Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
So, Season 6 of Voltron LD landed yesterday...and wow, it was a doozy!  I had theorized one thing which actually wound up being true about a certain character and where they went (based off of evidence) which was really cool, but beyond that the finale of this arc was incredible.  I laughed, I shouted, I cried...a few things weren't properly explained, but they're minor issues.

Anyway, that's not what this entry is about.  Well, sort of but not sort of...

My favorite character in the series is Lance, because he's the most relatable.  He's not a genius, but he's kind and thoughtful.  This season, one of my favorite moments was when he was reassuring another character and said: 

"Let me tell you, as someone who's made a million mistakes, all you can do is get up and try to make it right."

And that really hit close to home for me.  Lance is often showboating, but he has another side to him which not everyone has seen (I believe only Allura has actually seen it), which is an insecure teenager who doesn't know where he belongs, and who genuinely cares about his friends and despite past flirting has actually fallen in love with someone but thinks he isn't good enough for them.

He makes mistakes...he's relatable, which is one reason I think so many people like his character. 

But more than that, it got me thinking after coming out of a depression slip-n-slide for the past week and a half...that one line was inspiring to me.

Because when depression hits, it's like you're all alone in a void of darkness with chains attached to your limbs trying to drag you down.  Everything is sluggish...nothing matters.  There's that intrusive thought...that little voice in your head which keeps saying things like:
"You're alone."
"They don't care about you."
"Nobody would notice if you were gone."
"They don't even bother to try to understand you."
"You're a burden...they don't want you around."
"What are you doing with your life?"
"You've failed at everything you have tried.  You have a track record of failure."
"Isn't it tiring?"
"Why are you even still alive?"

And it's difficult to argue with that voice, because any little thing can make it worse.
Many people try to say:  "Oh, just ignore it or tell it to shut up."
Or they say:  "You need to grow a thicker skin."
Some might eve say:  "Maybe you need a higher dose of medication, or try another medication."

But it DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

Even if there is at least one person outside of your head arguing with that voice, depression makes it difficult to believe that person.  Depression takes something and puts an evil spin on it; it twists words and actions, and makes you perceive something as threatening when it was not intended so...as well as makes comments you'd normally be able to brush off hurt.

If I can talk about this honestly...I'm in the grey area of depression.  I don't want to die, but that doesn't stop these thoughts.
More medication is not the answer...in fact, I'm tired of everyone's answer being "medication".  Medication doesn't cure it...it's not like antibiotics which gets rid of bronchitis.  Medication for a mental illness is more of a worn latch on a door.
Sometimes, the latch comes undone even though it's still on the door, and sometimes the latch is able to hold the door closed.

Medication isn't a cure-all.  It can help people manage, definitely...but it's never going to make depression or any other mental issue go away.

Topic of medication aside, as I was thinking about Lance's quote...it's pretty much about getting up after being knocked down.
And it's HARD to get back up when you feel like you're alone...when you're sitting in a void of emptiness.

It's hard to argue with that voice and come up with reasons to try, to move, to live.

This might not help everyone, but it's helped me recently...and maybe it's because I'm in that grey area of "have had intrusive thoughts but will never act on them because I'm afraid of dying", but I hope that maybe it can help others.

And that's something to look forward to.

I know that when you're in that void, you don't really look forward to anything.  You sort of forget about things you might have once looked forward to.  Greeting the new day is a chore...I know.  I've experienced it...I've been there.

Sometimes, I still don't know why I'm alive.  It's like that for many others who experience depression.

But before you act drastically, even if that voice is asking why you're alive...if you can just try to remember one thing you used to enjoy before you landed in that void...it can help.

I have a calendar hanging on my wall, and I write down release dates of video games.  I might not be able to afford all of them at the time, but it's something to look forward to.
Recently, I had written down complete with a little doodle that the 15th of June was season 6 of Voltron LD...something I was looking forward to since season 5 ended.  I sketched out a doodle of a bold "V" for Voltron...so that it would show up easily on the calendar...so that just a glance at it, and I can see for myself that I was looking forward to something.

Even something which might seem silly...like the next Pokemon main game coming out in 2019, or a new season of a show you like...that can become a temporary reason to live until you find or remember what you want to live for.
Because those things are NOT silly.  Any reason to live, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else, is not a silly reason.  The new season of Voltron LD was what kept me afloat in the void...knowing it was only a couple weeks away, every time I looked at my calendar, I could see that that was something pre-void me wanted to do.

That, and one of my friends happened to say "everything will be alright".  It might sound patronizing, but those were words I wanted to hear.  I stayed afloat once again.

I know that I'll fall...it's a guarantee with depression.  I'll slip down once more at some point in the future and have to wade through the void again.  I don't really have a "dream"...I create a webcomic on autism and other issues I've dealt with in my life so far...I write things like this to share my thoughts and what has helped me because maybe it can help someone else.

I know it's rough...I know it's an "easier said than done" thing...and I know it's a lifelong battle that many of us face.
But like Lance said in Voltron...the only way is to get up and keep trying.
And like my friend said, just breathe...everything is going to be okay.

Even if it doesn't seem like it, you'll get through this.  You have before, and you can do it again.  You've won before, and you can win again.  I know it's not easy, but you can do it...I know you can.  We all can...because we've done it before.  You can win.

Even if it means marking a calendar with things like video games and shows to look forward to until you remember that you're not alone.  I might not know every person who reads this, and you might not know me...but that doesn't matter, because we've experienced depression.  No matter what walk of life you come from, we've gone through the same thing and emerged victorious.  You're not alone, and you can win even when it feels like you can't.  You CAN.
Just breathe...you can win.  Everything will be okay.


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.

Care to support my artwork?  Want early access to AuTalkz and exclusive sketches?  Check me out on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

AuTalkz Infinity, the official store for AuTalkz merchandise!

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: Pokemon Ultra Moon
A lot of my FB friends and family have been posting things about suicide awareness...probably in the wake of Kate Spade's death.

There's something I want to say on the subject, because it's one which I'm familiar with.  This might sound strange coming from an INFJ (considering the "J" stands for "judging"), but here goes:

Pause a moment before you judge someone.
Think a moment before you throw out accusations.
You have no clue what that person is going through.
Think before you say something accusatory,
Because it might be the last thing you say to someone before they can't take anymore.
Even if they seem like they're always happy,
Even if they seem to be always smiling,
That's impossible, because nobody is happy 100% of the time.

Myself...I always say "I'm fine" even if I'm not.
Others do it, too...it's more common than you think.
When friends of people like Robin Williams and Kate Spade talk about them...
They always say how they "seemed happy" or "were smiling".
But you know...nobody smiles all the time.

I was barely able to get AuTalkz out for my patrons as promised...and the promise was the only reason I pushed myself.
Why?
I was dealing with an autistic shutdown and overload.
I was dealing with bad depression and nearly couldn't get myself out of bed.
Today was the first day in about a week I was able to get out of bed without spending extra time to just gather the energy to move.

Those of us who create...whether it's via Youtube, Deviantart, Tumblr, ect...
We show a certain side of ourselves to everyone.
You might know my favorite color, my fursona, a couple things which make me happy or creep me out...
But like everyone who puts content on the internet, you don't know what they're dealing with that day;
You don't know what they're struggling with.

For the record, I don't want pity or anything.
I'm not playing the victim.
But everyone is dealing with something.
Before you speak negatively about them behind their backs,
Or even to their face (or on the internet),
Remember that the world does not revolve around you.

I know that for some of us, those with social issues, that's a hard thing to remember.
It doesn't make us lazy or selfish if we forget.
But before you go off on someone for what you may perceive as ignoring you or not catering to your every whim...
Remember that the other person has a life, too.  They're dealing with struggles and demons you can't see and aren't aware of.
Pause a moment before you say something in your judgment;
This may seem hypocritical since I'm sure I've posted judgmental things, but I'm just human, too.
I make mistakes, too. 
There are times when I just want to vent...
Though I learned my lesson (the painful way) of the proper places to vent.
I've learned a lot of lessons the painful and hard way.
Still, that's what makes us human; we get hurt, we learn from that, and we grow.

Yet, some people take a longer time than others to recover from that hurt.
I don't even tell my closest friends and family of the problems I go through on a daily basis.
Last night, my father asked me if everything was okay (after about a week of me barely talking)...
Know what I said?
I said:  "YES."

I don't mean to lie...nobody with depression does.
But it's how I protect myself...I presume it's similar for others.
You don't have to feel bad about doing it, either.
I don't want to burden others with my problems...
Especially since I'm supposed to be a "pillar".
I'm always offering for people to talk to me if they feel depressed or need help.
That offer is still always on the table.
Especially since I tend to keep people at arm's length just by default.
You are all amazing people of various walks of life and talents...
But none of us knows exactly what the other is struggling with on a particular day.
And when it comes to myself, I don't take my own advice.
Because I don't want to burden the people I know with my problems.

But that's why things like crisis hotlines and "warmlines" are so great.
Because you don't know who the other person is, and they don't know who you are.
They'll still listen to you, and they'll never judge you.
And yes...I have used them before.
I have called suicide hotlines even though I don't actually want to die.
I have called "crisis" hotlines.
Talking to a stranger about an issue is easier than talking to someone you know...because a stranger has no clue who you are.
They can't judge you.
To them, you're just a voice...and vice-versa.
That person is just a voice on the other line.  I don't even know their name, and they never ask me for mine.
On the internet, strangers are just a username and maybe a user avatar.
So, it's easier to talk to them.
If I haven't gone completely nonverbal, I'll sometimes even talk to my cat.

I suppose my point is...
I know it's difficult for some of us to "watch what we say".
Because if those of us on the spectrum or with other social disorders were 100% aware of social norms, we wouldn't be on the spectrum.
But it is sometimes possible to think before saying something...especially on the internet.
I know that in real life, it's easy to blurt something out.
In the age of the internet, you have the ability to look over what you've written before you post it.
There have been many times when I'll delete everything I was about to send, or spend 10+ minutes looking it over to make sure I really want to post it.
Because sometimes, it's hard to remember that the world doesn't revolve around us, and that the other person might be going through something we have no clue about.
Even people without social disorders slip up.

And, it's hard for people who are going through something to come out and say it.
But from experience, if you really need to talk to someone...
Or if you are having extreme depressive thoughts...
Please find your local suicide or crisis number and call it.
They won't ask your name or location.
They typically don't give their name, either.
They're someone who doesn't know you, and therefore can't judge you.
They won't judge you, either.
I once called up a crisis line after I realized I might be getting desensitized to being verbally abused.
The woman who answered didn't ask anything personal.
She didn't interrupt me as I stammered my way through my questions.
She let me say what I needed to say; ask what I needed to ask.
Then, calmly, she assured me that everything I was feeling was normal, and it is possible to get desensitized to abuse.
She gave me advice; she gave me another resource I could call.
She didn't judge me once.
That is just one example.

They won't judge you...they're there to help.
So just remember:
Before you judge, think.
And if you need to talk to someone, there are people who you can talk to (crisis/suicide hotlines) who won't judge you.
Many places have texting support as well, so if you are nonverbal, you can still contact them.


  • Listening to: Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Skateboarding videos
  • Playing: Pokemon Ultra Moon
So after crunching some numbers, I've decided to keep AuTalkz on DA for now.

The reasons for this:
-People who pledge $5 or more will still get perks (such as sneak peaks, and maybe even getting to see the comic before it's released on DA).

-After announcing it was going to be Patreon-only, I got only two additional pledges (and one person who decreased their pledge, which evened things out where I'm actually now making LESS than before)
--Due to that trial period, it's unlikely I'll get any other pledges.

-I'm going to take a gamble with my other (secret) project.


"People like your stuff until they have to pay for it."


I'd have to make $1500 or more a month to be able to come off of SSI (as taxes would take about 20%, Patreon takes 5%, and additional processing fees take 3.5% of what I earn).
With AuTalkz alone, that's not going to happen.

