An Open Letter and an explanation
Hello everyone, good to see you. Unfortunately I have a disappointing letter.
My account is closing up shop.
It will not be deactivated, and I will leave a few of the memes behind so people can still use and enjoy them. I will also leave up all my downloadable Furcadia patches, MTT, Kiso, and other deviant art species. I will still be keeping these characters, and the only time I will use this account is when I do more art for these characters, to keep in compliance with species rules. Or on the rare occasion I find an old furcadia patch I have not shared yet (I know there are a few buried somewhere on another computer).
Other stuff that does not fit in those categories has been stored, or will be stored. If I have done a piece of artwork for you, and you have not yet saved a copy, please NOTE me. I will try to get that to you.
For me Deviant art will be a place to occasionally interact with friends and appreciate/support the art that they do, as well as posting my MTTs and Kisos and stuff. I will not be accepting commissions here unless it is from friends.
What is the reason for all this?
Well, back in April it was brought to my attention that an old stalker has decided to try her games with me again. I made a plea to her back in 2011 to leave me alone, and you can see some of the issues in this journal. The comments are worth a read as well. -> naeomi.deviantart.com/journal/…
To put it in brief, this person was an acquaintance back in 2008, and because I am a friendly person who would always give a hallo, I started talking to them. As soon as we became ‘friends’ lots of harassment began, which turned out that I was being terribly manipulated. Not to mention all the art stealing, tracing, claims that she had cancer or was dying or abuse, etc. She even made accounts pretending to be her mother, and I suspect the accounts claiming to be her brother are also her. Even when I stopped giving her more chances in 2010?ish, she kept trying to make new accounts to either attack me or to pretend to be new people.
It made me super paranoid; I couldn’t sleep, had nightmares, high blood pressure, TMJ issues and had to be prescribed anxiety medication that I still take to this day. Those interactions greatly changed how I use the internet and I will still suffer from spans of paranoia over small things. I have gotten better, but it has been a great struggle to get where I am today and to rise above it.
It took a year of digging to unearth the tons and tons of accounts she used, and I began to see patterns in these accounts and how she used them to finally string it all together. The Deactivation feature for deviant art has been detriment, because she has been able to use it effectively to try and obscure her tracks more, but thankfully I pulled the pieces together before that feature existed.
In 2011 I had gotten tired of the stalking behavior and trying to run my name through the mud when I had done nothing wrong. So I made that journal pleading for her to leave me alone, and to tell people that if they have heard awful things about me to please come talk to me about it. I am ok with people disliking me, but I want it to be for my own actions, not lies and fantasies that someone made up about me. At the time I had lots of encouragement to go to authorities, but frankly it wasn’t taken as seriously then as it is now, and even then it can be difficult. A cop cant help you if they don’t understand the problem. But it is still something I keep on the table.
In that same year was the Ru13 incident, when she tried to mess with lace and Ru13. It was the same formula, trying to become friends with them, pretending to be a go between and claiming they were saying stuff about the other. She tore them apart, as she had many other people, and tried to do between me and some others. She did it more than once between two dating people. Me and a few others could see what she was doing, so we tipped Ru13 and Lace off on what was happening. ru13.deviantart.com/journal/So… I know she had multiple FA accounts through all this as well, but my list of them is small and I have not pursued it.
With the MLP fad, she reappeared on deviant art again that same year with MLP themed accounts. I’m not super familiar with the MLP community, and I do not know what she did there, or if she did anything.
In 2013 she made another dragon themed account called ‘MiracleWafflez’ which she immediately used to try and fave/make contact with me and some friends of mine. I immediately recognized the account for what it was and blocked it. At the same time I was also devastated that after the years she still would not respect my wishes to leave me alone. The paranoia amped up and I kept watch.
She tried to snuggle up with ann and prius, but that fell through on the ann side when ann would not fall for her manipulation. So she currently is on the latter side of that. I have no idea whats going on internally in all that, and I would be willing to ignore it because as long as she leaves me alone I’m happy.
