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literature

The Self-Deluded Poet

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By monstroooo
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I told myself I wouldn't write you a love poem:
That I wouldn't concede to that cliche,
And make a fool of myself
By making ardent promises you didn't want to hear;
That I wouldn't waste my heart
On a dream I didn't even ask for,
Nor build another idol in the sand.

I told myself I would walk away contented:
That you were better off with another;
That I needn't surrender my heart;
Nor spend every minute wondering
What you are doing, who you are with,
Whether you're thinking about me at all,
Whether you have the happiness you deserve.

I told myself that you weren't my heart's desire:
That your smile didn't really shine
As brightly as a full midwinter moon;
That your words weren't gifts,
Each a minor miracle of wit and wonder;
That your life wasn't a precious blessing
And mine wasn't devoid without you.

I told myself that I didn't need you:
That I'd gotten this far without you
And damn it I can go a lot further yet;
That I have friends and art and whiskey
And there isn't a damn other thing that I need;
That my writing could hold back the darkness
In ways that your arms never could.

I told myself I wouldn't write you a love poem.
Because the things we don't say can eat us up inside.

This is probably the second part of a loose trilogy called The Lovesick Poet.
Published:
© 2016 - 2020 monstroooo
Comments2
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Sleyf's avatar
SleyfHobbyist General Artist
I like the contradiction that it did in fact turn out to be a love poem despite the claim not to :)
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monstrooooProfessional Writer
Thank you for reading Sleyfy :love: