Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Dylan James Currier19/Male/United States Group :iconthe-i-that-speaks: The-I-That-Speaks
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 42 Deviations 106 Comments 538 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Unconscious Depiction of Future Awakening by mrdtron Unconscious Depiction of Future Awakening :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 3 0 Flower From The Mind by mrdtron Flower From The Mind :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart - Ego by mrdtron The Heavy Heart - Ego :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart - Structure by mrdtron The Heavy Heart - Structure :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart - Energy by mrdtron The Heavy Heart - Energy :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart - God by mrdtron The Heavy Heart - God :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart - Awakened In A Body by mrdtron The Heavy Heart - Awakened In A Body :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart - Living by mrdtron The Heavy Heart - Living :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The Heavy Heart by mrdtron The Heavy Heart :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 4 0 Alan Watts Painting by mrdtron Alan Watts Painting :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 3 0 Drake and Josh Buddha by mrdtron Drake and Josh Buddha :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 1 The I's Face by mrdtron The I's Face :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 0 0 The White I by mrdtron The White I :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0 The white figure by mrdtron The white figure :iconmrdtron:mrdtron 1 0

Favourites

Untitled by odingong1 Untitled :iconodingong1:odingong1 23 1 Untitled by odingong1 Untitled :iconodingong1:odingong1 22 5 Woody by Redsterfish Woody :iconredsterfish:Redsterfish 5 0 Eye don't know by GaIaxy-Gazer Eye don't know :icongaiaxy-gazer:GaIaxy-Gazer 72 11 My Queen by HamHamSess My Queen :iconhamhamsess:HamHamSess 4 0
Journal
Skunkworks Chrome Redux.
Skunkworks Chrome Redux.
"What is it?"
 "It is a visual representation of neural networks misfiring inside an AI computer's mind!"
That was my brief idea for my very first series of digital artworks called Skunkworks Chrome. It was a series which upon re-visiting I felt just didn't really capture what i originally envisioned. But a year ago i was still learning my craft and developing as an artist in the digital realm. Much experimentation and a progression in skill accompanied by more outlandish ideas than before and I felt a growing desire to re-do my early works employing everything i have so far learned.
Skunkworks Chrome Redux was born spitting and dribbling printer ink from my neurotic and dangerously psychotic Gamemax computer. Inspiration has been drawn from film, literature and history as well as current artificial intelligence projects the world over. This is a series where I imagined that if one could actually visualise the thought processes of a computing mind then the
:icondarkalfar:darkalfar
:icondarkalfar:darkalfar 1 0
Meditating Man I by SculptorBoris Meditating Man I :iconsculptorboris:SculptorBoris 8 5 Enlightened - meditating man by SculptorBoris Enlightened - meditating man :iconsculptorboris:SculptorBoris 1 3 Truth Vibrations by McCorvey92 Truth Vibrations :iconmccorvey92:McCorvey92 8 5 Vibrate In Unison by McCorvey92 Vibrate In Unison :iconmccorvey92:McCorvey92 23 10 In The Midst of the Hologram by McCorvey92 In The Midst of the Hologram :iconmccorvey92:McCorvey92 35 9 Enlightened - meditating man by SculptorBoris Enlightened - meditating man :iconsculptorboris:SculptorBoris 2 0 PHILOSOPHY by Ensomniac PHILOSOPHY :iconensomniac:Ensomniac 212 92 Walk cycle by ZEPHYRDICKY Walk cycle :iconzephyrdicky:ZEPHYRDICKY 3 2 Space Saint by Sakitaro Space Saint :iconsakitaro:Sakitaro 18 1 East Wind Spirit by Sakitaro East Wind Spirit :iconsakitaro:Sakitaro 27 4

Journal History

Activity


All of life is the divine method
I wish you to great planes of consciousness, to great waves, to the divine mother, to the place during life and death.

I can hear you within, the calm presence. The noticing. The thinking. The feeling.

Go to the hills, to the temple, to the desert. Find God within.

I am within and without.

