► :: I D E N T I T Y :: ◄
Age: 1 year and 1 month
Bloodline(s): 100% Mist
Height: Current: 13 in. Mature: 28 in
Weight: Current: 19 lbs. Mature: 53 lbs
Voice: Current: Bailee Madison (May Belle Aarons). Mature: Phillipa Soo (Eliza Hamilton)
-Paws at the ground and/or swishes tail back and forth when nervous.
-Has a hard time looking anyone in the eye.
-Immediately goes into flight posture when something startles her (even a small twig cracking).
-Will overchew bones just for the heck of it.
-Enjoys watching the birds and clouds.
-Slow blinks rather than speaks to show assent, acknowledgement, or other answers.
-Dips her head when addressing those she deems superior to her (which is most wolves).
-Bad with words
Physical Description: Farren is a very lean, frail-looking wolf. Her posture is almost always submissive, minus the rare times she's feeling self-confident, and she walks with a tip-toe like gait.
Rare Traits/Birth Traits: N/A
► :: P E R S O N A L I T Y :: ◄
+ A Planner
+ A good follower
+ Avoids disputes
/ Slow to anger
- Highly Reactive
- Wallows in decisions/overthinks faulires
- Extremely anxious
- Has mild OCD that she lets control her at times
- Bad with words
Farren likely too submissive for her own good. This is thanks to her upbringing and the failure that possibly will forever haunt her and tell her she isn't good enough. This wolf's current major personality trait is her anxiety. She keeps her personal issues heavily buried, however, and it takes major prying to get anything out of her. Farren is very timid and unsure of herself, but these traits will later manifest into a very wary wolf who tries to look over all her options and think everything through before making a decision or saying something that could go wrong. As a pup, she simply just follows orders and tries not to screw up "like she always does." This idea that she will never be perfect is so deeply ingrained in her that even when she succeeds, Farren feels as though she has failed in one way or another. Nothing is ever good enough for her when she does it, especially fighting.
Farren tries to make up for her physical shortcomings with mental ones by making sure to pour her mind over every possible detail she can. She does her best to engineer new plans, ideas, mechanisms, and techniques for herself and others to use. More often than not, she isn’t totally happy with the things she comes up with, but the act of organizing everything calms her. Things should always, always be in the right order. Farren will spend tremendous amounts of time tentatively arranging ideas or physical things to perfection. This mindset comes from her experiences as a pup in her old pack. It's difficult to probe the details out of her, though, as Farren tries not to talk about herself and prefers to listen to others, all too often putting them on a pedestal as incredibly far above her.
Her obsessively planning mentality can cause issues with more task-oriented wolves, but she generally knows that her way isn't the right way. Generally is the keyword, as when Farren gets the rare idea in her mind that her way is the best way, it's nigh impossible to sway her from it. Attempting to change her plans will result in a rare stance of assertiveness from her, and in the aftermath of her plans falling through, working, or being scrapped by a higher power, Farren’s spiral into self-loathing will return. Instead of inwardly, as it usually is, Farren will display this shame outwardly (except in the case of her plans working). Her idea behind not bottling up her feelings in these instances is to show her packmates that she is sorry for her rash decisions, or any harsh words she may have barked. It’s best to avoid feeding her anti-ego--or attempting to boost her self-esteem--at this time. The words will go in one ear and right out the other, or worse, they’ll be played again and again in her mind, combed through for any possible inconsistency, and heavily weighted to “prove that she’s actually just a failure and you’re trying to make her feel better with lies.”
As is shown by her clinginess to her own plans, Farren has a doggedness to sticking to anyone’s plans (given that she agrees with them and/or there is a large census of wolves that agree with said plan), and when things go awry, this wolf is the first one to freak out and even lose her temper. Plans being scrapped midway through or getting jumbled by inside (or outside) forces are some of the very few situations when Farren's angry side will come out. Once her panic subsides, her teeth will be bared, and she is highly likely to immediately assign blame to someone. This is more often than not a defense mechanism for deflecting blame off of herself (whether perceived or actually merited), but her loss of control does not help situations where flexibility is already needed. It takes a cool-headed, very dominant wolf to shut her down when she enters these rampages.
