His usually spacious apartment had gotten crowded since baby Claire was born. His lover, Centennia, had become a mother, and she was having a tough go of it since her other lover, Kate Five, had shuffled off this mortal coil -- AFTER knocking her up. Despite having a century's worth of life experience, Centennia had never had a child before (to Gary's knowledge). It saddened her to be without Kate and scared her senseless to be bringing a kid into the world. In a rare moment of empathy for someone else's wants and needs, Gary invited the world's most powerful superheroine - the one woman that he's never truly been able to get over in his rather storied history of romance - to live with him. Him, and his ACTUAL girlfriend, the spunky and extremely powerful heroine called Jeanette. Add to that menu one Claire Jones - apparently the all-grown-up future version of the very infant Centennia had given birth to not very long ago. To his chagrin, Kate Five herself returned from the grave the way, it seems, more supers than you can shake a domino mask and cape at are wont to do these days. With the alien-bonded amazon traipsing in and out of his domicile more often than he's comfortable with to see her 'wife' and daughter, at the very least the super-lothario could say that his little lovenest was always chock full of hot girls! Still, as a manly-man with superpowers, Gary had to admit that sometimes, the estrogen was a bit thick for his liking in the heart of what used to be his "man-cave".
This night, Kate was lurking about, Centennia was in full Mommy-mode with baby Claire - who would NOT stop crying - and full-grown Claire was clucking around, preparing to go out on a date with somebody named Drew(?), whom Gary had never even met!
(He was extremely protective of what he considered "HIS", and despite a proper girlfriend and a live-in lover, Gary also considered Big Claire to be part of the unofficial harem he seemed to be cultivating. If anyone asked him about that to his face, he would of course deny such a thing on a stack of Bibles, but, up there in the blue, all alone, he couldn't help but smile to himself about the sheer frequency with which he was getting laid in that house full of super-women.)
So deep in his pornographic reverie was he that he didn't hear the shrill whistle of the approaching high velocity projectile until it crashed into his broad back. The beefy hero rocketed toward Earth at a pace that would have made every speedster hero AND villain in New York City greener than the Grinch with envy. His spine ached and the impact actually made him dizzy. He hadn't been hit that hard since his first meeting (that is to say, 'fight') with Centennia, back in the days when he was a villain! Did the blonde bombshell track him down?! Was she mad at him for something?! What could he possibly have done to piss her off?! He hadn't seen her since this morning! If it wasn't her, then WHO?! There were only about eight or maybe nine beings on the planet with the sheer power to have hit him that hard, and, he was currently on pretty good terms with at least a half dozen of them!
As the dirt, soot and smoke from his impact crater in what he gathered was Central Park began to subside, he tried to make out the silhouette of his attacker, who was slowly floating Earthward. Angular features. Blocky muscle... this definitely was NOT Centennia!
"Gary, Gary, Gary...", hissed a strangely familiar voice through the haze, "I expected better of such a good-looking guy. So much potential. So much POWER. Now, look at you. From what I understand, you're a whipping boy for a bunch of bossy super-skirts! I'm ashamed of you!"
As the atmospheric flotsam and jetsam cleared itself from his view, Captain Perfect gazed up at the one who'd knocked him out of the sky. He was tall, devastatingly handsome and below his spit-curled auburn locks and the lantern jaw, he wore an almost identical version of The Captain's own spandex attire, save for the colorscheme - jet black with gray highlights.
"Who the hell are YOU?!", Captain Perfect stammered at his dark doppelganger.
With a sneering smirk, the shadowy figure peered down his sculpted nose at his prone counterpart.
"They told me you were dumb, but COME ON!--", the second Captain Perfect hissed, hauling Original Recipe Gary to his feet and then decking him once more with a left hook that would have cracked an oak tree in half. Captain Perfect's carcass dug a long rut in the Central Park real estate, and the hero himbo wondered why this was happening to him.
"At least," he mused silently to himself as he unsteadily rose from the pit, "I'm getting my butt kicked by someone worthy!"
Over in another section of The Big Apple, inside the surprisingly posh apartment of the superhero currently facing off against a malevolent mirror image, the ladies in his life began to begrudgingly plan their evenings around his suspicious absence. Centennia, having spent the lion's share of her day rocking a fussy baby girl in her mighty arms, impatiently repeated irritated glances at the clock. Where WAS he?!
Gary had balked about being left home with the baby. He could lift a submarine. He could outrace a fighter jet. He'd laughed in the face of monsters, madmen, the military and even mechanical murder machines, but he was still skittish about spending time with an infant. Still, he had promised (under duress) to take a shift watching over the adorable little pixie.
Centennia & Kate had planned on going out on a date. it was a particularly much-needed rendezvous. Things between them hadn't simply snapped back to normal after Kate had returned from, for lack of a better term, The Afterlife. Kate Five was currently living apart from her paramour and their bundle of joy. Their feelings for each other remained as strong as they ever were, but, after so long away and the real feelings that Centennia had developed for both Gary and Jeanette, things were... complicated.
Not to mention the total sexual rampage that Kate Five had engaged in upon her rebirth. There was nary a superhero in the orbit of The Odds, Section P and their outlying friends and acquaintances that hadn't felt the o-so-tender mercies of Kate Five and her symbiote-created lady cock since her triumphant return. It was her rather bizarre way, one would assume, of grieving for her own death. While it was far from a love-killer between her and her rather libertine mate, it still didn't help the reconciliation very much. She and Cen had a lot to work out, and Gary promised that he'd watch Little Claire this evening. Now, he was 20 minutes late!
Jeanette couldn't babysit. When she'd heard Cen and Kate were trying to work out their issues, she was overcome with sympathy. She had definitely grown fond of Centennia and the little 'polycule' she'd become part of. She wanted Cen to be happy, and, though she was a bit jealous of Kate at first (probably influenced by her love for Gary and his own resentful feelings of Ms. Jones), but she had truly grown to like her and she truly believed that Kate and Centennia were good for each other. (Not to mention that there was still at least a miniscule part of her that wanted Gary all to herself. If those ladies could work out there issues, that would be at least two less women to divide The Good Captain's affections... and her own, to be honest.)