I am.
When you look at your reflection and see what it has to say, it looks at you the same way.
In early stages of my thoughts I felt as if I was beginning to be aware of things like; sudden coldness, tensing up, feeling sick, feeling centered and pinned to earth. Many of these things lead me back to my self of not being aware of complexities in emotional tracks and relationships. The expanding of my heart gave way to an attachment to that feeling, thinking to feel that is the true being of Christ. Now here I am and I know all emotion but what is the key to unlock these true violent tuggings of consciousness within another being. How do I open another heart. is the heart a signal in which we can feel true intuition without hesitation, conviction, or attachment?
I think I have quieted down so much that Karma seems apparent, life seems wonderful, consciousness seems infinite, compassion is equal, love is eternal.
When I, or you, chant ram, do not chant to chant, say ram every time you remind yourself of god, not the notion but true commitment to whole self of the universal I and awareness that is true to that of all religion, self study, pursuit of knowledge, all philosophy, and any seeking of freedom within the ordinary attachments to objects. There is an obvious spiral of knowledge. This spiral in the beginning is a straight line then it shifts and moves. It is early and hard to distinguish. The spiral structure is the same within all beings, it is perfect, it really is just a perfect circle of consciousness. It shifts and seemingly grows in time, then it overlaps upon itself but not the entire circle. From this point of view, early life, it is being made, the assumptions of what all life is. The Spiral cannot be acknowledged by those who are at a state of not trusting it, or not seeing, or not feeling it... basically not perceiving of it in any perceivable method but only in fragments of truth. Then after some more time and more layers of the coil are appearent it becomes seemingly redundant, congruent and similar, and always expanding outwards, but at a rate of ill dispute from a previous realm to this new one. There is a time in which the spiral grows to the point of disipearing. it turns into the dot. but from this point of view I can only project a keen observational inference based on what I can only call the pool of all truths. All who see the pool will interpret it completely differently. And thus, they can share exact consciousness, and completely differing consciousness. The questioning of "what is" is what propels the spiral forth.
If you assume that someone else knows, you think the knowledge is hidden permanently so you try to find a key to the outside world. Use the key inside.
All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost.
~Cleverbot
Intense effort made to listen to every nature that is.
As I sit and groove to music stars on 45 original single, I am reminded that there is someone watching me dance. I look through the window naturally as if just as if anyone would do to rest their head in a neutral position forward. I am bobbing my head and the window is there. 8:15 pm it's almost dark out. a low blue, violet and a tree against the sky. black curtains pulled close but not touching in the center. through the slit I see reality. inside of this curtain I have made I see only it as I move. it seems stable, it is closer. the trees in the back looked for a second to be moving rapidly in random direction. not to my head bobbing but it seemed to be random because I forgot they were moving, because I was moving without really looking at the background. I thought of a mind, a different mind as the thought topic and I thought of how you can see it in the symbolic moment I had just seen. when you dance the outside dances, it is real and alive in it's own way but the slit is where you see it. the slit can be very small, and you know how it is when you have an extreme, thin view on the world while moving rapidly. It is hard to understand the pattern you are looking at. but when you slow down and/or investigate. you see it moves right when you move left. you move your body left while keeping gaze going through the slit. you see it moves while you do. The mind,.
Don't fret, you know the game.
Don't fret, they know the game.
Don't fret for it is the same player in each "body"
It is all the same game.
After awakening many times and coming across other people who also have felt what I felt, I notice that it was no coincidence that suffering made me realize who I was. After hearing from so many "I" saying "suffering is man" and "depression is the key" I kept these thoughts with me and kept them in a pot. See I'm cooking the ingredients of my further understanding of what "I" is and why I feel like there is "Buddha nature" that is with us and when we "awaken" we see the nature as a massive play. Massive being giant and all encompassing. Play being a spontaneous, genuine happening. I realize that when my brother died I immediately took up philosophy to understand who was feeling these feelings. I saw things before his death like spirituality, the flower of life, ways of disciplining yourself (increasing the time before you react) And I see that when you are happy you have no need for "why am I happy?" "who is the I that feels happy" because you are it, just as being sad. My take on the main "poles" (like a magnet) of emotion is allowing and doubting. You allow all things, yes, but when you doubt while allowing it creates a shriek of consciousness. This allows you to break down conceptions while making new ones from the old ones. When Austin died I felt so sad. I mean that writing about one time I felt that sadness with Austin should be enough to describe that mood. I even wanted to kill myself many times before and after his death because I felt the life I was told to believe was not true and was a lie. I went from being christian at a very young age to nothing, then from that to spirituality. From that, I let it go because I did not understand it and the things I was reading was making the water hazy. I went to questioning the true nature of human interactions and I even put myself on the ego trip of "I don't know who I am but I feel like people don't like me" to "I feel as if based on other's interactions at me that I am well liked and respected by some." But while feeling the good quote of the two, Austin died. This threw me for what I believed in. I thought strength was a thing and that I didn't have very much. I realized after he died that I felt the same before while going to the hospital to see him before he died, you know when I was anxious, panicked, and not sure what to feel, and after he died. That was my first awakening since a very young age. I would get extremely sad to the point that I would just cry and cry, writhing at the end of a stick over a fire, you might say, and from that feeling of sadness I would feel an extreme want to understand something. I found Alan watts somehow and he reminded me of what it was like as a kid. This sadness kept coming back, and with every time came an intellectual awakening of the "buddha nature". This realization of the relationship between true sadness and inquiry to ultimate happiness and understanding. The seed must rip itself open to grow.