Unfortunately, due to her birth home, Farren has a hard time seeing wolves that do not contribute as worthy of food of shelter. She holds deeply to the idea that a wolf should serve a very helpful position in the pack, and those that are doing "too little" in her eyes can be looked down upon in subtle ways, such as her lifting her nose a bit higher or adopting a more-assertive posture when around them. She also holds herself to this standard and will work herself to the bone. She’s often found up after-hours working on projects she believes will be helpful to the pack.
► :: H I S T O R Y :: ◄
Farren still doesn’t know if she was adopted or born into an unnamed, now-failed pack (she does not know that her old pack was quick to succumb after her flight). Her earliest memories are of suckling at the belly of her milk mother, her equally-hungry siblings at her side. Sometimes she wonders if she was adopted. Surely no real family could do what they’d done to her? Regardless of her failures....
Those thoughts of not belonging didn’t haunt Farren when she was a young pup. The only thing on her mind at that time was becoming the best, most accomplished, strongest pack member she could. The dreams of grandeur, of pleasing the sun and moon beyond anything they’d seen before, consumed her in her first year, so much so that when she came of age and had to choose her path for her role, she eagerly sought out to become a defender of her pack.
Her choice would prove her doom.
Too soon, Farren found that the life of the defender was not what she’d expected from it. Her small paws and frame couldn’t possibly handle the heavy tasks at hand, and no matter how hard she tried, nothing she ever did was good enough.
What proved particularly challenging was the looming requirement for defenders to defeat an already-established defender in battle, as the requirement to take down enough prey to feed the pack for one evening she had already achieved. As small as she was, Farren as unable to overpower any of the other pups by brute force in practice, yet she kept on trying. Again and again she tried and failed in sparring against her littermates, the other pups, and even against the youngest of pups. She was so stubborn-headed in her idea that she was going to bethe strongestdefender that she absolutely refused to train her speed or agility for battles. Failure after failure marred her with dirt from being pushed down, but Farren kept getting back up even as her resolve continued to weaken. Why was nothing working?She couldn’t understand it! The pup figured that her only chance was to keep training harder, keep building muscle until maybe, just maybe, she could finally get the upper hand on an opponent, even if it was a weak opponent like a three month old pup. At the point she was at, Farren would take any victory she could.
Victory was not in her future, though. Too soon, the time came for her to spar with a real defender. Despite her efforts of pounding in every lesson the training wolves had taught her, Farren was hopelessly, hilariously, outclassed. The first thing she did was went for a charge to the leg of her “enemy,” hoping to throw them off balance and seize her chance to bowl them over when they staggered. Her sparring partner saw this move coming from a mile away and simply sidestepped her charge, leaving Farren to run face-first into a stump. Her nose aching, the pup was so focused on her own pain that she didn’t see the defender coming up behind her. Within seconds, she was on her back, a paw pressed hard to her belly and snarling teeth growling, “Yield.” The guffaws of the other pups floated to her dirt-covered ears like extra blows to her body, and she failed to hold back her tears, proving her weakness even further.
Farren had no choice but to limp away in shame.
After that final embarrassment, she wasn’t the same. The pep that had once sparked her steps had been crushed, her fire blown away to only cinders. Even though she tried to hide it, everyone in the pack could see her decline. Her head was hung low, her tail was—more often than not—between her legs, and her paws dragged. Worst of all was how the light had left her eyes. The now-dulled green stared out at them like rotted compost, haunting. She was avoided.