So, that being said, she volunteered to take her lady friends' places at a big meeting that Section P had scheduled for that evening. She figured that she'd fly on over, record notes on her phone and maybe catch up with her old pal, Aideen O'Neill. They hadn't seen each other in a hot minute and she really wanted to swap gossip. Maybe spit.
Captain Perfect had just delivered a haymaker to the handsome face of his opponent, knocking him clear across the Hudson and into New Jersey. The black-clad counterfeit took it like a champ, but the small sonic boom that accompanied that little love-tap was enough to partially deafen him and break every window for a block, solid. He got his bearings just the other side of the Jersey line, straightened up and flew right-- Right back into the smug face of Our Gary, who's countenance twisted into a snarl of hatred for this imposter who'd assaulted him. Even if this guy WAS a version of him from another reality, a clone or some sort of mechanical super-synthezoid, Captain Perfect was going to make him HURT. Needless to say, he hadn't been paying attention to the time since this battle started.
Centennia had just finished breastfeeding the little angel, and once again glanced at the clock. Gary was now just over 35 minutes late. Her and Kate's reservations at the fancy restaurant that they'd booked was almost upon them. There was a two month waiting list. The mighty mother fumed. If that irresponsible selfish lout was out shtupping some super-groupie or lust-crazed villainess when he was supposed to be here, taking care of his God-Daughter, she would kill him! Kate had gotten all dolled up in a Ghede-created midnight-blue spaghetti-strapped number with a suicide slit that went so far up her thigh that it practically showcased 'side-boob'. Her jet black tresses were done up in a bun with long curls that trailed down the nape of her neck. Centennia had never seen her looking so lovely. All the more reason that she would absolutely murder Captain Perfect if he failed to show his square face like he promised!
Jeanette was heading toward the apartment's front door to wend her way to the Section P meeting, when the doorbell buzzed. She informed her housemates that she would get it on her way out. The sassy Bostonian turned the knob and flung the door wide. Behind the secretly reinforced egress stood three faces that she didn't think she'd see again.
"Hiya toots! long time no make-out!", chirped the wild-eyed young man with the ponytail and slender ring through his septum.
Bjorn Loki leaned into the apartment, took Jeanette by her dainty manicured hand and kissed it like a Continental Lothario of Olde.
"Didja miss us, Miss?", asked Monroe Coyote, insinuating himself into the doorway beside his madcap mate, also taking smooching liberties with the hand of the heroine, "we certainly missed YOU!"
"Howzabout you give a trio of restless wanderers an invite to the inside?" said Quinn Anansi, wedging himself between Bjorn and Monroe, totally corking the doorway, "You know we can't enter until we're invited."
Jeanette, still reeling from the surprise, slipped into abject confusion.
"What, like vampyahs?", she inquired, her Bostonian accent creeping into her speech.
"No no, sweetness", Quinn retorted, "like MANNERS! Of course, if you WANT us to go all vampiric and suck your-- somethinorother, we'd be MORE than willing!"
"Behave yourself, Quinn!", Monroe admonished his lascivious husband with a stern smack on the bottom, "We're guests in Jeanette's lovely home!... Or, at least we WILL be, once she invites us in."
Quinn bit his bottom lip and leered at Monroe, the sting of the slap on his butt generating thoughts most 'mature'.
"Lucky bastard", Bjorn whispered to his dreadlocked paramour, totally jealous that he didn't get a smacked bottom as well. With that, the three wacky chaos demigods tumbled into the domicile, totally disregarding their own previous statement about manners.
"Ohmygawd! Whatta you three doin' heah?!", Jeanette demanded in a hoarse whisper that denoted she was trying to keep their arrival a secret. Darting her eyes around the foyer, she suddenly remembered that the person she would be trying to hide them from wasn't even home! What WAS keeping Gary?!
"Swell place ya got here, hon!", Monroe mused, "Nice deco! Early Frat House with a touch of Flintstone? This place just screams 'Bachelor Pad'!"
The trio metamorphed their clothing into overalls and hardhats, each in their signature color schemes of green, purple and blue, respectively, and began scampering all over the living room, measuring the furniture with tape measures and levels. Bjorn inspected the corners of tables with a magnifying glass, while Quinn and Monroe took to moving the furniture around from place to place like decorators, furiously trying to find their Feng Shui.
"Uh, Kate! Cen! it's for YOU!", cried Jeanette with an exasperated sigh that barely hid an amused smirk. She remembered her last encounter with these three weirdos, and while she missed their merry madness (among other things), she knew the type of hijinks they brought to the table. She was suddenly kinda glad that she'd promised to take Centennia and Kate's place at the Section P meeting.
"Who's at the door, Jeanette?", Kate Five asked, craning her elegant neck around the corner of the jamb leading into the spacious kitchen area. Jeanette was at a serious loss as to how she was going to explain Monroe, Bjorn & Quinn to her housemates. What was she gonna say? 'Uh, Kate?, Cen? Ya remembah a while back when Me & Gary were on the outs and I was basically datin' three guys, simultaneous-like? Well, these're them three! By the way, they happen to be shape-shifting, reality-warping demigods!'
Even considering the weirdness that the superhero life tended to contain, that sounded a little far-fetched. Kate Five took one look at the new house-guests and almost spit the champagne she was sipping. Why were there workmen redecorating Gary's living room? At this time of night?! On a Sunday?!!
Centennia came around the corner, carrying Little Claire, who was fussily fidgetting in the pajamas her mom had tucked her into. She did not like them one bit, and she had no problem expressing that. Another crying jag was imminent.
"What on Earth is going on here?!" Centennia demanded, amazed at the sheer domestic insanity happening in her living room.
"So... uh, Kate, Centennia?--", Jeanette started, "Um, this heah is Bjorn, Quinn & Monroe. They're, ah... old friends."
Kate picked up on the fact that Jeanette was extremely nervous about the introduction, as her accent was coming out in an obvious manner. The three strange men looked familiar, for their out-of-place outfits and activities, but, she couldn't quite put her finger on why. Ghede, her symbiote-creature, however, remembered the three oddball construction workers all too well. The goo creature transformed a part of itself from being the strap over Kate's left shoulder and slithered over to Monroe Coyote's waiting embrace.
