Her feet are wearing holes in the carpet
While she paces 'round and 'round with a scowl
Apparently her book gives her a fit
And no one dares to talk to her at all
Her fists are clenched and waving through the air
Making gestures no one can understand
She has been pacing several hours there
Immersed in some issue that is at hand
Her eyes stare off into some unseen world
As if she is squinting at a wet page
The ink has run and everything is blurred
Her eyes too tired to read it in her rage
But then! some idea strikes her at last
I never knew that she could run so fast.
This is one of the poems for my poetry chapbook. I was glad to hear that so many people were interested in my poems! With a group as varied as my watchers, I never know.
I'm aware it's amateurish, yes, but I had fun with it.
Does this make sense?
My dad laughed when he read it and said that it was perfectly clear, but I don't know if it's just because he and I think similarly. I'd love to know if you all understand the last line.
Constructive criticism is welcome, especially before October 4th, when I have to turn this in to my teacher.
More Poetry | More Written Works | D. 258 Written Works
Luna Rose's Actually Useful Mary Sue Litmus Test
sleeping's no longer safe
Mary-Sues: Part 2
Pooh, looks like I've gotten too poetical with my opinions for this sonnet, again. Oh well~ At least you are able to anticipate your teacher's comment regarding that line now.
My cc for you:
--I absolutely love the imagery in this poem! Very nice work.
--I don't think "world" and "blurred" work together as a rhyme, per-say. I think that some thought on those two, after the break since posting it, would be to your benefit.
--Uncertain about the last line. I don't think it carries quite the impact that you want. :/ Again, I think that a re-visit to the last couplet would be a good idea.
Really cool sonnet, Luna! Thanks for sharing!
...Yeah, I had a bit of an issue with the rhymes. I tried slant rhyme, but I'm not sure how much success I had with it.
Thanks for the critique; I'll definitely look over those things again.
Ah, rhymes are difficult sometimes. :/ Practice, practice, practice!
THIINKING OF HEEER AND THE WAAAY THAT IT WAAAAAS~~~
You're welcome! ^ ^ I hope it was useful! ^ ^"