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Blood and Sugar pg3 by NasikaSakura Blood and Sugar pg3 by NasikaSakura
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Reads Left to Right

Rated: 13+


Setting: Left 4 Dead (video game by Valve)

Original characters:
Ryo Mayuki c. ~amyY3
NasikaSakura c. *NasikaSakura

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Do NOT steal, use, edit, change, repost, move, trace, etc. ANY of my work without my exclusive permission and credit to me.
:iconwallythewaffle:
WallyTheWaffle Featured By Owner May 26, 2012   Digital Artist
1. Off the bat first thing I notice is the floating blocks of information on the lower half of the page. Seems like they were meant for pacing and anticipation before the two characters met, but it feels haphazardly placed on the page overlaying each other. Giving the blocks more of their own space might help clarify the author's intent to narrow the reader's eye on the specific details of the characters. e.g. Frame 2 (zoom in of hair and [tongue?] for... what reason?), then Frame 3 (Witch crying/sobbing again? Why repeat information that's already clear in the large upper frame?), then frame 4 (detail of guy readying his salivating phallic tongue and the eagerness in his smile and the mischievousness of his hidden eyes and the grotesqueness of his bubbly sidecheek).

2. There is a lack of transitioning information between first page to second page. 1st page info, guy walks towards the bar. 2nd page info, room that's already deep inside (no information that it's by the entrance door form the data of the 1st page), with the witch crying. It may be better if you add more frames or detail that the guy from first page entered the building that the witch is in. e.g. a frame of him walking through the doors and entering a hallway, and/or showing him about to walk in through the entrance in the upper big frame of this page.

3. The wall with the entrance may be vaguer than intended. If I look at it one way, it looks like there's two huge sliding doors and/or boxes that have space between them, and with another wall/box further back. If I look at it another way, looks like it's a wall with an entrance that has a vertical sliding door that's ajar half-way (this is caused by the sharpness of the floor's shadow as soon as it enters the entrance). And the third way (which might be what you initially intended) is it looks like a wall with an entrance where a door should be that leads out of the room and into a hallway. (if that is so, you might wanna add more detail that a door is/was there, e.g. broken hinges or even a broken door that's ajar with pieces on the floor, and add the top edge of the wall's entrance. Also, it may add clarity if you gradient softer the floor's darkening into the hallway as well as the wall at the end of the hallway.) What helps the most is looking at real-life reference on how light interacts with the structure you intended to draw. e.g. look at how light seeps in through an entrance and into a hallway, observe how the shadows are and where things are darkest and lightest, if the transition gradation is sharp or soft.

4. Witch's posture aka body language. Refer back to the game you based her on, you'll remember what a sobbing mourning person is postured. Right now, you have her upper half erect, which makes it look like she's more embarrassed than sobbing. Erect postures also suggest confidence and strength. Thus, it's counterposture would suggest sobbing better, which is to hunch over with a good chunk of the spine showing, and her mouth open and frowning. But for now it just seems like she's sad like noone attended her birthday party but about to get over it instead of feeling in pain and horror that's associated to how she looks which is not in the best conditions (torn clothes, superhungry, messy hair). Best reference also for the rest of her details like her hands and limbs, act it out and record yourself. Say "What do I do when I'm sad like how I want this character to feel?" then put your hands on your face and sob or cry. Then look at the details on how your hands and fingers are really placed, if they're pressured pressed like clawing into your skin or not, how they're angled, how they naturally overlap subtly instead of being perfectly side by side. Then just extend that with the fingernails cuz right now the hands seem really calm and cookiecutter rather than the hands of a sobbing girl. Same with her legs. Act out where she came from, and how she got to that position, and where your legs naturally fell to. Do you really end up sitting on your foot? or does your body naturally feel the pressure and uncomfortableness of that situation and always adjusts to a slightly altered, more limb-friendly position?

4. Panties. She should just be naked xD Specifically detail consistency. Top frame, the witch's sideview of the panties look wide, covering up a good chunk of her butt and hips. On the other hand, bottom frame, witch's frontview you can tell that the side of her panties are much thinner, and it's more bikini-esque with it's sharper v-shape. You can tell that more of her thighs/hips would be showing.

5. Text placement. subtle sobbing, which seems like what you intended with the tiny and bubbly text, might feel more right if the text was closer to where her mouth/head area is. The sobs that are near her legs and hip might feel off, or at least have gone astray like they initially were hunched and then jerked up and sobbed.

So yeah those are all I can say off the bat on this one. These are my opinion of course, take it as you will. Good luck and take care.
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:iconnasikasakura:
NasikaSakura Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Professional General Artist
1) I see what you mean very much. It was something I was having difficulty before-- my original intent was indeed to make it feel faster paced, and the repeated information of the Witch crying was to ephasize the characteristic of Witches sobbing, but more so the skin-and bones appearance showing protruding ribs and dramatic hip bone exposure. (Witches are thin, but aren't supposed to be skin and bones, contrary to The Sacrafice comics.) Also, I didn't want to have half of the page with Nasika that Witch, and the lower half souly dedicated to Ryo the Smoker. I wanted the character information to be a little mroe mainstreamed-- mixed together-- while still keeping a main focus. I do agree in that my executinon of panel set up needs improvements, and thank you.

2) I was too hasty to get to Nasika the Witch. L4D players may recognise the room tat she's sitting in as the very first room you come to from the direction of the entrence-- the broken window on the bottom floor to the left of the boarded-up front doors. I lacked to account for non-player's confusion since they haden't known the setting befroe reading this comic. It would have been better if I had taken this for account and added a panel in whihc Ryo's silloutte can be seen climbing through the broken window.

3) Backgrounds are a definite disadvantage in my artwork. This one was rather difficult considering I was looking at a reference at a pasued moment in a Youtube video where someone was playing L4D and just entered itnto the Sugar Mill. It was really dark, as there is no electricity in the building and the only light was coming from the broken window, which I didn't communicaate well at all since my pens were dying, and I was struggling to get as much information as possible onto the paper. The archway leads into a hallway. Those frames are just the frames on the walls and the archway's frame. [link] (I appologize. It's rather gruesome. When my friend plays, she turns the blood level down for me. :) There's also a difference in lighting here since this person has a flashlight.) I didn't have free rein on the background unfortunately, but it's good for me to practice with settings I am not comfortable with.

4) Thank you very much for pointing that out and giving me suggestions. We own only one mirror (my mother hatres mirrors) so I couldn't look in the mirror like most peopele sugest or my friends do, and I can't take a photo of myself let alone see it since I don't have a camera or soemone to take the picture for me. Now, I realize, I just got a laptop. :D I think I'll try that next time (if I can figure out how to work the webcam).
Oddly enough, when I'm upset, my back is erect from the base, and only my shoulders slouch. heh~ I put her in the position I sit in when upset, which is... odd to most people, I understand. XD I was having lots of issues with the feet-- trying to figure out what angle they shoudl be. But in pointing out the legs, I see why I was having problems. It wasn't quite so natural. (Also a way I sit when upset, until I decide to lay down.)

other 4) I noticed that too. With panties, they cover more in the back in order to cover up the rear, then thin out over the front of the hips before going down again. I was trying to draw them with that in mind, but I wasn't satisfied with the job I did.

5) I am unsure if you can see them amongst the crosshatching, but there is 3 text bubbles for her sobs that make three points, leading the viewer's eyes in a line that makes her the focus. The one by her knee does seem too close as if the sobs were coming from it rather than from her herself.

Thank you very much for all the points. :D I value them greatly and I can use them to help me better myself in my art, and use them in my research project. Thank you, very, very much Wally. :glomp:
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February 25, 2012
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