This is an edited version of a recording I did a while back, I made a transcript then I changed the wording but not the meaning.
It goes from questioning to raw feelings
I was thinking and I realized that I can do a roundabout way of referencing the nothingness without putting a label on it, because once you put a label on it it's just a label on it's own. The label has changed. It can change radically, or it can change infinitely. Which it always does, but it's most powerful form is right there, the sound.
We all live in complete ecstasy all the time. It goes from our decision making to our feelings. It is absolute and all the time. And anybody talking about it, and noticing it and then speaking verbally about it, you can literally then look at them as somebody who is babbling at the end of a stick. Not necessarily exactly like that metaphor, but to understand what I mean is: There is somebody who is just talking. Now imagine talking as no words, but just sound. And you say "Wow, that guy's talking, I don't know what he's saying, but it's a lot of noise”
Everybody is in pure ecstasy and if I talk about that, that means that I'm just within the ecstasy and I can never truly understand it, but since it 'is' what it ‘is’ all the time regardless of it being.. something, it's something specific.
You see it has to come naturally, and what I mean by that is we come out of that doubtfulness every time a kin to awakening. Every time we do, the first time it happens is at birth we are born into it, (because that's babies you know, they're in pure ecstasy.) you see the 'misplaced' yearning to go back to that. And people are seeking it so hard, but they forget that it's not 'seeking' that's the way, it's 'feeling' that's the way. You don't seek to feel, you just feel, because when you seek to feel, you are seeking. Imagine the word used for your main and only action is that. If you seek, if you are seeking something, it's not that you are trying to find the truth in that object but you are actually feeling the 'seek'. That's what you're doing. You seek. That's what you are, because that's your feeling. Then when somebody feels that indescribable feeling of being like a kid. Some say it's "nostalgia" but then you know that gets skewed down the line because it's subjective, and if the person doesn't understand your explanation then you know it's just a misconception. But when there is a notion found within every human being and every single being of that... let's just call it nostalgia, it needs to be talked about or noticed for what it could be.
Now don't pretend that nostalgia is anything particular. Nostalgia isn't even an accurate description of what 'it' is. What 'it' is is when you're a kid and you look around. It was much different than now, because you're seeking now, but back then you were still seeking, you were seeking at such a intense rate that you didn't continue to doubt what it could be and you took things at face value. That's why the people who can doubt the best are the ones that go into a spiral and helix back to awakening and have the flour of life happen. They spiral into themselves and they awaken, and they fall back asleep, and they awaken, and they fall back asleep, and they awaken, etc. They go back and forth and they go back and forth, and some say "that's weird", "that's crazy" and people try to cut it up even more, and they don't realize that they are seeking. It's not necessarily that it's a bad thing, in fact it's not. It's the ecstasy. When we realize that that seeking doesn't need to be cut up, and that seeking is the exact same feeling as any other feeling we've ever felt, we realize we were always one at all times.
This next part is more visual. It starts with your ego and in front of that ego is your self and in front of that is your eyes, the real world. Behind your ego is an infinite amount of selves. Almost like a conch shell. There is the flared part, the eyes, no layers, and then there is the tight coil at the top, it seemingly spirals forever.
I made up layers. There's the this layer, you're looking at yourself looking at yourself looking at somebody else, through your eyes. So imagine that, there is your head right here, and you know an infinite amount about that head, and you're not quite sure because you can't see behind you, (into the ego) But if you could see behind you, you'd see that there was an infinite amount, and a straight block, like a line. It's complete blur, it's everything, because it's everything that ever is. It's almost like old computer windows when you drug it across the screen it left a trail of itself leading back to the most current, and real, window. Then when you look ahead, you see out your eyes. When you see out your eyes, because that's your face, you see something inside your brain, and it's almost like a conch shell that goes all the way out until it gets to the actual opening and the opening is eyes. You see when we look at ourselves looking at ourselves that means that we see the actual thing when we are looking out our eyes, we bring it in, and then we say, "Okay, that's that, and 'that's' me... Alright, but I know that that could be me because of this, so that notion is also me." And then you bring it back out, and then you realize you- almost like the end of a conch shell- it seems to spiral indefinitely inside of itself.
So that's why you can't keep going back, or looking for "who am I". It's because you can always go back indefinitely. That's what I mean by every time that we come back into consciousness, we build another layer. And it's not necessarily because we have layers to build, or layers actually exist, but every time that we come back to consciousness and we look around we realize it's no different than all the consciousness we've ever felt and we can fall back into "it" immediately, everybody does. The people who are actually able to translate that consciousness without doubt do not say anything at all because words are too limiting. People are known for there doubt, yes. And I don't mean doubt as in a bad thing, and I don't mean doubt as in the definition for "That is not the truth". I mean doubt for the people, like me, that put this consciousness into words and make a play with it.
Well you have this doubt. And you realize that it's exactly what it is, a feeling. It's just like looking through your eyes, because if we had a theoretical third eye being consciousness, you would see that you can use that consciousness mentally along with using your eyes semi physically. Let's take the literal scenario if you were to put a third eye, independently controlled, above your two eyes, you realize that you have bi-consciousness and you can control the one eye, where it's looking at all times and look with the other two eyes as well all the time. These two eyes move left and right together. This top eye looks wherever you want it to look. See cheating at tests in school would be so much easier. The consciousness eye, the pure mental one, can be used like a eye that can see all, even things that do not exist in it's vicinity. This third eye is aware of the object's energy. It's not necessarily "energy" as in "a form". I don't mean energy as in "the purple mist" and I don't mean energy as in the electricity. By energy I mean "pure ‘joy’ in your heart, that fluttering in your heart, that's the energy I'm talking about.