This is an edited version of a recording I did a while back, I made a transcript then I changed the wording but not the meaning.

It goes from questioning to raw feelings

I was thinking and I realized that I can do a roundabout way of referencing the nothingness without putting a label on it, because once you put a label on it it's just a label on it's own. The label has changed. It can change radically, or it can change infinitely. Which it always does, but it's most powerful form is right there, the sound.

We all live in complete ecstasy all the time. It goes from our decision making to our feelings. It is absolute and all the time. And anybody talking about it, and noticing it and then speaking verbally about it, you can literally then look at them as somebody who is babbling at the end of a stick. Not necessarily exactly like that metaphor, but to understand what I mean is: There is somebody who is just talking. Now imagine talking as no words, but just sound. And you say "Wow, that guy's talking, I don't know what he's saying, but it's a lot of noise”

Everybody is in pure ecstasy and if I talk about that, that means that I'm just within the ecstasy and I can never truly understand it, but since it 'is' what it ‘is’ all the time regardless of it being.. something, it's something specific.

You see it has to come naturally, and what I mean by that is we come out of that doubtfulness every time a kin to awakening. Every time we do, the first time it happens is at birth we are born into it, (because that's babies you know, they're in pure ecstasy.) you see the 'misplaced' yearning to go back to that. And people are seeking it so hard, but they forget that it's not 'seeking' that's the way, it's 'feeling' that's the way. You don't seek to feel, you just feel, because when you seek to feel, you are seeking. Imagine the word used for your main and only action is that. If you seek, if you are seeking something, it's not that you are trying to find the truth in that object but you are actually feeling the 'seek'. That's what you're doing. You seek. That's what you are, because that's your feeling. Then when somebody feels that indescribable feeling of being like a kid. Some say it's "nostalgia" but then you know that gets skewed down the line because it's subjective, and if the person doesn't understand your explanation then you know it's just a misconception. But when there is a notion found within every human being and every single being of that... let's just call it nostalgia, it needs to be talked about or noticed for what it could be.

Now don't pretend that nostalgia is anything particular. Nostalgia isn't even an accurate description of what 'it' is. What 'it' is is when you're a kid and you look around. It was much different than now, because you're seeking now, but back then you were still seeking, you were seeking at such a intense rate that you didn't continue to doubt what it could be and you took things at face value. That's why the people who can doubt the best are the ones that go into a spiral and helix back to awakening and have the flour of life happen. They spiral into themselves and they awaken, and they fall back asleep, and they awaken, and they fall back asleep, and they awaken, etc. They go back and forth and they go back and forth, and some say "that's weird", "that's crazy" and people try to cut it up even more, and they don't realize that they are seeking. It's not necessarily that it's a bad thing, in fact it's not. It's the ecstasy. When we realize that that seeking doesn't need to be cut up, and that seeking is the exact same feeling as any other feeling we've ever felt, we realize we were always one at all times.

This next part is more visual. It starts with your ego and in front of that ego is your self and in front of that is your eyes, the real world. Behind your ego is an infinite amount of selves. Almost like a conch shell. There is the flared part, the eyes, no layers, and then there is the tight coil at the top, it seemingly spirals forever.

I made up layers. There's the this layer, you're looking at yourself looking at yourself looking at somebody else, through your eyes. So imagine that, there is your head right here, and you know an infinite amount about that head, and you're not quite sure because you can't see behind you, (into the ego) But if you could see behind you, you'd see that there was an infinite amount, and a straight block, like a line. It's complete blur, it's everything, because it's everything that ever is. It's almost like old computer windows when you drug it across the screen it left a trail of itself leading back to the most current, and real, window. Then when you look ahead, you see out your eyes. When you see out your eyes, because that's your face, you see something inside your brain, and it's almost like a conch shell that goes all the way out until it gets to the actual opening and the opening is eyes. You see when we look at ourselves looking at ourselves that means that we see the actual thing when we are looking out our eyes, we bring it in, and then we say, "Okay, that's that, and 'that's' me... Alright, but I know that that could be me because of this, so that notion is also me." And then you bring it back out, and then you realize you- almost like the end of a conch shell- it seems to spiral indefinitely inside of itself.

So that's why you can't keep going back, or looking for "who am I". It's because you can always go back indefinitely. That's what I mean by every time that we come back into consciousness, we build another layer. And it's not necessarily because we have layers to build, or layers actually exist, but every time that we come back to consciousness and we look around we realize it's no different than all the consciousness we've ever felt and we can fall back into "it" immediately, everybody does. The people who are actually able to translate that consciousness without doubt do not say anything at all because words are too limiting. People are known for there doubt, yes. And I don't mean doubt as in a bad thing, and I don't mean doubt as in the definition for "That is not the truth". I mean doubt for the people, like me, that put this consciousness into words and make a play with it.

Well you have this doubt. And you realize that it's exactly what it is, a feeling. It's just like looking through your eyes, because if we had a theoretical third eye being consciousness, you would see that you can use that consciousness mentally along with using your eyes semi physically. Let's take the literal scenario if you were to put a third eye, independently controlled, above your two eyes, you realize that you have bi-consciousness and you can control the one eye, where it's looking at all times and look with the other two eyes as well all the time. These two eyes move left and right together. This top eye looks wherever you want it to look. See cheating at tests in school would be so much easier. The consciousness eye, the pure mental one, can be used like a eye that can see all, even things that do not exist in it's vicinity. This third eye is aware of the object's energy. It's not necessarily "energy" as in "a form". I don't mean energy as in "the purple mist" and I don't mean energy as in the electricity. By energy I mean "pure ‘joy’ in your heart, that fluttering in your heart, that's the energy I'm talking about.

Everything is a realm of being. And then that, that is being, is. And then you realize that same 'is' is everything else, but not only that, when you realize that everything is everything you start to get kinda confused and you look around, you don't really understand. Then you look at a word like "Jaded". And you think of, "well I'm starting to get jaded", because you don't really know what jaded means. And you think "jaded" and you think of the deep complexity in that word. Like when a human gets jaded, they don't get dull, they get in a rut of thinking. People connect negative things to it and say, "When you get jaded, you get worthless." We forget that jaded is exactly what we're always doing, it's the spontaneous ecstasy, and out of that spontaneous ecstasy you can really see it. You can really see all of it. And once you see it you immediately want other people to know it's still here. Because that is what being alive is all about. Every single life form is notifying the other one that it's there. Especially the one's that hide in plain sight, like mountain goats or any other animal that uses camouflage.

