Miss you

I sit here with sun filtering through my window
Fading and returning, consistently with random shadow
Tracing along the hard wood.

The shadow paces slowly back and forth, again and again.
The grains in hard wood mutely take the beating
As the shadow is

Outside the window rolling hills caked with snow and frosted evergreen
Dead conifers stand still with icicles dangling off its frail branches
Refusing to let the frozen tears fall.

It’s a beautiful day with sunlight and gradual arrival  of spring
But nothing seemed beautiful to the shadow who now stand
Still, unmoving, barely breathing, lips mouthing ‘I miss you’

I will not let my tears fall, no matter how much I miss everything about you
Your ridiculous giggling sort of laugh, your slow smile, your warm hugs,
your snake eyes and that stupid Batman shirt you love so much…

Your compassion and willingness to help me up when I fall on my ass like a klutz, your comfort when I had troubles and the fun we had was amazing.
I will always cherish those memories of you and I grinning at each other like goddamn clowns. Or when I totally kicked your ass! Kudos for me!
Those times we sat there drunk out of minds and just carrying on, snickering at those who always thought we were brother and sister. Fuck no!

I will never forget you. Ever.
No matter how much my heart is fading.
I will not say what I really want to say
You got your life working out.
I am the past the shadow who will be,
Always be loving you for you.

If I could have another moment with you…