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These daily drawings are quickly becoming my antidrug for laziness. I had a super lazy evening Monday night, after only sketching the profile of a dude in the subway, and Tuesday I felt like I was having withdrawals from a drug, I needed to spend that time focusing on a drawing. And when I finished and was getting ready for bed, I felt like a load had been lifted, like all was right in the world, and other cliches.
  • Listening to: Patrick O'Hearn Channel on pandora
  • Reading: Walden
  • Watching: Empire of the Sun (when I have time)
  • Eating: Scottish oatmeal
  • Drinking: water
Inspired by Jonathan Hardesty's thread on conceptart.org (www.conceptart.org/forums/show…), I've started a personal challenge to create one drawing a day. I draw every day anyway, but this is meant as a challenge, to focus and make an effort, and hopefully learn something. Started yesterday, though that one ended up in scraps because I called it a sketch. I'll try to pull it out and put it in the gallery proper.
  • Listening to: rain
  • Reading: Walden
  • Watching: Empire of the Sun (when it arrives)
  • Eating: tuna salad on homemade bread
  • Drinking: hot cocoa
Deviantart is the most representative collection of my junk on the tubes, but I haven't updated it regularly in the past. So this marks less than two months since my last update, and with a grip of images, no less.

I started in on something like a new year's resolution after Christmas, and it's carrying on pretty well. I have a dedicated workspace at home and it helps draw me into the creative mode. It's not enough on its own, but as long as I don't stagnate, I'm reminded of something that I want to continue working on.

I'm excited to see what sort of projects I take on this year!
  • Listening to: Kantorii Roodo (Mimi wo Sumaseba)
  • Reading: Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World
  • Watching: Arrested Development w/ my bro
  • Playing: beat Shadow of the Colossus, at last
  • Eating: penne with meat sauce
  • Drinking: water
Start a new job tomorrow. Organized my files and books tonight. Drew and painted, played some uke. I'm feeling a little traction, like I've got a couple toes gripping the rail I'm supposed to be balancing on. From here it's only up and out.
  • Listening to: Kantorii Roodo (Mimi wo Sumaseba)
  • Reading: Blink
  • Watching: Mimi wo Sumaseba
  • Playing: the ukulele
  • Eating: chicken paprikash
  • Drinking: hot spiced cider

No BS

Sun Jan 4, 2009, 5:36 PM
duh

I'm admiring art by unassuming kids who do it because they have a passion and the tools. I have the tools... where's the passion? I feel it now as a reaction to humble and courageous art. I want to contribute, to try my hand. I've stopped myself in the past because I haven't been as good as I want to be. There's no use in describing how ridiculous that is; it's hardly even ironic, just stupid. So no BS. I'm going to go balls out and start drawing and painting. There's going to be a lot of crap, and some stuff that lives on. I think a good way to start is themes. There are a few elements that have been making laps through my mind: trees in wind, tricycles, and slumped-yet-not-lifeless figures. No more wondering if these images are perfect. They will lead to something else. THE JOURNEY BEGINS!

  • Listening to: road noise and cooling fans
  • Reading: Animation: the Full Story
  • Watching: Half Life: Fulllife Consequences
  • Playing: Rolando (iPod touch)
  • Eating: PB&J
  • Drinking: water

time

Thu Oct 23, 2008, 1:05 AM
who needs it?

Time has confused me and interested me and pissed me off for a long time. Through time I've become more hopeful, open-minded, and caring; less patient, forgiving, and proud; and about the same amount hedonistic, jealous, and in love with sights, sounds, smells, and sensations. No, more in love. Definitely.

One thing time has given me is a backdrop to appreciate how brilliantly awesome some things are. Melodies, textures, rhythms, proportions, contrasts, all evoke something powerful. I'm afraid that in ten years I won't be able to do anything while listening to music, because I'll enjoy it so intensely that I'll utterly fail to pay attention to anything else.

When I think of the benefits time has afforded me, I almost always regret that I didn't realize these things sooner. I envy brilliant high school students and accomplished twenty-somethings. But I think this is just a product of loneliness. I need to drop myself in the middle of a climate that doesn't abide hermits. I just move too slowly on my own. I'm facing the right direction, for sure, but I feel no connection with people moving past. Or rather, I need to stop waiting. I wrote that I'm less patient. In general I would say I am more patient, more abiding, in things that have value. But in things that have gone on too long, I'm becoming headstrong, reactionary. It's a recovery from the sedate extreme. I have no fear that I'll go beyond eliminating hesitation and begin hacking away at forethought. For one thing, there's no forethought to diminish. Anyway, I don't need to explain myself. I couldn't do it better than my actions anyway.

  • Listening to: Kimya Dawson radio on Pandora
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Eating: autumn colored cupcakes
I bought a book called FORCE!!!!!!!!!!!
Rather, 'Force: Dynamic Life Drawing for Animators'. It's an inspiration. My drawings have improved, and propagated. It's not just figures that are populating my pages, either. It's unlocked some inhibition I had, some doubt that I could capture visions. I had really given up on visualization lately. Without any faith in my ability to capture it, I had no desire to pursue such imaginative thoughts to any conclusion. It's silly. I've been bringing this book everywhere with me, and drawing as it compels me to. Also, I've noticed things which I would have otherwise dismissed. Or rather, things I would have noticed, but then promptly forgotten.