Every type of life form, if you want to think about it in such a broad term that you can apply it to every single animal, every single animal is saying the same this, "I'm here." Now I say, "Well, if it's going to be compared to every single animal then it needs to be so broad that it barely means anything." In fact it doesn't mean anything, it means just as much as any other phrase I can stick on that. You realize that there is no realm where there is nothing, you're in the realm that is nothing. You look around, you're all around it. This is it. You look and you're like "yeah, this is it." And then that, you realize that's a notion. And you see how a person can go from doubting and then confuse doubting with getting closer to the void. You realize they are already in the void, and then they forget what they're talking about and they go back to the ecstasy. But some people they like to live inside of the always surroundingness, and it's a method of always breaking down your walls. You never keep a wall up. You never build walls. you never make it so you have to have walls.

When people say "Be like water" they try to say that so often, not because literally be like water and you think of always changing your mind, it's not that. They even use analogies of how water goes into a bowl-like structure and then climbs it and then gets out on it's own. Because it piled on top of itself and it kept 'awakening' over and over again until it was able to understand everything about the situation. If there was a lot of awakening happening at one time, a lot of water flowing, then it would quickly rise and go right over the obstacle because it's awakening so fast. If it's slowly awakening because it has so many doubts, it has so weak of a force that it gets caught on every single barrier it will not allow itself to overcome the obstacle. Now imagine it, if it was more viscous, it would get caught on everything even more than water would. If there was just a little bit of water, and it was moving so slow it would get caught on every tiny ridge. Because it couldn't power over it. And it doesn't necessarily "power" over it, it builds on itself until it gets over it. And we can have so many conceptions on that, we think "well, we need to build on top of ourselves, that means we have layers." We don't have layers. We are 'it'. Of course you can say "we have layers" and *boom* we have layers. That's how it works. If you believe in something, it's real. Until you don't believe in it. Once you believe that you don't believe it, You realize that there was no reason to believe it in the first place.

When you sit there and you see what truly is, and not what will, there is nothing in your mind that says "it's a description" So if you want to tell somebody about this awakening you try so hard to translate the "now", you pound your brain and then say "Well I gotta use a description." You then use a description that means "no description". And people have no idea how to interpret that, because you can't just tell somebody there's no description, because they think a thousand different "nothings" anyway, and so do you when you try to describe it. In fact you're putting a label on it right now as I explain the label I put on this as we are both thinking about the labels of nothingness. You're promising yourself that there is a meaning behind the label instead of just understanding that there is. Because there is every meaning to every thing. If you realize that the word "dog" can mean every other meaning by association of 'variable' and 'keyword' like a password for instance, you realize that any word, any letter combination has its meaning according to definition and along with that an infinite amount of meaning. So it goes, two infinite parallel lines, and they always feed off of each other. You get the words that mean something specifically and you abandon that meaning and keep doing that until you have the words that mean absolutely nothing. Even what i'm saying right now is only a label.

This is how i get myself into one of those Klein Bottles.

This is what happens. I say "Well that's a boundary and everything that I say from now on is a boundary." Then I don't say anything anymore.


That's it.


Did I solve it? I don't think so.

Was there something to solve? I don't think so.

Is that a reason to feel disheartened about "it"? I don't think so.


And I'm deliberately not saying yes or no, because you believe yes or no to be a constant that always is yes or no. And we forget that yes can turn into no at any moment. A fire can be lit, run out of fuel and then turn back into nothing. It can dissipate to nothingness.

...

I sit in this deep contemplation, as I see my I, I put myself in a position of a master talking to me.


I - “What is this realm?”

Figment Master - “This is no realm.”

I - “What type of world is this then?"

Figment Master - “This is no question.”

I - “No questions?”

Figment Master - “There does not need to be talking.”

Sitting there coming “out” of this illusion, I sit and say well clearly there is no need to stop talking, but even if I was in that realm, I would not mind.

