm, Dio wordlessly summoned The World. The Stand overlapping him, Dio cocked his fist back.
“Now you face true power!

Dio let the punch fly. His fist and The World’s struck Ebony’s forehead, but seeing as time was still frozen, the goth vampire didn’t budge. It was as if she was unfazed, even. However, Dio knew that this wasn’t anything to be worried about.

“And time flows again…”

Ebony’s weird expression turned into…an even weirder expression, as an invisible something struck her square in the forehead and sent her flying towards the wall of the Headmaster’s tower! For the first time in the battle, the Joestars’ archenemy had forced a pained cry from the goth wannabe!

Unable to regain her bearings, Ebony crashed back-first on the wall of the tower, yet somehow, her broom remained between her legs still. The goth shook the cobwebs off her head, and the first thing she saw was Dio, barreling at her with his fist cocked back.

“Now witness the might of ME, DIO!!!”

With sheer force of will, Ebony commanded her broom to fly her out of the way. Dio and The World’s fists made contact with the Headmaster’s tower wall. The force of the blow shook the tower and created sizeable cracks on it…and jolted a certain Headmaster—no, principal—awake.

And boy, did it give him the headache of a lifetime.



Albus Dumbledore was in no way pleased. He stormed to the topmost floor of the tower, threw the windows open, and looked down on the dueling vampires below. Clearly, these people needed to be taught a lesson for causing havoc in the middle of the night!

He shut his eyes and breathed in…

Meanwhile, Dio had drawn a knife from his jacket pocket. Ebony within his sights, the vampire reared the knife, prepared to launch it at the goth…

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!!!”


(pause music)

Both Dio and Ebony stopped in their tracks. They both looked up…and saw an aged man, clearly pissed at them both. Now, a sagely man like Albus Dumbledore wouldn’t normally curse like a sailor…but he’d developed a headache, what do you expect? Besides, this is Albert Dumblydore we’re talking about.

“YOU LUDACRIS FOOLS” bellowed Dumblydore. At this, blood-red tears began to stream from Ebony’s eyes down her pallid face…for some reason.

Perplexed at first, Dio scoffed and then looked up at Dumblydore…and then without hesitation, he hurled the knife in his hand at the headache-stricken headmaster. A few last words left Dumbledore’s mouth…

“WHAT THE FU—”

The knife sank into the principal’s throat, instantly silencing whatever foul words or phrases he might have inexplicably spewed. Dumblydore stumbled forwards and toppled from the window, falling headfirst onto the ground. The headmaster’s body burst into a borderline-featureless mess of blood and gore as he did so, and then the sailor-mouthed principal of Hogwarts, Albert Dumblydore, was no more.

(resume music)

Cracking his knuckles, Dio turned to Ebony, grinning wide and evilly. “Now then, scum…where were we?”

Ebony’s response? Lean forwards on her broom, and zoom towards Dio at a quicker pace than before.

“You never learn, do you?” laughed Dio. “Your attacks are nothing! Nothing compared to the power of THE W—”

In the midst of his arrogant monologue, Dio failed to notice that Ebony had rammed her long nails into his abdomen. Not fatal, but it certainly hurt!

“How do u lyk daat yu prep?” demanded Ebony as she scrambled for Dio’s innards with her nails. With an angry growl, Dio concentrated his willpower to grab onto the goth’s wrist and rip her hand out of his stomach, a sickening squelch ensuing. Without a second thought, Dio rammed his free fist into Ebony’s gut, screaming “MUDA!” as he did so, and forcing the wind out of the goth but not forcing the broom out of her legs.

Not letting up for even a second, Dio chased after the flying form of Ebony, The World’s fists overlapping his…

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!”

Dio unleashed a solid beatdown upon this goth, never letting up as he punched and punched and punched away, light failing to keep in pace with the speed of his punches! One of Dio’s strikes met Ebony’s broom and snapped it in half, as the rest of his blows struck Ebony everywhere. Dio cocked his fist back, aiming to finish his combo and end his foe.

