meisan

Art of ‘come back’ in drawing
-as you know,I take risperdal the bipolar medicine since 2008 ,it has undesirable side effect make me have more appetite and fatter plus my hand shake like hell ...

-I change medicine around 2016 to apalify and apalife family ,the hand less shaken but the skill drop drastically cuz I lost all my willingness to be better...

How could I come back drawing well?
Not speaking about popularity,
I said drawing well like my old self first.
One word I have lose one of friendship along the way,I just have some thought that if I meet this person again or not I should be better in drawing and life.

And I focus on drawing first.

You can use negative thoughts to push you further by creating some fear and try to escape like escape dog chasing you.

And most important thing
‘Do not give up if drawing mean something to you’

Full commentary

Bipolar

How it’s look like?

It’s like Tossakan In Ramayana have a lot of face and emotional .I feel I can’t control my action like somebody said while I’m in mania period .I ‘m lucky that I ‘ve no depressions but I cry and throwing a tantrum without appropriate reason too,just sometimes..

‘I’m not ashame,I’m gonna show my scar.-Black parade,My chemical romance ‘

Yes,I’ve mental illness and every time people said something like ‘hey ya know,I’m rokjit,blah blah’ .It’s depressing for me.It’s ‘symptom‘ and I think it is very nonsense for me to said you’re mental illness or rokjit while you’re not actually mental illness.

It’s not fun to have mental illness ,u know?
And for artist it’s normal to have such illness because ‘sensitivities’ ,part of it is genetic but it must have some trigger to activate the symptoms.Art is therapeutic activity for me.

What’s happening if you ‘re not taking Med,while having mental illness?
-In my case,Delusion happen.It’s some weird thought ,like you saw watermelon and thought it is from alien .I take Med for 10 yrs

In 2008-2017 I think there’re some side effect in medicine that make my hand very shake and I ‘d tortured in drawing a lot .In 2018 I take 15 mg apalife and lithium .It is expensive,less side effect

I discover some hidden meaning in my name

Meisan=My sun
Sasi=Moon
So I am ‘sun and moon’ AKA EquinoX
period that day equal to night

E, X is unisex letter
E you can rotate it to m and w which mean man and woman
X is like v and v kissing which you can compose as m or w if you have 2 V

Mui = inW
(if inverse it can read as inW= Angel
But Mui is inverse

Mui ’s mean sister in cantonese
So...Satan’s sister?
Rofl

Full commentary of this picture

If the way to make extraordinary art is rough and it’s need your willingness to exchange with something and that is ‘your devoted ‘s life’

Will you trade your life for that?

Because every nuance experience either it’s extreme sorrow,euphorias, make you extremely powerful in art or else you will be mediocre,you have got nothing to said in your art because you have no such an extreme exp. And faithfully from Seth Godin’s linchpin good art change people.

I never thought my bipolar is insufficient or defect, I always thought it is present although it’s come in very ugly package and I embrace those present by sent it to ‘art form’

Although it’s recurring sent me to a ward
And

‘Mediocrity life led to mediocre art’

If muse need some cost I already pay for that handsomely I guess,by sacrifices,and put myself on the line.

She’s muse and she willing to help you but to do that show her you’re devoted your life.She won’t help you.
Unless you are ready to sacrifice some ‘effort’ to create some ‘effect’ in your life 🙂

Have you ever heard book title ‘Icarus ‘s deceptions’ .As catchy as it is sound.DAEDALUS (Icarus’s father) said to him
‘Don’t fly too close to the sun,or too low’
that’s the ways of mediocre,from my opinions.
For me Icarus’s deceptions is these things
Because in Varekai ‘Cirque du soleil ‘ s show’ indicated that Icarus don’t die by flying close to sun.He fall down to forest and discover forest.

‘Never take me’

Full commentary of this picture.

‘There’re dimension void in this picture and the woman is queen of flora&fauna kingdom but if she have been abduct by this void everything going to zero she will be just a seed’

I’m not a queen but disorder and Med never take me down.

Sharing 10 years experience living with ‘bipolar’

Or people said go ’crazy’ or ‘nuts’

Basically bipolar is mental illness.It can cure like physically illness by take medicine and may be meditating can help(but you still need to take Med to stabilize chemical inside brain)

I want to said it is not normal you can imagine something very uncommon and against social norms at this level.

Then

How I recover as this level?Faithfully I meet some fantastic woman in hospital.She’s bipolar too while I’m in delusional stage she calm me and said
‘You have got to make yourself normal,to be normal’

Life is not ruin because of some illness.
I admit I scare a lot first time I heard word ‘psychiatrist’.The old myth make us scare enough to reject our own problems

6 Time in hospital | 1 mri scan
In 2011 admit I have got physically symptom by thrown up whole day.So doctor assume I ‘ve some problem with brain

10 years of living with ‘bipolar disorder’,losing confidence and esteem.Now I try to set me free!because ‘I love me and my art’.It May take Med for whole life but it’s never take me.

‘Because the world,will never take my heart’

I’ve genetically of bipolar because my relative being mental disorder too.Faithfully it is like physically illness it can be cure.I am bipolar type A-without depression

Now I take lithium and apalife.It’s less side effect but way expensive.

It’s 10years journey

2008-I have got to leave my beloved job because disorder.It make my mood very swing and I have delusions and disorganized thoughts enough to make me got some problems with work but that’s the best event occur I grow both in personal and art.

I admit to hospital about a month to recovery
And lose 100k each time I admit

2009-admit again after that I gain and have to lose weight due to drug ‘s side effect several times
2011-I start to working on my own Artbook and stuff including my pocketbook and this moment make me feature in several media
2012-2017 I guess this is very down turn.My skill drop drastically and I’m no longer happy with current life
2018-I get my confidence and esteem back! Both in personal and art

The disorder make me discover a happiness in life actually.