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About Digital Art / Student M.E.Female/United States Group :iconfelarya: Felarya
Welcome to the jungle !
Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 321 Deviations 951 Comments 76,783 Pageviews
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Newest Deviations

It's Kat! by ME-B It's Kat! :iconme-b:ME-B 0 0 Stargazer by ME-B Stargazer :iconme-b:ME-B 8 2 Passion by ME-B Passion :iconme-b:ME-B 4 1 Peace by ME-B Peace :iconme-b:ME-B 11 1 Joy by ME-B Joy :iconme-b:ME-B 2 2 Roguish Estate by ME-B Roguish Estate :iconme-b:ME-B 3 0 boys' last tour by ME-B boys' last tour :iconme-b:ME-B 11 5 Into the Night by ME-B Into the Night :iconme-b:ME-B 1 0 Yn'A Bel by ME-B
Mature content
Yn'A Bel :iconme-b:ME-B 11 0
Tastes like Bandwagon by ME-B Tastes like Bandwagon :iconme-b:ME-B 27 0 Spark of (Wo)Man by ME-B Spark of (Wo)Man :iconme-b:ME-B 3 0 Beach Something by ME-B Beach Something :iconme-b:ME-B 3 0 Spirit Pool by ME-B Spirit Pool :iconme-b:ME-B 2 1 Splashy Surprise! by ME-B Splashy Surprise! :iconme-b:ME-B 10 1 The Witches of Izalith by ME-B The Witches of Izalith :iconme-b:ME-B 7 1 The Princess Tulu by ME-B The Princess Tulu :iconme-b:ME-B 3 0

Favourites

Elissa by Raichiyo33 Elissa :iconraichiyo33:Raichiyo33 5,756 131 Chun-Li by xa-xa-xa Chun-Li :iconxa-xa-xa:xa-xa-xa 3,498 63 cold archer by xa-xa-xa cold archer :iconxa-xa-xa:xa-xa-xa 3,219 109 Riven by raikoart Riven :iconraikoart:raikoart 4,925 75 Bride 2B . Black ver by Axsens Bride 2B . Black ver :iconaxsens:Axsens 4,381 56 Kakashi by Suyohara
Mature content
Kakashi :iconsuyohara:Suyohara 502 23
Adoptables 2019-03-13 SET PRICE by LiLaiRa Adoptables 2019-03-13 SET PRICE :iconlilaira:LiLaiRa 1,501 85 Skyline by WolFirry Skyline :iconwolfirry:WolFirry 574 8 30s by wlop 30s :iconwlop:wlop 7,388 187 Marble Stone Texture Stock by Enchantedgal-Stock Marble Stone Texture Stock :iconenchantedgal-stock:Enchantedgal-Stock 882 259 [ARPG] Believe in Me by Arukanoda [ARPG] Believe in Me :iconarukanoda:Arukanoda 2,862 0 P2U: Big Cat Line-art Pack by LhuneArt P2U: Big Cat Line-art Pack :iconlhuneart:LhuneArt 1,531 68 Photoshop Brushes by sakimichan Photoshop Brushes :iconsakimichan:sakimichan 24,814 1,490 Tavern Brawl by runandwine Tavern Brawl :iconrunandwine:runandwine 1,689 74 Cage by wlop Cage :iconwlop:wlop 10,770 232

Critiques

by Nekter

The composition is well done, and the technical aspect (when it comes to hair and other such detail) is superb. You have a knack for re...

by Karbo

Y'know, I was just wondering to myself if you were gonna color another one of those character sketches from that original set, other th...

by Karbo

Okay, someone has to say it. The enormity of your growth is simply astounding, and I mean that. You're progressing with prodigious spee...

by Karbo

Now then. I literally looked in my inbox, saw this under "deviations from Karbo" and said out loud "Oh damn....:wow:" And so you get full p...

deviantID

ME-B
M.E.
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
RAWR

Current Residence: Nowhere and Nowhere In Particular
Favourite genre of music: Music
Favourite photographer: Anthony King
Favourite style of art: Anime/semi- realism/ realism *animals*
Operating System: Windows XP
MP3 player of choice: the portable kind
Shell of choice: werewolf
Skin of choice: Dark Skin and vector lines
Favourite cartoon character: Edward/Alphonse Elric, Envy, Gohan, Genie, and various other anime
Personal Quote: "That's all kinds of crazy cool." or "Wowiewowow!"
Interests
  • Watching: Steven Universe
  • Playing: Dark Souls 3

Hello there again! It goes without saying that it’s been some time since I’ve been active at all on the internet, and those of you who’ve been following me for some years now probably aren’t surprised by this ^^; I’m in a position now where I can freely talk to you all about that troubling pattern, starting with this latest disappearing act I pulled:

The most immediate issue that I had was with my computer, which is a custom-built PC with parts that I picked from a pre-made list on pcpartpicker.com. As someone who had never really had much interaction with anything hardware related that ventured past memory or basic harddrives, this was intimidating but exciting, and my brother helped me put the rig together through Skype when the parts came in.

