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literature

Another New Addiction

Muzica-chan's avatar
By Muzica-chan   |   Watch
3 39 314 (1 Today)
Published: October 17, 2011
I need a new addiction

Just for you,
I quit smoking

Because of her,
Roleplaying has gotten boring.

Unfortunately,
I can't drink that often.

Quite honestly,
Writing is no longer consuming.

I need an addiction
To help me make it through
Especially now that
I feel like I am losing you

I need a new addiction

Cigarettes
Don't burn my lips
Quite right

Roleplaying
Can't seem to occupy
My long nights

Drinking
Has never really
Been my thing

Writing
Is just running me in circles
Forming a ring

I need an addiction
A codependent crutch
As I lose everything I love
I just have a hunch

I need a new addiction

Nicotine isn't poisoning
The air I breathe

Collaborative writing
Is just trying my patience

Alcohol was sweet
But that changed with the leaves

Just writing on my own
Has left me with nothing but hesitance

I need an addiction
As I find myself on insecure ground
Something nearly fiction
As I wonder if they will still be around
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i
identitease
Tēnā koutou katoa. Greetings to you all. there is a rift in my heritage and it begins with skin; i have never wondered why i do not seem to fit inside mine. E rere kau mai, te awa nui mai, te kāhui maunga ki tangaroa. My ancestral river flows from the mountain to the sea. Ko au te awa, ko te awa ko au. I am the river, and the river is me. if i am the river, how am i drowning under the driftwood heavy weight of dissonance and cacophony and karanga and isolation, of all these years waiting to find who i am supposed to be; if the river is me, how have i never learned to flow with it's might and history? Ko Ruapehu tōku ma
s
secrets
1. dear mum, you secretly want her faults so you can have something to say you were like her, you have something of hers. only you don't. 2. dear mum, i think her faults skipped you and went straight to me. i like to collect things i'll never touch again, collect thoughts and collect pasts only to stash them in the cupboard so i dont open the doors. 3. dear mum, its the silences in between that makes me think of her. and i think of her everyday i do i do. i even started wearing her pocket watch again because it makes me feel like im doing something good. 4. dear mum, i know you deserved the better half of me lon
T
The Third Sibling
I don’t know why I assumed it would be a boy. Intuition, maybe. Or perhaps, little brothers were all I knew. My third sibling paused in the first trimester and never hit play: a frozen picture on the ultrasound. Mom came home, stole to bed, and shut the door with a clack soft as thunder. My third sibling is a silence, forgotten outside the quiet moments alone, when I wonder what his name was.
© 2011 - 2019 Muzica-chan
I am not cooping with this as well as I might have liked. I certainly hope that when it actually comes to pass, I will be a lot stronger than this. For now, time to bury myself in reality and blind myself to the future.

If I can see you, you can't see me.
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i
identitease
Tēnā koutou katoa. Greetings to you all. there is a rift in my heritage and it begins with skin; i have never wondered why i do not seem to fit inside mine. E rere kau mai, te awa nui mai, te kāhui maunga ki tangaroa. My ancestral river flows from the mountain to the sea. Ko au te awa, ko te awa ko au. I am the river, and the river is me. if i am the river, how am i drowning under the driftwood heavy weight of dissonance and cacophony and karanga and isolation, of all these years waiting to find who i am supposed to be; if the river is me, how have i never learned to flow with it's might and history? Ko Ruapehu tōku ma
s
secrets
1. dear mum, you secretly want her faults so you can have something to say you were like her, you have something of hers. only you don't. 2. dear mum, i think her faults skipped you and went straight to me. i like to collect things i'll never touch again, collect thoughts and collect pasts only to stash them in the cupboard so i dont open the doors. 3. dear mum, its the silences in between that makes me think of her. and i think of her everyday i do i do. i even started wearing her pocket watch again because it makes me feel like im doing something good. 4. dear mum, i know you deserved the better half of me lon
T
The Third Sibling
I don’t know why I assumed it would be a boy. Intuition, maybe. Or perhaps, little brothers were all I knew. My third sibling paused in the first trimester and never hit play: a frozen picture on the ultrasound. Mom came home, stole to bed, and shut the door with a clack soft as thunder. My third sibling is a silence, forgotten outside the quiet moments alone, when I wonder what his name was.
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Comments (15)
grim-knuckles's avatar
something aint right, i wont pry, but try to get out of what ever little hidie-hole you crawled into and atleast try to socialize with the people around you and with the people who care for you
Reply  ·  
Muzica-chan's avatar
I am just being self pitying and whiny. Luckily, it inspires me to write. Unfortunately, I bother my friends and watchers with it. I have been socializing D< How do you think I ended up with such a headache? xD
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grim-knuckles's avatar
.......well now i feel like a dumb-ass, i mean seriously
Reply  ·  
ellyemma's avatar
Are you okay ?
I like the poem but I can't help but wonder if you're okay
Reply  ·  
Muzica-chan's avatar
Yeah. ^^ I am great~ Just angsting in my own little corner xD
Reply  ·  
ellyemma's avatar
you don't really sound great
Reply  ·  
Muzica-chan's avatar
it is just a bad case of self pity. ^^U
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MelancholicDrips's avatar
MelancholicDrips|Student General Artist
It's a really good piece but... are you okay? =\ Maybe you just need to take a break from things and set your mind straight... then you'll see that maybe RP and writing really are your thing. . . or if it's not.
But I definitely am okay with you stopping cigarettes and drinking D:

