It's been nearly three years since I've been on here. A lot of people said that deviantART was dying, and that they were moving their art to Facebook, and I tried that for awhile, and then realized that it wasn't getting me any more interest then I used to get here, and even though it's a whole lot more convenient, I rather like the...hrm, what would be a good way to say, anonymity of dA. So, with that thought, I'm just posting a couple of things that I have been doing over the last few years.
Let's catch everyone up to speed here.
I used to throw all of my time into Trigun. I miss those days of drawing and writing and just overall being excited for something. But then I also got into a relationship which included getting married to a convention. But also, I suppose, getting married to my job in a way as well, because I kept getting offered better and better (although more stressful) raises... which was good, but then around 2016 or so my life became hell thanks to the manager that took over. For some reason she has a grudge against me about a mile wide and even though she knows that I do my job and do it well, she blames me for 'not listening to her direction' any time I think that her focus is off. But, I'm not here to complain about her.
Somewhere along the line I couldn't write any more. I had lost my writing focus because of my duty to my household, my husband, work, and that convention I told you I got "married" to. So every time I would think about drawing or doing anything creative, my mind would stray to "shouldn't you be drawing for Tsubasacon instead?" So, slowly that crept onto dA. Then around 2012 or so My Little Pony came back full force which was kind of cool, but everything I drew for it just felt sorta empty to me. So I did a little bit of painting to make custom ponies and that was fun, but everyone else online did such a great job at it and no one seemed to be interested in my immediate circle, so I dropped that. Then I was given a terrific camera for Christmas around 2013, maybe? I'd have to look at the dates of the photos, but then I thought - I like taking pictures, let's do that!
Cut to 2016 when the last journal entry on dA was posted. I had quite a few friends on here and other platforms, we used to write fanfictions, draw pictures, and chat on here quite a bit. I enjoyed it, and I think they put up with the fact that I really couldn't draw anything good to save my life anymore, so they accepted that I was just putting up a photo or journal now and then, but really not writing or doing much else. I'm sure it would have been all okay, but then the election happened and what distance that had crept into our lives widened substantially, and deviantART just reminded me of that distance.
I have other people I follow on here (or rather, did when I was checking regularly...I have over 10K posts I'm going to have to delete here after I post this from all of those follows) that I have also grown so far away from that I doubt they ever think of me at all. But that's okay, I live with it, I go on, I drifted away from this platform and accepted that no one really cared if they followed me over to Facebook or whether I posted things here. No matter. I'm not hurt, I think over the past few years I just forgot that deviantART was here.
Then I looked up at my favorites bar on my computer (not my tablet as that's where I spend most of my time) and realized there's dA, patiently just waiting, and somehow I managed to remember the password to get in.
So, what has happened these past, almost three years? 2016 was a crappy year with my job, and I started to get stressed out by the convention. I was getting stressed out with my home life as well, but I think it was more out of depression than anything else. The years between moving out of my family home and finally moving into a new house were a whirlwind. Then, suddenly, we're 'done'. Except for every day cleaning and chores, and the occasional house fix (of which there have been many) my own challenges were work, the convention, and all of the traveling, but I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything, I rarely draw, write, or pick up my camera.
I thought about getting into doing craft shows. Started building stock... no one would return my calls. I drifted away from doing artist tables because my art wasn't improving and I wasn't getting accepted (or when I did, I was losing money). I found myself in this place of not liking myself, not liking my hobbies, and wanting a new job. None of which I could pin down - so, if I didn't want to do any of this, what did I want to do instead?
And, to an extent, this is still in effect even a few years later. And if you actually read this far, don't pity me, I'm doing okay, not suicidal at all, just lacking any kind of focus.
2017, May. My husband started playing Dungeons & Dragons 5E with a few friends. I stayed away. It reminded me too much of college and how much D&D was just not fun for me at all. I didn't have direction, didn't understand it, and except for one game, I really don't remember anything else that happened during the period I played. June 2017, got roped into painting miniatures. Sure, I could do that, after all, I used to paint Warhammer 40K. Then I got included in playing a game. My husband bought a bunch of books for himself, and I started picking them up from time to time. By July I'd played a few hours, just a couple of small one-shots. Skip to August or so, and suddenly I'm running games for some friends who discovered I played and all of a sudden I'm DM. Never did that back in college, although I feel like I would have had more fun at it then actually playing back then, but I just didn't know enough. (Plus there was still the stigma of the 80's and my Christian Mom who still, even after playing with me to this day thinks it's some sort of edge evil thing.) By the end of 2017 I had a campaign going with 5 others and suddenly I was having people come over to my house on a regular basis and I had things to paint and a focus.
Most of 2018 was spent between playing my home game, playing ones with my husband's friends, getting involved in that group, then taking over another Adventure League group that was losing its DM due to his wife becoming pregnant. But then skip to the end of 2018 and we put things on a hiatus because I was getting burned out, and the winter always causes me trouble. And skip to today and I'm still playing with my original group, playing with the AL group (although I'm playing more than DMing, but we pass it off) and get invited to an occasional game elsewhere. Still paint, write my own adventures, draw my own maps, and have started doing terrain and all of that fun stuff, but some days, like today, I feel this worry that it will all just end at some point. What happens then? I don't have to let it end, of course, even if we ever go our separate ways, we can always come back to playing I'm sure, but I guess I've been so burned over the years, and now I'm getting older and wondering where my life is taking me right now and what direction should I head as I turn 40 later this year?
Don't know. Don't mean to be a bummer about it either. But that's how it is. I miss those long days of drawing pictures, writing fanfiction, of chatting for hours with my friends online, and I know it's something I'll always have to look back on, but I don't know where my future is headed either. So, if you don't hear from me again on dA for another three years... who knows what I'll be up to?