So... I'm still alive and everything.

5 min read

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mistergrinn's avatar
This will mainly be a birthday post, but also some important stuff that I need to share. For now, it's just a place holder because I have lots to say, but in a few minutes, the my birthday will be over. Gotta keep the dates correct and all, right? I'm perhaps a tiny bit neurotic about stuff.

In any case, please come back shortly for a well overdue update.

In the meantime, I want you all to know that I appreciate every single fave, +watch and comment.

More on all that later.

Happy Birthday to meeee.

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Over two months later, here comes the edit:

Hi everyone. I am another year older today and that's pretty much all there is to it. Yesterday, I had a small BBQ yesterday, played various video games with cousins and tonight, I had a kick-ass steak dinner with my family. It's not as extravagant as previous years but this is all I really wanted. I know some people tend to say that birthdays become less exciting as you get older. Maybe that's true. For them, at least. As for me, I think people complaining about getting older happens more than enough throughout the year, why waste a special day doing the same? You began existing on this day! Go and pamper yourself! Spoil yourself! Treat yourself! You get one of these a year so spend it being happy. I know I did.

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Now that I've covered my birthday, I'd like to address something that has been bothering me for quite a long time now. As some of you might have noticed, particularly after being directed to this journal from a very late comment, I have not been very active on this site (or anywhere else for that matter).

It wouldn't be accurate to say that I was dead, but in a sense, it isn't too far from the truth. For the past while, a rather significant part of me has been without life, so to speak.

I don't know when it started exactly, but a few years ago, I was doing… okay. Life was swell and I had few complaints. The thing is, maybe things were going TOO swell, as I had started to lose focus on myself in terms of actively making improvements in life and enjoying my hobbies and pastimes. I s'pose I started taking a lot of things for granted. Before I knew it, I dropped into the biggest artistic slump of my life. I stopped drawing, painting, making music, listening to music. I had moments where I was able to churn out something that was half-decent (Like my Bifur costume), but for the most part, it was like the creative drive in me had come to a complete halt.

I stared at blank pages in my sketchbook, and after making a few strokes, I tore the page up. I'd sit in front of my synth and fiddle with a melody before packing it up in a bag, not to touch it again for a few weeks. And this happened again and again and again. This person who I had become was not me. Another significantly depressing (undisclosed) happening occurred and when I thought I couldn't sink anymore, rock-bottom caved in and brought me to a place of absolute self-loathing and emptiness. It might sound exaggerated to say so, but in moments like those, it's hard to think anything positive. Especially when you're in a state of mind that questions your very existence, wondering who the hell you are.

But all hope was not lost. Over the past year, I've been recovering from this sad state and I'm pleased to report that though progress is slow, it is still progress. I started by focusing on a creative activity that is also a necessity: cooking. I very much like to cook so I gave myself the opportunity to try a handful of new recipes and even experimented a little with my own ideas.

I'm learning to like music again. After my old macbook pro became terminal, I bought a new macbook pro. This gave me a chance to rediscover and appreciate the thousands of songs I have in my music library when I transferred files from one to the other. My little synth is unfortunately broken but I do have plans to fix it soon. I also recently set up my drums again! I'm excited to have some fun behind the kit on a regular basis. I may not be a great drummer, but making noise on my kit is plenty of fun and it just feels right.

The most important recovery to me is drawing again. My sketchbook has been blank for far too long and I hope to change that by filling it up with every single idea I've had over the past few years. Though I have some old pieces that I need to submit, I hope to expand my gallery with some new, fresh pieces for you all to see.

With that said, I would like to thank each and every one of you for all the favourites, comments, critiques and +watches. Your support truly means a lot to me. So much so, that despite being well over a year late in some cases, I want to personally reply and thank you all individually.

This is why I'm late. I apologise sincerely if my responses are no longer relevant.

Thank you once more, for everything.
© 2013 - 2021 mistergrinn
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47X's avatar
You don't have to excuse yourself for being late, we all love your art, and you in a way - through your art. And happy very belated birthday ! :)
Baryonyx62's avatar
Happy belated birthday! :)