Everything is a realm of being. And then that, that is being, is. And then you realize that same 'is' is everything else, but not only that, when you realize that everything is everything you start to get kinda confused and you look around, you don't really understand. Then you look at a word like "Jaded". And you think of, "well I'm starting to get jaded", because you don't really know what jaded means. And you think "jaded" and you think of the deep complexity in that word. Like when a human gets jaded, they don't get dull, they get in a rut of thinking. People connect negative things to it and say, "When you get jaded, you get worthless." We forget that jaded is exactly what we're always doing, it's the spontaneous ecstasy, and out of that spontaneous ecstasy you can really see it. You can really see all of it. And once you see it you immediately want other people to know it's still here. Because that is what being alive is all about. Every single life form is notifying the other one that it's there. Especially the one's that hide in plain sight, like mountain goats or any other animal that uses camouflage.
Every type of life form, if you want to think about it in such a broad term that you can apply it to every single animal, every single animal is saying the same this, "I'm here." Now I say, "Well, if it's going to be compared to every single animal then it needs to be so broad that it barely means anything." In fact it doesn't mean anything, it means just as much as any other phrase I can stick on that. You realize that there is no realm where there is nothing, you're in the realm that is nothing. You look around, you're all around it. This is it. You look and you're like "yeah, this is it." And then that, you realize that's a notion. And you see how a person can go from doubting and then confuse doubting with getting closer to the void. You realize they are already in the void, and then they forget what they're talking about and they go back to the ecstasy. But some people they like to live inside of the always surroundingness, and it's a method of always breaking down your walls. You never keep a wall up. You never build walls. you never make it so you have to have walls.
When people say "Be like water" they try to say that so often, not because literally be like water and you think of always changing your mind, it's not that. They even use analogies of how water goes into a bowl-like structure and then climbs it and then gets out on it's own. Because it piled on top of itself and it kept 'awakening' over and over again until it was able to understand everything about the situation. If there was a lot of awakening happening at one time, a lot of water flowing, then it would quickly rise and go right over the obstacle because it's awakening so fast. If it's slowly awakening because it has so many doubts, it has so weak of a force that it gets caught on every single barrier it will not allow itself to overcome the obstacle. Now imagine it, if it was more viscous, it would get caught on everything even more than water would. If there was just a little bit of water, and it was moving so slow it would get caught on every tiny ridge. Because it couldn't power over it. And it doesn't necessarily "power" over it, it builds on itself until it gets over it. And we can have so many conceptions on that, we think "well, we need to build on top of ourselves, that means we have layers." We don't have layers. We are 'it'. Of course you can say "we have layers" and *boom* we have layers. That's how it works. If you believe in something, it's real. Until you don't believe in it. Once you believe that you don't believe it, You realize that there was no reason to believe it in the first place.
When you sit there and you see what truly is, and not what will, there is nothing in your mind that says "it's a description" So if you want to tell somebody about this awakening you try so hard to translate the "now", you pound your brain and then say "Well I gotta use a description." You then use a description that means "no description". And people have no idea how to interpret that, because you can't just tell somebody there's no description, because they think a thousand different "nothings" anyway, and so do you when you try to describe it. In fact you're putting a label on it right now as I explain the label I put on this as we are both thinking about the labels of nothingness. You're promising yourself that there is a meaning behind the label instead of just understanding that there is. Because there is every meaning to every thing. If you realize that the word "dog" can mean every other meaning by association of 'variable' and 'keyword' like a password for instance, you realize that any word, any letter combination has its meaning according to definition and along with that an infinite amount of meaning. So it goes, two infinite parallel lines, and they always feed off of each other. You get the words that mean something specifically and you abandon that meaning and keep doing that until you have the words that mean absolutely nothing. Even what i'm saying right now is only a label.
This is how i get myself into one of those Klein Bottles.
This is what happens. I say "Well that's a boundary and everything that I say from now on is a boundary." Then I don't say anything anymore.
Did I solve it? I don't think so.
Was there something to solve? I don't think so.
Is that a reason to feel disheartened about "it"? I don't think so.
And I'm deliberately not saying yes or no, because you believe yes or no to be a constant that always is yes or no. And we forget that yes can turn into no at any moment. A fire can be lit, run out of fuel and then turn back into nothing. It can dissipate to nothingness.
I sit in this deep contemplation, as I see my I, I put myself in a position of a master talking to me.
I - “What is this realm?”
Figment Master - “This is no realm.”
I - “What type of world is this then?"
Figment Master - “This is no question.”
I - “No questions?”
Figment Master - “There does not need to be talking.”
Sitting there coming “out” of this illusion, I sit and say well clearly there is no need to stop talking, but even if I was in that realm, I would not mind.
There was no voice responding, I avoided creating more dialogue from the point of view of the master. I felt the game I was playing was more than a game.
“Well if there is no need for words than surely I can stop and test this out.”
“What a cryptic message.. This does not require talking.”