I don't like that person. Actually...
I found out recently that I may truly despise that boy.
I'm rather jealous of him.
My stomach churns and twists whenever people applaud him.
I'm jealous of his eloquence and outgoing personality.
I feel denounced every time he wins an award, wins a smile. He's almost better than me in each and every way. Sports, grades...life.
And yet, despite my trapped and bitter feelings,
I'm intrigued by him as a moth by the glowing lamplight.
Like a magnet, he pulls my attention closer and closer.
I can't help but admire him, respect him, laugh with him….My heart is pulled in two directions each time he laughs….each time he successfully jokes about something.
I am really jealous of him….Yet, at the same time, I'm awed by his appearance. He feels like an alien…
I think he lives in another world.
The people he interacts with are so different from mine…
The conversations he shares with others….the way he looks at his surroundings….
Because he is so different, I've always thought that I'm but an invisible being that he'll never recognize.
Thus, I'm always caught by surprise when he talks to me and calls me by my name."Why? Why would he talk to me?"
I would wonder over and over again like a broken record without a guide….
I usually end up with the conclusion, "He had to. I was in the way."
My heart aches from thinking too much about him.
I'm really too jealous…. I would say to myself.
Yet, for some reason,
As much as I should hate him for his superiority,
My spirit lifts when he smiles,
My heart sinks when he cries.
I feel grateful every time he laughs and smiles at my joke….
I feel oddly ashamed when he feels otherwise.
When he's around,
My emotions become butterflies.
They flutter up and around,
Never settling down.
I tend to smile with contempt each time I find his mistakes….
Yet, I'm always the one avidly defending his known status of near perfection when others complain.
Because of him,
I look down on others.
My standard has been raised.
Thus, I can't help but feel like an insignificant beetle,
Whenever I think of him."WHAT NOW?! HE HAS A SORE THROAT TODAY!!"
I would cheerfully say to myself….."Wow….He's still able to have such sophisticated conversations with everyone..."
…is the very next thing that pops to my mind. o_o
He is fire.
He sets my soul aflame and lay ruin to my puffed up pride.
He burns me with passion to continue after my goals….
Attracting everyone's attention, he warms up all individuals' thoughts….
He is my inspiration.
I'm jealous of this guy.
I'm seriously jealous of him.
He probably does not know,
But I secretly stalk him.
Out of the corner of my eyes,
I watch his every move.
With the little time I have,
I concentrate upon him.
No matter what I'm doing,
Be it drawing, gossiping, laughing…..
Somehow, I always manage to find myself searching for his silhouette.
Whenever I find him, I would secretly pray,Hey look at me. Look at me. Look at me just once.Did you know?
I'm really, awfully, hopelessly jealous of this boy.