Anyways, call me Mina. I want to be a writer, because I’ve found that I love reading and writing stories. My dream is to someday be a full time writer, but first I need to get the first book published. Lol. With my writing, I hope to entertain and inspire. There were certain books that got me really excited, and I want to give readers that same feeling.
For this workshop, I think my novel’s genre is YA Urban Fantasy. It’s young adult for sure. There are parallel world elements, and paranormal super hero type powers going on. That’s the best way to describe it.
The intensity is low-medium. It should be understandable to almost anyone. The fantasy elements are definitely NOT high fantasy. It takes place in the US, so there may be some cultural things that may confuse some people. Not sure if this should be included in this part, but there are no sex scenes, or swearing. There is some violence that will include blood, but it’s not super graphic.
The conflict is mostly external with the heroes fighting the villains and trying to save the day. There is some inner conflict with the main character, like keeping her powers a secret, and gaining the courage to fight for what she believes in.
The story is a comedy. The ending is mostly happy.
Now for the chapter edit. I chose an excerpt from Don’t Judge a Girl by her Cover by Ally Carter. It’s not urban fantasy, but it is YA, and it has the elements of action, a secret life, and female protags, which is similar to my novel. This is used for educational purposes and writing practice, and I’m not trying to improve the book. In fact, I highly recommend this series.
This falls under Fair Use 1. Text of Section 107 of title 17, United States Code as amended in 1990 and 1992 for the legal right of reproduction for the purpose of commentary and education.
Bibliographical Credit Carter, Ally. Chapter 3. Don’t Judge a Girl by her Cover. New York: Disney Hyperion Books, 2009. N. pag. Print
This is the original excerpt.
Here’s the thing about covert operations: the really bad things always happen when you least expect them. The bad guys don’t give you a heads-up when you’re going to be attacked. They don’t let you wait thirty minutes after eating. And they never, ever let you stop to put on comfortable shoes.So training for that kind of life means one thing: spy school is never really out of session.
I thought about the piece of paper in Macey’s hands and told myself it could have been an innocent mistake, a change of plans. It didn’t mean our teachers had intentionally drawn Macey- and by extension, me- onto a roof with some kind of terrible test in mind. It didn’t mean we had a fight coming. It didn’t mean my heart had a reason to race.
But I still looked at my roommate and asked, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Macy shrugged. “Our teachers wouldn’t do anything in front of him.” She gestured to Preston, who was leaning over the railing, staring down at the chaos on the street below, completely oblivious to the dark spot that was on the horizon and moving in fast.
I thought about Preston’s missing itinerary. “Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be here?”
And with that, Macey let her piece of paper fall; I saw it flit and float in the air, and swirl around us as the chopper hovered lower. It was as if Macey had let her cover fall as well. The hotel was full of people who would only see the candidate’s daughter, but right then-right there, there was no doubt who Macey McHenry had to be.
“Hey you guys, look at-“ Preston said, finally noticing the helicopter above us. He stopped suddenly as a rope fell from the chopper and dangled between the sky and roof.
I heard a click, a metallic creak as the door to the roof opened. But instead of Charlie, two masked figures stepped into the glaring sun. And then I couldn’t help myself; I screamed, “I’m summer vacation!”
For my edits I changed it to third person, because that’s the style I write in. I also did a bit of cutting and tweaks here and there. The original source is pretty solid, so I just focused on making changes based on my own writing style. On a side note, is it wrong to use “You” in third person? This is something that has always thrown me off, so I changed it to “One.”
Altered Version
Here’s the thing about covert operations: the really bad things always happen when least expected. The bad guys don’t give a heads-up before attacks. One can’t wait thirty minutes after eating. And they never, ever let one stop to put on comfortable shoes.
So training for that kind of life meant one thing: spy school was never out of session.
Cammy thought about the paper in Macey’s hand. It could have been an innocent mistake, or a change of plans. It didn’t mean their teachers had intentionally drawn them onto a roof with some kind of terrible test in mind. It didn’t mean they had a fight coming.
So why wouldn’t Cammy’s heart stop racing?
She glanced at her roommate. “You don’t think. . .?”
Macey frowned. “I doubt they’d do anything in front of him.” She gestured to Preston, who leaned over the railing, staring down at the chaotic street, oblivious to the dark spot on the horizon moving fast.
“Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be here,” Cammy said. Wasn’t his itinerary missing?
Macey dropped her piece of paper. It floated and flitted, swirling around as the chopper lowered. Her cover fell as well. Everyone below only saw her as the candidate’s daughter, but right then-right there, there was no doubt who Macey McHenry had to be.
“Hey you guys-“ Preston trailed off, finally noticing the helicopter above them. His mouth dropped as a rope fell from the chopper, dangling between the sky and roof.
With a metallic creak, the roof’s door opened, but instead of Charlie, two masked figures stepped into the glaring sun.
So much for summer vacation.