But she still wont leave me alone. It was brought to my attention that I was put on some sort of species blacklist. Even after working so hard to deny her any contact with me, and to avoid her everywhere I could, she had to try to drag me through the mud again and try to stop something.
I asked a mutual to have me removed, because WHY would I want to GO NEAR any sort of species or art by someone I want to STAY FAR AWAY FROM? Kiy told them that until I speak to them about ‘how she has changed’, she would not remove it.
Kiy knows better, she knows I don’t want to be near her. This was the proof that she still was not going to stop, and that she intended to continue her old ways and to try and torment me. Seeing my name on my list made me feel like all the building up I had done for myself had unraveled. My heart has not stopped hammering, I fear every new watcher. Which is NOT FAIR to those people. But this gut reaction is so strong, it so gripping. I still cant come to terms as to why after all these years of me avoiding her, she is doing this again.
I began to look into it deeper, and saw all the same old signs again. Multiple accounts pretending to be new people. Hell, she repurposed some old accounts to pretend to be new people. That blew my mind. She is using at least one of them to pretend to be her own best friend. She is reaching out again to old people from the 2008 RP fandom that I was in. I can see the strands of the spiders web, and it blew my mind.
It was then that I decided I was not going to let this cast a dark shadow over me, I wasn’t going to have it drag me down and consume me. I was not going to let this person torment me. So I was going to go. Maybe that means she wins? Maybe that’s what she always wanted. Maybe this is the great pat on the back that she was searching for.
I don’t give a damn, because I want to be fucking left alone. In a perfect world she would go seek help and get treated for these compulsive things she does, but the world is not perfect and that is not going to happen no matter how many times in the past she claimed she would get help of ‘change’.
And you would definitely be surprised by the people she has tried to fuck with. I am not the first nor the last: comments.deviantart.com/1/1344…
I have grossly simplified the long years and all the events. And any of the fine details that I didn’t write down at the time I’ve forgotten. I also know my paranoia has probably upset people with me holding them at a distance, or being mistrusting/blocking them when I thought they might be another Kiy account. To those people I am deeply sorry, it was not your fault and it was unfair if you got treated that way. But I just couldn’t let a single one slip through that actually WAS her.
I would have given her the benefit of the doubt that she had changed. But the signs are there that she hasn’t. And tormenting me and others for YEARS to be simplified as just ‘making some mistakes’ in the past is just…. I cant…
I have 12 years built up here in this place. I am sad to have to let it go. But staff multiple times made it clear they would not fix it. And I don’t think they really could stop it anyway.
I want to be left alone. That’s all I want. Im tired of being told I’m a horrible person by strangers who have never met me, all be cause Kiy started telling them horrible things.
So I’m gonna go.
Beyond those few things I will use this account for, that’s it. No other new art that isn’t those deviant art species or patches. No more nothing.
Thank you for all my watchers, all my friends, all the people I’ve met over the years. You have been wonderful and eternally inspiring. From a distance I will continue to keep watching you and cheering you on. You have your own battles, be strong.
If you want to find me, or if I owe you something I forgot about, please note me. I don’t have my new location (non deviant art) ready yet, but I will let you know privately as soon as I do.
Ad Astra, My friends. I’ll see you there.
I hope you can find some peace away from her. I remember so many of her lies. Her disgusting, awful lies. 'I was raped and chased out of my home by my father with a gun. im homeless and messaging you all from the library' she says, then streams from her cute cozy bedroom the very next day like nothing ever happened. People like her have to WANT to improve. She does not. She wants the attention--improving would mean getting less drastic attention. It's her drug. She'd personally tried to trash talk every single mutual acquaintance to me back then and just. nah. I don't remember when I finally blocked her and made a new account to start fresh, but god, I wish I had done it sooner.
I had a few names back then but I'm too ashamed of how I was back then to admit to who I am (GOSH I was a bigoted little brat, holy heck. the irony of saying all that crap in my teens and then SURPRISE..... im queer!!!!), but just know that from the beginning I've admired your strength, maturity, and creativity. You deserve better than what you've been dealt.