There was no voice responding, I avoided creating more dialogue from the point of view of the master. I felt the game I was playing was more than a game.

“Well if there is no need for words than surely I can stop and test this out.”

.

“What a cryptic message.. This does not require talking.”

.

.

.

.


I sit and wonder about one of my previous beliefs, depression. Does depression happen to us or do we do depression. Well we do depression, but we also sit and understand that to feel depression we must also not feel depression. This means that we engage in depression, as we engage in happiness. Either do not happen to us because we can stop it immediately and just not feel it, but there is something that compels us to engage. I wish to understand what this compelling thought is because it seems to be my voice saying it. This reminds me of tobacco addiction. When you sit there and listen to your thoughts, it comes in almost like one of your thoughts, it says “I need a cigarette”. But I didn’t say it, in fact, when I think about me thinking right now I see that my thoughts come regardless if I choose to think of the phrase or not. Does thinking happen to us, or do we think? People know now that chemicals control the emotions, but what came first, the thought or the chemicals? To tangent from this, as a young child I remember times where my image in my head would be extremely detailed then suddenly shift from that harsh detailed form to an extremely “blurry” puff-like image. I can remember sitting on the end of my bed thinking of a face, white face, white background, but the facial features would be black. I would see all his pores, his hairs, his wrinkles, then just as if someone used a slider on a image editor, he went into 3 circular blotches. I could not control this at all.

Coming back to read the end I feel I must add that thought process was one of the first things driving me to understand why I think. It happened when I was 5, 6, or 7.
As I look out to others to find myself, I do. It seems that my heart convinces my mind with a subtle hum to take up that position and lay on it as time goes by. I see someone’s art and feel as if they described my whole life. I sit and listen to someone’s album and I feel as if they have been watching me since birth. How else can they do something like this, something so random, and yet so familiar to me, someone.

deviantID

mrdtron's Profile Picture
mrdtron
Dylan James Currier
United States
They call me Trinity
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconmoratain:
MoraTain Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Party Have your cake and eat it too Party Have your cake and eat it too Party  
Reply
:iconmrdtron:
mrdtron Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2018
:) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconlonelysitlentangel:
LonelySitlentAngel Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2018  Student Writer
Happy BirthDay earlier  Birthday cake  icon Happy Birth Day Fella (messages) Happy Bonnie H (Alphabets) A (Alphabets) P (Alphabets) P (Alphabets) Y (Alphabets)  B (Alphabets) I (Alphabets) R (Alphabets) T (Alphabets) H (Alphabets) D (Alphabets) A (Alphabets) Y (Alphabets) ! Exclamation mark (Symbols) Happy Bonnie Happy Birth Day Fella (messages) MenInASuitcase Birthday cake  icon Happy Birthday, Dwayne! Free Undertale Sans Headbob Icon 1 Sans Rage Intensifies Chat Emoticon Spideypool - Happy Birthday 1 Spideypool - Happy Birthday 2   Birthday cake  icon Cupcake GIF Icon - Five Nights at Freddy's happy DA B-day :3 Blower fella (Party) Kao Emoji-16 (Happy Birthday) [V1]  :bademoticon:  Happy Birthday, Fyaro! Happy Bonnie                               ! 

Reply
:iconbear48:
bear48 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2018  Professional
Reply
:iconbear48:
bear48 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2018  Professional
Thank you for adding me to your friends list
Reply
:iconbear48:
bear48 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2018  Professional
Thank you for adding so much of my work to your favorites 
Reply
:icontuntalm:
Tuntalm Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2018
Thank you for watching me! :hug: It means a whole lot!
Have a nice day :rose:
Reply
:iconshadedmirrors:
shadedmirrors Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2018
Thank you for the fav and watch!
Reply
:iconalgernon73:
algernon73 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2018   Traditional Artist
Thank you for all those lovely faves!
Reply
:iconinaauderieth:
InaAuderieth Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks a lot for the fave - very much appreciated! :-)
Reply
Add a Comment: