Shortly for people who i owe art for
I will be doing them shortly and ASAP!
Now onto the whole journal itself skip if you're not interested in reading it
Remember that you can always exit the journal mid sentence; getting frustrated or sad or angry is on you.
Hello peeps. I haven't given you an update about myself in a relatively long time and I thought this would be the most appropriate time to do so.
I am in a downward spiral with my mental health. Everyday I am picking it up for a fight all over again; it doesn't go away magically overnight.. I wish it would.
Every time I look at my drawing tablet I think I shouldn't touch it cus whatever I would do .. Wouldn't be good enough for anyone. Which is now the reason I am super slow with the owed art and I'm sorry about that.
I have so much stuck in my head that I am not able to discuss about, either that I can't for my own reasons or I don't have a suitable person to talk to||professional help
for me doesn't work. It has been seen in the past. I wont start explaining that but you need to take my word for it. ||
Everyday it feels like I'm getting closer to insanity.
You're smart; i know; so..
Lets all talk about the concept of " Mind maps "
You got the core idea, you draw a bubble, do a line; write detail about the core idea, draw more lines and bubbles from that detail to get more detailed and do that as many times as you can and how many ever times you can get a different bubble and sectionthat's how my brain functions
no matter if it is a positive or negative thought. My brain is a constant never ending mind map building and building; and it does get tiring nowadays.
The darkest of my thoughts comes and affects my thoughts every day. I try to fight it as much as I can but ultimately I just try to forget it; shove it aside and bottle it up like everything else.
I can't pick up my phone to see who has missed me; because there is no one who would.
I can not open my screen to look at the things that used to make me happy.
I can not smile like I used to smile; so bright it would lighten up your day.
Everyday i come to my computer. I know I should be working on owed art but I'm not good enough. I want to be good enough; I don't want to disappoint any of you.
What comes to ARPG's I'm probably soon nearing my end with Kukuri's. Meaning I might .. Leave.
See I would've said everything two days ago a little bit better. But it wouldn't've been convenient foorrrrr obvious reasons.
Everything around me is becoming a blur. Everyday I do wait for someone.. Something.. What am I waiting for you ask? Well it's such a good question; I don't have an answer for..
Every day i keep on pushing forwards. I don't have anything to keep me here, to tie me down and actually make me see that I have something/someone to fight for.
I don't have that.
Everyday i just keep pushing forwards for what? I don't know. You can't know about this world.
I sure as hell am not doing this for myself.
The feeling of me needing to be there for other people is strong enough for me to try and stay here; so maybe I can reach out for my friends who need me.. No matter my situation, my friends come before me.
I think that's enough for now..
I will try to get better i swear
in the meanwhile; I love you all,
Keep yourself hydrated,
Eat (You're worth enough to eat. Trust me.)
And stay friendly
♥♥ Peace of peeps ♥♥