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About Deviant vgaerFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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just desperately begging for passage,
let me in let me in I say to myself, won’t let myself in…
I feel a little pretty when my hair is wet &
I am clean/purity/perfect/nonexistent/tangible
I find myself a little off (but maybe I’m a little on)
and puberty is a cruel mistress
(is it too much to ask
for a little symmetry?)
clean/pretty girls don’t masturbate and they don’t think about
boys and girls and what they want to do with them
or cry when they are naked
because it hurts a little to face
I’ve lost the power of sweet metaphors, of
pretty turns of phrases and
clever letters,
all I’ve left is
my stark bare
:iconminifeminist:minifeminist 1 0
new year's revelations
I rang in the new year with a typed-out version of the guttural scream of the fuck word I would have given had my entire family not been in the next room.  I asked permission from the moderator in the dA chatroom I was in, as all-capitals, violent cursing, and irrelevant shouting were generally not allowed.  The catharsis, however, seemed necessary.  I was having a shitty shit shithole of a night, and I needed somewhere to express it.  After this I returned to my family, played at having a fun night with Scrabble, thanking the stars for the concealing panes of my glasses, hiding tears.
When it came time to go to bed around 3:00 AM, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep alone.  I begged my sister to let me sleep next to her, but I just ended up sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.  I felt so scared, so guilty and awful.  Eventually I got up and went next door to my closest sister’s room.  I spilled everythi
:iconminifeminist:minifeminist 1 2
the drink they gave us was made with real lemons
according to a best guess which for me was usually second-rate
but we drank heartily and I think they slipped a happiness drug in it because
I never had such a great party before or since—
god, what a pretty sun rising up behind our laughs
couldn’t see so well but I felt warmth and our lost souls
were pretty well in harmony, I mean, when you think about something like that—
it’s not something so easy to achieve,
a harmony of Souls as they might say,  I guess for just a few corporeal failures
we did a pretty good job that one time
coming together to maybe make something better than we each had been
and I wonder if you could take apart a solution
pull out the sugar and water and lemon and see what the memories were really made of
because I wish I had asked at the time
maybe read the label—
but then I wouldn’t have believed in us
:iconminifeminist:minifeminist 1 0
feel just like a baby by minifeminist feel just like a baby :iconminifeminist:minifeminist 0 0
trying to be pretty
this is a quiet acknowledgement
of running a hand over skin to see if it is soft
and over a body to see if it is full
and of measuring the size but more importantly the consistency of breasts
and of taking close-ups at odd angles to trick the camera
into believing someone is beautiful
this is a quiet breaking of an unwritten rule
to keep things silent that should not have to be silent
to put on paper the things that happen behind closed curtain,
under insulating cover.  to hide the moments of just trying
to convince oneself of those words oft-touted by the overconfident,
who are really just trying to convince themselves too:
            'i'm happy with my body'
because like hell you are but at least you try
in the shower when you have to be naked and you can't help but wonder
when someone else one day sees all of you like that,
if they'll feel like you do about it or if that was just all
in your head
this is a quiet
:iconminifeminist:minifeminist 0 2
finding an escape from the
just hard to find stability
don’t know what’s a nightmare, and what’s just thoughts, swirling round my
subconscious is out to get me
can't stop my dreaming – it's not the storms and not the bleeding –
it’s what people say and how they hurt me that
haunts me,   hurts for the reality of it.
i know:
sleep will not save me – at least in waking hours i can feel myself breathing
but there is always another nightmare waiting for me.
questions i can’t answer and dreams i can’t make sense of
just reaching reaching grabbing onto air
wondering why
why i can't grab hold of a cloud
forget, i need to forget everything that ever existed
stop following me.
stop, i feel your eyes on me judging
i don’t mean to displease anyone, i’m sorry
i tried.
waking in the morning, such a chore
dressing in the morning  kills me
have to face the world, thinking: what will they think
looking in the mirror with outside eyes
say to myself i
:iconminifeminist:minifeminist 2 0
always the bridesmaid
We invented symbolism; it’s only because we wish it
that a flock of birds flying over Andrew Bird’s stage
becomes not a coincidence but as a man in the crowd put it,
birds who “heard their brother making music”
It sounds pretty; oh so fated and karmic.
But we’re not as special as we like to think,
the universe doesn’t send events our way
so we can marvel at their significance.
Sometimes birds are just trying to get somewhere cooler for the summer.
Some of us are always just supporting characters,
there to provide comic relief or the darndest things that kids say
or to get in the waay.  Necessary, but just barely.
We all want to think we’re feeling something special,
when we are standing at a stage feeling all in the music
and happy and great but there are so many people around us.
They will go home with their stories just like we with ours.
There is no big picture that anyone will ever see.
We’re all in our little bubbles, pretending fo
:iconminifeminist:minifeminist 0 0
murky the water by minifeminist murky the water :iconminifeminist:minifeminist 1 0 city swampy by minifeminist city swampy :iconminifeminist:minifeminist 0 0 the park by minifeminist the park :iconminifeminist:minifeminist 1 0