“MUDA!!!”


And then Dio’s fist met…thin air.

At the very last second, Ebony had pulled an inexplicable Apparition, teleporting on the roof of one of the castle’s buildings. Said building housed the Slytherin common rooms, which were…quite easily peeked into by two certain perverted professors, despite the only entrance to it being guarded by a literal talking painting. Also note that the Slytherin dorms were not a dungeon, and were in high elevation…well, at least in the authoress’s fanfiction.

Dio, on his end, growled in frustration. His prey was within his grasp, then she suddenly slipped through his fingers, slipping into places unknown this time? “You can run, girl, but you cannot hide from me,” growled Dio. “You cannot hide from the embodiment of true power!”

His arms crossed, Dio floated aimlessly across the entire scope of Hogwarts. The area of the castle warranted that this was going to take long…

…or was it?

An enchantment was bellowed from afar.

“Sexseptember!”

Dio’s ears perked. He snapped his head to the side and saw the source of the sound—

SCHLICK.

An invisible something suddenly slashed at Dio, forcing a cry of pain from the vampire! Outraged, Dio flew towards the source of the enchantment, attempting to ignore any and all pain from that sudden attack. Granted, it had begun healing thanks to Dio’s regenerative factor, but it still hurt like hell, like half the power of Jonathan Joestar’s Ripple-charged sword.

After a few seconds, he had made it to the roof of the building where his adversary was standing. Ebony raised her wand again…

“ABRA KEDAV—”

Dio was quicker to draw.

“ZA WARUDO!”

Under Dio’s beck and call, time ground to a halt once more. Ebony’s weird expression remained plastered on her face, and while the tip of her wand had begun to glow, all light fell still.

Dio floated towards Ebony, then floated behind her back. Landing behind the goth wannabe’s immobile form, he muttered, “Too slow.” Grinning, the vampire drew a knife, and then waited for time to resume.

The air rippled, and everything started moving again.

“—RA!”

At that same instant, Ebony threw her wand arm forward, a blast of green light flying out of her wand and hitting…nothing.

The goth wannabe at first looked on in front of her with slight confusion. Then she looked behind her, eyes of…well, stupidity meeting eyes of arrogance.

“Heh…now I’ve…what?”

It was then that Dio’s heart began to race once more. Even ten inches apart from Ebony’s face, Dio couldn’t help but feel…weird.

Goddamnit, he was falling for this scum again! Just what the hell was with her?!

Dio, immobilized, could do naught as Ebony strode towards him. “Im gon to kill u, u sik posr!” she bellowed, drawing her long-nailed hand back. “Dat’ll show u wut it menz to fuk wif a GOFF!”

Without any sort of hesitation, Ebony thrust her nails at Dio’s heart and ripped them out just as quickly, forcing the Joestars’ archnemesis to double over. A shower of blood erupted from the wound and splattered over Ebony’s corset, and the goth wannabe enjoyed the feeling. She prepared to rear her hand once more, giving in to her sadistic tendencies…

…and then she gasped in surprise as The World materialized in front of Dio and caught her hand!

While The World’s hands remained clasped over Ebony’s long-nailed hand, Dio looked up, his face exuding utter determination and arrogance!

“Did you really think you could catch me unawares with that trick once more, you trash?!” demanded Dio. “I, DIO, am the strongest in the world…”

The World let go of Ebony’s hand and dissipated, only to rematerialize behind Dio. Master and Stand cocked their fists back…

“…AND NO LOWLY SCUM SHALL SHATTER THAT STREAK!!!”

A solid uppercut nailed Ebony right in the chin, sending the goth flying upwards! Quickly, Dio thrust his hands up to the sky and screamed,

“ZA WARUDO! TOKI WO TOMARE!”

Time stopped once more. As a result, the still-flying Ebony hung suspended in midair, as if she had been caught in invisible strings! Dio smirked at this, and quickly flew up and away from the goth. The golden vampire had disappeared from the area, leaving behind a suspended Ebony floating ten feet above the Slytherin roof.

Two seconds.
   
