This is a bit of a hard topic for me to talk about. But getting it out of my system often helps. I'm going to write a few words on what's going on in my life currently. I will keep the "bad" stuff for the very end. So you can just skip the end haha
Fist of: I bought Corel Painter 18 when it was 30% off due to cyber monday. I've seen so many very talented artist create amazing images with this software... I felt I should try it out myself. I'm still struggling with the overall feel of Painter. The brushes behave quite diffrent to the ones in Photoshop so I guess I'll need more time to get used to it. But so far I enjoyed drawing with it. The controlls are close enough to Photoshop not to throw me off like Krita did. (Don't get me wrong, Krita seems to be a very awesome piece of software but my brain has a very low threshhold for "to much new controlls". So when the shortcuts didn't work, I became very frustrated very fast.. haha) I was able to create a painting I felt "ok" with in only 6 hours. Though I had to stop myself from adding too much details as I usually do xD
Second: I'm planing to go to conventions, starting 2018. I'm still fighting with myself over this one tho. It's very hard for me to interact with people. So sitting somewhere, talking to strangers and (hopefully) sell some artworks of mine is quite a daunting thought. Also I have pretty much no idea what people want to buy. Do they want to purchase mugs, posters, stickers and such... or are they more interested in originals? I wonder...
Third: Still very unhappy with my job. My Boss is 5 months behind with payment. Wich means I lack 5 months of income. All my means to talk to him failed so far as he is even unwilling to start repaying me in small fees, wich would make it a lot easier for him (and me for that matter). I will have to take legal actions soon... I don't want to since I know the financial situation of the place I work for is very dire. But on the other hand he took his family to vacation on Maurice... Maurice of all places. This still pisses me off. I know they had to work hard (as we all did) and I agree they deserve vacation as we all do. But not somewhere this expensive while they don't pay us our f***ing wages.
I started looking around for a new job. I really loved my job... I felt like part of a family there. But I can't live from nothing. I guess this is a good time to start my childrens book I'm thinking about writing for years now.
Warning: The following part is very emo and stuff
Lastly: Having Autism is one thing. Dealing with deep and stressfull emotions is quite another. I had something happen to me a few days ago that threw me off my mojo completely. Allthough not many will understand this, I will try to recap: Someone I thought I could trust was lying to me for over a year. This realisation was slapped in my face so hard it took my completely off guard. Combined with a growing feeling of not fitting into my friends community for the last 2 years and a growing problem of paranoid thinking on my part, it struck me down right there and then. I have not been able to talk to anyone of my friends since then. Whenever I try, I start feeling sick and I remember the hard fact of beeing lied to.
I often have problems with depression. Sometimes the smalles things can trigger another phase and trigger me unable to do anything to make things better. This time it hit me harder than any time before. I had very darf thoughts. Kept thinking about things nobody should think of. Thankfully I have one friend who also has Autism. She listened to me and tried to comfort me. Just her understanding me and why I felt the way I did helped to prevent me falling even deeper into depression.
Right now I struggle to find the silver lining. I know these emotions will shift again with a bit of time.I will try to distract myself from all that makes me so damn sad right now... even if it means I have to isolate myself.