I hope that people who currently support me continue to do so, and I plan on uploading more to Patreon (for subscribers, of course) so there will be incentive. 
Right now, I'm barely earning enough to pay for sketchbooks, nib replacements, and ink refills (that stuff isn't cheap).

So...I guess real life let you have what you wanted. 
Meanwhile, I get to add another tally mark to the "this idea failed miserably" and hope that my other project has more success.

(I apologize if I sound bitter; I'm not blaming anybody.  I'm just tired of failing all the time)


_______
Commissions are OPEN ($5+ patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

AuTalkz Infinity, the official store for AuTalkz merchandise!

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Britian's Got Talent
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Skateboarding videos
  • Playing: Divinity Original Sin 2
I feel like I didn't properly communicate my last status post (it was a lot to take in, looking over it), so I just want a couple things to be clear:

-I'm not disappearing from DA; regular drawings (including some from the AuTalkz cast) will still be uploaded.

-It's just $1 a month to see the AuTalkz comics (which I might start doing weekly since I'll be charging for them) on Patreon.
Only specials (special issues, character profiles which I intend to do, sketches, and sneak-peeks will require a larger pledge).

-The current issues will be staying up on DA; I'm not taking them down due to this.

-I'm not doing this out of greed, and had been thinking about this decision for a long time.
I'm grateful for the couple people who understand why I'm doing this. 
SSI pays at poverty level.  Like I said, I'm getting $530 a month...I can't even afford my own apartment with that (even on food stamps for food).  My car insurance costs about $150 a month, so once that's subtracted, I'm only earning $380 a month on SSI.  That gives me just enough money to maybe get a haircut every couple of months (about $30), pay my credit card bill from groceries and art supplies (about $100), and leaves me with around $250...oh, right.  Cellphone bill is about $60 for a flat rate (I rarely use my phone), and then the cost of pet supplies ($50-80 or so a month).  That leaves me with just over $100 saying that I don't have any extra expenses that month.  I can put in the tiny amount I'm earning on Patreon so far, but there's that pesky limit on how much I can save up...so, every month, that tiny amount goes to help paying bills.
See what I'm dealing with?
Understand yet why I need to push Patreon?
I'm literally living on a poverty level, and if I wasn't still living with my dad, I'd be out on the street because I can't afford housing.  Then, there wouldn't be ANY comics or drawings.  I'm terrified of what's going to happen in the future since my father isn't going to be around forever.

Okay?  I'm not doing this to be greedy or "lock people out behind paywalls".  I'm doing it because I'm an adult and I need to survive.  AuTalkz has been running for TWO YEARS (three, if you count the first season).  I've gotten a little monetary support, but I sadly can't keep doing something on a regular basis which earns me no money.
I wish I could, but I literally can't afford to.  I knew some people would be upset, and I apologize.

Again, I'm not leaving DA...I'll still be uploading drawings here, as well as autism awareness and anti-bullying artwork (perhaps with Kairy and some of the AuTalkz crew, but not in comic format like AuTalkz is).

I wish I could keep doing this for free, especially since autism awareness is important and I wanted it to be free.  That's why I'll maybe make a couple unrelated drawings and artwork and keep them here, but actual AuTalkz issues will be moving to Patreon for $1 a month (if I go weekly, you're getting 3-4 issues for $1.  If I stay monthly, you're getting 2 for $1.  Frankly, I think that's a good/reasonable deal and I'm actually getting the short end of the stick with that pricing).
I do feel that I've covered many important topics already in AuTalkz; I might occasionally post something here if I feel it's super important and should be free for everyone to see.

I've been at war with that for a while; I want it to be free, but I want to get off of SSI and get off of the poverty-level amount they pay me and the possibility of being kicked off the program for no specified reason (I have to go for yearly reviews and interviews with psychologists they choose to question me).  I've had to stop advertising to petsit for people so I don't wind up earning just enough that they'll kick me off of SSI, but less than the amount I'd get on SSI.
It's a balancing game which suxxors, and my life is on the line.

I'm sorry that some of you are angry; I knew that would happen.  If you're not an adult, you'll understand when you get into the working world...especially if you fall into the category of being unable to work (combined with no college degree).  I'd like to be able to get good insurance, because America is freaking DEAD LAST when it comes to medical care and if I want to know I'm getting good care, I have to pay out of pocket because my meager insurance (Medicaid) doesn't cover it.
Hell, Medicare covers more than Medicaid does.  There are a lot of doctors I've had to stop seeing because though they take Medicare patients, they don't take Medicaid patients...and I don't qualify for Medicare.
Not to mention that the government is trying to cut/gut the entire thing and probably always will be looking to do so (especially the Republicans for some reason I don't understand).

I'm turning 35 years old this month.  Most people I know are working successful jobs, are married...some even have kids!  They can afford to have multiple pets, their own apartment (and even their own HOUSE), ect.
Meanwhile, I'm like the epitome of the "still living in mom's basement" (only it's my dad's house).
If I don't do this, I'll wind up like the Giving Tree when she first became a stump.  Give and give for free until there's nothing left...sadly, life can't work like that in the adult world.

I hate it.
I honestly hate that. 
I hate how much value is on money, but it's necessary to live and survive.
I want to keep doing all this stuff for free, but I can't unless I plan to wind up in a gutter somewhere.

This is reality.  I want to make people happy and help folks...and it'd be really awesome if I could find a way to do that and get paid for it.  Right now, this is the only thing which comes close.

_______
Commissions are CLOSED, Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.

Please consider supporting my artwork!  You can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

AuTalkz Infinity, the official store for AuTalkz merchandise!

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: "Wiggle and Wine" by Donchez Dacres
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Braille Skateboarding
  • Playing: Divinity Original Sin 2
There has been some drama circulating the community (particularly the autistic community here; if you don't know what I'm talking about, it's best not to ask.  I've been staying out of it despite people trying to get me involved, and now I'm honestly angry that people are still trying to get me involved and still perpetuating it). 
Thus, I want to remind everyone who comes here of the rules...not just DA's rules, but for this page. 
Breaking any of these rules will result in either a warning or an instant ban/block depending on how bad it is.  Typically, it'll be an instant ban:

1.  No trolling
2.  No spamming (links, ect)
3.  No advertising your page or begging for watchers
4.  No harassing others (from me to other members/watchers, and that includes sending notes to try and get people involved in drama or hate on someone)
5.  NO DRAMA

(all of DA's rules also apply, and anyone caught stealing my art will be reported and blocked as well)

I want people who come here to be able to feel safe; to be able to speak up and speak their minds and feel safe enough to share their thoughts about my artwork (and especially AuTalkz). 
I don't want them to have to worry about being contacted via notes and urged to take the side in some stupid drama.
I also don't want them to fear being trolled or made fun of (which is why I urge people to report trolls and bring the situation to my attention if I haven't seen it).

If you have an issue with another deviant, take it up with them or just block and ignore them.  Do not bring it here, and do not get innocent people caught up in any sort of drama between you and someone else.  It's not fair to other people to encourage hate on someone or try and drag uninvolved people into petty squabbles and juvenile drama.

Now, I can't stop anyone from talking smack about someone behind their back...just as long as the toxic behavior doesn't come here.
That said, I do manage my page, and I do not accept any cruel/toxic behavior towards others in the comments (and notes).
I can't always see what other people say to one another due to how the comment system works on DA; I can only see the initial response someone makes to a drawing I post or their next response to my response.

So again, I want to remind everyone that if you are being harassed in the comments (or in notes) to please let me know (send me a note with a link to the harassment) so I can become aware of it, then block whomever is trying to mess with you if I feel they are truly being toxic.
Please do not respond to them, just let me know and then block them.  If they're exceptionally nasty or threatening you, then report them to DA straight away.  After that, ignore them.

That goes for comments and notes. 

Debates are fine, just as long as they stay debates and don't get out of hand. 
I don't expect everyone to get along, but unless someone volunteers to play the mediator or get involved, your squabbles are your own and I ask that you do not try to coerce anyone to get involved in them.

Honestly, the best thing to do is to just ignore the other person (I do encourage people to try and work out their differences, but should that fail, just step back, then block and stop).

Anyone ever learn what to do if you're in fire?
You STOP, DROP, and ROLL.

Welp, when it comes to disagreements here, DA encourages people to stop, block, and ignore.  So basically:  STOP, BLOCK, ROLL.
STOP; do not perpetuate the situation.
BLOCK; if you can't get along, add them to your blacklist.
ROLL AWAY; just move along and continue your life. 

I've made a few pieces of artwork (and even a poem) about instances where I was cyberbullied.  After getting my emotions out that way, I left the group which hurt me and don't speak with them anymore.
I know the process can be difficult, and the knee-jerk/easy response is to argue with someone.
Remember:  "There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." (Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

It's easy to argue and stir the drama pot, or want to respond to a troll who is baiting.
The right thing to do, however, is just not to give them attention.

Thank you, and remember the golden rule:  "Do onto others as you'd have them do onto you."

I hope everyone has a great day!

_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: "Intermezzo" by Pietro Mascagni
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Gakuen Babysitters
  • Playing: Divinity Original Sin 2
It's been an interesting experiment, and I definitely think I can do them weekly...but of course, there would be a small drawback.

I just spent $40 on new supplies since mine were running out/low (refill ink for a couple of my multiliners, a new nib for another since the previous one got damaged, and another sketchbook since I'm running out of room).  All that adds up, and doing weekly comics means that I'll run through supplies (especially ink) faster.  Since I've failed miserably at trying to learn a tablet (I think it has to do with being able to see what I'm drawing on the surface I'm drawing it, and the pressure/feedback I get from an actual pencil and multiliner markers)...this is what I'm sticking with.  Of course, that means that it'll get expensive.

I set up a poll; if people really like the weekly schedule, I honestly don't mind doing it.  However, I'd start posting it over on my Patreon page for patrons-only (I haven't decided on a minimum viewing price; definitely under $5...basically you'd be contributing about $1 per comic; it's really not that much to ask).  I have it set up for a monthly charge and don't plan on changing that; it equates to the same amount anyway.

Again, the reason is mostly supplies.  As a bigger picture, I'd like to earn enough to get off of SSI and be able to buy better insurance.  I'm sort of at the bottom of the barrel right now in terms of healthcare, and I get in a month what part-time workers make in 5 days.  Yea...it's messed up.  'Murica, amirite?

So anyway, that's the happenings.  I really do want to transition to weekly comics (especially because I have a bunch of character arcs and other topics I want to explore, and weekly updates makes that easier since there's less wait on your part and thus, you won't be as likely to forget what's going on in the current arc)...but I'd definitely have to switch over to Patreon for that.  Heck, I might do it anyway.

Some of the issues I've made would stay up on my DA page (if not all of them which are currently available) as I do want to keep up with it being autism awareness.  I guess it'd be like a free "preview" of sorts without lacking any of the information.  I'm still working out the details.

_______
Commissions are OPEN, Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: "Intermezzo" by Pietro Mascagni
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: AC Pocket Camp
So, I'm sure many of you know about the horrific school shooting which occurred in Florida a couple days ago.

The students are rallying currently to demand better gun control laws, and while some people agree with them, others scoff at them.  Frankly, whatever the UK and Australia did when they had a school shooting in prioritizing human lives over their guns obviously worked, as there hasn't been another one since; people don't need assault rifles to protect their homes.
I'm not an anti-gun nut, but I can't get behind this pro-gun stuff, either.  I've tried to stay down the middle as much as possible, but it's clear that advocating both sides just isn't going to work anymore.
Why?

Well, here's a question which will clear that up:
What's more important to you:
A)  Your guns
B)  The lives of innocent children

I can't be down the middle anymore.  It's mid-February and the USA has already had 18 school shootings; this one left 17 kids dead, many in critical condition as I type this, and others with PTSD.