.

Three seconds.

.

Four seconds had passed. Dio was still nowhere to be seen, and everything was still completely frozen.

.

Five seconds had passed. Six, then seven.

And then…time resumed, just as a massive shadow had covered Ebony. The goth looked up…and for the first time in the battle, her face turned into one of utter gobsmacked dumbfoundment.
Roda Rora Da by NathanTheManTheMHFan

“ROAD ROLLER DA!!!”


Dio plummeted down on Ebony like a falcon, holding—you guessed right—a massive steamroller in his hands! And though Protego had been inexplicably and conveniently cast to protect Ebony from the road roller, the machine had forced her towards the roof back-first, its very weight cracking the Slytherin roof.

The roof cracked…until it finally gave way, and in a blur of golden vampire, Stand, goth, and road roller, they all plummeted towards the floor of a rather wide hallway, crashing into it and creating sizeable cracks on the width of it but not causing it to give way.

“It’s too late! YOU CAN’T ESCAPE!” bellowed Dio. However, seeing as the road roller wasn’t fully touching the ground yet, he decided he wasn’t going to take any chances.
Mudamudamudamuda by NathanTheManTheMHFan
“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!!!”

The World’s fists overlapping his own, Dio smashed into the road roller with his fists at breakneck speeds, denting the metal underneath! After fifteen seconds of pure beatdown, Dio raised his fist into the air. “This is the end for you! WRYYYYYYYYYYY!”

Dio then brought his fist down.

“BE CRUSHED!!!”


One last punch, and then Dio leapt away…just as the road roller exploded! The explosion was enough to cave in the floor beneath them and send them crashing towards a lower hallway. A massive fireball ensued from the explosion, sending rubble flying everywhere and lighting up the place like Christmas.

(stop music)

A thick curtain of smoke ensued, and Dio crossed his arms in victory. “Hm. Did you really think you could last long against me, DIO? Your petty magic tricks and charm cannot hope to best the power of ZA WARUDO!”

For a moment, Dio thought he had finally gotten through, that he had finally broken this scum. The smoke cleared…and what Dio saw next filled him with absolute shock.

There Ebony stood, flames licking her corset and dark locks. She had somehow survived the attack, but she was far from unscathed: the fires of the explosion had burnt some of her pale skin, and there were several gashes and bruises across her body. But the expression on her face seemed to tell Dio that she was far more pissed off than hurt!



“U meszd wif muh goffik maekup u posr…” growled Ebony, wiping off the soot that got on her foundation and tearing a piece of the road roller off the floor. “now ure gonna DE PREP!!!”

With a raptard war cry, Ebony charged forward, holding the sharp piece of the road roller and rushing at Dio. The vampire prepared to step out of the way…

…until Ebony suddenly screeched to a halt, kneeled down, and used the sharp piece of metal in her hand to cut into her own wrists.
Anger welled up inside of Dio’s system. Even in this state, she would continue to mock him?

“Why the hell would you do that?” Dio demanded.

“Bcuz im a sexeh goffik vagipire, an I will destoyr u u filty prep!”

A vein practically bulged in the back of Dio’s head as his anger began to boil. “That makes no sense, why would you cut yourself in the middle of a fight?!?”

“Cuz Im goffik an SATANITS!!! Ur just a fukin PREP an u probly hav AIDs anyway.”

If Dio was clearly frustrated with this girl before, right now he was absolutely livid at her daring to mock him, at her sheer audacity to think she was any higher than him, let alone his equal.

“WRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!” he roared, lunging straight for Ebony. However, the goth wannabe had Apparated away and behind him at the last second, his fist striking at thin air. Not wanting to get caught up in this girl’s magic tricks, Dio lashed out to his side, but missed altogether.

Ebony had rematerialized at the far edge of the hallway, where there was a large window beside her, and threw her wand arm forward, a volley of multicolored spells flying at him. Of course, Dio punched them away, continuously shouting “MUDA! MUDA! MUDA!”

