I thought this would be a perfect time to write. At the end of another academic year, I am thinking of leaving school for good. I told my family about this before, what they told me was to not leave school just to delay becoming a conscript and such. But apparently, what they really meant was, finish school. Ignoring my pleas.
You know what, I cannot. I do not have what it takes. It has been 7 years since i joined, and I did not make much progress. Only thing it made me, is miserable.
I have been taking anti depressants since my two therapy sessions. I stopped taking it after 9 months or so. Even though I reduced the amount in some time, I have suffered withdrawals at the end. It was like lightnings in my brain with every little vibration. It totally sucked. Never again.
One thing I realized though, therapists are doing it just for the money. I am not even sure it works. How can you know for sure if you cannot quantify it? I can quantify the money I gave him though. He did not even tell me anything I did not know already. Oh maybe one single thing. Which is; that my condition was because of the situation I was in.
So, fix the situation, and as a result have yourself fixed. And it worked I should say. I did not even go to school for a whole year. I can see that I feel better than before. Productive with my hobbies again.
I have also accepted things and made my peace with it. Even with all the investments my family has made in me, I am not someone smart, I am anxious, introverted. But you know what? Like it or not, I am what I am.
My family does not know that I do not go to school anymore. And they will not know when I leave.
I do not have any plans for the future, All the plans I had went to shit already. Now I am thinking of one thing, perfect time to leave school completely. Maybe then I could become a man in my own eyes, rather than a 25 year old man-child who never makes a decision on his own.
After all that, I will become a conscript. If I do not end up dead, I will think of something else to do with my pathetic life.