Yes, the law enforcement was also at fault; they received multiple reports on the shooter and how unstable he was, but did nothing.  The guy apparently cut himself (purposely) on a stream or Youtube and was still deemed "mentally stable" not to go to an institution.
Uh, no. 
Everyone knew this guy was a time bomb, but not only did they ignore the "red flags" and behavioral issues, they also allowed him to purchase a rifle.  And of course, it's in one of the many states which doesn't require a license, ID, or a background check.  He literally walked into the pawn shop, bought the gun, and walked out with it.  THAT'S A PROBLEM.

And some people are even saying that the kids should have included the shooter and not ignored him.  Welp, they didn't...there were a lot of calls to the local law enforcement over his behavior.
In fact, I went to school with one of those "crazy" kids.  A kid who bullied me and who had behavioral issues...a kid I was wary of because they idolized the shooters of Columbine.  I was afraid just being near this kid, and this kid was supposedly "normal" in terms of mental illness.  So for anyone saying "oh, the other kids shouldn't have ostracized that school shooter", don't sympathize with the murderer.  Don't say things like that unless you've had one of those types of "crazy" in your class, wondering if they're going to come to school with a gun or a knife one day or kill me because I was raised Jewish and this kid was suspended for shouting "heil Hitler" in the hallway.
Anyone who says "oh, they should have included the shooter" has obviously never gone to school with one of those "crazy" ones.  Would they walk up to someone shouting "heil Hitler" and setting things on fire and say "hey, that's cool...let's be friends"?  HELL NO!
Well, maybe if they're a white supremacist...
Point is, the people blaming the kids for pushing the shooter away and "shunning" him are putting blame on the wrong people.  That's not the sort of "crazy" one can easily approach or include without the fear that said crazy won't turn around and literally stab them in the back one day.


But the worst part of this problem?  If there is a "worst" part, as they're all equally as bad...for those of us who have a mental disability, we're now facing a possible stigma once again.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified, and I don't want to lie to any of you and say "don't worry about it, I'm sure people won't view us all like we're going to commit mass murder".
I can't say that, because I grew up during a time when there was a slight stigma against people with mental disabilities.  I was mocked and laughed at since I constantly had to leave the classroom due to panic attacks or overstimulation, but nobody cared about that; they just saw me as some "weird loner" and in came the bullies. 

What I want to talk about with this entry isn't so much on the gun control (which America desperately needs, because the correct answer to the question above is "B") or how badly the police and FBI screwed up with the kid when this was preventable.  No, what I want to mainly address is the fact that the first word following "mental issue" in regards to the shooter was "autism".

Let's face it; the USA's healthcare system SUCKS.

The mental health system is even WORSE.

This started in the Reagan-era when they first started to make cuts to healthcare (especially mental healthcare), but I'm not writing this to bore you with a history lesson.  Sure, I could dig up more on that and make my argument, but I want to come from a place of personal feelings here over the facts.  I'll gladly back it up with facts if any ignorant fool wants to argue it (hint:  you won't win), but my point isn't a history lesson.

My point is that this shooter did NOT have autism...just like all the other shooters who supposedly were on the spectrum.  Many of them killed themselves before they could even be diagnosed, in fact.

When I read an article on people who spoke about the "red flags", none of those behaviors were autistic behaviors.  Those were all behaviors of a Sociopath, and perhaps a little Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

The big problem is that due to the lack of education on mental illnesses and mental health in this country, the average person doesn't know the difference between Autism and Psychopathy...thus, every time there's a school shooting (by a white person), it's immediately because they have non-existent Autism to excuse the fact of how easily they got ahold of the weapon.  If it's a person of color, it's a terrorist attack.
It's been that way since as far as I can remember (Columbine was the first mass shooting I recall from my time).

Thing is, yes...there was a mental health issue with this kid.  The "I wanna keep my guns" folks (who chose answer "A" of the above question or try to reword it so they don't sound like an asshat) want to just point to mental illness and how the mental health system in this country failed that kid and will fail again.

DUH.

While they do have a point, it's not just on the mental health issue.  I'm just going to leave that there and move on.

Early in his presidency, Trump signed a bill allowing people with mental illnesses easier access to purchasing and owning firearms (which the White House is now actually refusing to show pictures of as if they can cover it up somehow when it was all over the news a year ago).  The USA has the most deaths by gun violence and the most amount of mass shootings than any other country in the WORLD.  While many factors tie into that, let's look at the mental health side.

If they REALLY want to do something about improving the mental health system in this country, things that should be done would include:
-A mandatory mental health check in schools (and the workplace)
-Government paid therapy (yes, said therapy sucks, but it's better than nothing) and careful monitoring of any medication to any who come up as having mental illnesses which also display violent behaviors
-Teaching the general public (including in schools; perhaps in Health Class) about mental disabilities; that means FACTS, not scare tactics

I said it before, but every time there's a mass shooting, the media (and gun-nuts) immediately scream "AUTISM".  It's like the ignorant kids who use "autism" as an insult because they think it's synonymous with the word "stupid" (fact:  it's not). 
I, and many others, are once again in a place of fear because everyone insists that this shooter has Autism, and because people are showing signs of fearing it (I've seen social media; it's chaos). 

First of all, it was NOT AUTISM WHICH MADE HIM SHOOT THAT GUN.
Same with every school shooting, it was NOT AUTISM.

Second, all of the "red flags" were not consistent with symptoms of Autism.  Most sources quote "I believe he has autism and ADHD", while only one source says that he was diagnosed with both as a kid.
Keywords:  "as a kid".  Many people are misdiagnosed as children just because they're either an introvert/lone wolf or because they're just being a kid (being hyperactive).  I grew up during the ADHD/Ritalin craze and saw many kids younger than myself go to the nurse to take Ritalin when most of them actually were just being a freaking kid.


There's something else I want to make clear, and I'm sure many others on the spectrum will agree:
WE ARE NOT DANGEROUS

I'm going to get personal, here.  Ready for a bit of storytime?

I was bullied in kindergarten, then from third grade onward until I graduated high school (and cyberbullied a few times).

I was ostracized because I was "weird".  My social skills were crap, I spoke funny, I'd often pretend I was a dog or tiger in school (typically in the lunchroom; note that I never hurt anyone when I did.  I was a "good dog" when I did this) because I was obsessed/hyperfocused on dogs, I'd use my sleeve to open doors and touch things instead of my fingers, I'd have to randomly leave the classroom (sometimes multiple times) due to panic attacks, I wouldn't show up to school some days because I just couldn't handle it...
I was "weird" because of panic attacks, OCD, and sensory shutdowns.
And I was harshly teased for it.

The other kids would laugh behind my back, exchange notes during class (yes, sometimes right in front of a teacher) about me and keep doing it even when they realized I saw the contents of their notes, steal my bookmark (pens and pencils as well), move my books around the classroom if I took my eyes off of them, tease me for twirling my hair (stimming) including mocking me, laugh at my big nose, call me nasty names, ignore me, ostracize me, not allow me to join their groups for projects (to the point where the teacher would have to intervene), pull cruel pranks on me such as unzipping my backpack on the bus so the contents would spill out when I stood up...

They would trip me in the hallways (one even caused me to slide into the lockers), push and shove me, throw field hockey balls and volleyballs at me (and I don't mean during dodgeball), try to pull my chair out from under me as I sat down (one kid did this with an art-class stool; if I didn't have an OCD ritual of checking before I sat down, I could have bashed my head open on the ground), push me down during "tag"...

And not once, during all the times I was made fun of, laughed at, ignored, ostracized, and hurt...not once did I ever even think of harming them in return. 

The thought never even crossed my mind.  I took karate, I practiced swordsmanship, I took archery classes, I know how to use throwing knives...but I never even thought of using any of those (or a gun) to harm them.  I never pushed them back, never tripped them in return, never did anything to them.
Not once did I retaliate or even entertain the thought of harming them.

I have Autism, OCD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Depression.  I was verbally and emotionally abused by my father; screamed at and put down constantly.

I have never once purposely hurt anyone in my entire life, and never even once think to do so.

Despite the bullying and neglect (school and home), I never even entertained a second of a thought of hurting anyone. 

When I get really frustrated and have a meltdown, I might punch a wall or my bed, or kick my chair or desk...but I'd never ever take that out on another living creature.

I AM NOT DANGEROUS

Neither are most of the people on the spectrum.  Autism does not make someone dangerous; it's not the same as Psychopathy or Sociopathy.  It doesn't mean that anyone with Autism is going to go shoot up a school or commit a horrible act of violence.

I want people to know that.

I want everyone to know that most of us aren't dangerous.  In fact, most of us are more afraid of "normal" people (neurotypicals) and those who would hurt other people for the hell of it than you are of us.

Please don't fear us.

Please don't hate us.

Please stop labeling every mass shooter as having Autism, because 100% of the time it's not their Autism (if they even had Autism to begin with) which caused them to pull that trigger.

It's also not just being isolated and ignored or bullied; I was one of those victims.  Both Autism and a victim of bullying and isolation, and I never even once though of getting even with them or getting back at them.
I put up with it, reported them to the principal if it was really bad (like the ones who put me physically in danger), and moved on.
I also play video games like Skyrim and watch anime like DBZ and Detective Conan.  I can't stand gore, but I liked Re:Zero (though I was unable to read the manga version because of my aversion to gore).
By the thought process of the "I want to keep my guns, so it must be 100% the cause of something else like mental illness, violent video games, and violent TV shows" people, I'm a walking statistic.

Only, I'M NOT.

I'm not predispositioned to violence; I'm a freaking pacifist.
Yea, that means I get passive-aggressive when I "fight", but I'd never strike out at someone unless I'm being mugged or something and my life depends on me breaking their nose or kicking them in the gonads.
Self-defense, in other words.
Shooting up a school is not self-defense; it's a horrible crime.

The reason I said all of that and put myself into a scary situation right now (being judged for having Autism and what many might think can lead to violence even though such things have been disproven) is to get the message across that I would never hurt anyone.

I'm scared right now.  I'm scared of what's going to happen in this country (as I have been since Trump got in office and the GOP has been actively trying to take my healthcare, and the healthcare of millions of other Americans, away), I'm scared of what people are going to think of me knowing I have Autism, I'm scared of someone getting it in their head to take a preempitive strike on folks with mental disabilities (I did see someone on Facebook mention it); the sort of "kill them before they can kill us"...just as bad as the psychos who shoot up the schools.

HAVING AUTISM IS NOT A CRIME

I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE FEARED, CAST AWAY, OR KILLED BECAUSE OF A MISCONCEPTION BORNE OUT OF FEAR FROM THE IGNORANT


Same goes with everyone else who's on the spectrum.  We're all struggling to live...to find a way to contribute to society.  We don't want any arguments or nasty confrontations (many of us on the spectrum actively avoid them).

I catch bugs and put them back outside.
I volunteered at an animal shelter (before it relocated farther away) and wish I can adopt more of them.
I feel physically sick when I hear about people harming black cats on Halloween or buying kittens just to bet on how long they'll last against a dog in an underground match.
I cry when I hear of a mass shooting.
I hold the door open for people even if it's snowing out because I like helping.
I donate to charities for suicide prevention and cancer research even though I don't earn much money myself.
I try to help people out as much as possible; either in an online game or in the stream of a chat (or just online in general).

So before you fear me just because I have Autism, get to know me first.  Same with anyone else on the spectrum.  We're not budding murderers...in fact, most of us can be really good friends.  We might screw up socially now and then, but that doesn't make us scary people.  With all of the disabilities I have, I'm not inclined to violence; it's just not how I operate...it's not my MO. 
Please don't fear us or label us all as bad people because of media (and gun-nut) stigmas. 

Thank you for your time, and let's do our best to try and do away with the stigma.  Though I'm afraid, I'm still going to make AuTalkz; I'm still going to try to raise Autism Awareness.
  • Listening to: "Still Breathing" by Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: Pokemon Ultra Sun
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!