The Everything Show by raisegrate The Everything Show :iconraisegrate:raisegrate 527 392
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Far Away
Sometimes we grow up like this:
gyroscopic, like sunflowers, our faces turning
towards the sun.  And the sun is more than a ball
of burning gas.  The sun is warm and bright
and alive.  And we are warm and bright and alive.
I am no bloom.  Wings do not rely
on the kindness of strangers.  But sometimes they will tell you
that people aren’t things you can own.
They will tend to the flowers, they will lean into the garden,
prune dead leaves and reshape
innocent bushes.  Their sweat will drip into
your faces, my glittering lilies, my lonely and cynical roses,
and they will tell you how to
come into your own.  They will say the world is a
cold and frightening place when you are
far from your home soil.  They will pack your roots with compost
and entice you to stay.
Rise from the dirt and move on.
:iconcitywings:citywings 180 74
When The Tough Fall In Love... by JaimeIbarra When The Tough Fall In Love... :iconjaimeibarra:JaimeIbarra 16,528 1,126 Choice by daniellesylvan Choice :icondaniellesylvan:daniellesylvan 328 587


:iconposhlost: :iconwonderfulrachel: :iconcitywings: :iconunfamiliar-faces: :iconchibi-lemon-pop: :iconleoraigarath: :iconjohohanna: :iconladytana: :iconjuliaisadragon: :iconforwinds: :iconlit-twitter: :icontetemeko: :icondreamsinstatic:



United States
Welcome to my page. I used to be vgaer but I moved to this account on September 24th, 2009. I am sad to lose my subscription but really did not feel comfy anymore on my old account. I see it as a relic of a person I once was and prefer to keep it as a preservation of my old work. At least it will be ad-free for another nine months, right? Is it weird that whenever I think of nine months I think, "Hey, that's how long it would take to make a baby"?

But I digress. Anyway, I'll be uploading new stuff once in a while, though not as often as I used to because I'm in high school now and do not have as much time on my hands and prefer to spend what free time I DO have studying. Lame, I know.

You can find me on my blog, also,, but I'm going to try to post many of my entries there here as well, either as journals or as deviations, depending on their quality/subject matter.

P.S. If anyone happens to feel like giving away a subscription, I would soooo be receptive. :heart:

Current Residence: new orleans
deviantWEAR sizing preference: small clothes/13" laptop
Print preference: best you feel like givin' me!

NaNoWriMo Progress ... Week 1 is done

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 9, 2009, 1:18 AM

Total: 11,211
Goal: 50,000
Words Left: 38,789
Days Left: 21
Daily Goal: 1847




Add a Comment:
leoraigarath Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010  Professional Writer
Hello :wave:

Just wanted to thank you for the follow, the comments and the caring. Thank you very much :hug:

What's up with you? Hope that everything's good at your side of the screen,

- Omri
( `leoraigarath )
unfamiliar-faces Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2009
OMG. did you make it into southern division?
minifeminist Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2009
unfamiliar-faces Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2009
YAYY! i know caroline made it in too.
minifeminist Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2009
yep! i hope we can go!
(1 Reply)
unfamiliar-faces Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2009
I DIDNT MAKE IT TO FINALS. WHOOT. emily and caroline did though.
minifeminist Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2009
ooh, let me know who wins when finals happen.
unfamiliar-faces Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2009
fosure. did you make it?
haaaa i saw you today. i was also having the worst day ever and really wanted to get out of there. xD so yah.
minifeminist Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2009
nah we haven't done oratory yet.
i totally understand that. i think we've all had those days...
(1 Reply)
leoraigarath Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2009  Professional Writer
Hello :wave:

How are you? Hope that things are great over there :nod:
I just wanted to thank you for the watch and support. It really means a lot to me :thanks:

- Omri
( `leoraigarath )
Add a Comment: