Just a bunch of links of rules. I don't care. Just going to take a break (DONE)michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…michealjordy.deviantart.com/jo…What makes a request interesting to meSONG SOULE
It's been 11 months since what happened during New years. Yes, I'm talking about how I was robbed and my life went to hell. Not everything was terrible. The only good thing that happened was earning myself a job. It was the only thing to keep me happy was having money in my pockets. Right now, I want to talk about my emotions. But first, I want to talk about before that happened. If you don't know what happened, around the end of 2017, it was on of the most uncomfortable moments in my life. I couldn't sleep well because of some bites around my neck, arms and leg that I had a very hard time figuring what was the problem. I was impatient because I wanted to work and appointments kept switching a week later, but at that time, I just felt like I don't want to trouble my family by asking them for money. I just want to help myself at that time. I did sound like a handful complaining about my laptop breaking. If I didn't complained about it, my apologies if I'm forgetting things wrong. After I let people know about my feelings, I did got a talk from the family. Now one thing that I did remember during talking with them, one of em told me "my family had my back" and "no matter how good life gets, expect for the worst". I do know my family watches over me, but I'll leave it at that for now.
So after the talk, the only thing that was changed was my image. The most annoying thing to deal with is telling my family or friends of my family to quit worrying or telling me how to change my image. It feels like people are trying to force it down my throat saying "get a haircut!" Look, I know my hair was long back then (if you did not notice that before, well you know now, but I'm not gonna go much into detail about that), but the guys who helped me with classes on making me professional as possible told me that if I keep my neat as possible, then there's no problem. They don't want to change who I am on the inside, just me on the outside. I want to be happy for who I am. I am me. I do not like it when people telling me to change my appearance to looked like somebody that doesn't says me. There was another problem that did happened. I was blamed from my parent for something that I did not do and it was frustrating. I did talk about it during our emotional talk and I got a response saying "I wasn't blaming you." I find it annoying, because I remember what I heard. If this is something to not accept the responsibility for just pointing fingers at someone for something I did not do, then I have one good reason why I'm annoyed living with this family.
Now time did went by, things were going somewhat okay, I was only a few days away to work. During New Years, the family decided to go to Las Vegas together. It was one of the best places I've ever been in. It was a while since I've been happy during that time. After the countdown for 2018, my neighbor called my mother and said my home was invaded. That was when I felt like I was punched in the heart. Just like that, we went back home and saw the mess that happened. We didn't stay in Las Vegas for another day, which was originally planned, just went back home in the morning and come back in the night. Now I don't know what to blame at that time.
Should I blame the manager because of the bed bug issue going on? What we were told was to leave most of our stuff outside the house (like back of the house) just to wait for the exterminator to get rid of the bugs. Hell, I got a call saying that he won't arrive on that date, I told my family about it (which they didn't know he wasn't coming to our house) and they just left it there because they spend so much time on preparing for the exterminator to show up just to get nothing. The manager did leave, and I gotta say is good riddance. It doesn't mean I can rest at ease. A few months later after getting a new manager, someone where I lived near by told me that her car was stolen.
The other person to put the blame on is me. I do remember saying I was going to Las Vegas on social media. I said all that because I wanted to let people know that I'm happy again. I wanted to let them know that they shouldn't worry about me anymore. If that's the cause, if somebody did find my post and took that opportunity to go into my house and steal whatever they can get from me, then I'm the biggest f up in the family. I feel like I want to just beat myself up til I can leave a mark on myself to say "never ever do that again." I even had nightmares of getting shot. Those dreams happened twice. The most horrifying thing to happen to me was choking out of nowhere in my sleep. If it is because of me, then I am really the most stupidest person in this family.
After all that happened, I just tried to look for help. One of my friends noticed what's up with me and he told me to come over to his house. Once I got there, all he did was just said there and played video games. Most of the time, he ignored me and didn't notice about my emotions. Hell, I don't even feel like I got the help from their family. They did notice about what's wrong, but the mother's all "He's your friend, go talk to him" and the father is going all "Did you know anybody that notice what you posted here or there or any people you talked to?" then told me "Don't worry, the police will get the guys that stole your stuff." I don't want him to go telling me this fake crap to try to make me happy, I want the real thing. Am I or am I not doing to be okay? Am I going to get my stuff back? I didn't. Months has passed and I got a message from one of the guys from the family saying he didn't wanted to talk about what happen is be they didn't wanted to bring it up. Like what? Like as if I'm just going to forget something like this ever happened again? This is not something I'm to forget. It left me a mental scar on my head. Anyways, my friend didn't talked to me. He just wanted to invite me just to make me blend in the background. We were friend for 10 years. We had some of the greatest 10 years of our lives and now it's thrown into the dumpster. So what I did was walked out of the house in the middle of 3 AM. I was crying when I walked out there. I didn't care what would happen to me. I did made back home safely. Hell, the same guy would send me messages saying "We're family" after what happened. If this what family is, what a way to spit in the name of family. That's not all, he said the reason why he won't talk to me because "well that's because you didn't say anything." I was miserable! What the hell is there to say at that time!? It felt worst than the other times I felt sad. He'd also reply going all "I'm depressed too!" and I hate to break it to ya, but this isn't about you! This is about me! I'm not trying to make this all about me, this about my emotions! So I had it with him. I didn't told my family to avoid more drama in my life. It still annoys me my sister would invite him into my house and to her party which I was also invited into. What I want is to not see if face again.