I was going to put this in one of those quickie-updates, but I want to be sure that it gets seen.

So, it's 2018...and I've gotten a bunch of new watchers.  Due to that, I'd like to make a quickie announcement to remind everyone:

-This is a "safe" zone; I ask for everyone to be respectful of one another.  Not saying you can't have a disagreement or debate, but please keep it civil if you do.
-I want everyone to feel safe in commenting or responding to a comment; please be kind.
-I have ZERO TOLERANCE for bullies and trolls.  Thus:

IF YOU ARE BEING HARASSED BY SOMEONE IN THE COMMENTS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!

Deviant Art's comment system does not allow me to see it when someone else responds to your comment; I can only see initial comments, and comments I've responded to.

Also, you can block them by:
-Hover the mouse over your username in the upper right corner
-Click on "Settings"
-Click on the "General" tab on the left hand side
-Scroll down a little and you'll see a box that says "Blocked Users"
-Enter the person's username into that box, then hit "Save"


There haven't been many issues with this, though I have had to deal with a few trolls. 
I might not respond to all comments straight away (sometimes I just don't know how to answer at the moment), but if it's an issue regarding a troll or people being toxic, I get on that immediately.

THIS IS A NON-TOXIC ZONE!

On occasion, I might post a political drawing...and it's okay if you disagree.  I get it; that's politics (and why I try to avoid posting any political drawings I make).  But it is possible to discuss politics without resorting to the trollish name-calling that can be found on the rest of the internet.

Please remember that there's another human being with feelings on the other side of that computer screen, and words can be a powerful weapon.  Like all weapons, it's up to the wielder to use it safely and properly.

Trolls do not follow that logic; cyberbullies don't, either.  So, if you encounter any, please DO NOT RESPOND to them; just bring the matter directly to me (send me a Note).
If you feel you are in danger, contact your local police and also report them to DA.

So far, you've all been just fine, but I just want to remind people of this and let new watchers know about my stance on this matter.

Thank you, and I hope everyone has a great 2018!


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: "Still Breathing" by Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: Pokemon Ultra Sun
Welp, it's almost time for me to start messing up and still signing my drawings with the previous year.  XD

I've gotten better at remembering before I ink them in over the past couple years, at least.  XD XD

But anyway, I wanted to write this up because a lot has happened over the past year.  Some good, some bad, some meh...

I'm not sure what I've accomplished this year, exactly...I mean, AuTalkz seems to slowly be getting more popular; I want to do some character arcs, which is made a little difficult with bi-weekly (closer to 2x per month) update.  Depending on what I want planned, I might do some extra ones, but I don't want to burn out.
When I first started to do webcomics (with my failed "Chibi Writers" comic which poked fun at fanfiction tropes and bad habits), I had tried for weekly and it took a lot out of me.  Granted, Chibi Writers (and when I tried to revive it with Chibi Writers Revived, or "Chibi Writers R") was a full page comic instead of a strip, though Chibi Writers-R was more of a four-panel strip, it still took too much and I was burning out trying to get them out every week.

More like coming up with storyboards and ideas was the hardest part to get them out weekly; I applaud anyone who can put out quality strips daily.

I've tried doing manga-sized shorts as well, and trying to do 15-17 pages of a comic a week is BRUTAL.  So, uh, the next time your favorite mangaka takes a short break (saying they don't have a habit of taking long hiatuses...look'n at you, Hunter x Hunter, or "Hunter x Hiatus", as the fans started to call it years ago)...don't flip out until you've tried to do a 15-17 page comic in a week.  Just say'n.

Okay, other comic stuffs aside...AuTalkz is coming along, and I guess I'm happy about it.  I was hoping it would be a little bigger by now, but I've always been slow...so I'll take what I can get.  The fact that people are still adding me to their watch list, favoriting, and commenting on the issues is a huge deal for me (also very motivational, even if I don't always respond to comments.  I try!).

So, I suppose I'm happy with that.

I'm not making much via Patreon, but at least right now it's enough for things like new sketchbooks and ink refills.  I wish I could be making enough to say "bye-bye" to SSI, and maybe even to be able to afford the latest Photoshop (still using CS5 here). 

Won NaNoWriMo again with an original story, though it's still incomplete...mostly because I'm not sure I like how it's turned out thus far.  x.x
My goal was to finish what I started, so hopefully I can either come back to it or rewrite it and finish it.  I still haven't given up on trying to get published; self-publishing would be the shortest way, but it'd be cool if I could get an actual publisher to accept my manuscript.  I went through that process once...some places take six months just to get back to you (as in, six months of waiting just to be rejected).
I should probably stick with mystery; I like writing that genre.  There's one story I want to rewrite because I actually like how it came out, but I think the protagonists are a bit flat.

So, some projects to do...and in the meantime, I write fanfiction to keep my skills up (though I haven't uploaded any fanfiction in a long time).  I had been working on a huge Fairy Tail AU project which has three arcs to it (Gray-centric, of course).  I had just started to write the third arc when I hit a snag and stopped (the snag being that I have trouble writing teenagers because my own teenage years were really messed up with all my disabilities and what-not, and my mental/emotional age is closer to 12...yes, that's official.  I have moments of "insight" or "being grown-up", but one psychologist placed my mental age at typically the same as a 10-12 year old; prolly cause of autism, I dunno).


Other good things and projects...hrm...can't think of them at the moment.  There have been some good video games I enjoyed this year; Monster Hunter Stories is one of them (which, sadly, won't get me into the main MH series since the other games are super different.  Even MHW coming out in 2018, for how awesome the graphics are, is a little disappointing in that you still have to be a Hunter when the concept of Riders were introduced with MHS).

Pokemon Ultra Sun has thus far been 10x better than its predecessor (Sun/Moon) since it feels like this is MY pokemon adventure and I'm not just babysitting Lillie.  Sadly, some of the cutscenes are EXACTLY the same and there's no way to skip them; besides the split in clothing options (Sun version still not selling green, blue, or purple...and Moon version still not selling red, yellow, or orange), a lot of the things which annoyed me about the first Sun/Moon games aren't there.  I might actually get an extra copy to run nuzlockes off of due to the decrease in cutscenes.  I just wish I could bloody SKIP them.
Not sure who I'd contact about that; I mean, how hard is it to add in a "press "START" to skip cutscene" on the bottom DS screen like pretty much every other game in existence with cutscenes?

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp was very fun and addictive at first, but I can see why people have been dropping out of the game.  The crafting system really doesn't make sense sometimes (as it takes more time, money, and resources to craft a dinky stool-chair than it does to craft a huge/fortified table...I get that it's a video game, but if I wanted to build a wooden table, it'd definitely take more time, wood, and money than building a chair).
Some items also take an absurd amount of time to craft (the things which allows you to raise villager friendships past certain levels taking upwards of 48 hours), and doing quests for the animals doesn't give back enough crafting materials (I'm personally at level 37; my highest level villager is almost level 11, and I still only get about 2-5 pieces of crafting materials from them.  At my level and what I've unlocked, it takes between 30-90 of one material to craft an item...even someone not good at math like me can see the problem here).
I believe it's because Nintendo wants you to spend real money to buy Leaf Tickets, which can speed up the long crafting times and cover any lack of crafting materials.  Though you can earn some in the game, it's really not that much since you'll probably be spending most of them on inventory space (because they're really cheap with that, too).
The game/app itself is free, so of course they'd come up with an unfair system to get you to spend real money.  I just dumped my remaining credit from the Play Store into it to get started; I don't plan on spending any real money on this game/app...especially considering that many people have stopped playing already.  I've only been playing for a week, and I've already deleted two people off my friends list because they haven't been on for over 5 days.

Other games...welp, that gets into some good/bad combos.
FFXIV and Stormblood...Stormblood was fairly fun and Early Access was an absolute mess due to server stress.  On the other hand, those of us who got in during early access will have fond memories of people forming a huge line in the Fringes to try and do the duty "Cold Steel" (or, as we call it, "Raubahn Ex" or "Raubahn's Wall" since it took dedicated players between 4-8 hours, and sometimes longer, for the duty to actually work.  I gave up after my third try and just explored), and being "smuggled" over walls on two-person mounts from kind people who managed to complete Raubahn's quest and picked up the remaining Aether Currents to be able to fly in the zone.
We'll also remember the zones being divided into three instances due to the amount of players, which made Fox and Ixion hunting extremely difficult.  That, and adjusting to the new changes they did to the UI and the removal of cross-classing (SO glad I leveled Lancer, which I hated, to 34 for Invigorate just to have it now be a "Role" skill...yep, time well spent).


FFXIV also starts some bitter memories for me.  I suppose this is a good spot to start the "sorrows and regrets" section.


I'm fairly happy with the FC/guild I'm in now, but my previous one...welp, I had felt it was like a family.  I joined it around September or October of last year (2016), and...welp, if you've been keeping up with my drawings and prose, you know that there was a HUGE issue with some bullying that went on.

Basically, I was venting about a group (cause, ya know...everyone should feel safe in their FC/guild to vent about bad groups without being judged), and some asshat decided to start to challenge me on the point which made me angry.  This led to us starting to argue, which led to more people joining in to become a "peanut gallery" and making snarky comments whenever I tried to explain my point, to this asshat being all "I'm elitist and you don't know what you're talking about" and continuing to put me down that way.
I was so pissed off that I eventually ended it the way I end some cases with my father when he gets verbally abusive, which is to just say:  "Fine.  You're right, I'm wrong.  Enough."
Whether I believe it or not, it's the proper thing to say to get them to shut up sometimes.
All four of them (someone joined in mid-way...at first they agreed with me, then randomly took the other person's side and acted elitist as well; it was cyberbullying minus any "kill yourself" stuff at that point).
But, yea...I got so pissed off and hurt that I blocked all the people who shat on me, finished up exchanging tomes and sending my retainers on ventures, and logged out.  Just before I logged out, the conversation apparently started to turn to them discussing what had just happened...more snark.

I didn't log in for a week; logged into Discord a few days later after completely pulling away from the game and the FC/guild.
Not a single person asked what happened or if I was okay even though there had been officers on at the time.
In fact, not a single officer tried to diffuse the situation.
The only one who tried was someone who got in-game married to an officer (but I don't think was an officer) who gave a line like:  "Don't make me pull this car over!"
I know he was only joking, but at that time, I felt like I was being patronized.  After already being ganged up on, that comment stung.

So, then came the "controversial" drawing I made ("World of Darkness").  Nobody said anything else, and for a few weeks, things were fine.  I had blacklisted/blocked the bullies, and everything was fine...
...until almost a month later the FC leader contacted me and wanted me to remove the bully's name from the description in the drawing because apparently it was coming up under a Google search for "FFXIV bullies" and they didn't want someone to connect their FC with one which bullies people.
That's right.  Instead of talking to the person who bullied me to see if they'd have the decency to apologize, I was made out to be the bad guy in the situation because I called the bully out by their in-game name in the description of a drawing which detailed how sad and hollow I felt during that experience.

I'm a tattletale, but I didn't tell any of the officers about the bullying incident for two reasons:
1.  About two of them, plus some high-ranking folks, were online during that time (and not afk)
2.  Victim mentality (something I got used to of just not telling anyone; in school, I'd tattle on anyone whom I thought could try to hurt me, but online...I never, in any cyberbullying incident, went to the admins or anyone else because experience had proven that I couldn't trust them to resolve the issue)

But point is, I did the drawing and got the bad feelings out (and in the description, calmly stated what happened; I didn't trash talk the prick or anything), and then suddenly it's not okay for me to have just the first name of the person because "people can connect them to our FC and then connect our FC to bullying".
Oh, come on.  The amount of detective work someone not familiar with our FC would have to do (especially not knowing my player name or the last name of the bully, and especially not knowing what server we're on) would be too much work for most people; don't bullshit me.

