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NasikaSakura's avatar

Monster I Have Become

By NasikaSakura
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I felt like a monster, sexualized, vulnerable, self-loathing, and frozen. By combining the idealized innocence of "Baby," and the grieving of innocence in Rem, I wound up with a character holding striking resemblance to Delfia, though who functions in many ways as a self-portrait persona, like Nasika. Without intending to, I combined all my main characters into an embodiment of my own identity and discovered my muse.

Thumbnails and animated WIP of this work, plus a comprehensive PDF of the experimental paintings series with exclusive bonus content coming soon to Patreon.

Update June 23, 2019:// Added title.  
This title came to me as a fuzzy memory that hybridized the music and lyrics of "Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace and "Monster" by Skillet into "I must confess, this is the mon-ster, that, I, have, be-come." The title might seem shallow and cliché, but I think it's suitable as the whole series this painting emerged from to a self-portrait of trauma and vulnerability. 

Character: untitled character design © NasikaSakura (myself)
Dimensions: 40 x 50 in (101.6 x 127 cm)
Surface: Hand-stretched and assembled canvas.
Materials: Acrylic paint.
Do NOT steal, use, reproduce, edit, change, trace, make a base of, re-post, re-upload, move, etc. ANY of my works without my exclusive permission and credit to me. It may however be re-blogged by direct link to this page (ie using the share buttons to the right of the image, or Thumb code onsite) and with all its original presentation (including watermarks or signatures) intact, for this is considered a credited 'feature' and not a copyright nor intellectual property infringement.
Image details
Image size
1798x2249px 6.2 MB
© 2019 - 2021 NasikaSakura
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EnryoAlpha's avatar
You say monster, but all I see here is beauty.
NasikaSakura's avatar
Thank you. :heart: It would take her a long time to see that in herself.
EnryoAlpha's avatar
I'd help her if I could. Heart 
Probably-did's avatar
The hair, horns and skin tones are so well done! love the pose and eyes <3
NasikaSakura's avatar
Thank you so much! I completely reworked the body from a previous version, and I'm so glad that I did! This version came out much better. ^^ Wreckless abandon is so scary when making art, but it can be so fulfilling! 
Pulcella's avatar
This is absolutely gorgeous
NasikaSakura's avatar
Thank you so much. :heart: 
Dallyvanters's avatar
NasikaSakura's avatar
Thank you, darling! :heart: :heart: 
Axidation's avatar
This is amazing omg! I love the color palette and the colors are blended so nicely!
NasikaSakura's avatar
Thank you so much! I used to blend exclusively by nearly dry-brushing with the acrylic paint, but I tried to use some "messier" wet strokes here like those in the arm. I'm glad that it still reads to you as smooth, despite it being anew technique for me! It's relieving to hear. ^^ Thank you again for your comment. :heart: 
Broeckchen's avatar
I really like this! It's unusual, has a really well-constructed palette, great composition and is so expressive! I can really feel the heaviness rooting the character into place and weighing on their heart. ♡
NasikaSakura's avatar
Ah, thank you so much! :heart: I love how you went into detail about how my work makes you feel. It really helps me gauge my work! I'm glad you can feel the weight. 
tickledpink1994's avatar
This is amazing, the colours and composition are stunning!
NasikaSakura's avatar
Thank you so much. :heart: I struggle to reach a full palette, and I'm trying. 
anonymous's avatar
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