First of all, I'd like to apologize for showing up at your house drunk, and throwing up all over your doorstep after last night's party. For the third time. I never got the chance to see the look on your face because I think my date took my glasses away. What a shame.
I woke up this morning and noticed that you had left me in the exact same position you had found me--curled up on the ground, drenched in my own spittle and vomit. As you always have. It's amazing how wrong first impressions can be. Beautiful and nurturing, my ass. Why did I ever expect anything else from you, Life? What exactly do you owe me?
Well, I've been keeping track. Since January 1, 1998, you, my dear Life, have taken from me every last ounce of my hope and every last part of my innocence. You have taken the best of my friends and turned them into the worst of my enemies. You use your powers to excessively change my world without any warning, as if you have absolutely nothing better to do besides concoc