Yea...I guess I still have some negative feelings about that, which is part of the reason why I wanted to write this entry...get them all out before the new year.

When I was asked to edit the name out, I refused.  I was being called out (and called a bully by outing a bully) for a description which hurt nobody...and frankly, if you don't want any backlash on social media, don't be a fucking asshole in the first place.  What I did was TAME compared to what I could have done considering I'm a passive-aggressive person (and that some people wanted me to post the entire back-and-forth I had with the officers of the FC over this matter because of the harsh things which were said to me and how I was made out to be a bad person and the bully was the victim).

The leader who contacted me was apparently busy with stuff, but started to come down on me without paying attention to my side of the story.  I was more angry than hurt because I didn't really know him well, but then when I was trying to explain what happened that day (he wasn't one of the people who had been online), he wanted to speak over teamchat/Discord (verbally).
In a panic, I told him...no, reminded him since I had written it on my application and mentioned it quite a few times to avoid situations like this...that I'm autistic.  That I don't communicate well verbally, and I wouldn't be able to explain anything.

At the time, I was talking to a friend in the FC on Discord, and he offered to step in on my behalf since this leader wasn't listening to me, and I was frustrated and scared (frustrated that this guy wasn't understanding that I don't do well with verbal communication, and scared that he was going to force me into a situation where I would just get attacked and steamrolled over).  My friend offered to intervene and explain it bluntly.
It seemed to work, but then I was contacted by another officer.

Now, when I first saw the person's name pop up...let's call him "Mug"...I relaxed.  Mug had been really nice to me in the FC.  One time, he even pulled me aside when he noticed that I was sad over something to ask what was wrong.  Nobody else noticed, but Mug did.  So, he messages me and asks if this communication thing was true, and that the leader had turned the situation over to him because he (the leader) was busy dealing with some IRL stuff.

I thought:  Awesome!  Mug's my friend, so he'll hear me out and stuff!

Nope.  Maybe that time Mug was just being an officer and making sure members were okay or something...just doing a job instead of being a friend.  Maybe I misunderstood his intentions...eh, happens a lot cause of autism.
Cause the next thing he said to me was along the lines of:  "Why did you feel the need to drag your friend into this when it has nothing to do with him?  That makes you the bully."

Oh.  Mug's one of THEM.  One of those people who I thought was a friend, and then turned around and then started to make fun of me or ignored me during my school years.  Someone I thought I could trust, but then says something so hurtful, so cruel, so...well, awful (with only half the story, to boot).  OH.

I told another officer I was fairly friendly with that I was leaving the FC...and as I did, I mentioned that all I wanted to hear from SOMEONE was that they believed me...believed IN me.  Knew that I wasn't a bully or a bad person.

He asked me why I didn't say that to them.

I responded with:  "I shouldn't have to ask for that sort of thing."

And I don't.  Part of me wants to message Mug even now and say "so...do you really think I'm a bully?".
But I'm not going to.
Because if I have to ask for someone's apology on something, it means that they didn't feel they did anything wrong.
If someone feels truly remorseful and like they wronged someone, THEY will approach and apologize...if it's the other way around, I have no guarantee that it's sincere.

I had kinda hoped that this other officer would let them all know what I said.  I'm kind of hoping he didn't, because if he did, Mug still never apologized or said he doesn't think I'm a bad person.
Mug, if you see this, I might not believe you even if you message me now on Discord.  I don't know if I can forgive you, because you REALLY hurt me.

That pain is going to be with me for the rest of my life whether I want it to or not.  I can name every person who did similar things throughout my school years; every bully who had once been my "friend"...who suddenly turned around and proved they weren't by making fun of me or ignoring me.


I was reading a story the other day where the protagonist had something similar happen to him; where his teammates were in grumpy moods and took it out on him, and one of them said something really hurtful and nasty.  In that story, the protagonist also had a friend who was willing to come to his defense and tell the other teammates "hey, you crossed the line".  Eventually, those teammates felt genuinely remorseful and went to apologize to the protagonist.
The one who had hurt him the most felt terrible about it, and like the others, approached the protagonist on his own to apologize...and cried during it.  He felt genuinely sorry, and realized how much he had hurt the protagonist with just a few careless words.
The protagonist didn't go to any of them to ask for an apology, because there was no point; because he was hurt but understood that he shouldn't have to ask them to apologize for being cruel to him.

I cried when I read that story, and recalled this event.  Part of me had hoped that at least Mug would message me and apologize for accusing me of roping/manipulating my friend into what was going on (especially after I explained that my friend offered to help me...that I at first turned down the offer for help because I was afraid that my friend would get in trouble or something.  Turned out I was the one who got "yelled" at for his involvement)...
...but unlike that story, it's not going to happen.
And if it does at this point, I'll presume that Mug read this and decided to apologize...and I won't know how to react.  A wise Rabbi once said:  "To forgive is to let go of the hope that you can make the past better."

Or, in this case, change the past.
That's part of what inspired me to write this, and yea...the majority of this entry on "out with the old of 2017 and in with the new of 2018" is due to that incident with the FC.

Forgive but don't forget...that's how I've always been since I was a little kid.

I can't change the past...I can't stop them from saying nasty things, I can't go back and stop the kids at school for making fun of me up until I finally got away from them via graduating high school.  I can't change the fact that out of years and years of being bullied and cyberbullied, only ONE person in my entire life ever came to me on their own decision and apologized sincerely (from a cyberbullying incident on a forum...I think I was in my late 20's at the time)...and it took my mind a week or so just to accept that someone who hurt me and bullied me just genuinely apologized to me because it had never happened before in my entire life.

It's stupid to hold onto the anger and frustration of being bullied by my FC members, and nearly being forced to communicate in a way where I'd get steamrolled because for some reason I couldn't communicate properly that verbal communication was NOT a good way to discuss a sensitive topic with me due to my disabilities.  So...I let that go.  If I see them in game, I ignore them.  I don't have them blacklisted (except for that elitist asshole), but I just don't pay them any mind.  They don't mean anything to me.
Mug's case is a little different...I at least took him off my friend's list, cause people who say stuff like that to you and never come to apologize for their nasty words aren't your friends.
No remorse...whatever.

It's the last day of 2017.  I want to put all of it behind me as much as I can.  I'm going to forgive, but these things did hurt me, so it'll be a scar I'll carry with me for life; I won't forget.

If those members ever see this, I have a message for them:
Desh - I'm not going to mince words or be nice about this.  You're an elitist jerk, and you're going to piss off a lot of people by continuing to act that way (besides the ones you've already pissed off and hurt).  I remember when you were the undergeared one in one of our Ex runs, constantly getting hit by mechanics.  I never called you out on that...still won't, and this isn't meant to, but I remember those times.  Maybe you should remember, too, that you were like that once.  There's a difference between being a "veteran" player and an "elitist".  People like the veteran players; they help others out, listen to them, ect.  People don't like the elitists, because they think they're the best. 
You were new once, just like everyone else.  And regardless of what you think others SHOULD be doing, if someone is venting and upset, you shouldn't counter them while they're frustrated...because that's just stirring up trouble (aka, bullying).  If you want to chime in on something they said you disagree with, either keep it to yourself or bring it up when everyone is calm at a later time.  I'm socially inept, but even I know that.  Or maybe, it's because I'm socially inept and had to learn and practice social rules that I understand what those rules are.  You don't have to be an elitist jerk; you can be a nice veteran.  Think about it, dude.

Vain - Even though I explained to you that I tank at verbal communication because of autism, you still insisted on it.  That frustrated and really frightened me.  I wondered if perhaps I wasn't communicating with you properly even on a media (text chat) I worked better with.  Maybe you just had too much on your plate IRL to properly deal with it, but you shouldn't have insisted on a method of communication which would make me essentially lose my voice and ability to explain myself. 
Oh, and I knew something was up the second you contacted me asking how I was doing, because you never had contacted me before, by the way.  Real life can suck, but if you couldn't properly handle an altercation in the FC you manage, you should have waited to say something to me.  If you weren't going to listen to anything I had to say, you shouldn't have even approached me, because there's always more than one side to a conflict.  You can't just listen to a single side and only trust the ones who are closest to you (and yea, I know that you and Desh are buddies).  Just a heads-up if you're going to try to mediate a problem again.  I'm not saying any of this to be mean, but as constructive criticism.  I don't hate you, but you make me uncomfortable now due to your unwillingness to adjust for someone with a disability.  You need to properly listen to both sides, and if you have any bias towards someone (such as your friendship with Desh in this case), you should turn the situation over to someone else to deal with.

Mugetsu - I'm not sure what to say.  I doubt you or anyone else from the FC will ever see this, let alone you.  You hurt me a lot by accusing me of being a bully and not retracting that statement even after I explained everything.  All I wanted was for you to say in the end that you believe me and my side.  I didn't have screenshots, I get it...I wasn't looking to get Desh in trouble at that point, and that wasn't the point of my drawing, either (or the description; it was merely to explain what spurred that drawing).  Who thinks to take screenshots while they're being attacked?  On the street, what victim would pull out their cellphone to take a picture of their attacker while someone is trying to club them or punch them into oblivion?
That aside, nobody had screenshots.  But I thought we were friends, and a friend would have told me they believe me.  I'm not saying you had to say I was correct in any way I reacted, though honestly, nobody else besides you folks seemed to think I reacted wrongly to being attacked.  However, even if you were doing your job as an officer, you accused me of being a bully and involving someone before hearing my side.  You asked me why I involved someone, then immediately said that doing so makes me a bully without giving me a chance to explain.
That really, really hurt.  And once I did explain, you never came back to tell me you were sorry for assuming things.  Even after I wrote up an entire document for all you officers to see on my side and feelings when I was leaving the FC (being nice about it all), you never returned.  You never said "I believe you" or "I trust you" or "you're not a bully".
You never said those things, so I suppose we were never friends in the first place, because friends...because a family...can argue, but if someone is wronged, they get apologized to.
I shouldn't have to ask or beg for an apology.  Obviously, you felt you didn't do anything wrong to me...and unlike the thing with Desh, I DO have screenshots of what you said to me in Discord in case you deleted them.  Hey, I learn, at least.  And chat programs like Discord are different from video games in that they automatically create logs of what was said.
Point is...I was hurt.  Very hurt.  And that will be a scar I'll carry with me all my life, alongside the others from being verbally abused and bullied in my past.  I felt betrayed...still do. 
Welp, still did, as the point of this is for me to let go.
Forgive but not forget.
I don't think you're a bad person, but I guess I didn't know much about any of you in the FC like I thought I did.
I was active, I helped out people who asked, I organized the FC chest constantly, I tried to cheer people up if they were down or vented in chat...do you really believe those are the actions of a bad person?  Of a bully?
I really wish you had said "I believe you/believe in you, and I know you're not a bully".  Calling me a "kind person" isn't the same as retracting your accusatory words; of saying "I know you're not a bully".
That's all I wanted to hear from you.  I don't think we'll ever be friends again; I can't trust someone who does that to me.  Forgive?  Yes.  Trust?  No.
If you ever want to message me in game or on Discord to talk about it, you can...but we'll never be friends again.  I can't change the past, and neither can anyone else.  It's been, what, well over a month I think...without going back into the logs and looking at the timestamps, at LEAST a month.  A month with no apology or anything from you, so I can only presume you either think you did nothing wrong, don't want to take back your words, or don't care.
Nobody will force you to apologize...I won't.  I'll listen, I'll probably forgive you...but I'll never trust you again. 


So, yea...I'm gonna stop before I start going in circles (pretty sure I already was).  Those are things I'd never be able to express verbally, by the way. 

