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Sorry for inactivity

Tue Jan 1, 2019, 7:53 AM
2018 was a hard year for me.
Not going into details, don't want to unload all that onto everyone.
I hope to be more active across my accounts in various places this year.

Things like Discord, VRChat, model making and work have been occupying my time a lot more lately. (and don't even get me started on Spyro Reignited Trilogy)

I'm sorry for kind of disappearing like I did. Well, hopefully, 2019 will be different.
I should be posting more here this year.

I hope you all like the new things I'll be making this year.

And on a side note to end this short journal, one of my VRChat friends did a compilation video. (and yes, I'm in it, some of you may recognise my avatars)

An update

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 18, 2018, 11:39 PM
The funeral has been and gone. The first step in healing and moving on has finally been taken.
My grandma had a non-religious funeral service. She would've wanted that. Instead of having someone waffle on about religion and romanticised notions of what death is, the service was solely about her.
Nothing else, just her. Her life, her passions, family and the impact of her death.

I want some time to try to mentally recover from the funeral. Unfortunately, my work doesn't even seem to understand the concept of grieving.... They've wanted me in and working every day since my grandma passed away.

I haven't had great sleep for a while thanks to what's going on, so at the moment, I'm exhausted.... I don't want to be forced into situations that I don't want to deal with; that I don't have the energy to deal with.

I haven't done anything of any kind of importance for the past few days, simply because of the impact of the funeral.
It may be quite some time before I start posting anything significant on here again.

Sorry, I vanished for a bit...

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 15, 2018, 12:01 AM
In case some of you didn't notice, I kind of disappeared from DA for a bit...
To put it briefly... My grandma passed away.
There has been a lot happening since her death, so I didn't feel like going onto DA.
She died around 3 weeks ago. And her funeral is this Wednesday. It took so long because of the upfront charge to have the funeral; Nearly £20,000.
Its been tough trying to figure out what to do. In the end, my mum's boss offered to pay the upfront cost; To everyone's surprise.
After that development, a funeral was arranged and now my family's preparing for it.

I haven't really been allowed time off work to grieve, so the past few weeks have been very tough.

Sorry I haven't been very active on here.

This could be it...

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 14, 2018, 1:48 AM
For those of you who have been my watchers/friends for long enough, you'd know about the situation with my grandma and her deteriorating health....

Last year, there was a death scare with her and she ended up being sent to an NHS care home because my family couldn't cope with her care any more.

Yesterday, we received news that her fluids had dropped overnight. She's in critical condition and the doctors predicted that she only has 24 hours left.

Its going to be a tough time for me and my family. I will most likely be inactive nearly everywhere for a while. I know my upload rate here has dropped significantly... And I'm sorry about that.... But it may be a while before anyone sees anything new from me.

When I went into work and spoke with the manager, he allowed me to go home so I can visit my grandma and say goodbye.... With that in my mind, its only just hit me that she may be gone by tomorrow.
I haven't had a good history with her, and I know that I hold onto painful memories for longer than I ought to, but she's family and I know I'd regret it later if I don't go say goodbye and be there for my mum, and my sisters.


Journal Entry: Mon Aug 27, 2018, 9:28 AM
I've been experimenting with converting my MMD models to Unity.
As I've talked about before, one of the friends I had met in VRchat had converted some of my models, and basically I was so amazed at what they had done.
I didn't want to rely on them too much, so I decided to learn the process of converting and configuring for myself.
I admit, I chose a stupidly complicated model for my first conversion.
Unity screencap2 by Miku-Nyan02
Because this model has some asymmetrical bones, it made configuring them a challenge. I thought the walk/run cycle would be all wonky due to the different anatomy on each leg.

This model alone is why I haven't been working on uploading things onto here. Thank my determination to make this model work as well in VRchat as I can.
The friends I have made in VRchat have been amazing in helping and encouraging me. I don't think I would've been able to do it without any of them.

This venture into expanding my 3D skills has been an interesting and frustrating one. XD
But the feeling of actually getting it right is just amazing!

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: VRchat
  • Drinking: Coke Zero Peach flavour

Wellbeing update

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 19, 2018, 3:24 PM
So, as some of you may know already, last week I went to a doctor and was prescribed antidepressants.
Its now been a little over a week since I've started the medication, and my family have been telling me that there's already been a huge difference in my behaviour. I haven't actually noticed any change myself though.