I hope you're well!
very sad to see you go but take care!
And so much drama. So. Much. Drama. And the amount of backstabbing and conning. Boy she's a legend, and not in the good way. Reading this journal and having seen kiy around back to her old jazz myself, I'm super sorry that you felt stressed enough to ditch. [ granted that devianturt isn't the same as it was ] But still, no one should feel like they have to ditch just to keep themselves safe and sane. I won't lie, I immediately block her and don't feel bad about it whenever I see her making new accounts.
I just want to send a heap of good vibes, because I remember all the bad jazz, and it makes me super sad to see you feel like you have to go. Please keep on drawing and creating and being rad, there's some people who haven't forgotten things and think you're a lovely person <3
Why on earth would she ever think i want anything to do with her and her creatures, when I have been trying so hard to avoid her all these years? Its because its not about that. It's about continuing to start shit. I never had to make a blacklist in any of my huge community projects. I just made use of the tools deviant art had to offer so she could not reach me. I tried my hardest to make sure she couldn't reach me. I didn't want trouble. I wanted to be left alone.
Laz. They are her accounts.
I'm sorry. I just want to be left alone. But i also am not going to lie. She would make you think that I am some sort of horrible person. She has told so many people how I am a horrible person. She would make you think i am trying to make up lies. Why? Why? Why would I lie? Why would I turn away from over 12 years of work and growth on this account? and taking part of the community and sharing my work?
I get that its things that she would do, and maybe has done, such as leaving accounts, hiding galleries. But I don't lie. This is it. I don't have any other account. I come here to keep touch with friends and comply with species rules. I'm damn well not going to give her anything she can steal and trace from me. Or any means to harass me further. I'm done.
Whatever if this means she has won. Ok? Good job for her that she drove me off of deviant art and i couldn't handle the anxiety. Bravo for her for negatively affecting my health. What a paragon of society.
I am not pasting what ive written here and on my other journal all over social media or spreading it far and wide. This isn't some sort of psychotic campaign. I explained to my watchers why the fuck I have to suddenly bail on them. Then I linked to my other journal. That's it. The journal itself isn't even featured on my page, only under a small link that someone could choose to click or not.
But I am not going to lie, I am going to tell my watchers the truth. Heavy truths. But I am fucking not going to be bullied into hiding why i'm gone any further. I did NOTHING to Kiy.
Do you understand?
Back in those days all i did was try to be her friend. And it earned me years of torment.
And how dare you try to tell me to 'let this go' when I did and stayed THE FUCK AWAY from her. HOW DARE she say I'm harassing her when i've not spoken to her since one of her fake accounts on a deviation years ago, i think 2010 it was where i told her one last time to leave me the fuck alone.
I was happy to do my own thing and be left alone. But no, no she had to keep trying to fuck with me all these years. Hell, i would have been fine with her just quietly removing my name from her newest ploy. Sure it does not stop her from shit talking about me, but at least she isn't trying to publicly call me out on a blacklist. But no. She wanted a reaction. she wanted drama to start. she wanted to be the victim while pulling the strings.
Well good for her, all she got from me was a lousy journal and me leaving deviant art. Not the prize she wanted, but im not going to lie to my watchers.
Was it so hard for her to leave me the fuck alone?
Thats all i wanted.
Thats it. That takes no energy.
But here we are.
If you are convinced she is innocent, then that is fine. I am not going to argue with you. I don't care who she is friends with or what people think of her. I don't think less of those people. But I'm not going to hide why I am gone. She has decided on her own actions. And I on mine, and I am removing myself from the equation. I want no contact with her and want to be left in peace. And leaving seems to be the only way to do it.
It's ok !!!!! None of this is your fault, you really don't have to appologize for anything. Aaaa I would really appreciate it ! ;o;
Ahah it's fine, I'm used to follow people who leave the website xD