I recently made the mistake of buying a turquoise teapot. The fact that it is turquoise is not a problem; I happen to like turquoise and the interesting pseudo-japonisme floral pattern in pink also failed to make me uncomfortable in my masculinity. The problem with said teapot, is that it is a teapot.
Teapots, if you hadn't inferred from the name, are essentially pots that hold tea (an ingenious infusion of weeds and hot water) in large quantities. And this is where the problem arises. Whereas previously I would have to suffice with only one cup, and have to battle laziness and apathy (I fight I never win, but have to get panic and deadline to come and tag-team them) and fetch a second. I now have access to my own personal teapot, which sits, gently simmering, on my desk. With the handy additions of a bone-china cup (plus saucer!), milk-jug, sugar-pot and spoon, I now find myself easily consuming five or six cups within the hour.
Needless to say, the continuous caffeine-high has forced me onto a new plain of existence. Nirvana via Earl Grey.
Back to Roast Ox. On my frequent travels downstairs (which are arduous but often necessary, else I starve to death) I find myself regarding the larder with the bemused squint of those who have to focus very, very hard to actually detect things in the empirical world. Upon opening aforementioned cupboard I find a packet of crisps (having previously disallowed myself from eating both raw jam and flour), and march off back up the stairs - crisps clasped in my caffeine-enfeebled claws.
Upon arriving in my room, and flopping elegantly into my swivel-chair (with elegantly threw me off; swivel chairs having no time for flopping) I examined the packet. Written in bold white on navy-blue where the words 'Real Crisps' and under that 'handcooked' and further under that, the words: 'Roast Ox Flavour.'
What? WHAT? My brain rallied against my eyes for a moment and all I could see was little orange stars. Ox!?
Hungry and exhausted, I gave in and ate the damn things.
They where quite nice.
In other news,
has painted a rather dashing (yet surprisingly green) characiture of yours truely. A must see, obviously. www.deviantart.com/deviation/5…