I don't want to let this incident hang over me anymore.  I've been in many a dysfunctional family now...real life and online.  I guess I'm used to this shit.  Doesn't make it hurt less, but I'm used to it.
Used to it enough to realize...hey, it's gonna be 2018 soon; a new year.  New starts, new beginnings...I suck at making resolutions, but in the very least, I can start this over fresh.  I said what I wanted to just now...got it out (I hope coherently enough).


Other stuff...2017 was also filled with me worrying every couple of months if I'm going to lose my healthcare or have it slashed (same with food stamps).  Being in the "poor" bracket, on SSI and Medicaid cause of disability and still unable to drive more than 5 minutes on backroads (forget main roads)...Trump's presidency and the GOP has raised a lot of hell.
If I'm still alive in November 6 of 2018...I'm going to use the only power I have:  My finger (aka, voting) to try and get the country I love and grew up with back; a place where I wasn't constantly worried.  You know I haven't had a physical in years because the Medicaid doctors don't give me the same level of care as docs who take "better" insurance?  One of them nearly put me in the hospital, in fact...my first dealing with a Medicaid doc, that was.  We should have sued her, to be honest.

I've got a 2018 calendar...and it's marked.  I've learned a lot about politics and political terms, so I guess that's a plus.  I didn't even know I was labeled as a "liberal" until this year. 
America is supposedly the "wealthiest nation", but we have the highest poverty rates...cause it's a reverse Robin Hood here.  We need change, but the change occurring now is the opposite.
Didja know we're the ONLY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD who backed out of the Paris Accord?  Even Syria joined in.  All cause some rich fat fuck wants to bring back health and ecosystem hazards like coal.

SOLAR is the next thing.
Okay, didn't want to start ranting on politics.

But basically, thanks to the greedy fucks in the GOP and the White House, I've had to live in fear in 2017.  I have anxiety/panic disorder...I get enough of that. 
Winds of change in 2018.  Yea, 2017 sucked and was a constant struggle...and I know for half a year at least, 2018 will also be a struggle.  But people like me who are at risk...we can't afford to give up.  We have no power; I can do drawings, but all that and protests don't matter if nobody's listening. 
I'd move if I could...to another country.  This isn't the same country I grew up in.  But since I can't move, the only thing I can do is utilize the only power I have...the right which was given to me by the men and women who fought and died and got injured so that I could have that freedom:
Voting.


So, 2017 wasn't the best year.  I've had worse years on a personal level (2014 and the first half of 2015, looking at you), but welp...time to practice what I preach.

"
To forgive is to let go of the hope that you can make the past better."

Can't change the past, so time to step forward to 2018...
And hey, new AuTalkz tomorrow, too!  ^^

Happy New Year, everyone!  Sorry for this long entry that's prolly gonna take up hella space on my DA page; I wish there was some way to have a "click here to read the rest" or something like that.
Oi, DA...get on that, will ya?  Spoiler tags would be nice, too!
Please and thank you!

_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: "Still Breathing" by Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: Pokemon Ultra Sun
So, as many in the USA know, the internet is in danger of Net Neutrality being repealed AGAIN.
(insert annoyed sigh here)

A brief explanation on Net Neutrality and why it's important can be found in this video: 


A way to save the web is to contact the FCC, itself; flood them with complaints!  Hey, it worked last time!

Here's how:
1.  Go to the following site:  Go FCC Yourself

2.  Click on "+Express" on the right corner of the proceeding

3.  Under "filer", insert your name and hit "enter".

4.  Fill out required inf, then go wild in the description.  If you need a template, there's an old one from last year which is still viable and reads:
"
I support the existing Net Neutrality rules, which classify internet service providers under the Title II provision of the Telecommunications Act. Please DO NOT roll back these regulations. Thanks!"

It doesn't take long, and if you live in the USA, you really should be doing this.  Also, if you have Republican congress members, put in a call to them (you can probably use the same copy-paste line above if you aren't sure what to say).  The House already put it through to the Senate, so call your Senators (again, especially if they're Republican; last I heard, all the Democratic Senators planned on opposing it, but Republicans have majority).

If we want our country to not fall back into the 1950's (with even worse regulations now that the internet is a thing as well), we have to do something...or at least say "I did something about it; I took a stand".


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: Monster Hunter Stories
Just a reminder, this month is NaNoWriMo!

Anyone else embarking on the journey?

I've got two projects I'm working on:

1.  My main project is a YA Fantasy (I'm branching off from my usual mystery genre) of "person from our world summoned to a fantasy world" sort of thing.  I've always wanted to write one, but never really had a plot idea.  My first idea was something like SAO or Log Horizon where the person would be trapped in a video game, but I'm going with a more traditional route (more like Dog Days or Zero no Tsukaima) where the person is dropped into a fantasy world (the world will loosely be based around Pathfinder/D&D since that's sort of the barebones of fantasy)

2.  My secondary project is a Danganronpa V3 AU fanfic where the group meets as kids in a world without Danganronpa.  It focuses on Shuichi with a lot of Kokichi (as much as I hated him in the game, ironically) and another bit of Kaede.  Kaito will appear soon...still getting around to it.  Since it's easier to focus on one or two characters, I decided to make Shuichi the focal point of the story and from there have a couple characters I'll focus on as well.  There's a little crossover with DR1 and DR2 since I needed more people for classmates, and I hate tossing in original characters if it can be avoided.  XD

My goal is to finish the first project; I have a bad habit of my NaNo novels not getting finished.  I'll hit the 50k goal, but the novel will still be incomplete.  I think out of all the years I've been doing NaNoWriMo (11 including this year), I've only finished two of the novels (three if the mystery one-shots featuring the same protagonist counts).

If you're participating, what are you writing?  Do you also have problems finishing (either the 50k word goal or the story)?

_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Log Horizon season 2
  • Playing: Monster Hunter Stories
First Impressions of Danganronpa V3:

To start, I just finished the first trial, and I'm going to keep spoilers out of this as much as possible (though, I will be talking about some of the new minigames in the trial).  I got the game off of Steam yesterday, and to be honest...I kind of want my money back.  If it was only $30, I'd be alright...but it was $60; that's more than I've paid for ANY game (as I typically wait for sales, and most of the games I have are either from Steam or on the 3ds...and again, I waited for sales on Steam to get them for no more than $40 for the bigger titles such as Skyrim).
Sadly, it's Steam; like the Nintendo eShop, they don't do refunds.

Let's just go through it.

At first, it isn't that bad.  The first meeting between all the characters is rather interesting, and hints of one of the game's later big reveals (as Danganronpa typically has 2-3 big reveals at the end) have already been dropped from the beginning to the end of the first trial.  My first theory has pretty much been destroyed due to one particular cutscene, but I've got some others.

Sound
The sound is better than DR2, where I swore if I heard "Beautiful Ruin" one more time, I was going to rage.  Granted, I do have the BGM on low, and the voice acting sound needs to be turned up because some of the characters speak softly, but the BGM is much better than it was in DR2.
Of course, Monokuma's theme still gives me a headache for some reason; I don't know how they composed it, but I can't stand to listen to it for more than five seconds (I kid you not).

There was a "music video" played shortly before the first crime which got so bad I had to turn the BGM off, but I suppose it was really meant to set the mood for the tense situation the characters were in at the time.  It's both a plus and a minus, I suppose.

On the topic of sound, there are once again some very well known voice actors amongst the Japanese cast.  Sadly, the woman who voiced Monokuma in the previous games (Nabuyo Ouyama) had retired from voice acting due to dementia in 2015 (she was in her 82nd year when she retired), and the person they found to take her place in voicing Monokuma just doesn't even keep it on par.  She's obviously making an effort, but the excitement for death and despair Monokuma sought out feels completely watered down to the point where I (as the player) feel like it isn't "waku-waku, doki-doki".  It kind of kills the mood.

The other voice actors do fine, though I do question the casting of Megumi Hayashibara as Shuichi Saihara.  Don't get me wrong; I love her work.  She voices Lina Inverse from "Slayers", female Ranma in "Ranma 1/2", Anna Kyoyama in "Shaman King", Ai Haibara in "Detective Conan", Musashi/Jessie in "Pokemon", and various other big name anime works.
However, she usually voices female characters who appear emotionally detached (such as Anna and Ai), or female characters who are over the top (such as female Ranma, Musashi, and Lina).
The choice to have her voice a shy and unsure male character is very odd; I feel like Megumi Ogata should have been recast, since she does male voices very well, and did an excellent job with the hesitant Makoto Naegi in the first game (as he was fairly hesitant at first before he gained confidence).

With those exceptions, I have no issues with the voice acting cast as so far, the voices fit the characters.  The BGM is also so far better than the first couple games (despite Monokuma's theme, which I've always hated...but that's personal preference).


Characters

Danganronpa brought an assortment of weirdos and anime stereotypes, but some of them developed personality which became interesting.  Even the protagonist, who was an empty slate since you're playing as him, gains personality.
Danganronpa 2 brought a colorful assortment of characters; I didn't have a neutral opinion on ANY of the characters since being introduced to them; I was either intrigued by them, disgusted by them, interested in them, or annoyed with them.  Even the protagonist had personality, and the rest of the cast was just as good.  Of course, some of the typical "stereotypes" were still there, but though a couple characters annoyed the hell out of me, I didn't really want to see many of them die (given what the game was like, my wish went unanswered, of course  >.> ).

Danganronpa V3 manages to bring in a new cast of weirdos...and completely destroy anything which would make them remotely interesting besides whatever quirk they have (often relating to their Ultimate talent).  After being introduced to the characters via talking to them (as usual), there were only perhaps two characters whom I liked.  Two out of the 16 characters (including the protagonist) seemed likeable, and one of them I was wary of because of the "first meeting curse" (ie, the first characters you meet in DR and DR2 and what they become to the protagonist).
After finishing the first trial, I've added another couple of characters to my "like" list, but the majority of the characters I have no opinion on because they seem to lack any kind of personality.  I absolutely hate this game's "rich kid" (DR had Togami Byakuya, and DR2 had Yuzuru Fuyuhiko).  While I disliked Byakuya from start to finish in DR, he redeemed himself a little bit between the sequel and the anime.  Fuyuhiko also redeemed himself, but I swear...this new "rich kid" is a textbook psychopath or sociopath (I don't know which just yet).
While Byakuya was an asshole and Fuyuhiko had his own circumstances which led to his behavior for half the game, this guy...I don't even remember his name.  I just call him "little chicken shit" whenever he comes on the screen.  He completely lacks the ability to empathize with other characters, and lies like it's second nature to him.  He's despicable thus far, beyond the level of the other "rich bastards" in the other games.

I had read descriptions of the characters prior to the game, but once in game with them...so many of them are flat.  Granted, that certainly does narrow down my choices of whom to spend free time with.
>.>

Speaking of free time, I'm going to put this in here...there's no explanation on how to get Monocoins in this game.  You can interact with objects, but in order to get the coins, you need to score high on trials and smack things like desks and chairs in classrooms; interacting with objects outside of classrooms won't earn you coins...
...and of course, if you don't have coins, you can't use the monomono machine to get things to give to classmates.  Just spending time with them (without giving a gift, or giving a neutral or disliked gift) will not earn you many (if any) points.


Visuals

I was worried when I heard this game was going to have a "techno-pop" feel to it, but so far, the exploration and the area I'm in isn't too bad.  The trial room certainly has a futuristic/tech feel to it which is a tad annoying, but it's better than the pulsating character portraits during trials.
For something so technical, there's a lot of greenery; the main building seems overgrown with plants, and there are even more outside.
The classrooms are the places which so far show the most tech use (besides the trial room) with LCD screens instead of chalkboards (which makes it hilarious when you click on a monitor and listen to the protagonist say that "such a high tech thing seems out of place").

I haven't hit one of the minigames I was worried about (there wasn't a Logic Dive in the first trial), so thus far, I can say that the visuals are rather interesting.