Urr I don't really know what to say, since I don't know what's going on... but hopefully you'll feel better soon. :hug:
Reply  ·  
Muzica-chan's avatar
I'm good. Just getting a little mental. I have tried, and it helps for a bit, but I think that powering through is gonna help me more in the long run. ^^ I know that writing is my thing, because I get hysteric without it~
xDD I know I should, and I have tried, but I only get to make these mistakes once~

I probably will, since, it is going to end all too soon. :)
Reply  ·  
MelancholicDrips's avatar
MelancholicDrips|Student General Artist
Haha, it's alright to get confused about what you like and don't like, what you want to pursue and what you want to leave behind... I don't really think these are choices you need to be making right now. I think in cases like these it's time that decides. Just go with the flow, and one day you might wake up, and remember that looongg agooo you used to... i don't know? Urm, change your hair colour every day as an obsession, and that now you don't anymore. It's grown out of you, naturally, and I think that's how most things usually work.

As to cigareetttteesss..... drop them D:< NAO. ahhaha, I'm really against those... my great aunt is the greatest chain smoker I have ever seen - she downs almost 8 packs a day. Constantly constantly smoking, with a cigarette to her lips, and it's just horrible for her life. Not only for her health, but, if she wants to visit a friend or family - people who don't smoke, she either can't, or when she gets the chance to smoke outside - she ends up spending the day outside, and the people she came to visit have to go to her to talk.
I know there's very very little chance for you to have the same thing, but sometimes you can never tell with addictions.
Reply  ·  
Muzica-chan's avatar
:nod: I am going to stick with giving everything time. I know that as soon as Socky comes back to RPing, it will be my world and life line, so I really should quit whining. It just seems like with all of the nonsense, it is the worst time for Socky to not be here...
O: I hope to never grow out of dying my hair. :P
Nah, but seriously. I get what you mean. We grow and change, and it is easier to go with it than resist to cling to the past.

xD I only smoke socially. So if I have a friend over that smokes, I will take a few drags. Otherwise, I don't do it. I've been smoking for about two years, so I think I can manage. ^^ I do get what you mean though. The moment smoking takes over my life, I am going to give it up for good. Right now, I can work out for almost two hours before I get exhausted, so I feel like I am in control...yeah, that is what most smokers say, but it is true, I swear *whiny voice*
Reply  ·  
Hinfallend's avatar
Hinfallend|Hobbyist Writer
Try skittles as your new addiction :D Sorry, in an asshole-ish mood ^^;

Anyways, why'd you give up RP'ing? Last I checked, you enjoyed having 25+ ongoing plots with different people. What happened?

Also! Me and you need to get together, just the two of us, really soon. We haven't been able to talk in person without somebody there, so we can't really talk about anything.
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Muzica-chan's avatar
Trying to lose weight. I really don't want to add more sugar to my diet. :3 I might actually try lollies though. :) They last longer.

I haven't given it up. It just doesn't really hold my interest anymore. Kat hasn't been replying much, so it isn't like I really have much to look forward to with the RPs. Just bitchy people nagging me.

We do. :huggle: I have missed talking to you so much. It isn't fair. Maybe I will be allowed to stay this weekend?
Reply  ·  
Hinfallend's avatar
Hinfallend|Hobbyist Writer
They last longer and everyone around you makes perverted jokes :P It's a good way to break the ice when around strangers, such as the ones at the old people's home :)

Ah, poor you. Anytime Kat doesn't reply much, you start to lose interest in it. I should have known :P I thought you had this one person on that gay site that you really liked RP'ing with? Wow, that wasn't vague at all >.>

Maybe, if mom doesn't take me to Maryland to visit Granddad and his dogs. :) It will be a win-win situation for me whether I go or stay.
Reply  ·  
Muzica-chan's avatar
Yeah, because I don't get perverted jokes every time I eat meat, mention tacos, or state a preference. xD

Yeah, I know, and it is stupid of me, but she is my mon amour <3 xDD I am, but that particular asshat isn't replying either. "/

:XD: YAY that I can give you something to look forward to
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