However, since I've been on the medication, it seems that I've been experiencing an undesirable side effect. It seems to have also completely stopped my appetite. And I have to say, the lack of appetite and the resulting weight loss has been alarming. Within the first week, I probably lost around a third of my body weight. When you take into consideration that I've always been skinny anyway, sudden and rapid weight loss was actually very scary. Forcing myself to eat resulted in... Violent expulsion in the form of vomiting. Some times I did feel like my throat was burning.

My appetite is returning to normal now, but that'd take time to get my body used to eating normally again. The amount of activity I have in a normal week probably accelerated the weight loss, actively thinking about it now.
As my appetite is returning, I suspect that the issue was my body not being used to taking fluoxetine and trying to balance itself out.
I had been warned of headaches as my brain chemistry changes, but nothing about losing appetite.

Readjusting my body to a normal routine has been challenging. Food wise, as I'm less hungry most of the time, consuming sugary drinks had helped me maintain what little body weight I have left and give me a little more energy. Albeit, in small bursts.

I am feeling better in the sense that I don't feel sick every time I eat something. The next step is to get back to the near enough healthy weight I was before. It might be another week or so that I'd be feeling noticeably different with the fluoxetine.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: VRchat

A big cheer for individuality

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 12, 2018, 1:51 PM
So, as most of you may know by now, I've got myself hooked on VRchat.
I met some awesome people there, and one has helped me convert some of my models for me to use in-game.
VRChat 1920x1080 2018-08-12 22-31-31.165 2 by Miku-Nyan02
But I'm really happy with what he did with my Amaterasu model. SHE GLOWS IN THE DARK.
VRChat 1920x1080 2018-08-12 22-40-27.702 by Miku-Nyan02
I was only able to test them out in VR for a short amount of time, but oh my god, I am so happy about it.
My hype was through the roof when he was converting them and sending me screencaps over Discord.

So, yeah, if you see floating red markings in a dark room, that might be me. XD
Or Ember's yellow eyes.
What he did for them was so awesome.

Of course, in return, I'm making him a model. He asked me to make a weapon for one of his avatars. One of the firearms from Halo. A Brute Shot. I've never made anything like that before, so I've been taking a lot of screencaps of its progress to show him.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: VRchat


Journal Entry: Fri Aug 10, 2018, 3:25 PM
So, aside getting hooked on VRchat, I have had some things going on in the background.
I don't want to delve too much in details, but... Long story short, I had to go to a doctor and... Well, I was prescribed antidepressants.
I had talked about my condition on here from time to time, but some things happened which kind of forced me to take action.
Previously, I had been absolutely terrified to do anything about it. I basically hid like a coward and let the negativity consume me.
I have only been on the antidepressants for a couple of days, so its too soon to know if its working yet.

My twin and her boyfriend have been a huge help in this. I'm glad they're here.

Anyway, as I have to take a fluoxetine once a day, I decided to set an alarm on my phone as a reminder while I get used to the routine.
I was half tempted to download the soundtrack to We Happy Few and use it as the ring for the alarm.
Thought it would be funny.

Things will be changing in my life. I don't know how its going to affect my activity here or anywhere else, but its unlikely that I'll vanish from here anytime soon.

Hopefully, fluoxetine is the right antidepressant for me. I'd probably have to go through taking several courses of different antidepressants until I find one that'd work. Its not uncommon for that to happen. Keeping an eye out for unpleasant side effects or just whether I'll feel any better after a few weeks.

I appreciate any support that you, my watchers, have given me in the past when I've talked about my depression. And I hope to give back that kindness. I feel like I don't deserve it without doing something in return.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami

First VR experience

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 26, 2018, 12:11 PM
So, as some of you may know I recently got an Oculus rift.
It took me a while to set it up...
Anyway, to test it, I tried out VRchat.
The occasional lag I was getting due to my sensor setup was making me feel a little motion sick.... Unfortunately, I suffer quite badly with that normally.
I had a habit of turning around completely, facing away from the sensors, so they weren't picking everything up properly.

I ended up wandering around on my own as I had no idea what I was doing and as I have barely any social skills, any conversations I had were brief and awkward. This would probably improve over time if I wasn't occasionally coughing and dry heaving due to the motion sickness.

I do wish I actually had the social skills to actually hold a proper conversation. And honestly I don't like the sound of my own voice, so I remained silent a lot of the time.

I might try it again later to try to get more used to it.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Drinking: Cherry & berry juice

Calming down now...

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 21, 2018, 12:24 PM
So, my busiest week this year is now over.
One whole week of having to run between two pharmacies to pretty much get as close as I can to working in both at the same time.
Today, I was working in the normal pharmacy, but it was just me and the pharmacist there, so it was a difficult day.
I'm exhausted.

