I just want to keep you in the loop about what's been going on as usual, and for me to be able to get things off of my chest, I guess. I had told myself that I wouldn't say anything until I had a definite diagnosis, but I really feel like I just need moral support because you have all been so awesome in the past. I don't want to keep it to myself anymore because it's weighing on me and stress is a factor in a lot of health issues. I want to do everything possible not to be stressed out, so if you don't mind sharing my burden keep reading. If you're triggered or disturbed by health issues, please don't read further!
Basically, I had a pelvic exam recently, as you do. My doctor is really good and she sent me for a series of ultrasounds because I do have PCOS, which is a syndrome in which cysts grow on your ovaries. It can be painful and cause a lot of different medical issues. When I had those ultrasounds I was prepared to find cysts, but my doctor explained they found what could be a hemorrhagic cyst. However, this 'mass' is 7 inches in diameter which is really big. But, they couldn't for sure identify what exactly the nature of the mass was.
I'm sure anyone reading this, especially those with anxiety, know the fear I have knowing something that big is growing in my body. Since my family has a long history of ovarian and uterine cancers, my doctor was concerned and sent me for more ultrasounds. These ultrasounds revealed that it may also be inflammation of my left fallopian tube, but again couldn't confirm it. So, whatever this is, I do need surgery. But, I do need to know what it is exactly to know what kind of surgical intervention that I need. My doctor, who is just excellent, scheduled an MRI for me to get a definite answer. So, that's where I am right now: waiting for a date to go for my MRI. That being said, my doctor is pretty confident it's just a very large cyst, and the chances of it being cancer are low. But, still, I'm really afraid.
My anxiety and stress have been through the roof for the last two months. Every time I lay down to go to sleep, or I turn over or move a certain way, I keep imagining that I can feel whatever it is in my belly. I know I can't, but I keep thinking that I can. So, I've lost a lot of sleep and peace over this issue. I've been so stressed out it made me sick, which is why I've been at the hospital getting care. I had such an intense migraine that I couldn't tolerate light or noise, and I was vomiting constantly. The doctors at the hospital gave me several tests, including a CT scan and didn't see anything in my brain. They concluded the migraine was brought on by stress and made sure that I had pain medication to be more comfortable, and medication to help me sleep.
It's been a lot better the last few days, but it still scared the heck out of my family.
That's where I hit the breaks to give you guys some good news! I finally got Bailey's passport, and everything is clear and free! We go to court this August to testify against her father, so I need to be in top form to support her, which I plan on being. But, my mom, who is absolutely the best mom in the world (sorry other moms), got really concerned about my health and decided that I needed a real break. So, she booked a week trip to Cuba on May 20th! Seriously!
This is coming at the perfect time for my family, we all have reasons why we need this get away. We were able to surprise Bailey in the sweetest way possible, and got it on camera! I'll try to figure out how to put the video up on here because it's really cute. (Does anyone know how to upload videos on dA?) Bailey is totally stoked, she's already packed her bag! Bailey has never been outside the province of Ontario -this will be her first time to see the world, and I am so excited to share that experience with her!
So, that's what is happening right now. Please send me your good vibrations everyone. My therapist recommended that I meditate and ask my mass to shrink or get smaller, which I find is helping me a lot. If you could try that for me I'd be really grateful. Positive thoughts are on par with gold bars at this point in my life!
So, from May 20th to May 28th I will not have ANY internet access because Cuba is very difficult to get internet access in - but you can continue to message me and I will respond when I do return. Also, if you'd like a postcard from Cuba, let me know! I can't guarantee I'll get everyone, but I will send out a couple with Miss Bailey!
Thank you for all your support and your time! Love you~
Anna + Bailey