"Ghede!", Monroe greeted the living ooze, as it slid up his arm and to his scruffy cheek, giving what translated to a kiss, "Nice to see you!"
Kate Five was stunned, but, with that contact, her shared spirit with her Other rekindled her pre-death memories. These were the weirdo magical men that she and Centennia and Burst Lion met a while back. They were... they were riding a rollerskating hippo through Midtown! They'd transported her and Cen into an immersive flashback sequence where they had a rap battle in the middle of the desert with that knucklehead, Captain Perfect! These men were practically chaos and bad comedy personified. They didn't seem malicious the last time they met. If anything, they seemed really protective of Jeanette. Despite that, (and the rather vigorous love-making session that she and Centennia engaged in with them once the storytelling of the previous year was done), Kate had a difficult time fully trusting supernatural creatures. The LOOKED human, but... On the other hand, of course, these three really had a way of getting under Captain Perfect's skin, and anyone who could tork off Ol' Gary was OK in her book!
"Oh, we've met", said Centennia, wryly, her eyebrow cocked and still trying to rock her fussy baby to sleep in her powerful arms. She, too, remembered the reality-bending peek into the past that they'd given her, as well as the rather energetic playtime, thereafter. Not many mere mortals could really handle the lovemaking of the a woman of her power levels. She'd loved a few non-supers in her long lifespan, and had to 'go easy on them'. Less so with superhumans, but still, being the most powerful woman on the planet came with a few physical restrictions to self-employ when getting physical with some of even the most hearty of lovers. Whether she'd admit it or not, it was one of the primary reasons she'd gotten with Gary in the first place! It had been really nice to engage with new lovers who could 'keep up' without injury, fatigue or just plain breaking in half. It was also a thrill to see Kate and Ghede get equal love from new playmates. Some of their partners were sometimes put off by the presence of the sentient goo creature, but these demigods gave and got pleasure with Ghede as though it were the sexiest of supermodels. They had obviously been around the cosmos a few times, and saw beauty in a myriad of creatures, humanoid or otherwise.
"Well, I haven't met them!"
Everyone turned to see the nude form of Claire Jones The Elder, fresh from the shower, a fluffy cotton towel wrapped around her curly hair, using a second to towel off her damp curves. She'd spent the better part of the day visiting her mothers. With their busy lives, the three of them together in one place was a rare occasion, these days. She had availed herself of Gary's former workout room as a temporary crash-pad during 'family bonding time', much to his annoyance.
"Who are your friends, Mummy Dearests? They're cute! and... familiar."
Upon laying eyes on the stunning, statuesque lass and her utter lack of modesty, The Misfits of Mischief's eyes transformed into 3 dimensional cartoon hearts, their tongues lolled from their open mouths, unfurling like damp red carpets all the way down to their navels. A loud "AWOOGA" sound seemed to issue from nowhere.
Quinn cleared his throat and all three men composed themselves, physically rolling their tongues back into their mouths, squeezing and compacting their heart-eyes back into their skulls and zapping their construction coveralls into what seemed to be the regal vestments of foreign dignitaries from some Biblical period piece.
"I reiterate", Jeanette interjected, regaining her composure, as indicated by the erasure of her accent, "what are you guys doing here?! is... is something wrong?! Are we gonna have another 'Worst World' situation?!!"
Jeanette remembered hearing the stories of how The Misfits of Mischief along with an alternate version of herself, now known as "Nattie"; an alternate reality alternate future daughter of a different Captain Perfect and Centennia, named "Miss Perfect" and a time-lost future daughter of Monroe Coyote and the aforementioned Nattie - a quasi-goddess, if you will, by the name of Rae Oberheim, floated around for an unknown amount of time inside the veil between realities after an evil version of Centennia began destroying realities with armies of shadow demons! (Get all that?!)
The prospect of any of that happening again chilled her very blood! Luckily, Bjorn Loki put her mind at ease by assuring her that their visit was a friendly one for a happy purpose.
"Er, is that why you're all dressed... like that?!", Claire Jones asked, wiggling her index finger at the strange anachronistic garb the trio was now wearing.
"We heard there was a birth!", Monroe chirped, preening in his finery.
"So, we followed yonder star", Quinn chimed in, jabbing his thumb toward the far window of the living room, which framed a blindingly bright, yet heatless miniature star, blazing right outside the window. The ladies were startled and stunned as the ball of radioactive glare disappeared just as quickly and randomly as it manifested.
"We come bearing gifts!", Bjorn added with a sly grin, "Don't be wary, though. After all, we're not Greek!"
"Although, we do like it "Greek", as YOU may remember!", Quinn said, winking at Kate Five and Ghede, "but, that's a Trojan Horse of a different color!"
Kate giggled at the reference, despite herself.
"So, that's what's with the Three Kings get-ups, I presume?", she asked.
"Indeed, ladies!", Quinn said, "As mentioned, we bring gifts to the newborn babe! Gold, Myrrh and Frankenstein!"
"That's frankincense, dude!", Claire quipped, causing Jeanette to roll her eyes skyward and groan almost imperceptibly. She'd spent enough time with The Misfits of Mischief to know a straight line when she heard one, and to expect the inevitable magical punchline.
"Oops! My mistake", Quinn said, tugging at his collar in mock embarrassment and gesturing to someone just behind Claire's left shoulder, "Guess you gotta go, Big Guy."
Behind Claire, Frankenstein's monster, in all his 7 foot tall, neck-bolted and flat-skulled glory, got offended at being ousted from the merry festivities, and cried a tear before trudging, dejectedly toward the front door.
"What. The. Actual FUCK?!", Claire spat, her jaw and her towel both dropping to the floor in the wake of the sheer insanity around her. She could do nothing save cast a glance at Jeanette with a shocked gaze that wordlessly begged for an explanation.
"They're chaos deities.", Jeanette said, matter-of-factly, knowing what was on her friend's mind. It was the same feeling she had the day she first met them outside that little bodega in midtown.
"Izzat supposed to make sense?!", Claire asked.