Due to the excessive heat, I hadn't been sleeping well at night, so that hasn't been fun.

I hope people haven't been to eager to see my next MMD model. Most evenings, I've just basically lazed around with a lack of energy to do anything else.

As the busiest week is over and done with, I can relax a little more. Not fully, because I'll still have to work, but I can chill out a little bit.
I hope people haven't been getting too impatient with MMD model updates.

With any luck, I should finish a model or two soon.
After I rest up of course.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Drinking: Cherry & berry juice

Boku no Hero Academa related ramblings

Journal Entry: Tue Jul 17, 2018, 3:30 PM
If Todoroki put an ice cube in his mouth and activated both sides of his quirk, would it freeze or melt?

Moving on.
I'm about two episodes away from finishing season 3.
I want to cosplay as Tokoyami. Even thought of ways to do Dark Shadow. Basically, make a manually operated puppet with LED lights for the eyes.
I probably won't be able to do that cosplay for a while, but I'm excited by the thought.

Anyway, I have been watching the series with my twin and her boyfriend and we all got super into it. (heheh.)
As the League of Villains got more active in season 3, we got to see them more and learn a bit more about them. Twice totally reminds me of Deadpool.
The Nomu creep me out a little with their exposed brains and kind of knowing that they USED to be people.
And Himiko Toga... Bitch is crazy.
My twin's boyfriend jokingly compared me to her.... I should probably stop casually making jokes about stabbing.... Or just yandere themed jokes in general. If I'm being compared to this:
[Boku no Hero Academia] Himiko Toga by Miku-Nyan02
I should probably quit it with the darker humour.

Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyway, its nice to learn more about the characters, learn their quirks, see them interact better with each other in battle (or tactical retreats).
Honestly.... I hope there'd be a season 4. It still feels like there could be more after that big fight. Like Midoriya learning to use All for One without All Might's tutelage. And UA dealing with the backlash of being on the receiving end of so many villain attacks.

I heard that there's a movie? If that's the case.... SOMEONE GET THE FUCKING POPCORN. Or I'm stabbing bitches.

So, to any of you who's been watching the series...
Who's your favourite? Which characters are your least favourite? Do you think any of the villains have any redeeming qualities, or do you think they all should burn? Or do you think the series as a whole has run its course?
It'd be nice to talk with some of you about it. ^^

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Drinking: Herbal Tea

Pretty proud of myself

Journal Entry: Sun Jul 15, 2018, 1:48 PM
Despite the sadness of losing one of my beloved pets, I had to get on with things to not only take my mind off of it, but also help me move on.

I ended up making a big batch of fishcakes for dinner.
Took me HOURS to get them done, but they turned out perfect.
Img 20180715 212327 by Miku-Nyan02
Img 20180715 210533 by Miku-Nyan02
If anyone wants the recipe, then I'm willing to give it to them.
These ones I made with tuna, and they taste FANTASTIC.
I honestly feel very proud of them. :D Sure, I made a mess with the egg, breadcrumbs and flour, but it was worth the mess in the end. XD

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: Tuna fishcakes
  • Drinking: diet cola

Missing cat + UPDATE

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 13, 2018, 11:24 AM
So, my twin's cat seems to have vanished....
Honestly, I'm rather worried. Though I've pretty much kept my distance from her, I can't help but worry. Not just for Miia, but for my twin and my little sister as well. They both love Miia....

I'm not sure what to do.... She's lost her collar, so if anything has happened to her, she can't be traced back to here. Her Microchip information hasn't been updated as far as I know either.

For the time being, my biggest worry is how this would affect my twin and little sister. She meant so much to them. I can't spend a lot of time searching for her because of work, so I'm at a loss...

Miia is a house cat. She's never been outside on her own as far as I know, so she doesn't know what your normal outdoors cat knows about how dangerous roads can be.

I need some advice.... How do I help resolve this?

The cat has been found!
She was hiding outside, in an overgrown bush. She must've escaped out of an open window last night and hid away.
Its a relief to have her back. Not just for me, but my twin and little sister. I don't know what would've happened to them if we didn't find her.
I suspect that Trico, our dog, was being a little too full-on and energetic with Miia yesterday evening and Miia just wanted to get away.

Unfortunately, because I'm a dope, I had to pet Miia to try to comfort her.... And so begins the sneezing fits.... Again.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: diet cola

Kind of a bummer...