As the distance between the two rapidly closed, Ebony continued to hurl spells at Dio, who was swatting them aside as he approached.
Dio was currently on a roll, and the naked human eye would have seen an unstoppable blur of gold. Seeing a hole in Ebony’s stance, Dio bellowed, “This is the end!” Fluids gathering into his face, Dio looked straight at Ebony. “SPACE RIPPER STINGY EYES!”

Beams of pink light…or rather, liquid shot out of Dio’s eyes. The space ripper stingy eyes would gouge holes into Ebony’s throat and cause the goth to fall to the ground where she belonged.

But when the lasers were an inch from Ebony’s throat…they were reversed completely.

With impeccable timing, the goth wannabe had raised her wand and somehow deflected Dio’s space ripper stingy eyes. The twin beams of liquid had struck Dio’s sides, blasting holes through his hips and forcing a howl of pain from the vampire.

Dio stumbled back, clutching his hips in pain. Realizing just how dangerous his opponent might get, Dio summoned The World back to his side, and cried out:

“ZA WARUDO…”

Ebony was the quicker one to draw this time around. “CROOKSHANKS!”

Just then, a bolt of concentrated pain rocketed from the goth’s wand, striking The World before Dio could finish his iconic phrase.

“…TOKI WO TOMAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!”

Excruciating pain suddenly rocked Dio’s entire being, The World falling to its knees as if in synch. The sadist that she was, Ebony grinned maliciously as Dio screamed in agony, on his knees as well.

“W-What?! It can’t be…I-Impossible!!!” said Dio between gnashed teeth, trying and failing to fight off the agony of the Cruciatus curse…

Quite suddenly, all the pain stopped. Ebony had snapped her fingers and ended the Cruciatus curse, because she felt bad for him even though she’s a sadist so she stopped. She slowly lowered down to his level, running her hand through his golden locks and saying, “Im soryr, do u wunt to skrew?”

Dio looked up, his eyes filled to the brim with pain—pain and fury. With a cry of “WRYYYYYYYY!” he landed a solid uppercut that nailed Ebony right in the gut! The goth crashed against the ceiling before falling back-first onto the ground.

Dio had drawn a knife, and without wasting a single second, he fell upon Ebony, repeatedly stabbing her through the chest and heart with pure rage. This was unbearable. He couldn’t bear to take any more humiliation and mockery.

However, before Dio could bring the knife down on her head, Ebony aimed her wand forward, shouting, “CUMFINGER!”

A blast of…oh, I know what you’re onto, you sick bastards. You read this the wrong way, didn’t you?

A blast of magic shot out of the wand and struck Dio’s knife. As the spell made contact, an explosion ensued, engulfing Dio’s hands and causing the vampire to rock back, howling in agony. His fingers were broken and burnt, and fiery pain was searing his hands.

Ebony waved a hand, and then resumed her stance. Dio, in his state of pain and rage, didn’t have the time to wonder why the goth wannabe had performed such a gesture.

A whoosh.

Wait, thought Dio. Didn’t this girl have a—

SQUELCH.

Dio stumbled forward as a sudden something struck him in the back. The vampire looked down…and saw that he was impaled upon Ebony’s broom!

Thankfully, the damage was nothing too serious and could be healed given time…but judging by the look on Ebony’s face, was he even going to get that time?

A mocking laughter was heard. It had come from Ebony, who was grinning evilly and brandishing her wooden wand. “ure nofing but a mean PREP! POSR! FLAMER! Now Im gon to end dis!”

Dio looked upon Ebony with nothing but pure hatred. This girl would have the audacity to challenge him, simply because she thought herself superior than him—



Wait just a minute.

This girl was certainly powerful, capable of surviving his attacks up to this point. Was this a trait she possessed? But, of all the attacks that had been thrown at her…he hadn’t seen her resist his power over time.

That was it! This was his only chance!