Everything ran smoothly until about March of this year, when I started experiencing random reboots. There was no warning or bluescreen; it would just act as though the power would fail and then work again immediately, which was supported by the bluescreen reports I looked for. It was frustrating and hard to diagnose since they were sporadic and difficult to recreate. My computer would work fine for weeks, then suddenly reboot on me, and from then it would reboot with increasing frequency until I couldn’t even leave POST without losing power. Then I would leave the computer alone for about a week, return to it, and everything would run smoothly for another few weeks before the cycle would start again. Taking out hardware didn’t help, and after getting my PSU checked (it worked fine) I ended up having my MOBO sent in for repairs, which didn’t fix the problem. I ended up getting a newer PSU anyway with a higher wattage, and that seems to be doing the trick for now (it’s been almost two months since then and I haven't had a reboot, so I’m crossing my fingers!) I lost at least two .PSD files during this time, both of them commissioned works and both of them becoming corrupted when the system rebooted during a save, so there was a good few months where I was extremely hesitant to work on commissioned work in fear of losing all my progress.


This whole computer fiasco fed into another issue I’ve been unknowingly dealing with for years, which also caused my frequent hiatuses: this year I’ve been becoming more aware of a growing problem with anxiety and depression. I’d never really considered it thus, especially when I was younger, but in hindsight my behavior makes sense as being symptomatic of anxiety especially when my situation back then is considered (i.e. that period of homelessness some years back). It came to a head during the last 10 months or so, when I started having legit panic attacks and heart palpitations over trivial issues (or frequently no issue at all, which is super frustrating to sit there and panic when analytically you’re positive there’s absolutely nothing wrong). Having a computer that I put together inexplicably fail on me so frequently served to put me into an anxious, self depreciating state once more, probably a lot more powerfully than before, which prompted me to go seek some professional help.


It’s always been a struggle knowing how often I let my clients down when it comes to a pastime I literally can’t live without. I’ve been drawing since I had the motor-skills necessary to hold a pen, and my childhood was filled with doodles and drawings because I couldn’t stand any moment I wasn’t actually drawing. To grow up and suddenly turn into an adult who went actual months without something was I still itching to do, yet couldn’t bring myself to actually engage in, was confusing and endlessly frustrating. I always considered myself lazy and unmotivated even though I had (and still have) so many passionate ideas and goals that I couldn’t get myself to even start. They would just sit there in my head untouched, or in my files unfinished. There would be no way I could make this into a career with this kind of work ethic. It left me feeling like a failure, especially when I considered the unfinished work that I owed all of my clients.


It never occurred to me before that this would be a symptom of manic-depression, or that it could’ve been anything other than laziness on my part. It wasn’t until I started having physical manifestations of anxiety that I started thinking about doing something different--something that wasn’t endlessly berating myself for being lazy, or throwing myself into dozens of projects that never fully panned out. I’ve seen some of my immediate family go through truly troubling episodes of anxiety and depression, and it was hard for me to admit that I could have anything resembling that--but I reasoned with myself that I should seek some professional advice before it got that bad in the first place.


That’s currently where I am now. For the past few months or so I’ve been engaging in counselling services and we’ve started discussing the possibility of medication. I won’t go into the gritty details, but it’s already proven to be an immeasurable help to have a third-party perspective on my life, behaviors, and interactions. Having some kind of scope to my life other than endless self-abuse leaves me hopeful that I can turn my habits around into something much more enjoyable and much more productive.

This seems like a lot of TMI and an excuse for my disappearances, but I feel as though all of you deserve an explanation at the very least. And, as always, a huge resounding THANK YOU to everyone who watches me and continues to watch me to this day. I really do appreciate your support on every front, and I hope I can grow into someone who fully deserves it! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH :heart: :heart: :heart:

Friends

Comments


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:iconsilkrapture:
silkrapture Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2017  Student Artist
Smithers my love!! Once I finish designing this character I want to commission you!!! :D Guess what.. IT'S HUMAN <333
Reply
:iconterrorofland1086:
Terrorofland1086 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2016
Are you ever planning of resuming your how to eat humans series? It as updated past page 9 for at least 2 years now since i found it.
Reply
:iconterrorofland1086:
Terrorofland1086 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2016
oh sorry, I just now so the mention of not resuming it. nevermind
Reply
:iconamariot:
AmarioT Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2016
hey, just wanted to say hello. Discovered you through the karbo collab and thought your work was awesome. :)
Reply
:iconpoke-chann:
Poke-Chann Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2015  Student
Hey I'm very sorry to bother you, but I noticed some of your art was put in a youtube video without proper credit (youtu.be/k0QxypFAkh0?t=45s)

I just thought you'd like to know.
Reply
:iconmandafancypants:
MandaFancyPants Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav:!
Reply
:iconbulletbader:
BulletBader Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014
Hi Lybia! I'm kinda curious...do you do requests? I would LOVE a request, especially with your awesomely beautiful artwork.
Reply
:iconme-b:
ME-B Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hi Bullet! And thank you, but I'm not able to take requests right now ^^; I AM open for commissions, though,  if you're interested :3
Reply
:iconbulletbader:
BulletBader Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014
Heh, I would except I have no money or points to spend. Bugger me! ^^;

Ah well! I'll keep trying to get points and such, but if anything comes up, let me know.
Reply
:iconmozer1a0x:
mozer1a0x Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fave!
Reply
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