"Oh, NO! Quite the opposite!", Monroe interjected, leaning in behind Claire, "If it makes sense, I'm not doing my job! And I take my job very seriously -- speaking of which, can we meet the little one?"
"Well", Centennia said, exasperated at the absence of Captain Perfect who was now a whopping 56 minutes late for his turn at babysitting, depriving her and Kate Five the planned movie that they were to see before dinner, "seeing as how we're probably not going anywhere tonight, sure."
The Hundred-Year Honey beckoned all and sundry to the corner of her bedroom where she sat Baby Claire down in her little bassinet. The three merry men crowded around the fussy little angel and began to make goo-goo faces, which brought glee to her little face. Quinn Anansi transmogrified the bulbous purple goggles atop his forehead into a pair of 3-D glasses and gave the baby a once-over. He then turned and did the same to Big Claire, lingering just a little longer as she was still wearing nothing but a post-shower towel around her wet hair, the other now lying in a damp heap on the living room floor.
"Curiouser and Curiouser", he said, "Did you know that you and the baby have the exact same molecular structure? Hey, Bjorn, come take a look at this, hon!"
Bjorn Loki did as he was asked, manifesting a pair of cheap-looking cardboard 'X-Ray Specs', the type you'd send away for with a coupon clipped from the back of a Silver Age comic book. He gazed at the baby (who was highly amused by the silly-looking swirly lenses of the faux glasses), then back at adult Claire, then back again.
"And, you're swimming in temporal tachyon residue.", the ponytailed demigod said, matter-of-factly, "Looks like somebody did the Time Warp!"
"AGAIN?!", Monroe and Quinn yelped, in unison - a pop culture reference they all made almost every time a Time Warp was mentioned.
"That's right. I'm from a possible alternate future!", Claire clarified, amazed that these three would somehow know that just by looking at her through cheap novelties.
"Oh. Of course. We're familiar with the concept!", Monroe assured her, as he and his mates all turned their heads, simultaneously to the left and stared off into the middle distance.
"What're they doing?", Claire asked Kate Five, following the gaze of the three nutty funsters toward absolutely nothing at all that she could suss out. Her mothers both stood in the corner of the bedroom and waited patiently as though this was the most natural thing in the world.
"They're "Flashing back", said Centennia, utterly relieved that her baby was now giggling merrily at the three strange men, and not crying or fidgetting around in a foul mood.
"It's a whole thing", Kate added.
In short order, the trio snapped from their catatonic reverie and refocused their kind attention on their hostesses. Jeanette surmised that they were thinking back to the time warp that they themselves had lived in during the 'Worst World' debacle, where they spent a few years between the ticks of a few minutes with Nattie, Rae and Miss Perfect. They asked how she knew. She pointed out context... and the erections straining against their usually loose black slacks. Monroe, feigning polite embarrassment, conjured black bars with the word "CENSORED" in stark white lettering across the crotches of himself and his husbands, and continued the conversation, casually.
The boys presented Baby Claire with magically manifested stuffed animals - one fluffy blue goat, one green coyote with a broad smile stitched onto its face and one plump purple spider with eight fat, fuzzy little legs. The little one took to her new playthings immediately, and cooed in delight.
"Also, we thought you might need some of these", Bjorn said, snapping his fingers. A bright flash of blue light left behind boxes upon boxes of diapers. "there's about a year and a half's supply there. They're magic! Once they've been soiled, you remove them from the young'un and they disappear completely - 'cargo' and all, leaving no mess and no environmental upset!"
"Thank you so much, boys", Centennia purred, "these are very sweet gifts. We appreciate them very much!"
Little Claire chirped in agreement. She was having a ball playing with the stuffed toys, throwing them around her bassinet, squeezing them and gnawing on their little ears.
"Still, I wish we could've gone out tonight", Centennia said, gazing at the floor in abject disappointment.
The Misfits looked at each other and back at the mopey super-mom.
"Why can't you?", Bjorn asked.
Centennia squeezed the bridge of her aqueline nose with the index finger and thumb of her left hand as though trying to stave off a migraine. Sighing, she recounted to her visitors that Gary, the self-proclaimed Captain Perfect, was a perfect ASS who was off somewhere, shirking his duties as a babysitter, doing God knows what with God knows whom! She explained that she and Kate had been trying to find time to reconcile after certain events and this would have been their only night without previous engagements getting in the way.
"I volunteered to cover for both of them at a Section P meeting", Jeanette explained, "CLAIRE has a date with some guy"...
At the mention of her name, Big Claire suddenly realized that she'd been so wrapped up in the bizarre goings-on, that she'd not only forgotten that she, herself, had a date this evening, but also that she'd been standing there, nude with wet hair, this entire time in lieu of getting ready. Bjorn, Monroe and Quinn watched the skyclad super-girl sprint back to her bedroom to catch up on primping with lascivious grins. Jeanette covertly did the same. Claire Jones, after all, had a fantastic backside!
Quinn, Monroe and Bjorn began whispering amongst themselves and wildly gesticulating. Jeanette could swear that all they were saying over and over was "Peas and Carrots! Peas and Carrots! Walla! Dialogue, Dialogue!" Still, they turned back to the ladies and proclaimed that they'd 'talked it over' and were prepared to volunteer themselves as babysitters for Baby Claire.
"YOU three?!!", Kate Five spat.
"Who better?", Monroe asked, "You're super-celebs with enemies. Your daughter will, or probably already does, have latent superpowers of some kind. You need a night off--"
"Heck, you'll need several!", Bjorn interjected, "Plus those times in the future that you'll be out saving the universe! You'll at some point need someone who can keep up with the lil' munchkin once she starts toddling."
"Or flying", Quinn added, conjuring a red cape on his back and a leotard with a large "S" across his chest, beneath his dress shirt and tie, "or walking through walls, throwing busses or teleporting.... what is it you DO, by the way?", he called out to Claire in her temporary bedroom (which had once been Gary's work-out room).
"Me?", Claire asked, walking back in on the conversation, fully dressed and affixing the clasp on her hoop earrings, "Oh. I do THIS."
With that, Claire demonstrated her goo power for the new onlookers by forming a large spiked mace at the end of her wrist.