I also had another friend. We talked about what happened to me and he wasn't helpful. All he ever wanted was my money by going "If you want therapy from me, you have to pay me" or playing this dumb exorcises of trust by going into my room and me staying out of there for god knows how long. I didn't play by this stupid trust exorcises and I told him to get out. Hell, he came back a few months later and he said "I misheard." I still didn't wanted to see him. I just won't wanted to see anybody. That's how my life was. I felt like I got no help. Somebody suggested me to use gofundme and there wasn't much help from that website. The police, it took 2 weeks to get the case number, which the school needed and I went there the day after the robbery took place. The school wasn't any help. I went there and I said if they can help me with the robbery that took place and they told me to wait until the school is open again. My sister laptop was stolen and that could of been traced. It was already too late after the two weeks. I was disappointed at the police, I hated the high school that I used to attend in, I'm also disappointed at my family! I told my family about my depression and that was it. I said I was depressed before and here I was at the same state I was again. Instead, they send me to see therapy. He was also frustrated with what's going on in this town. I told family that are not from my household about the situation I was and they ignored me. Even from my father's side, I'm still wondering why the hell they would tell my brother what happened to my father but wouldn't tell me anything. Hell, my father's state wasn't looking too good. He looked like he was in a vegetative state and that did shocked me. I have mixed feelings for the guy, but that's another story for now. "Why didn't I see my other family in person?" I didn't wanted to feel like I'm less than a person just like how my friend did way back when all he not noticing me. I'm sick of just living just to blend in the background. If that's the case, then from my mother and father's side of the family, I'd like to stay away from them.
This isn't some post from me saying I'm frustrated with my life. I'm not planning on doing anything reckless. I'm just done living under anybody's shadow. After all the hell I had to go through, it felt unbearable. But with all that said, I'm not so sure if I have moved on since I keep talking about it. I'm not happy with the end results. Here I am still gloomy, thinking negative and getting easily annoyed. I even had thoughts on what would happened if I or one of my family members stayed at home instead of went to Las Vegas. They or I could of been hurt or dead and that's what was going on in my head. I used to be relaxed and friendly. Now I feel like I'm the opposite of who I am. I'm not asking for help from anyone. Yes, I'm somewhat depressed and that will never go away. Once I suffer through it, it'll never go away. I did hear it's better to feel said than not at all. I don't know how to take those words. As for the burglars, I hope they can take their ticket to hell with them as well. I won't forget and forgive on what happened during that day. But it could be worst, I could of been a shadow of my former self. Hell, I won't be celebrating New Years Eve with ease, but with uncomfortable awareness.
So what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry for being such a dick. I ain't apologizing to people like a certain diva who is so sensitive, his ego is up his on ass and still continues to blame me for something that haven't done (just like the time he said that I'm a troll account) which I won't mention...well he did mention me on Tumblr, so screw it. www.deviantart.com/sspd077
this one is for you, Wade Roberson 凸(-_-)
. Here I am being this guy who opens request to anybody (honestly, when I hear the first request when it comes to someone, I'm going to have a certain though on that person. Like if the request is good, it's good. If not, then here I am going "oh boy" and the request was good but the second was just the same thing, then I'd get annoyed) and here I am not giving the friendliest tone when I don't like a certain thing. Honestly, I've seen few people in the Xnalara community who are not so friendly and here I am being one of them. So what's next for me? I'm still going to living my life, but next month, romantic request are going to be open. What does this have to do with what I mostly wrote on this journal? I'm afraid I have to say this again, but if you're going to send me something romantic, let it be a good one. If it's one of those request that you think that I'm going to deny it because it sounds lame, whatever details you throw at me wasn't enough or it's repetitive, just don't bother. I'm saying this as friendly as possible, but I just don't want to get annoyed as hell again. Romantic request are optional, but that can be said to the rest of request thrown at me. Am I going to take a break? Depends on what days I'll come back to work again.
I guess this is me saying I'm going to write a new chapter for myself.