So, as Ebony finished up her rant against “posers” and “preps”, Dio looked up at her…and smirked. Despite the pain in his hands and chest, Dio raised his arms to the heavens, and cried out,

“ZA WARUDO! TOKI WO TOMARE!”
Za Warudo by NathanTheManTheMHFan
All of time froze once more. Ebony’s expression had turned into one of victory before it froze, but it remained weird nonetheless. As for Dio…he sighed. With a nauseating crack, his fingers snapped back into place, thanks to his healing. With his hands restored, Dio reached behind him and started to free the broom from his chest.

With a squelch, Dio ripped the broom free from his chest, and the wound instantly began to close up. The pain from the Cruciatus curse had yet to leave, but Dio strode on towards the motionless form of Ebony, wearing a shit-eating grin the whole time.

“I must concede, you gave me quite the challenge, girl,” said Dio. “It seems your magic tricks are far more powerful than I can give them credit for. You made me fall for you twice, and I can almost respect that.”

The World appeared by Dio’s side, looking no worse for the wear. “However…you are still weak. You should have realized that you have lost the moment you engaged me, DIO. And now…”

Dio cocked his fists back, The World’s instantly overlapping them.

“…let me show you what happens to those who dare mock ME, DIO!!!”

Without quarter or hesitation, Dio set to work.

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA”


Two seconds. Three. Dio showed no signs of stopping at all.

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA”


Four. So many had taken this beating from The World, and even they had succumbed under such harsh brutality. But when you’re talking about the frail-in-comparison figure of Ebony?

She had absolutely zero chances of surviving.

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA”


Five. Light itself was failing to keep pace with Dio’s punches, yet the vampire punched on like a crazed maniac.

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA”


Six. Seven. Eight.

“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA—”


With an air of finality, Dio cocked his fists back, both aimed to strike Ebony’s head—!


“—MUDA!!!”


Both fists collided against the head of the goth wannabe. Still, Ebony remained unmoving, still as a solid rock.

“You shall know your place…scum.”

Ebony’s look of victory remained frozen on her face, as she reared her wand to unleash a Killing Curse at the open Dio…

“AVRA KED—urk!”

Ebony’s victorious face contorted into one of pain as Dio’s blows, too numerous for anyone to count, took their toll on her. Her body ragdolled from the harsh impacts, and then the final strike split her head in two down the middle, blood flying out of the wound.

Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way fell down the floor, somehow still alive. However, any attempts on her end to move were feeble, at best, for now, she was a broken and defenseless target, all her bones ground to dust.

The two halves of Ebony’s mouth moved as she weakly whimpered, “I…did I jus…dide?”

“…Yes,” said Dio, the tone of his voice dripping with victorious arrogance.

“Den I wus…wus…beten by…a PREP?!” asked Ebony as tears of blood began to stream from her eyes down her cheeks, which were now separated along with her head.

“No,” replied Dio flatly. “You were not defeated by a ‘prep’, nor were you defeated by a ‘poser’.”

Ebony tried to respond, but Dio cut her off.

“You…were slain by God. Now, rest, scum…for you have earned it…” Dio brought his fist back.

“…forever!”

“U pre—” But Ebony never finished. Dio’s fist made contact with her halved head, splattering it onto the window behind her. The goth wannabe’s body simply lay there, not even so much as twitching. Dio withdrew his fist, shaking off Ebony’s blood and brain matter.

Without a second thought, Dio picked up the girl’s body and hucked it like a baseball at the window, shattering it. Dio merely watched as the corpse of Ebony tumbled down on the grounds below, where it would surely share the fate of Albert Dumblydore.

Dio had done it. On this bizarre duel in the night, he had conquered Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. And soon…this damned castle would follow her footsteps.

“There’s only one reason you lost, vampire,” sneered the Joestars’ archenemy, “just one simple reason.”

Dio turned his back from the shattered window and began to trudge away.

“I. Am. DIO!”


KO!


****



TheMHFan: …whoa. Did that just happen?

Bringer of Darkness: …I know. I can’t believe it, either.

TheMHFan: …Did the golden f***er just beat the Mary Sue?

Bringer of Darkness: …yes.