"Very impressive!", the chaotic clowns crowed in unison.
"... And when, exactly, did you start doing that? Y'know, age-wise?", Bjorn asked.
As best as she could recall, Claire had manifested rudimentary use of her super-abilities since infancy, and she told them as much.
"All the more reason you--", Monroe continued, "that is, LITTLE you - could use someone looking out for you."
"Someone," Quinn added, who can not only protect you from others, but, protect others from YOU."
"You KNOW how fussy and emotional rugrats can be", Bjorn interjected, having zapped himself into an oversized diaper and blue baby bonnet, "One too many poopy diapers on a bad day and a REGULAR nanny could very well get IMPALED, or something!"
Centennia paused to give the proposition some serious thought. What the dizzy demigods were saying did indeed make a lot of sense. There was, however a nagging question which her dearest Kate gave voice to as though reading her beloved's mind.
"CAN WE TRUST YOU?!"
"We ain't malevolent, if that's what you're asking", Monroe answered.
"That's not the answer to the question she asked", Centennia answered in a voice that came out a bit more stern than she intended.
"Very astute, madam. You are indeed a shrewd woman of experience. We respect that", said Bjorn, with an overemphasized bow at the waist, "but, of course, this isn't an answer to the question you asked, either, is it. Funny that."
"Well, all that aside, this has been happening more and more frequently, what with the emergencies and all our personal lives", Claire interjected, putting on her high heels, "Having babysitters who can handle weird trouble isn't the worst idea. Heck, the way things go, we may need full-time live-in babysitters!"
"YOU just want more cute boys around", Jeanette said.
"I can neither confirm nor deny---", Claire retorted with a sly smile.
Just then, Jeanette felt a resurgence of the uneasy feeling she had when the Misfits first showed up. She'd just realized the fatal flaw in that idea -- Captain Perfect would NEVER go for it! She told her housemates as much. Kate and Cen understood, having been privy to the inside story of what happened, but, poor Claire was left in the dark.
"We have... history with these guys. Gary does NOT like these three. At ALL. PERIOD.", Jeanette explained. There was no time to go into the whole story, though.
Monroe, Bjorn and Quinn cast each other a knowing glance. "We've got an idea!", Bjorn said, a mischievous smile playing across his puckish face. With a flourish of their arms and a snap of their fingers, the Misfits of Mischief were temporarily bathed in lights of their signature colors and puffs of thick, colorful smoke. When the haze cleared, standing where just a moment previous were a trio of strapping young men in slightly baggy black suits, now stood a threesome of nubile young women in rather short and skimpy black skirts with thin white dress shirts tied around their torsos just above their midriffs and ascots tied around their necks in their respective signature colors.
"How Bout Now?", the tantalizing trio asked in unison.
"Oh, he'd definitely go for THAT!", Kate said, herself eyeing the curvy, leggy and buxom new forms the shapeshifting demigods took with a lascivious thirst.
"Hell, I'D go for that!", Jeanette concurred, getting the same carnal notions stirring in her loins that Kate and Ghede were getting, and flashing back in her mind's eye to that first night that she'd met the twisted tricksters. At the beginning of that long night's lovemaking, they had shapeshifted into similar female forms, right off the bat. There was much shapeshifting and metamorphosis that night, as Quinn, Bjorn and Monroe took turns fulfilling her wildest sexual fantasies containing celebs and super-friends alike. This led to a three week dating spree of fun times and fantastic fornication that led Captain Perfect to almost murder the trio of madcap metamorphs.
"WOO! Now THAT'S a flashback!" hooted Girl-Bjorn, somehow intruding, physically, of all things, into Jeanette's memories, "Man Oh Man, how'd you and Monroe even get into that position?!"
Jeanette winced as though watching a jump-scare in a horror movie and wondered how "Bjorn" walked into her mind.
"Eep! How did you--", she started to inquire, as Mental-Projection-Lady-Bjorn munched on a comically oversized bucket of too-buttery popcorn. At her fright, the memory started to crack and fade like an old painting and flake away into the conceptualized gravity well that issued from far beneath their feet.
"Aw!! Don't stop remembering yet!", She-Bjorn pouted between gobs full of popcorn, "The best part's coming up - Me and you and the whipped cream!"
The immersive psionic reality dissipated with an audible POOF!
"Spoilsport", Bjorn whispered at Jeanette as she playfully slapped his/her shoulders for the silly prank.
"I don't think the 'live-in nanny' thing is feasible", Centennia said, trying to totally ignore what just happened with Jeanette and the ponytailed prankster-demigoddess, despite the fact that kernels of ridiculously buttery popcorn had just cascaded out of Jeanette's ear and were currently staining Gary's carpets.
"Even if this IS a rather decent sized luxury apartment, this place is crowded enough as it is with me, Gary, Jeanette and both Claires!"
She-Quinn "p'shawed" the objection with a wave of her hand. "We don't require much room, Centennia. We can sleep in Kate's underwear drawer."
"Kate doesn't actually live here", Centennia stated with a staid exasperation, "You know - because the aforementioned lack of room?!"
"Plus," Kate Five added with a smirk, beginning to feel the utter silliness of this whole situation, "I don't wear underwear!"
Ghede purred and swerved in a visible vibration down Kate's slinky dress, billowing outward below the hips like a certain Ms. Marilyn's own dress while standing over an iconic steam grate, showcasing her smooth vagina to all and sundry.
"My hero!", 'Miss-Monroe' sang in lusty appreciation.
Before the matter of living space could be properly tabled, Claire Jones The Younger began to bawl. Casting an elongated lycanthropic ear in the baby's general direction, the newly-female form that Monroe Coyote now sported sussed out that the baby was hungry. Lady Quinn Anansi sniffed at the air and announced to all and sundry in her husky, lilting tones that the baby also needed changing. 'Madame' Bjorn Loki laced her dainty fingers together in loudly cracked her knuckles in a manner most unladylike, but still somehow very cute.
"Ladies", she said, "To BUSINESS!"
