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"You really have to realize you are not there after you have died. Your body is just a carapace, it is just a shell that holds the real you. Now when you die, all is left is the carapace. It is meaningless."

i) my birthday entry is silly now but i will make it meaningful soon.

ii) i have been photographing so much lately that i can no longer keep up with editing. it's almost like once i turned 22, i became a different artist. i have a lot of beautiful pictures to show you.

iii) saying something is my favorite, is my favorite.


i wanted to continue this but the pain in my body became unbearable within seconds. i hope everyone is great.



m
Its my birthdayyyy 
just really disappointed

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh6ItJ…
more happy
more kind
less selfish
photographing beautifully
finishing school
making new york city my home
getting signed with an agency in nyc and london
stealing the boy of my dreams forever 



now you.
i can't even listen to my thoughts from obsessing over this song so much.
anyway! will soon come up with a cute list of things i should be doing but i'm not (yet). like homework...and math, anyone good at math? i'm kidding.


suggest me a good song and i'll love you forever, or as along as my obsession with the song lasts.

kisses
m

perhaps my last post this year.

reflecting on this year and reflecting on everything, i have realized that my greatest gift is not my talent, but my intuition. it's quite a blessing and i wish i was kidding when i said that in a matter of months i got better at doing what i love than others in years. i just know because everything comes to me. along with this, things almost always play out the way i see them, quite ridiculous. it's not magic though but sensitivity that runs deep in me. it's a little difficult to convey, but the world stops for a few seconds and then i know. if you love me, i know. if you miss me, i know. appearance is nothing when you see past all layers.

this year though, i felt like all intuition failed me, but only because i stupidly put a time limit on it. i wanted everything i felt strongly about to happen now, and then disappointment followed. the good news is, it hasn't failed me because it never really does. if i drown the ego and just listen, i know again.

what i wish you for now and for the next year and forever is that you love yourself more. love everyone and everything into submission. keep that heart young and your eyes childish. i hope all your wishes come true and that you stay happy and healthy.

much love to you and stay near, i will make your hearts explode in january. after all, feeling is what i know best.

m
Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the green-gold of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth. The hollow of your armpits is my shelter, my fingertips touch your blood. All my joy is to feel life spring from your flower-fountain that mine keeps to fill all the paths of my nerves which are yours.
and i still put a strain on my eyes today.

today i was officially nominated for an award. cross your fingers.
giving in feels like sinking into clouds.

//

i end up deleting every sentence i write because i just can't put this into words and my own shyness gets in the way of everything. but i'm friends again with someone i missed (and pushed away) and i'm loving the sweetness.

three
six
five.
august marks the end of missing someone.
heavenly 

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. 

news.stanford.edu/news/2005/ju…



everyone should make a wish tonight.
rejection
tangible
resent
lungs
whisper
divine
secrets
your own
blooddrops
lucid
sequences
lions
contrast
selfish heart
vague
transparent
mirrors
equivalent
adore
missing
green gold
luminous
i'd chosen nothing.