TheMHFan: …

Bringer of Darkness: …

TheMHFan: F*CK YEAH! ALL HAIL JOJO!! THE MARY SUE B*TCH IS DEAD!! HAHA!! Now can we explain why Dio won?

Bringer of Darkness: Well, we’re going to have to give Ebony some credit first. Admittedly, Ebony did possess the advantage in range, versatility, and hax. Since she possesses uncanny knowledge of every spell in the Harry Potter canon, she had more than enough attack options to keep Dio hopping.

TheMHFan: She arguably also matches Dio in mobility, since she can match his flight with her broom.

Bringer of Darkness: But Ebony’s biggest advantage here was her status as a Mary Sue. It allowed her to survive far longer than she should have, gave her access to every spell in the HP canon, and of course, it allowed her to see Dio’s stand when she normally couldn’t.

TheMHFan: But why couldn’t her status as a Mary Sue grant her the victory over Dio?

Bringer of Darkness: Well, to put it bluntly…it simply wasn’t enough. For starters, Ebony was already hopelessly outmatched in terms of general physicality. Strength, speed, durability…they all went to Dio.

TheMHFan: Oh, and that range advantage of Ebony’s that we mentioned? That only applies to her spells. Her gun was completely useless!

Bringer of Darkness: Exactly. Take this passage from Chapter 11 of My Immortal:

“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…
Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”
“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.
Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.
“Why are you doing this?” Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.
“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
“Because you’re goffic?” Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.
“Because I LOVE HER!”

- Excerpt from My Immortal, Chapter 11


TheMHFan: See? Snape and Loopin were hit a gazillion times, and they were still well enough afterward to say concrete sentences!

Bringer of Darkness: Even if you’ve got horrible aim, it is statistically impossible to literally fire well above a million rounds at your foe and NOT strike a vital spot.

TheMHFan: “But maybe they died afterwards?” WRONG! They were still alive in the next chapter! Take a look:

Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

- Excerpt from My Immortal, Chapter 12


TheMHFan: And those guys were going to the hospital AFTER they recovered from the gunshots! So to sum up: if literally a GAZILLION rounds weren’t enough to take down Snape and Loopin, who have human-level durabilities, then it stands to reason that they won’t even scratch someone like Dio!

Bringer of Darkness: Here’s another thing: Dio’s ability to stop time. Ebony had absolutely no counters to this, and with this, Dio could essentially worm his way out of tight spots and land free hits on Ebony.

TheMHFan: But you know a surprising factor that helped Dio take the win here? His arrogance!

Bringer of Darkness: Right. While this may have proved to cause Dio great harm, this also helped him greatly in this scenario. He thinks he is above all life, and wouldn’t allow himself to lose to a lowlife. That is why he was able to resist falling for Ebony, which, quite frankly, many men at Hogwarts couldn’t do. And remember, in Death Battle, we have to keep both combatants as in-character as possible, and this proved to be Dio’s greatest strength and Ebony’s greatest weakness.

TheMHFan: Many of Ebony’s spells were effective, sure, but with his regeneration, Dio could just heal from any wounds he acquires, and remember, the guy could live on even as a severed head! And it really helps Dio’s case that his regeneration, coupled with his superhuman durability, already renders Ebony’s gun moot!

Bringer of Darkness: Put simply, it was only a matter of time before Ebony would eventually be overwhelmed by Dio’s superior physicality, arrogance, and time stop.

TheMHFan: Yeah, there wasn’t any chance in the world that Ebony was going to beat Dio.