With a snap of her blue nailpolished digits, Girl-Bjorn instantly dressed herself and her 'wives' in mechanics overalls. Though they looked like something out of a 1980's hair-metal video - three sexy lady mechanics wearing almost nothing beneath their wide-open coveralls, axle grease smeared strategically in the most tantalizing of places; Quinn and Bjorn with their longer hair in messy buns and Monroe wearing a backward billed cap; the three got to work. They jacked the baby's bassinet up on a conjured hydraulic lift as though it were a malfunctioning automobile. As they changed Little Claire, replaced her little pajamas, gave her a fresh bottle and the freshly cleaned previously gifted stuffed toys which had made their way to the floor, the ladies peering in at them could hear the sound effects of power tools coming from nowhere. At the end of this bizarre living cartoon sequence, they saw that their baby was clean, fed and happy.
The domestic Super-ladies discuss it among themselves and in short order, agreed that the boys, er - GIRLS could stay on as nannies - on a trial basis.
Overjoyed, Monroe, Quinn & Bjorn reintroduced themselves to Centennia and Company as "Coi Anthony, Nanci Damian & Kiki Stanley", respectively. Just for the sake of keeping it all a secret from Captain Perfect - if he ever made it HOME!
Accepting the ladies' invitation, the Maidens of Mischief trotted to the front door just before the doorbell buzz that they seemed to somehow be expecting. When it rang, "Kiki" flung it open to let in a manifested bellhop carrying an ungodly amount of matching blue luggage. He was followed by a duplicate carrying a set in purple, then another in green. The smartly dressed bellhops filed into the apartment, down the hall and into the room at the end of the hall - of which there wasn't one before- dumped the luggage and filed back out the front door. The last bellhop in the line standing starch-straight, eyes closed and holding out his hand waiting for a tip.
"Oh, here, let me--", said Centennia, who had stayed in many a posh hotel in her decades of life. She grabbed her purse and rummaged around for a ten dollar bill. Gladly, she began to place the crisp bill in the gloved hand of the bellhop. She hadn't seen smart, efficient service like this nineteen forty-fi--
"HEY! Waitaminute!', she spat, realizing what she was about to do - give money to a man who most likely didn't even exist! As she locked eyes with the fresh faced homunculus in the pillbox hat, he winked at her and blinked out of existence in a spark of green light. Centennia whipped her head around to stare daggers at the trickster godlings for tricking her. They simply smiled, wiggle-waved their dainty fingers at her and blew her a kiss. Was this what it was going to be like having these three around? maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. As she rolled her eyes in abject annoyance, the wall clock hoved into her field of vision. If she and Kate were going to salvage what was left of their night out, they had to go! NOW! What was it going to be? Wait for Captain IMperfect, or enjoy what would probably be the only night out she would have - with Kate - for the forseeable future?
Claire's Two Mommies grabbed their coats and rushed out to unwind. Claire Senior did the same. Jeanette was about to make her egress using the window, but, at the last moment, biting her lip in worry, asked herself how was she gonna explain all this to Captain Perfect? She turned for one last glance at the supernatural troublemakers she'd invited into her boyfriend's home. They were busying themselves straightening up the apartment: 'Kiki' picking up her previously discarded popcorn, 'Nanci' helping Baby Claire pretend to toddle, and 'Coi' fluffing up couch pillows and straightening magazines on the coffee table - all three bending low at the waist, their o so very short microskirts failing miserably to cover their pert, round backsides and the plump, juicy-looking feminine treats that their white cotton panties were barely able to contain.
"Yeah, I'll think of something!", Jeanette whispered to herself with a naughty smile and a stiffening member as she took to the skies off the apartment's balcony.
"Well, that went well", Nanci stated, in between rounds of peekaboo with Little Claire.
"Now", Coi continued, "we can make sure baby-girl grows up good and strong and ready for all the weird crap she's gonna have to live through in her future, as only we can."
"And", added Kiki, "with a little bit of protection magic, a couple of boons from the three of us and luck on her side, she just might be the one to save the whole universe from the icky badness that's coming."
Blissfully unaware of what any of the night's craziness meant, Baby Claire Jones drifted off into a peaceful, post-peekaboo slumber. The girls gathered her up and tiptoed her into her mother's room and softly deposited her in the bassinet.
Just a couple of hours later, before everyone else was due to arrive home from their evening's activities, "Coi Anthony", stuffing her lovely face with Captain Perfect's tortilla chips and salsa as she still possessed Monroe Coyote's demigod appetite in her slender new bod, ruminated on her night's achievements.
"Ladies", she said, "somebody should probably go break up the fight between the Captain Perfects before their superpowers and super-egos destroy the city, or something."
Her wives agreed. It was a necessary machination that they'd pulled off - plucking a Captain Perfect from an alternate dimension and tricking him into facing off against this world's Gary to keep him busy long enough to manipulate his ladies into letting them near the newborn - but two knuckle-draggers of that power level could do a lot of damage to the entire Eastern Seaboard if left unchecked. That was the problem with those "Kal-El level" super-hunks. Finding someone in their weight class to really give 'em a run for their money was usually an Extinction Level Event by the time the dust cloud settled.
Honestly, something must have happened to curtail the carnage, as you'd think you'd hear it on the news if Manhattan was being wrecked... or even New Jersey!!
All the reporters were saying was that there WAS a fight between Captain Perfect and some sort of "evil clone", but no reports of lost life. Just lots and lots of property damage from NYC to BOSTON(?!).
It really was a good idea to find them and put a stop to the fight. At BEST, such a slugfest could go on for days and get BORING! Of course, Gary's couch was surprisingly comfortable, the snacks were delicious and the lazy but pleasant diddling each lady was employing on the supple, dewy vagina of the girl to either side of her made it awfully hard to get up and go check on the havoc they'd orchestrated.
"Rochambeau?", Nanci suggested.
The girls balled their little fists up and - One! Two! Three! SHOOT!
Coi's tight fist stayed tight. Rock!
Nanci's hand opened, her fingers outstretched into the flat gesture of Paper!
"Death Ray!", Kiki shouted, her two primary digits and thumb making the 'finger guns' formation, which quickly transformed into an actual laser weapon issuing from her slender wrist.
Paper covers rock, sure enough, but neither of those materials can overcome "Death Ray", apparently.
