leiyue

it's embarrassing to be talking about this here. This is public facing, after all, and it's tied to my art and thus my real life. DA is not what it used to be and yet at a time like this I still feel like coming back to vent. When I write here, I somehow feel more connected to my older self who would have been more positive and determined. I think she would say something like, I'm going to get help, and I'm going to do what I can, and that I'll be okay. I would never take this burden and put it in the public. and now that I'm here, I don't know what to say. I've not updated in awhile, and nothing is okay. It's been about two years in the making but yesterday I ordered a chemical to kill myself with. It was hard to find. I'm writing a will, so my friends will get what I have. Why am I writing this here? What can I say? I don't know. I really don't think anyone I know will find this.