Time for the big life update on my bullshit. Not that anyone cares but I'm trying to regain some use of my hands by typing.
The last entry was posted during my vacation which turned into a week long nap cause I started new medication. It's a mood stabilizer. Fun.
Which was great and all, adjusting to it and not being able to draw.
I mean.. Fuck. But during all that I was manic for weeks straight until the sudden realization hit me yet again
that my life is going no where.
Meaning, I had a bad crash. Art's been difficult. I haven't been able to sit and focus on content creating. I have commissions in my queue that I'm just not able to touch. I can open the file, that's step one. But then I close it cause I can't bring myself to work on it. I really want to. Cause commissions are fun. But I'm lacking so much motivation and will power. Even on personal projects. My comics been in limbo for like 3 years now. I love admitting that, it makes me feel really good. So, I'm sorry for the lack of content.
Even my job is tiring me out. New management has me working 40 hour work weeks and I can't even hit
40 cause that'd be overtime. SO I'm working long shifts 5 days straight and have to keep good timing so I don't hit that 40. The paycheck is ideal for Christmas time, sure! But it's not for my artistic energies! Cause I have none! Cool!
I was trying to do this trial run of my medication and working myself to death now that it's kinda been.. numbed out. But I had a tiny breakdown the other night and I have no idea why.
Probably cause I'm being stressed out and my brain has it on the back burner. Everyone else knows I'm going thru and dealing with a lot, but I 'm not able to see it anymore! My brain knows! I haven't broke down crying in almost over a month. It's just been that bad. It was worse before though so no worries.
Other small sad note:
Tumblr had a "scandal", everyone's fled cause now NSFW content is banned. I stopped using tumblr religiously long ago cause that's called self care. Some of y'all new peeps be from there following me on Twitter or on here. Hi.
I still post art there when I can, though. It's just not worth the upkeep and I've deleted my NSFW blog already.
THE HIGHLIGHT THOUGH THAT I'M STOKED FOR
I've met a few of my online friends.. On this site, y'know. Cause online friendship is really important! Flying out here to Florida and having fun is always something to look forward to.
YEARS AGO I knew this person in a chatroom that has since died a tragic death. It was.. an acquaintance thing. We weren't buddy buddy until like.. just a year ago we started talking daily.
NOW IN 154 DAYS HE'LL BE FLYING OUT HERE AND IT'S STILL NOT HITTING ME THAT IT'S HAPPENING.
Bought the ticket like, Thursday night or something. May 14th he shall LAND HERE AND WE'LL HAVE VALENTINO'S.
I'm really grateful for him. He's done a lot for me and he's my best friend. ;__________; He pushed me to take the right direction and get help for myself cause I honestly would've never probably done it. Love him. HE ALSO SENT ME SUPER SWEET CARDS IN THE MAIL AND I TEAR UP EVERY TIME CAUSE FUCK I LOVE THEM. I keep them by my bedside. (They're also super cute cards design wise.)
Oh I just got my Pusheen Box in the mail! Look what came in it!
Good box this time too, I think.
Gonna go for a walk and then hopefully get some art going.