"Fine, I'll go", hissed Coi, rising from the couch and pulling the tiny, tight skirt down over her bare nethers. Tucking her pert brown breast back into her white uniform blouse, she clapped her hands smartly, a single time, and with that loud "BAP", she disappeared from her mates in the living room and reappeared on a rooftop in Massachusetts.
Surveying her surroundings, she found no trace of the Perfect Double Act, save for cracked concrete, small fires and overturned cars on the street below. They were here, alright, but they seemed to be long gone. Following the ever-decreasing trail of carnage, Coi tracked the Garys to a rather swanky-looking hotel just inside the Boston city limits. She breezed past the concierge at the front desk as though he wasn't even there. With a snap of her fingers, the elevator door opened, and up she went, amid protests from the lobby staff. Soon, she arrived at the 23rd floor, where her coyote-hearing detected the various 'oohs', 'ahs' and moans of copulation that she'd come to know all too well from her travels around the greater omniverse. Transforming into her 'Shadow Coyote' form and sliding beneath the hotel door, she saw what she only half expected to see. There was Captain Perfect and his dark alternate, double-teaming a pair of willing groupies on the bed closest to the hotel window. The girls were face to face, propped up on their knees, making out like lipstick, taken orally, was the cure to cancer while Gary and Gary entered each of them from behind - practically lifting the carnal cuties off the bed with their thrusting, and high-fiving each other as though they'd just won the Super Bowl.
What began as a battle that would have shaken continents, had some how progressed into each of the Perfect Combatants commiserating over their respective girl troubles at a Boston dive bar staffed with very buxom young waitresses. That's where they had obtained their playmates for later that evening. It seemed that 'Perfect Dark', in his own reality had lost his own Centennia's affection, not to that world's Kate Five, but, to Commander Valor, who had turned out a LOT less repressed and tightly wound than our own version. PD and his Kate Five took solace in losing such a magnificent woman in each others' arms, and as such, each brought out the dark side of one another. They even got MARRIED! Perfect Dark and his black-hearted bride had taken over the planet once Centennia and Charles Trent left Earth for parts unknown. Very few could stand up to them, and even the supers on their own power levels were ultimately defeated by the army of supers loyal to them. Unfortunately, with domination came stagnation. Running an entire planet wasn't all whipping the peons and having grapes peeled for you. It was mostly paperwork! In time, Perfect Dark and "Negative Kate Five" got on each others' nerves and came to blows. In a fight that lasted nine hours, PD managed to vanquish his wicked wife. In a fit of depression, he relinquished his political power. He just wanted things to go back to normal - robbing banks, screwing hot chicks, brawling with worthy opponents and wallowing in cash like a certain Scottish Duck from the cartoons. But, with most of the more powerful supers of his world gone, he was mainly just BORED. When the three oddball Space Wizards (in robes of familiar green, blue and purple designs, respectively) showed up and promised him a proper fight with someone who could 'measure up', he jumped at the chance, and was brought over to our Earth.
Our Gary, hearing this tale, was overcome with a sort of jealousy for his dark doppelganger. Though he loved Jeanette dearly and would always love Centennia in his fashion, he was envious of the freedom that Perfect Dark had from relationships and responsibilities. His other version had literally taken over his whole planet without Centennia in his life! (He had even gotten to shtupp, then put a permanent end to his version of a certain alien/amazonian hybrid thorn in his side the way Our Gary only WISHED he could!)
Neither men spent too much time ruminating on whose proverbial grass was greener, as the busty waitresses, who bore a striking resemblance to the actresses who played a certain duo of comic book girls in a love triangle with a certain redheaded high school boy, save for larger bosoms, expressed their fandom for superheroes in general, Captain Perfect in particular and asked which one was the 'real' one.
"There's an easy way you can find out", PD intimated, springing for a hotel room for himself, "Betty & Veronica" and the mirror image that he had been trying to beat to a pulp not 25 minutes previous.
Coi allowed the fornicating foursome to finish their freaky festivities, and, as the last of them drifted off into a satisfied sex coma (That would have been blonde, buxom "Betty"), the unseen chaos demigoddess snapped her green-lacquered fingers, making Perfect Dark disappear back from whence he came and manifested a green digital alarm clock on the nightstand next to the hotel bed, with an alarm set for half an hour from now. She then teleported back to her mates and continued canoodling on the couch.
Jeanette was the first superheroine to wend her way home. The Section P meeting was pretty uneventful as far as superteam meetings went. An old villain or two had popped back up in New York City, so they had to be on their guard. Captain Rhys told his teammates that he had just been interviewed in Masque Magazine.
Claire Jones Senior walked in the door to the apartment with her date in tow - a rather statuesque dusky-skinned male model with silky hair dyed a dark maroon, cheekbones that could cut glass, a bubble butt that had to be ogled to be believed and a rather pronounced bulge at the front of his stylish tuxedo trousers that drew every eye in the room. He was wearing a black silk tie with a blue hammerhead shark adorning it. His name was Drew Dane, and he was positively stunning! Claire said quick hellos to all and sundry and announced that she and Drew were going to her room to quality check the soundproofing. She requested not to be disturbed until breakfast - make that brunch! As his lady friend hauled him across the living room floor with all due speed. He locked eyes with the trio of nannies - noting that said eyes were all a golden yellow. They, in turn, noted that they could see his own jet black sclera and ice-blue irises that seem to bleed through the normal looking brown eyes that he was projecting to the others. Drew Dane was a demigod and shapeshifter, much like themselves!
"Um, d'you know that your nannies are supernaturals?", Drew asked Claire, just to make sure she knew who - or what - was in her house. She assured him that it was a long story, but, her mothers say that they're alright, and that was good enough for her. Besides, there were other things she had on her mind and between her slender legs that were far more important at the moment!
"Wasn't that Proteus's kid?", Nanci Damian asked her wives of the poor boy who was about to be ravaged by GrownUp Claire.
"Best not to mention it, babycakes", Kiki Stanley retorted, "We don't wanna deep dive into the lore of other comics. It'll confuse the readers!"