While on the subject of visuals, let's talk about interacting with the environment.
I was greatly disappointed to find that I couldn't inspect so many parts of what surrounded me; I couldn't click on the plants which were all over the building, I couldn't click on the bulletins pinned to the wall, and I couldn't click on the pictures also scattered in the hallways.

Investigation for the first trial also did not let me investigate what I wanted to in order to confirm my theory on what happened (granted, Danganronpa has always held at least 10% of the information from the player just to give it to them during the trial instead of during the investigation time).

Trying to "hit" or "move" an object outside of a room will act as if you clicked on it to inspect it.

I didn't try out fast travel to see if it can be done during investigation (since I felt it would ruin the ambience and mood), but it's still there.

You can also change the background (colors) of your student ID (the menu), but thus far, I haven't unlocked more than two options (default and one you get after the first trial).


Trial

I'm going to be blunt and upfront:  I've always hated the trial system in Danganronpa.
Well, "always" isn't the proper term...it was fine in the first game, but DR2 aggravated me due to crazy minigames (such as the "Rainbow Road on an acid trip" which was Logic Dive), sword battles (minigame debate thing), and just how LONG they took.
Sure, there was an "intermission", but let's be real...who actually stops playing during that?  Unless you jot things down, you'll possibly forget theories and information/clues.

DRV3 once again took a complicated system...and made it needlessly more complicated.
So far, the third version of Hangman's Gambit isn't nearly as bad as the visually overwhelming version in DR2, but besides that and the typical Nonstop Debate, are really the only features of the trial which didn't piss the fuck out of me.
Welp, the new rhythm game is easier to do, too.

This game introduced a couple new types of debates, and changed the way the sword cutting debate/game works...in a much more frustrating way.
Now, instead of using just one button (I play with a controller, so I don't know what you'd press with the mouse and keyboard), it requires you to use the joystick and a button to cut through the words.  Granted, it did seem to cut faster/easier, but this was just the first trial.  I remember that in DR2, the last couple trials I had to cut the words quite a few times before they actually broke (and that was with abilities to help improve the "sharpness" of the blade).

Another new minigame to the trial system is the three-way debate.  I had been worried about this since it involves three characters talking over one another.  In anticipation of this, I thought I would have to turn the sound off completely when this one came up, but before the trial, I noticed that there was an ability which allowed you to only hear a single person talking (wherever the cursor was was who you'd hear), and shooting down the statement whichever character makes which needs to be corrected isn't that bad.

However, this game still shares the same problem as the Nonstop Debate does, and that's the content of the key words (yellow/blue text)...where sometimes, the truth bullets loaded in could have been done in a way where a better bullet was used (such as someone's account) rather than the round-about method the game takes and the jumps in logic due to that (for example, if someone is arguing that a gate can't be opened or something like that and you need to prove that it can, instead of giving you a truth bullet with a logical point about a key or evidence of it being moved, it'll load something like "footsteps nearby" or "monokuma file"...while meanwhile, you have a truth bullet with something like "accessible key"......for the record, I just made up that example; it's not in the game, but that's the jump in logic I'm talking about.  Rather than a blunt answer, it makes you go through hoops to get to the next step).

I've always had an issue with that.  Now, maybe that's because I play it on "hard" for the logic difficulty level, but jumps in logic shouldn't be a thing.  Less hints and such I can understand, but using a non-logical approach to make a LOGIC PUZZLE GAME more difficult is just obnoxious.
Danganronpa 2 had the same problem.

There are also cases where two characters might say something extremely similar or with the same intent/meaning in their keyword text, which makes it difficult to tell which one you're supposed to shoot.  They both mean essentially the same thing, but one one of them is the correct choice.
That was another problem DR2 had (though, it started to become more apparent towards the last couple trials rather than be in the first one).

The minigame I absolutely hate and seems to make no sense to me is the "Split Debate", which is a new debate introduced in DRV3.  The instructions they gave me on the screen made me think I had to wait for a highlighted keyword (as there was a highlighted part of the topic) to cross the correct spot on the screen, and talked about "matching" words.  In reality, the minigame is much simpler than the explanation has you believe, though it's a continuous thing (so if you mess up your timing because someone only said five words and you didn't have time to fire the proper counter-bullet, you start over from the beginning).
The concept is when the room is divided in terms of opinion (close to half thinks "guilty", and the others think "innocent"...or something like that).
To me, the game felt like a waste of time.

And waste time, it did.

The first trial in DR didn't take very long, and in DR2 it only took me about an hour (and most of it was getting past the "eliminating the impossible" and comedic bullshit between Monokuma and Usami).
While this trial had a LOT of "eliminate the impossible", they were REALLY reaching with some of the things they brought up.

I'll say this:  I had the first case half solved before the investigation started, and finished solving it during the investigation (despite the game's attempts to block me from confirming my suspicions; the final clue completely solidified my theory into more than a theory).
It took the game about TWO HOURS to get to that point.

Yes...not including mess-ups on minigames during the trial, the first trial takes OVER TWO HOURS to complete, and the majority of it isn't even evidence points.  Plus the cinematic and what-not at the end, subtracting some time to account for mess-ups on the new minigames trying to figure out what the instructions were saying, expect to spend two and a half hours (or more) on the first trial.

The FIRST TRIAL.
The one that's supposed to take the LEAST amount of time.

Even the first trial in DR2, for all of its complex parts (though, I didn't find it too complex), only took about an hour.

Part of the problem is the bullshitting from the peanut gallery (in DR2, Monokuma vs Usami...here, the Monokubs), another problem is pointless discussion during the trial itself, and the biggest problem is the added minigames.  The more minigames someone has to play in the trial, the longer it's obviously going to take.
If the trial was just the Nonstop Debate, Hangman's Gambit, and perhaps a Logic Dive, it wouldn't take nearly as long as this.

I dread how long the trials will take later on, especially knowing that the third trial is usually a double murder, and the final couple trials take an exceptionally long time (I think the final trial/sixth trial in DR2 took nearly four hours) due to whatever big reveal is going to come along with it.

The trials aren't the fun part of the game for me, and to have a part of the game I find tedious take longer than necessary and feeling like the characters are dumber than a pile of rocks for not figuring out some of the most obvious things and wasting over an hour forcing me into pointless minigames is off-putting.

I like the idea of the trial, and some parts were interesting in the first two games...but DRV3 is just obnoxious with it.

The first trial gets emotional, and some of the bullshitting from the peanut gallery and the left over frustration from the pointless minigames ruins a good amount of that.

In conclusion...

Thus far, I'm not impressed with the game (despite the interesting plot of the first trial).  I'm going to play through the next section, but if the investigation won't let me be thorough and the trial still takes forever and sucks the life out of me, then I'm going to look into getting a refund (supposedly, I have 14 days from the time/date of purchase) and just watch someone's Let's Play of it.
I don't play games I don't find fun; I return those.
Thus far, I don't feel this game justifies the $60 price tag.



_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: My own complaining
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Silver Spoon
  • Playing: Danganronpa V3
This is more of a reminder and announcement than an entry, but too important to be left as a small status update.

I want to remind everyone who checks this page, everyone who watches me, everyone who supports my drawings, and even everyone whom I don't know who happen by this page by chance:

This is a NO HATE ZONE.

Racism, bigotry, and hate speeches are NOT WELCOME HERE.

Those who live in the USA have freedom of speech; please exercise your freedom of speech in the form of hate elsewhere, because if I see any of it on my drawings or my page, I will report you to DA and blacklist you so you can never comment here again.  Even if your user icon is a swastika, I will ban you.

Promotions/threats of violence are also not welcome here and will be reported.

To those who comment on my stuff:  I want to remind you that I can't see any response someone makes in reply to yours.  If you are being harassed or threatened, please report the person to DA and notify me as well so I can ban them from ever commenting on my things again.  If you ever feel your life is in danger (I hope it never comes to that), please do not hesitate to contact your local police department.

What happened in Charlottesville is NOT OKAY.
Trump's response to it was NOT OKAY.

This page, and by association I, in no way support Nazis or Nazi sympathizers. 
I in no way support hate, racism, and bigotry. 
I will never get behind a man who is poised to be the next Adolf Hitler (Trump).
Getting behind someone who doesn't condemn Nazis is not unity, it's a step deeper in the sinkhole of hate and prejudice.

I will continue to advocate autism awareness and try to support peace and unity. 
If you are hesitant on how to feel about what's going on, then most likely you don't support it.  Whenever you are unsure or turn to someone for advice, it's because your instincts are telling you that something isn't right.

I was re-watching Fullmetal Alchemist, and there are some very interesting points made on the military side.  The first time I watched/read FMA, I was mostly just interested in the Elric's journey.
So, I'm going to share one of many gems from the anime:

"Obeying a superior you can't even believe doesn't make you loyal; you're just fooling yourself." -Olivier Armstrong (FMA)

To conclude, this page is a place of acceptance, not hatred or prejudice.  The latter is unacceptable behavior and is not welcome here, nor will it be tolerated in any form (be it text or user icons).

Hate will not save anyone; it will only cause despair and pain. 


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.

  • Listening to: Ala Mhigan Hymm
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Marriland's videos
  • Playing: FFXIV: Stormblood
There were so many of you, I don't even think I could even put individual words of appreciation per person...but, I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes!

My uncle was having his birthday celebration today as well (his 75th birthday was on the 6th), so we drove over and a small portion of the family got together at a restaurant.  I was fine with just celebrating his birthday (made him a card, too)...then they came out with a cake for me as well and I got super embarrassed.  XD

It was actually pretty fun.  It got loud a couple of times and I resorted to doodling in my sketchbook or playing with my fidget cube, but the place was nice and not too crowded, it was clean, the food was good, and I hadn't seen my extended family in a while (aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews), so it was nice to see them.

Of course, I was totally exhausted afterwards; socializing tends to do that.  It went for a couple hours, but I was too wiped out to go outside and ride my bike or something, so I just hopped on the computer and played FFXIV for the rest of the day.

I had hoped to get back in time for our FC's Pride event, but I completely missed it.  I watched an unedited stream of it which was posted shortly after it finished, and it looked like a lot of people missed it as well (yesterday, many folks were even saying how they wouldn't be able to make it due to IRL stuff).
Welp, I at least was able to get another level for my miner (and, crud...I forgot to send my retainers out on overnight exploration ventures), and get Red Mage to level 69.  I had enough Verity tomes to buy a couple pieces of gear for when my RDM hits 70, and I have the entire i300 set for the right side (accessories) from the ex dungeons, which gives me even more time to get Verity tomes.

Tomorrow, mom is celebrating my birthday with me (today was mostly for my uncle; my dad is going to celebrate it with me later in the week)...we're going to a rock gym!  I'm excited because I haven't been to one in about two years.
Also nervous because the level I left off on was climbing 5.10 and 5.11 routes...I'll be lucky if I can do a 5.9 since I'm out of practice.  Should hopefully still be fun, and I at least remember how to belay.

But anyways, the point of this entry was to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday!  So...thank you all way much!

^w^

Oh!  I also wanted to thank everyone who commented on my last piece of art ("Me Against the World") with your kind words; it meant a lot to me to read them.  ^^


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Ala Mhigan Hymm
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Marriland's videos
  • Playing: FFXIV: Stormblood
I did finally get around to doing this.  I don't usually do these things, but...eh, why not?  Tagging people, however...I'm not so good at.  XD

Rules :
1.  Write the rules in your journal entry if you are tagged
2.  Write 13 things about yourself

3.  Answer 13 questions made by the person who tagged you, and make your own 13 questions
4.  Tag 13 deviants (if you can)

Note:  Since I was tagged by two people, I'll answer their 13 questions (after I post my 13 about myself) each.

