Girls und...und... OH GODDAMMIT, FUCKIN' NAZIS!
SPEAK AMERICAN, GODDAMMIT!
The flag tank from Edgewood was aflame, and the white flag had risen, signalling that it was a hit.
"Holy shit-sprinkles, we actually got one!" Alison exclaimed.
"Und zat vy ve have a gunner wiv two verking eyes." Mei said.
"Oh, fuck you!" Koko said angrily.
"Yeah...so has anyone seen the volleyball team?" Kiah asked.
"Elesha, this is your job." Kiah told her.
"Well, it's hard to concentrate with all the screaming!"
"Oh my God, we're going to die!" A trannie yelled, as they were being chased by an enemy tank.
Edgewood fired at their tank, and Kiah, throughout all of this, was pretending to care.
"Oh my God, they're all useless!"
"It's okay, just use the smoke bomb!" another trannie suggested, as she handed it up to the commander.
"I fuckin' hate this show." she thought, as she served it like a volleyball to the tank.
"And that's why we'll ambush them here." Kiah said, making a dot with her pen on the map of the field where the match was taking place.
"Congratulations, you drew a line." Elesha replied, looking up from her phone.
"Did you just become this incompetent, or were you born retarded?" Alison asked her.
"I'd say it was my childhood." Kiah replied.
woosh flashback time!
"Kiah, get over here. I need to put out my cigar." Her mum said in her nasally voice.
"Now we know why you wear long-sleeved shirts!" Alison remarked.
"You're lucky. Cigarette burns are way worse." Elesha said.
"Christ, am I the only one who had a normal childhood?" Alison asked herself in disbelief.
"I love you, Mommy!"
"I shoulda' fuckin' swallowed."
"Oh my God, the Cowboys are here." Mei said, as they fired towards Edgewood's tanks.
"It's a good thing they're not leading us into a trap." Jia's sister said.
"Wait for it..." Kiah said, looking through her binoculars.
"Wait for it.."
Through the smoke created by the tanks, Edgewood were faced with Millenium's tanks facing towards them.
"Hit the brakes!"
They braked in just enough time to avoid the shot.
"RUN! Run, Goddammit!"
Meanwhile, Instru was watching the match from her tank.
"Hahaha....ah, where the hell am I?"
"What the hEYll is goin' on?" a cowboy said.
Kiah's voice was suddenly heard over the intercom.
"Oh! Hey there, you Kentucky-Fried-Cum Guzzlers! Since you're already too dim to brake, I'd figured I'd check out my own TEXAS RANGERS!"
"You can go straight to hell! You're just being a whiny bitch cause your sister's better than you. Oh, boo-hoo. I can't live up to MY big sister!"
"Well at least my big sis is also my mom. How is life in Alabama?" Kiah replied.
"Hell, Becky you pray they don't get you before I do. Otherwise the gain train is gonna go all night straight to your face. TAKE OFF NOW, BITCH!" Jia yelled through the speaker.
"I-I'm so sorry!" Becky sobbed back.
Just then, Kiah spoke:
"I'm gonna make you a deal. You give up now and I'll let you overfed, inbred, illiterate pigs live."
"Look at that girl, she think' she's intimidatin'" Jia said jokingly.
"Well, if you say no.....I give you the Prez."
"Finally, I'm STARVING!" Prez shouted.
"Damn, Kiah, that was hardcore!" Elesha exclaimed.
However, Alison was too engaged in....something else.
"Oh God, I'm so close."
"If that's how it gon' be...time to bring the freedom.."Jia declared.
"Alright, let's cap their flag tank and get the fuck outta Trailer Park Hell." Kiah stated.
Western-style music was playing faintly in the distance....
"Do you guys hear something?" Alison asked.
Edgewood tanks were slowly but surely approaching.
"Mngh. Mghfnfnghhhh." (No. I have tinnitus.) Sophia mumbled.
"I'm...not sure.." Elesha said, as she poked her head out the window.
The tanks were now in sight.
"Well, fuck me seven ways to Sunday!" Kiah said, exasperated.
"Alison, now is not the time!"
Edgewood managed to hit the Freshmen's tank as the others drove off.
"How's that going, retards?"
"I can't feel my leg!"
"Why are my insides on the outside?!"
Then another Millenium tank was shot down.
"Mghmghhhhhfghhhhhhhm." (That's what they get for not driving German tanks.)
"Sophia, drive us up the hill! I think I can get a shot from there!" Alison requested.
"Wow, that's actually a good idea!"
"Glad I thought of it."
"Oh Christ, it's the Firefly. Talk about overcompensation, am I right?"
Fits of laughter followed.
Kiah sighed in content.
"Ah, we have fun here...NOW KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!"
Alison aimed the final killing blow, but they were hit too.
Meanwhile, rock music was being played in the background.
Millenium wins round 1!
Do you remember me?
I still exist!
"Well Goddaymn. You little china dolls actually know how to fight." Jia remarked.
"You smell like cigarettes and fried food."
"THEM'S FATTENIN' WORDS!"
A knife sound effect was then heard-
"Here we go..." Alison said.
One Epic brawl later...
"What the hell just happened?"
"Best after-fight fight EVER!"
"That shit was straight outta Compton."
"Prez ate a guy!"
"I ATE A GUY!" Prez bellowed in the distance, as the crackheads watched the Edgewood tanks drive off.
Sophia's phone (with a questionable ringtone, might I add) rang, and she pressed the answer button.
"Hello, is this..uh..Sophia...Ahmed?" the guy on the other end answered, pronouncing her name wrong.
"Uh, this is St. Yeezy's, your grandmother was admitted earlier today."
"Muh? Mghfgmmuh??" (What? Is she okay??)
"Um, I didn't catch that, can you repeat yourself?"
"Ngh. Mgh. Nfgh?" (Is. She. Okay?)
"Y-you're not- you're not speaking, you're mumbling.."
"Mghfmgmghghgmghhh!" (I am being perfectly clear right now!)
"Again, maybe....in English?"
"MMFGHHH-" (YOU USELESS-)
"Ma'am, Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to calm down."
Sophia pressed the hang up button.
"Mghfnhh, Mgghfhdfghh." (Fuck this, I'm swimming there.)
As Sophia proceeded to take her school shirt off, Alison rushed over.
"Woah! I don't know what's goin' on here but I'm helping!"
"Her Grandma's in the hospital, she has boneitis." A voice sounded behind them. The five turned to reveal Yvette, Kiah's older sister, and her closest dealer, Jade.
"Look kid, if you need a ride, I have a perfectly good private helicopter."
The sound of the helicopter whirring filled their ears.
"Pigeon, I'm comin' too!" Elesha exclaimed, jumping into the helicopter with Sophia.
The helicopter took off from the ground and ascended.
"That was really nice of your sister to let Sophia use her antiquated helicopter." Alison remarked.
"I know. It's a shame they're so prone to breakdowns and mishaps." Kiah replied.
"...You put a bomb on it, didn't you?"
"What?! Of course I didn't, are you insane? I just siphoned their gas a little..."
"Welp. They're dead."