Around the same time my parents were getting divorced, my father was diagnosed schizophrenic and bi polar, though I can't remember which type. For those of you who have never dealt with someone that is either: when he is happy, he stays happy. When he is angry, he never gets better. For the best three years, he has been angry. I can't imagine what has him so pissed off, and maybe it is stupid, but I blame myself.
For me, this has never been easy. My father used it as an excuse to be an ass. He knew that as long as it wasn't him, we would understand, and we do understand. However, he also doesn't bother trying to do anything about it. He doesn't realize that he isn't under control. He hurts me and everyone in this house with his words on a regular basis.
This December, for the first time in three years, I actually looked into his face and saw the man that had raised me, caught me when I stumbled, and let me stay up with him all night when I was a toddler because he worked.
I just pray he realizes how much I and everyone else in our family loves him.
This isn't a "boohoo, my life is so hard, whawhawah" piece. Or, it isn't meant to be. I only recently have been able to share this with people, because it hurts to even think that it is possible never to see the man that raised me.