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 6, 2018, 6:03 AM
So, sadly, I won't be able to complete the cosplay for my twin's friend before she needs it.
She came over yesterday and helped me with it after I got home from work, but we both came to the realisation that I won't be able to finish it for this Saturday.
She admitted that she did ask me on really short notice and that the ideal time frame to get it done was unrealistic, considering my work hours.

She was disappointed, but understanding.
I was pretty motivated as I had asked her if she had a backup just in case. (She didn't have a backup plan)

I promised her I'll get it done, but it'd be at a much steadier pace to avoid mistakes and so she'd have it in time for a con in October.

For now, it'll be the thing I do if I don't feel like watching anime, playing video games, or using my laptop.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: Cherry Coke Zero

Prediction of even more sporadic updates

Journal Entry: Tue Jul 3, 2018, 12:20 PM
Might be offline for a while.
A friend of my twin's has asked me for help on making a cosplay shirt. She needs it by this Sunday and as I'm working extra hours this week, I don't think I'll be on here very much in the meantime.

I've made cosplay costumes before, but this'd be the first time the cosplay will be for someone else. Its both exciting and scary.
I'm excited to be making a cosplay to make someone else happy, but I'm also scared in case I mess it up; get the measurements wrong and waste the materials that she so kindly bought for me to use.

Thankfully, what would make this cosplay easier is that the sleeves will be separate from the top itself. No annoying connective stitching to attach sleeves to the body of the shirt.

I'm going to double check with her to see if it'd be okay for me to post pictures of the progress of the cosplay shirt. This is something that will make me really happy to share.

I can't hang around on here for long if I'm going to make decent progress.
Sorry everyone who's expecting more MMD model posts. For now, I want to focus on helping someone I know in person with something that we're both passionate about; cosplay.

She's bought the materials that I need. I just got to cut to shape and stitch them all together.
Wish me luck guys~

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: Cherry Coke Zero


Journal Entry: Wed Jun 27, 2018, 4:01 PM
I'm sorry for the sporadic updates and posts lately....

Some things have been happening away from here which had been occupying my time instead of working on posts or content.
There is some things that I'm not willing to openly talk about online (yet), but other issues have included one of my colleagues going AWOL, so as an emergency I've had to work extra hours on extremely short notice.
That was fun.
Things at work have suddenly become insanely busy lately. I'm not sure why it suddenly got so busy at work. But to put it briefly, the only time I've had time to actually sit down was after I get back home in the evenings.
No idea how or why activity suddenly exploded.... But my pharmacy is starting to struggle to find places to put prescriptions that are ready to be collected....

Because of the exhaustion caused by the exponentially increased activity, I end up spending most of my time in the evenings either asleep, half-asleep or just about awake enough to bathe or eat.
In fact, I'm sitting here now, typing this journal instead of actually going to bed like a responsible adult.

As things are at the moment, I'm very worn-out. I don't think updates on my models would be coming any time soon.

On a side note, I've been waking up in the mornings sneezing like crazy (before I take my prescription antihistamines) and I still haven't figured out whether its hayfever or because my twin's cat insists on being as close to me as possible.

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: tea


Journal Entry: Sat Jun 16, 2018, 2:25 PM
And a whole lot more "NOPE!"

To sum it all up, there's some family stuff that I'm not overly keen on taking part in. Firstly, a pretty nasty uncle of mine (on my dad's side) will be having a wedding soon (its like his third wedding or something?). I honestly want nothing to do with him as he is pretty much the definition of the kind of person that I'd want to smack upside the head with a baseball bat. :I
Ignoring the fact that this uncle is a nasty piece of shit (my dad knows all too well how I feel about that particular uncle), the social gathering of people that I've (mostly) never met in an environment that I'm not familiar with is the perfect trigger for my social anxiety.

Thankfully, I wasn't able to get time off work for that, so disaster avoided, I guess.
On the other hand, some of my dad's cousins are coming here from Australia and want to meet with my twin and I before the wedding.
Oh, hello social anxiety, I thought I avoided you.

Though, on the funny side, when my mum answered the phone to speak with my dad's Aussie cousins, she had to introduce herself... Her name is Sheila by the way. I'm still internally giggling about that and my mum does see the funny side of that. (albeit, she's a little embarrassed about it too)

So, I dodged a train in favour of a bullet. I hope my dad's cousins don't have the same kind of "moral" standpoint that my uncle does... That will be a VERY uncomfortable meeting...

