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It's been a long time.

I haven't put pencil to paper. I haven't even attempted to put any heart into anything that I do attempt to produce. If I am brutally honest, I'm not good enough to do so. It's been rubbed into my face many times, the opinions of hateful people who have nothing else better to do, and I've done my best to turn the other cheek and get on with my life. Some people aren't worth the anguish, y'know?

But there's one person who managed to sink their disgusting teeth into me. One person who I can't seem to avoid, forget, nor forgive. Every time I have some kind of memory, or completely random online encounter with her work, I fall into this trap of pure hatred for both of us; how someone could be so heartless, so bigoted, and allow themselves to become this huge ugly hypocrite, and how I despise myself for continuing to let something that happened almost 5 years ago haunt me to this day, and no doubt for the rest of my life.

I'm talking about Laura.

They say, in anything regarding creative works, be it design or art, the best thing to do is to "Fail Faster". If you have an idea, go with it. If it's not good enough, then you learn from it. That's how you get better. When I started my journal comic, it was a fun little time passer where I got to draw stuff about whatever I liked, be it well done or poorly rushed. I enjoyed it. I met Laura while studying at University, and by "met" I mean she yelled something like "OMG YOU'RE ON DEVIANTART?" while I was checking my messages here during a quiet moment in a lesson. I later found her gallery and became enamored by her work. And, after an awkward start, we had this sort of acquaintanceship going. I eventually fell into the same friend group as her, some of which are still in contact with me to this day. Laura, if I am honest, was very difficult to talk to. She was a very negative person, always had some snarky comment to make, but in my naïvety, I ignored them and simply saw them as her quirks. I was just that impressed and in awe of the idea of "Wandamagick", this online persona of a fun-loving cutesy girl, that I couldn't see just how much of a sad, hateful person that she was.

I did eventually show her my comic, and at first, her criticism was constructive and very helpful. I did learn a lot from her, but as most students do, I continued to draw my work the way I liked. Not to say I didn't completely ignore her, I certainly like to believe that I took on board what she suggested, but if I'm to truly develop, I should follow what I like to draw. And if I like to draw quickly and scruffily, then that's fine. If I draw something about something I really shouldn't talk about, then that's fine too. Mistakes are to be made, that's how you improve. Another bright idea of mine was to advertise my comic on Facebook. Make a fanpage for people to go to, comment on my work, and get a broader sense of what I should concentrate on should I need more improvement (who doesn't?). I sent invites to people who I thought would support me. Laura didn't like this. So, as any sensible friend who wants nothing but the utmost in quality to come out of the people she helps, she wrote a lovely little comedic review on Bad Webcomic Wiki, which I later discover that she's an admin of.

Known as "Lesbot" on the site, turns out she's quite the celebrity. She's written reviews on Ctrl-Alt-Del, VGCats, Least I Could Do, a lot of the big hitters. So, why on earth would she want to write about a little comic on Smackjeeves, that nobody even knows about? Because I decided to make a fan page and invite her boyfriend to join it. This was seen as a sign of arrogance on my part, so she got a friend to help her write the review. It was all agreed that I was to be added to the hall of fame that is The Bad Webcomic Wiki, because I'm terrible at drawing, my topics were dull and pointless, and I had no grasp of reality. Not only did they attack my comic, they attacked me personally, as well as some of the kindhearted people who sent in guest comics for me to upload... One of which, was Laura herself. So why she decided to attack her own work is beyond me, but alas here we are. It's not the first time I've been trolled on the internet, or had someone insult me online. That kind of thing just happens. What you don't expect is that stuff to be thrown at you from someone you know who lives down the street, someone you looked up to. That hurt. Big time.

Since then, whenever I visited my friends, or whenever my friends talked about me visiting or anything like that, she always had some kind of cruel thing to say about me. I've never had anything bad to say about her, not once during the time I knew her did I even contemplate the very thought. But she felt the need to belittle me constantly, behind my back or to my face. I didn't (still don't) understand exactly why she did it, and to this day, I still reel over it. I've not been able to draw stuff I like. I've not been able to follow projects through. When I'm asked to draw something for someone, I crack under pressure. Before the review, I probably could have gone through with this stuff, with some kind of false sense of confidence. Nowadays, I just know I'm terrible. And I know it's not healthy, because it's stopped me from being who I was.