Bringer of Darkness: The winner is, fortunately, Dio Brando.
But It Was Me Dio by NathanTheManTheMHFan
Victor: DIO…
+ Far stronger
+ Far faster
+ Far more durable
+ Time stop is broken as all hell
+ Undying arrogance allowed him to resist falling for Ebony
+ Regeneration rendered Ebony’s gun useless
+ MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!
= Matched Ebony in mobility
- Arrogant to a fault, though this did benefit him as well
- Lacks a proper ranged game

Defeated: EBONY…
+ Wide variety of spells gave her a versatility and range advantage
+ Status as a Mary Sue and vampiric physiology allowed her to survive far longer than she should have
= Matched Dio in mobility
- Heavily outclassed physically
- Had no counters to the time stop
- Gun was completely useless
- Hopelessly outmatched in CQC

****

NEXT TIME:


Two Battle-hardened Swordsmen, who were Born to Kill...
Gatsu by NathanTheManTheMHFan
When They Meet, Whose Skill, Power, and Insanity shall Reign Supreme?
Raiden by NathanTheManTheMHFan
GUTS vs RAIDEN
Season 1, Episode 7! My Immortal versus JoJo's Bizarre Adventure!

Sorry I couldn't get this out soon, school's really eaten up my schedule.

Anyway, hope you like this bizarre slugfest of asshole vampires. Don't forget to leave constructive criticism.

Ebony and My Immortal (c) Tara Gilesbie
Dio and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (c) Hirohiko Araki
Published:
© 2017 - 2021 NathanTheManTheMHFan
Comments21
anonymous's avatar
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Shadow-Ragna's avatar

This is probably the most bizarre and the most greatest I have ever read...


Dio the asshole killed a Mary Sue! Praise Dio!


Honestly if we tweeked Ebony a bit she would fit as a weekly villain in JoJo (Like a one off episode character) that the JoJo bros face.

TheNerd-Bot's avatar
PRAISE BE TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, DIO! HE HAS SLAIN THE GREATEST EVIL TO HAVE EVER BEEN PUT TO WRITING!
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
TheNerd-Bot's avatar
In all seriousness, this fight was equal parts awesome and hilarious. You got down the extreme cringe of My Immortal amazingly well, and it made DIO's victory all the greater. The best part was definitely the ending when DIO did his own version of Jotaro's famous line. Kudos on all fronts.
MonkeykingMOMO's avatar
After reading this, I wonder if he could take on Morrigan Ainseland from Dark Stalkers (not sure if I spelled the last name right) in a fight. That would be interesting.
MonkeykingMOMO's avatar
I noticed that you had two names mixed up. The watchman is Mr. Filch and the cat is Mrs. Norris.
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
In My Immortal, the authoress called Filch "Mr. Norris" and Mrs. Norris "Filch".
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
I mixed them up on purpose to take a jab at My Immortal.
MonkeykingMOMO's avatar
ALL HAIL DIO, SLAYER OF THAT VAMPIRE WITCH, NASTER OF THE WORLD! ZA WARUDO!
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
Any attempt to resist him is MUDAMUDAMUDA!!!
MonkeykingMOMO's avatar
Yes. Only few can best him, such as Beerus and others beyond Dio's power. Great fight man.
Badork11's avatar
Well this is one hell of a 180% after watching the golden f**ker destroy Alucard.
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
The golden f***er lives!

Any favorite parts?
SpyKrueger's avatar
Nice fight, mate. I'm not well-versed in My Immortal or JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, but after reading some lines from Ebony, I immediately wanted her dead.
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
Glad you liked it. Any favorite parts?
SpyKrueger's avatar
All of it was fairly enjoyable.
NuFinalSaber's avatar
......  Why Guts vs Raiden?   I mean.  It's a complete stomp?
Strength.
Guts hauls around the 400 pound Dragon Slayer.
Raiden tossed around a several ton Metal Gear.
Speed.
.... I shouldn't have to say anything here.
Technique.
Guts is great at brute force.  Which, isn't going to work here.
Weapons.
If Raidens blade can cut through Adamantium, the 400 pound block of steel that Guts uses won't last long.

....  I can't see Guts winning, in any way shape or form.
YoungSamurai18's avatar
Never thought I'd say this, but DIO you have done the world a service! And on the flip side to you, my friend, great work! Love how it all began and Dio resisting Ebony's "charm" enough to kill her.
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
Oh, any other parts you liked?
YoungSamurai18's avatar
The bullets missing Dio and Dio just taking it in stride!
NathanTheManTheMHFan's avatar
anonymous's avatar
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