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: tea

London MCM Con days 2, 3 and an impromptu cosplay

Journal Entry: Sun May 27, 2018, 11:10 AM
The final two days of the cone have been and gone. I've had a lot of fun.
I didn't get a lot of people stopping me for pictures yesterday, I guess Futaba's casual design kind of blends in a little with the crowd. There's also the fact that despite my Oracle (Futaba's Phantom Thief design) cosplay (WITH my awesome LED cosplay goggles) being popular, my vision wearing them is greatly reduced, and with Saturdays at the con being super crowded, I would've forever been bumping into people. I don't have the best sense of space normally, so having less visibility would make me massively dyspraxic.
I still enjoyed myself a lot then, explored talked to people, bought some awesome stuff and a plushie for my little sister.
I managed to get my hands on an ultimate edition of Wolf's Rain. I used to have a DVD of that series, but it has since vanished. I saw the Ultimate Edition and well... I had to have it. XD
There's also when my twin proposed the idea of cosplaying as Ram and Rem on Friday. I spotted a stall that was selling decent Ram and Rem dresses yesterday, pointed it out, and well, my twin jumped on the idea of buying the dresses there. I was talking with her about a plan for when we'd cosplay together and said that I'd be looking online for other bits for the cosplays at a later date... Until we came across a stall which had the perfect wigs for the cosplays. It then escalated from there and we kind of threw together the cosplays yesterday evening. While I was helping out a friend of my twin's with her cosplay, everyone else was altering some headbands to match Ram and Rem's designs as closely as possible. No ribbons on the headbands, but the black and white floral design is there.

So, today (in case you didn't guess) my twin and I went to the con today as Ram and Rem. We were stopped by a lot of people who were actually thrilled to see two people cosplaying as Ram and Rem together. My twin was really happy to experience the feel of being in a popular cosplay. She loved it just as much as I did. And when we got back to the hotel, she was already talking about doing the cosplay again at some point. I nearly cried with joy when she told me that she's been enjoying cosplaying with me. I've wanted this so much for quite some time. Not specifically of Ram and Rem, but just to cosplay with her and share the experience. That felt really special.

Overall, I've had a great time and am really looking forward to the next one. too bad that I won't be able to attend the one in October this year, thanks to work...

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Re:Zero
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: diet coke

London MCM Con day 1

Journal Entry: Fri May 25, 2018, 11:13 AM
Had a lot of fun.
My cosplay wig for Futaba got ridiculously tangled though, so I had to retreat back to the hotel room around midday and had to attend the rest of the day in my casual wear. For absolutely no reason, I half wore a rat mask around the con and had it resting on the cat ears I was wearing. People still thought I was in cosplay. ._.

So, as for my Futaba wig, during my break back at the hotel room, I gently washed it in room temperature water with conditioner and left it to air dry. With any luck, it'd be dry and ready to brush properly tomorrow. If not, I'll have to head in early and find somewhere I can buy a new wig.

Anyway, I was so shocked to find a DVD of Hai To Gensou No Grimgar. I was so happy to see it, and well, back at the hotel, my twin, her boyfriend, one of her friends and I all (jokingly) sobbed grossly over Manato.  XD

As for that status post, I was genuinely surprised when my twin proposed the idea of cosplaying as Ram and Rem from Re:Zero. She said "Its a great opportunity to take advantage of us being twins". Honestly, despite my aversion to wearing dresses, let alone frilly maid dresses, I think the pair of us cosplaying together may make me feel a little better about looking girly. She even actively looked out for ready-made cosplays to purchase there; which also took me by surprise, it actually meant that she's serious about it.
I love Re:Zero. I have mentioned it from time to time, and suggested that she might like it, but she hasn't actively read my mangas or investigated the anime. That's kind of why her suggestion took me by surprise. We are still discussing who would be which of the twin maids.

All in all, it was a fun day, despite my wig kind of ruining itself. Hopefully, it'd be dry by tomorrow morning so I can brush it properly and wear the cosplay.
Hope to have fun again tomorrow~

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Black Clover
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: Ginger beer

It is time...

Journal Entry: Thu May 24, 2018, 12:51 AM
In like, an hour or so, I'm going to be catching a train to head up to London. I booked four nights in the hotel, so I don't have to try to find somewhere to put my suitcase while I enjoy con antics.
I'm gonna check in to the hotel when I get there and hopefully get used to the new environment before the con starts.

Taking the train from where I am usually takes a while AND I have to change trains at certain stops.... I admit, getting there is a bit of a pain, haha....

I might log on here using my phone on my way there, so if anyone wants to talk, you can just send me a message. It might help to cut through the boredom of sitting on a train for extended periods of time.

I hope this con will be a good one. :)

  • Reading: To Your Eternity
  • Watching: Black Clover
  • Playing: Okami
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: coffee