My mind has been kick-started! Observations are becoming stories are becoming characters and lives. My imagination is exploding.

Slowly. But the best explosion is a slow one. As Invader Zim knows.

I'll post some images soon. I'm away from home now, and I haven't taken time to scan my sketchbook yet. But I'll put up photos of some pages
  • Listening to: Recordings from Japan
  • Reading: Force: Dynamic Live Drawing for Animators
  • Watching: Azumanga Daioh (I am Sakaki)
  • Playing: new DS stuff
  • Eating: airline peanuts
  • Drinking: air
I'd love to post things other than the obvious, but it seems it's all I'm good for at the moment. I don't quite know where I fit in the world yet. Guess nobody ever does, even when they die. It's a paradox. I'll find a better way to phrase it someday. You have to live moment to moment, but with a distant goal to keep your bearing. It becomes paradoxical when the moments seem to pile against the goal, and hide it. I think this comes from careless living. When you forget the moments until the time to take stock, you won't have learned from them and they will be right where you left them: in a pile in front of you. You can pause and remember, sort them out. Or you can forget. I'm terrified of forgetting.

Well, the thing that reassures me is practice. When I do push-ups I feel more able. When I paint I can see the image more clearly before I execute it. Through practice we begin to see the series of moments that will bring us to our goal. Otherwise, we're adrift in a crater, unable to see beyond the walls of our own doubt.

And this without drugs. I guess I need to practice writing too.
  • Listening to: Compay Segundo
  • Reading: Japanese the Manga Way
  • Watching: To Catch a Thief
  • Playing: Oddworld: Abe's Oddyssey
  • Eating: tuna melt
  • Drinking: peach tea
My grandmother, my hero, sent me a book entitled Boys Adrift in which she highlighted passages about video games. The book explores reasons why so many boys and young men today are unmotivated layabouts. I effectively fall into this category.

The book is well written and stays clear of the deluge of self-help bricks that sail to the best-sellers list. I plan to keep it for a while, as the problems it addresses don't appear to be going away any time soon. The fact that I'm reading this book is a bit of accountability, a polite and intelligent nag when I'm about to engage in an activity that could be wasting time.

The result is that when I return to video games after a long day doing what I must, the joy is so much fuller. I hear an annoyed echo from my childhood; it's my parents saying, "We told you so." We forget.
  • Listening to: El Ten Eleven, My Only Swerving
  • Reading: Boys Adrift, Dr. Sax
  • Watching: Garden State
  • Playing: Final Fantasy VII
  • Eating: spinach, bacon, and onion bread
  • Drinking: water
I imagine myself in vaguely awesome roles throughout the creative community. As much as I'd like to be a god, the reality often drags me away from consistent effort toward any pursuit. My greatest fear is, What if I'm not doing the right thing? What if all the effort I'm about to spend is for nothing?

If I could learn from others' experience, which I can't, I'd say no effort is wasted, though its result may be unexpected. So for the last few days I've done consistently what I've been afraid to do for extended periods of time: what I want. You know, I want good things. Hesitation is generally less caution and more bullshit.

So, to the subject, I'll be going to Culver City before long, and I'm not worried whether it's right. I can feel in my shoulders the need to move. I've been hunched over in this town for a while. I've made friends, and I hope I won't have to miss them, but I need a challenge, and transplanting without someone else to do the dirty work is certainly that.
  • Listening to: last.fm similar to Souad Massi
  • Reading: teach yourself French
  • Watching: A Skanner Darkly
  • Playing: New Super Mario Bros., Overlord
  • Eating: clam chowder. blyeh
  • Drinking: water
L.A. or Eugene? I'm torn, but the answer has become more or less obvious. As uncertain as I am what exactly I ought to do with my infant skills, the breadth of possibilities and connections in L.A. is perhaps a wiser choice. I like Eugene. I love its trees, mosses, and ferns, and I'm almost on the point of carrying a picture of the University of Oregon campus in my wallet. L.A. will be more challenging and at the same time, should offer up more for me. I just wish that smog in the air were replaced with moss on the stones.
  • Listening to: Plekete by Zap Mama
  • Reading: Acting for Animators
  • Watching: District B13
  • Playing: Brain Age
  • Eating: grandma's peanut butter cookies
  • Drinking: water
I'm charged to start creating. I haven't felt so capable in years. I was up until after four this morning drawing and analyzing my drawings. They're actually rather poor, but there's a confidence behind them that supports them. Though I know well that mistakes only teach you if you're not stopped by them, I usually stop when I miss a mark. In Squiggle Kung Fu, I started with a mistake. It can only get better from there, right?
  • Listening to: Spiky Goose by the pillows
  • Reading: Think by Simon Blackburn
  • Watching: Princess Mononoke
  • Playing: Resident Evil 4 (GC)
  • Eating: basmati rice, black beans, tomato, egg, tapatio
  • Drinking: water