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“Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is Life itself, it is an insane way to live.”
– Eckhart Tolle

The universe is not something separate from yourself
I know you feel alone, but that's why I'm here to help
I know you feel alone, but just look up at the stars
And everything that is out there is what you really are

We gotta learn to see the beauty in each moment of life
Everyone has different pasts and we're seeking the light
The world is divided between peasants and kings
But the truth is everyone is looking for the same thing
-Mike Averill
  • Listening to: The Many Faces of Oliver Hart
so... things've been fairly crazy for some time. since i've never been in the habit of 'blogging' in any traditional sense, there's really nothing to update insofar as where my lifes at. highlights and dimlights occasionally catch documentation, which is how i've always done it. until now, anyway. last week i saw (at two different shows) sage francis, solillaquists of sound, atmosphere, jedi mind tricks, and living legends. amazing music, for the most part. less so jmt in my opinion, but underground hiphop harbors such insight and intelligence, such a grasp on reality... it's changed my life over the past year. i sort of fell into a serious infatuation with def jux, anticon, and assorted other cliques (not to mention all of the other various things i listen to, which as always, stays extremely varied. which reminds me, bossa nova is auditory sex) in the underground. slowly creeping my way across dozens of artists. faster than i can listen to them, really.

also, life is insanity. it really is. wonderous madness, which only gains solidity by personal crystalization. which leads in to: i've got a few things i've been working on imagery wise, and over the next few weeks i'll get ps installed again and finish them up, and i've really been itching to do a remake/retouching of morior. so for those who remember me, i'll soon be producing visual documentation of psychonautic territories again.

grooving to eligh,
this truth... is that nothing feels quite right anymore. this beer tastes less fine, this cigarette more unpleasant. all seems changed. not for the better. i have retreated within myself without noticing, and now i am barren. i feel hollow and without cause or purpose. i have lost all place in the world. there is nowhere that i belong. how has this come to be, or worse, how long has this been? eternities, and ages... many long years i have suffered being alone, most of which passed by in mute indifference. wounds too deep to feel, glazed over with apathy. i was uncaring. how i came back to be is beyond me. how i came back to life... or didn't. never did at all. ah, this feeling, why must it plague me? reeling with this. this new... aloneness. i am the only man alive, once again. there is only me, and only ever was, too.... alas that i ignored myself for so long, thus it has come to this. this dread anticipation amidst ridiculous exhaustion, but anticipating what? nothing, anything. i am staring forwards with such intensity only to escape this... here, and now. how this came to mean this to me... how? seeking anything and finding nothing, all too much. ah. this fire that burns me. too much change, not enough changed.

The snake goes 'Meow'.

Sun Jul 11, 2004, 4:40 PM
the one with the absurdly round belly did, in any event. i just can't be sure that they all do it. in other news, erin is evil (although i don't think that she visits da much anymore), i am saturated with four years worth of ennui, and i can't see how anyone would even read this, with how long it's been since i've uploaded an image.

which, coincidentally, might actually change sometime in the next few weeks, months, or perhaps years.  never is also an option. even so, i do occasionally still poke at a few pixels, so i *might* end up finishing something eventually. however, my computer is currently broken, as is my life, so don't be surprised if i vanish for another year.

oh, and if by some impossible sequence of events you actually wish to speak to me, i've decided that spambots be damned, my email is now public. i have some pretty heavy filtering anyway, so what the hell, why not?


oh yeah, and this is also me: milk


kay, bye.
yes, sinners, let the church kill you.

gg, stupid methodists. (the other me) (new page, will have a design some day) (old page, soon to be updated)
just so we're all on the same page  here, i'm not ever coming back. ever.  in fact, i'm not even here now, this is  just an afterthought that has just  decided to emerge from when i was  around.

now, while i'm discussing things of  Great And Complete Importance, such as  my presence, i think i should mention  neverwinter nights and bjork's live  show with the brodsky quartet. as i've  recently become obsessed with one, and  rekindled interest in the other. so, go  and worship them both by my order, now.  BITCH, I SAID NOW, STOP READING AND DO  IT!





go here wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i've resubmitted all of my old 'tile' 320x320 images, mmmyep.

i've moved to this devart name:

but i'm thinking about moving back here :P