With that, all three of the lascivious lasses turned a playful, knowing gaze to you, the reader, out there beyond the fabled Fourth Wall with a wink, a raised eyebrow and a blown kiss. They do enjoy the attentions of an omniversal audience when being clever, after all.
It wasn't too much later that Captain Perfect FINALLY dragged his ragged and exhausted carcass back home. Landing on the balcony and entering the sliding glass door, he surveyed the luxury apartment that he shared with a gaggle of lovely ladies (whom he was absolutely sure were going to rip into him) and observed that there were suddenly three more!
There was a perky Caucasian girl in a sinfully short skirt gathering baby toys from the floor while chatting up Kate Five, who was STILL HERE, for some reason. A sexy Black girl with long braids and heart-shaped tinted shades who was bringing Centennia a breast pump and discussing it's features, operation and futuristic reinforcements, while a sinewy Native American girl with short, somewhat spiky hair was giggling with Jeanette, sharing some private joke. Gary insinuated himself between Coi Anthony and his ladylove, excused them, and dragged Jeanette to the other side of the room.
"Babe?! WHO are all these women?!"
Jeanette was still shaky about trying to explain to Gary - to essentially LIE to him - about the girls, but, she swallowed her fear and simply blurted it all out.
"These girls are, er, the new nannies for the kid! Um, that Centennia hired. Y'know, so's we can all save the world and still have, um, lives. And stuff."
"I can't believe this", Gary managed to say, his mighty hands clasping the sides of his skull and staring at the three NEW feminine intruders in his space, "You got me - I mean, the baby - three hot nannies? THREE?!"
"Uh yeah", Jeanette tried to hastily explain, "See, the kid may develop powers-- hell, we prettymuch know she will, and--"
"Where will we put 'em?", Gary mused, his hand subconsciously snaking down to the front of his super-shorts and beginning to manipulate his member through the fabric while ogling the proud breasts of Coi Anthony as she conversed with Kate Five and the other nanny, Kiki. "I guess they can sleep with me, I mean US, y'know, if push comes to shove!"
"Heh. You'd LIKE it if push came to shove, wouldn't ya?", Jeanette asked her gobsmacked beau, suddenly realizing that, not only was he NOT mad about the girls, but, he wasn't even listening to her flimsy explanations.
"No", she continued, "they took the room at the end of the hall."
It was just then that Captain Perfect began to barely register that something may have been fishy.
"HEY!", He bellowed, "There IS no room at the end of the hall!"
At that cue, Nanci Damian who had ducked out, returned to the living room and announced that The little munchkin was still sleeping peacefully, for now, and that the three nannies were going to get some sleep if they were to be fresh for learning the baby's routine tomorrow morning. Peeling off their tight clothing right there in the living room, Gary utterly forgot what he was about to be upset about. White cotton panties dropped to the floor. Beautiful brown breasts made themselves visible, free from their already diaphanous white blouses. The trio of bombshells peeled off their clingy stockings and shucked their tight little skirts as though the garments were causing them pain. Gary and all the ladies in the living room got a serious eyeful as Coi announced that she and her fellow nannies were about to shower - together - "To conserve water", of course.
"So, Gary", Kate leaned in to inquire, "about the baby's new nannies... we hope you don't mind if--"
Kate didn't even have to finish her sentence.
"Yeah-yeah! Sure! This is best plan. I like this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it!", Gary blurted, never taking his eyes off the threesome of naked, nubile nannies as they bounced to the bathroom.
"That was easy.", Kate said to Jeanette and Cen as they watched Gary watch the girls.
"This may work out for the better, after all", Centennia whispered, softening to the whole idea now that Captain Perfect's super-libido clouded his judgment just enough to allow all this madness without scrutinizing too deeply.
"Plus", Jeanette added, "knowin' those three like I do, they work for free, more or less. We just have to keep 'em supplied with booze, sugar & nookie."
Centennia and Kate smiled knowingly at one another. That would NOT be a problem in this house. Gary was already peeling off his supertights on his way to the bathroom. Water conservation, indeed!
The ladies were all convinced that this was definitely the right decision. Looking at little Claire sleeping, Centennia and her lady love decided that they should retire too.
Having had a spectacular night, Kate figured that it would be okay if she stayed overnight. Gary wouldn't protest this time. He was, after all, very busy at the moment, if all the squeaking, grunting and moaning coming from the bathroom shower was any indication. Jeanette walked herself to Gary's master bedroom to await his post-"shower" arrival. Despite any fun he was having with the three new additions to their merry menagerie, he was an insatiable superhuman sex machine. There'd still be some lovin' left for her. Besides, she would definitely also avail herself of The Nannies of Naughtiness when that certain mood struck, so, she couldn't be mad at him. She'd just have to keep their shapeshifting abilities on the down-low. For now, anyway, lest Gary lose his cool.
All the lights were turned out. In the corner of Centennia's bedroom, while she snuggled with Kate in blissful slumber, Baby Claire half-woke. The stuffed animals that her new overseers had given her were too far out of her tiny reach. The coyote on the floor, the spider in the far corner of the bassinet and the goat atop it's arachnid friend's own head. Without fully waking, the infant reached out for her fuzzy comfort objects and flexed her little fingers. Black tendrils of wispy matter flowed from her tiny digits like octopus tentacles, wrapped themselves around the stuffed toys in their remote locations, and pulled them to the drowsy cherub. Snuggling them, she faded back into the Sandman's blissful embrace.
It's an excellent story, very funny and with a lot of our favorite characters!
I especially liked imagining the part where Claire's towel slips and the misfits are left drooling.
And imagine Gary when he finds he screw those imps!
Really it was a great reading!
Oh man, that was a lot of fun! And I can tell you has a lot of fun with it, too! What interesting new developments! Really awesome how you paid attention to all the characters involved and gave them all your attention. It’s the equivalent of my big group pictures- but as story! Having someone write saucy stories about my characters- that is definitely comic-making goals! WELL DONE!
I'm very glad you enjoyed it I tried to keep to the characters' personalities as best I could.
i also tried to weave in a few options that could leave story elements open for any plans you or CK01 have for stories of Claire's past (future), and feel free to use "Coi, Nanci and Kiki" any way you guys like, til the little munchkin is old enough to not need nannies anymore.