It was only a matter of time before her first year had ended, marred by fruitless attempts at rechallenging an defender as well as showing any sort of mastery in basic skills…. Then the reckoning began. All the other pups had completed at least one tier of their duties. All of the other pups were still looked at with proud grins and hopeful eyes. All of the other pups were not her. Dejected, Farren could only sit there and take it as her pack did what they did best: weeded out the weak. It began with small nudges, little soft words of encouragement to find another calling in life. Those were easy; Farren didn’t even know that anything was wrong. She figured it must be just another test, that maybe the pack had found her a new place in the dynamic, one that required the use of her mind (in her haste to become the best defender she could be, she had neglected to learn about any other role in her pack. Had she not been so narrowminded, she thought, she might have found a good place as a pupwatcher or healer). The idea that she was being given a new place gave the little pup a spark of hope that was quickly snuffed out, for when after a week of small prompting wasn’t working, the pack pressed up their game. No more were they saying sweet nothings to get her to blindly leave on her own; the pack was now openly belligerent to the pup. Every manner of insult for her laziness was thrown at her, battering her already-fragile self esteem and sending the pup running to her mother more often than she likely should have. How could she contibute if she was so useless? So weak? So dumb that she couldn't figure out even the basics of battle? She would fail them all at democratic meeting. At the first handful of these runnings, her mother had continued the sweet nothings of the pack, but her attitude quickly turned sour upon the revelation that Farren wasn’t leaving. Once her mother turned, her siblings turned, and it was from them that aggressive nips and kicks were landed.
Heartbroken, aching, and bruised, Farren finally ran from the pack after a month of the abuse. Her tears marked her trail as she fled the territory early one morning, blindly running in whatever direction her fear took her. All the while, her mind repeated every phrase, every taunt, every bark of her laziness and failure back at her. Why wasn’t she good enough? Why couldn’t she do what needed to be done, be the strong defender that her pack needed of her? Why hadn’t she thought her choice through when she’d been asked? Why had she picked defender? What had she been thinking? She had to be stupid, she kept telling herself. Stupid and weak. Worthless.
She felt even more worthless when she was unable to catch prey that first night, and the self-hate fell upon her ever more as the days and nights wore on without a successful kill. The fear of her pack finding and punishing her followed her every step; the very sun and moon seemed to laugh down at her, sending their every force for her to die at their hand.
The only solace from the ache in her belly Farren found was in water that she drank from puddles and leaves. It was a lonely time, and the memories of those dark, sleepless nights where every rustle of the forest meant certain death, in her mind, still haunt her.
Paws weary, Farren cannot recall how she found the Onni. She remembered hearing bits about the pack, and about the other packs, from her home, but those memories alone weren’t enough to convince her that approaching the strange wolves was worth her life. Fortunately for her, it was an Outrider that she had stumbled across, and the older wolf’s superior skills made Farren‘s presence easy to detect. When the careful jaws swooped down on her to carry her away, Farren thought she was finally going to die. In her starved, delirious state, she even welcomed death. Let it take her, she thought; she was worthless anyway.
Never in her wildest dreams was she expecting a warm bed, a good meal, and tender-hearted wolves to be waiting for her in the Onni’s lands.
Group History: TBA
► :: R E L A T I O N S H I P S :: ◄
► :: A V A I L A B I L I T Y :: ◄
Timezone: US Eastern
Preferred Methods Google Docs > Discord Server > DA notes > Ask
Notes: This character is highly skittish, so characters that are not as shy/anxious are best to use if doing one on one RP.
Comments: I'd love to do multiple people RPs as well as one on one. My roleplay ability also greatly fluctuates depending on my classes (college student).
Discord: Note me
Docs: Can provide a personalized link upon request.
Other: Please ask me beforehand about 18+ situations when we are RPing; this includes heavy gore/violence.
► :: E X T R A:: ◄
Farren’s Personality: Architect INTJ-T
32% Extroverted - 68% Introverted
53% Intuitive - 47% Observant
53% Thinking - 47% Feeling
76% Judging -24% Prospecting
10% Assertive - 90% Turbulet
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