The funniest thing about her these days though is that I've discovered that, through random stumbling through Tumblr, among her latest interests is My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she is a Pegasister. And on top of that, she's still a very popular artist. No doubt, many bronies are fanboying over her works as we speak. Perfectly fine by me, she's a great artist and deserves the praise. What gets me the most is that this cruel, heartless woman, enjoys a show that teaches kids (and grown-ups, I know I've learned a thing or two) about friendship and how people can co-exist peacefully and friendly to each other. Never, in all the years I've tried to get over this stupid problem of mine, did I expect the sarcastic, foul-mouthed Laura to enjoy the antics of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I often wonder if she's learned anything from the show, and contemplated what she's done in the past to countless anonymous faces on the internet over their comics. And, sometimes, egotistically, I wonder if she still thinks of me, and how she's potentially ruined comics, drawing, and any kind of art for me for the rest of my life. If I were to describe her in a way bronies would understand, she's the Diamond Tiara of the internet. Keeping up appearances, but a stone cold bitch on the inside.

I suppose the thing that pisses me of the most about this whole thing is not the cruelty of an idol to her fan, not the treacherous behavior of a friend, not even the hilarious hypocrisy of not just the guest comic, but the whole idea of her being a brony... The thing that gets me the most is my inability to move on from what is essentially a playground fight. It's childish. It's stupid. It's pathetic.

But I'm still mad. Congratulations to Laura, the best troll on the internet.

Thanks girl, you're awesome.
Add a Comment:
sjackson90 Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
But it's your journal comic! It's a thing you do for you not for anyone else. It's a personal blog. Why attack someone for there journal? I don't understand the mindset over this. You're just a guy doing his own thing for himself, just doing you're own blog in picture format on you're own little corner of the interwebs. You're not hurting anyone so...why? I don't get why the review? It's just something you do for fun, not professionally. It would be different if people were paying you for artwork and you delivered piss poor work but you're not so why bother with the critique?
Anyway Luke please don't stop drawing. Don't ever stop drawing. You don't have to summit anything ever again if you don't want to but please don't stop doing what makes you happy and probably gives your life a sense of purpose. Don't abandon your creative outlet.
Sorantheman Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
Guess what, Mr. Page.
The Bad Webcomic Wiki heard about this little rant of yours.
Here is their responce to you:…
Mr-Page Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh man, that is just precious.

I shall print it and put it up on my fridge. Thanks, Sorantheman, that's made my day!
dthestryker13 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014
I hope you will get to read this before it gets taken down, but I need to say the words I'm about to say. I have read your comic, all of it. I was there for most of the updates and I wanted to say that it's gotten me through some times, along with other journal comics you may have heard of (one of those being allan). I have to tell you one thing, do not stop drawing. You don't have to piss around with a comic, or uploading art on some website, but you can not stop drawing.

I have seen too many people get caught up in some stupid shit. Good artists that forgot what it was to touch pen to paper, and it's really sad to see those people stop. However, this I have to say is more silly than what I have seen. I do understand what it's like, not having confidence because of negative people in your life. She isn't in your life anymore, and you shouldn't let some cunt on the internet haunt you and prevent you from doing what you genuinely love to do.

That is all I have to say on the matter, and it may not be constructive. Just think about it.
mordacaiMT Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sorry that there are people out there being horrible for no good reason.  I didn't even know about any of this till now.  I don't have any experience like you did and I don't know what it's like and I know you've already acknowledged it, but I hope you don't let one horrible troll ruin art for you.  I like your art man.  I hope you keep it up despite everything.  
Prowlingmonkey Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
...though I'm lucky that all those who are against me are just my paranoid delusions 
Prowlingmonkey Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'll always like seeing you work to create new stuff
TriforceChild Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's knowing that people like that exist makes me afraid to draw my journal comic.
Add a Comment:

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March 12, 2014


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