13 Things About Me:

1.  I'm asexual

2.  If you ask me if I'm a "cat person" or a "dog person", I can't give a definitive answer

3.  My favorite food is unagidon (grilled eel over rice)

4.  I don't consider myself "talented" because I started out drawing stick figures

5.  I've always been a tomboy, and I always choose a male avatar in video games

6.  I love earth sciences (especially geology, astronomy, and paleontology) and quantum theory

7.  I was reading adult novels since the 2nd grade

8.  In 12th grade soccer, I sustained a grade-2 sprain (ankle) which never healed properly, so I'm limited on sports I can do now which won't re-injure/aggravate it

9.  Most of my pants and shorts are cargos

10.  I'm rarely on top of a trend (or participate in a trend)

11.  My favorite color is a tie between turquoise blue and yellow

12.  I've done Astral Travel a couple of times

13.  I'm always lucky when the calendar lands on Friday as the 13th


Questions from :iconnuclearburrito:

1.  What's the first thing you remember?

-A vague memory of running around a hardwood floor house from when I was around two years old.

 

2.  If you could actually do and be anything, ignoring cost and time constraints, what would it be?

-I'm not sure, actually.

 

3.  What's the farthest you've traveled?

-Alone, across about 1.5 to two states via train to see a friend.  With family, across the country (USA) via airplane when I was around 14 or so.

 

4.  Ever heard of the Alcubierre drive?

-Nope...and apparently, my spellchecker hasn't, either.

 

5.  What do you consider the difference between a nerd and a geek to be?

-A nerd is someone who is an AP-level student, and a geek is someone who is really into a certain fandom (DC, Star Wars, Anime, etc)

 

6.  Do you fall into either of these categories? If so, which one?

-Oh, I'm definitely a geek.

 

7.  What do you think drives humanity as a whole?

-I want to say "hope", but sadly I think it's closer to greed (at least, here in the US)

 

8.  Why do you think that way? (I could have made that 1 question, but I'm running out of ideas.)

-Have you seen what's been going on in the USA lately?  It's greed central by the 1% over here.  We're the only "developed" country which doesn't have Universal Healthcare due to the greed of the 1%.

 

9.  What's one thing you wish you knew in the past?

-That I was on the autistic spectrum; it might have made my school years much easier.

 

10.  Favorite genre of story (book/movie/cartoon)?

-Tie between "fantasy" and "mystery" (books), and "slice of life" for cartoons/anime.

 

11.  Preferred operating system? This can be either a smartphone OS (Android, iOS, or Windows) or a PC OS (Windows, Apple OS, Linux, Android).

-Windows, I guess?

 

12.  What's more important in making a first impression: how one presents themselves visually (looks) or how one carries themselves overall (personality)?

-Personality

 

13.  What is your favorite time of year and what makes it your favorite?

-Summer!  No allergens all over the ground, nice (though hot) weather, ice cream, plenty of sun and outdoor time, and being able to wear shorts.


Tagged by :iconkessy-athena:

1.  If you could instantly master any one subject or skill, what would it be?
-Aw, that's tough.  Probably background drawing & coloring.


2.  Name a real person you admire or are inspired by and explain why.  Can be an historical figure, artist, public personality, a personal acquaintance, a family member, etc...
-Bill Watterson, I suppose.  I grew up on Calvin & Hobbes, and I like his creativity in the comics as an influence on my own work (my old comics were very similar, and were somewhat of a mix between Calvin & Hobbes and Peanuts).

 
3.  Who's your favorite fictional character and what do you like about them?
-Not sure I can pick just one.  I've always liked Takeru Takaishi (TK) because he's kind, innocent, hopeful/optimistic, and dislikes violence.


4.  Are you a cat person, dog person, some other species, or strictly humans?
-Both.


5.  You've won a one week all expenses paid vacation anywhere in the world.  Where would you go?  Feel free to ignore current geopolitical concerns.  If you'd like to visit someplace like Pyongyang or Aleppo if it weren't for wars, hostile governments, etc, go ahead.
-Japan.  I really want to see Old Kyoto (I've always been really interested in the samurai), hike Mount Fuji, see some of the old castles/shrines in Osaka...and I suppose visit Akihabara because I'll admit that I'm an anime fan.


6.  What's one of your pet peeves?
-When people put other things in front of my milk in the refrigerator.  FIND ANOTHER SPOT FOR THAT!!


7.  If you could live in the world of an anime or other fiction, which one would you choose?
-Argh...that's tough.  Part of me wants to say non-muggle "Harry Potter" because spells are super useful (my room would never be dusty again!), but the other part wants to say "Pokemon" because I'd want to be a Pokemon Breeder.


8.  What have you got in your pocket?
-Drier lint.


9.  What's your favorite dessert?
-Ice cream.


10.  What was your favorite TV show growing up?
-Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers
...I actually didn't get to spend much time in front of the TV as a kid.  We were limited to 2 hours total.


11.  What do you do to relax?
-Play non-intense video games (such as "Story of Seasons")


12.  Name something from pop culture you find utterly baffling.
-Everything about pop culture.


13.  Do you own an object with a story attached you'd like to tell us about?

-Yip.  I have a couple, but I'm going to go with this one:

When the first YoKai Watch game came out, it apparently had some sort of bonus item in the form of a Jibanyan pin for early purchases and-or preorders.  Me being me, I wasn't able to buy it until much latter on; in fact, I didn't even know about the bonus pin.

When I called up a GameStop nearby to see if they had the game and if they could hold a copy for me, the manager (Bonnie) indeed held a copy.  She turned out to be very personable and nice, and we actually had a discussion about various games when I went to pick up the copy.  As we got back on the topic of Yokai Watch, Bonnie said that she might have a promotional item for it somewhere if I was interested; I said "yes".

A couple days later, I got a call from her saying that she had a special promotional item for the game left over if I wanted it.  The item turned out to be the Jibanyan pin, which she let me have for free.

As a thank you, I drew her a picture of Claptrap (from Borderlands), but the main story is her kindness.  I still have that pin, and it's even displayed on a shelf in my room.



Here are your 13 questions:

1.  What is your favorite video game (or video game series/franchise)?

2.  What are your top three favorite anime?

3.  If you like to read, what's your favorite book/what book would you recommend to others right away?

4.  What is your happiest memory?

5.  If you could have any animal as a pet (including mythical creatures), what would you choose?

6.  What's your favorite sport (to watch or play)?

7.  Are you a morning lark, a midday bear, or a night owl?

8.  Favorite song (or group/singer)?

9.  Is there someone you consider to be your hero (or as a child)?  Who is/was it?

10.  What's your dream job/career?

11.  What language(s) would you like to learn?

12.  Do you have any true ghost stories?  If so, please share one!

13.  Do you know the Muffin Man?


You've been tagged:
:iconlandonbay:
:iconthe-badger-wolf:
:iconstaceyjulalexandria:
:iconcelinedgd:
:iconcarodemi:
:iconbreakneckviolet:
:iconbassds:
:iconsjibbi:
:iconseratum:
:iconn4tennis23:
:icondcrisisbeta:
:iconxelaalex:
:iconsora-canstavia:

Note to all:  You don't have to do this if you don't want. 
Also, if anyone else wants to do this (and you haven't been tagged), feel free!  I don't like excluding people, and I have a lot of folks on my friends (and watchers) list.

_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.

  • Listening to: Simple Plan
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash
  • Playing: FFXIV:ARR Heavensward
I should have done this when I made the Facebook page for AuTalkz, since it's bound to attract the attention of both the good and the bad.

I'd like to keep my viewer base as non-toxic as possible.  Right now, I've only had to deal with a couple trolls here on DA, and I hope it stays that way.  Whenever someone comments on a deviation I've submitted, I get a notice and can see the comment.

However, if someone comments on another user's comments (such as one of yours), I won't get a notice about that.

So, if you ever get harassed or trolled by someone in the comment section:
-Send me a Note with:
--A link to the deviation (as your comment thread should appear on whatever page is in the link; just copy and paste the URL)
--The name of the troll (so I can take a look)
--Title the note "Troll", or something of that nature, so I know what's going on

-Blacklist them on your own account
--Hover over your username at the top right and select "Settings". 
--On the right-hand side should be a menu; click "General"
--Scroll down to the fourth widget; it should say "Blocked Users"
--Enter the username of the person in the box and then click on "Save"

-If they're making threats, report them to DA immediately


I really hope the comments can stay as clean as possible and this never has to be done (at least, not often; the internet is the internet, after all).  I don't want anyone to feel afraid to post a comment because they're worried that they'll be made fun of for it, or laughed at.

This doesn't just apply to AuTalkz, but to any of my posts (be they deviations, status updates, or journal entries).  It's AuTalkz I'm most concerned with, but if someone is cruel to you anywhere else, please let me know so I can block them from commenting; having been the co-admin of a YuGiOh GX roleplay forum many years ago, I'm not afraid to drop the banhammer on rude and obnoxious people who break the basic rules of human decency.


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: "The Call" by Regina Spektor
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Natsume Yuujinchou Roku
  • Playing: Danganronpa 2
Out of curiosity, for those of my watchers who have played Danganronpa 2 and are on the spectrum (and have Sensory Processing Disorder or sensitivity to high amounts of sensory input), did you have any trouble with the Trial mini-games?

Personally, after the third trial, I have come to the conclusion that Danganronpa 2 is far from kind to people who are sensitive to sensory input.

I have no issues with the logic and reasoning, but the mini-games...they're described terribly (and please, if you ever play this game, NEVER use an Xbox controller; the explanations for what buttons to press are wrong. For instance, it tells you to press the "B" button for the rhythm game...the most painful mini-game there...and I failed it in the first trial because I actually had to press the "A" button).
The only reason I'm still using the controller and not switching to the keyboard and mouse is because the controller lets me put more distance between myself and the computer monitor (since I have the PC version).

There's also a lot going on during the mini-games and the trials. I'm ashamed that I had to set the difficulty to "gentle" (the lowest difficulty rating) because the "white noise" during the debates was making it hard for me to read what was underneath it (important keywords) because there were 3-4 sentences scrolling onto the screen at one time.

The rhythm game was also another issue that made me set the difficulty to "gentle". I saw gameplay of the first game...it was pretty bad even then. In this sequel, it's like they said:
"Hey, we have a shitty mini-game with the worst instructions ever...let's go troll people and make that even WORSE!"

The only minigames I'm good at is Hangman's Gambit (not so much in this game; I would have loved to play it as it was in the first game. This one...again, too much happening on the screen at one time)...
...and Logic Dive, which is reminiscent of skateboard/snowboard games.
Well, I WAS good at it until the third trial, when it became Rainbow Road on LCD and I could barely look at the screen.

I just unlocked the fourth island (it took about 4-5 hours between the investigation and the trial this time), and I really hope there aren't anymore trials, because I don't know how much more of the mini-games I can stand.

If it's anything like the first game, there will probably be at least one more trial. Ungh.

I never actually played the first game; I made the mistake of watching the anime (not knowing at the time that it was based off a game).  I did go back and watch someone's "Let's Play" of the first game, and it explained so much more.  But, yea...I'm too invested to switch to someone's Let's Play because of the lousy mini-games (heck, the second trial had me in tears).

Anyways, just wondering if anyone else had trouble with the amount of sensory input in the trial system mini-games.  I've also noticed that after a trial (meaning I've been playing the game for at least 2-3 hours), I start to get a slight headache.  I'm going to try to use my filtering glasses tomorrow, but there's a lot of flickering and white flashes of transitions which appear on the screen that bother me.


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.

  • Listening to: "The Call" by Regina Spektor
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Playing: Danganronpa 2
I usually try to keep politics, and political drawings, off my DA page. 
Politics is great for starting arguments, and I'm not fond of those.  But I really want to share this thought which popped into my head the other day.

For the record, I'm unaffiliated/independent of a party.  I suppose one can say that those of us who fall into this category can look at things from a more neutral perspective, or a unique perspective.
That, or perhaps it's just my strange way of looking at the world.

Anyway, here's what I thought:

"Gee, what's happening in America is similar to the standings of the people in the anime/manga 'No.6'."

Well, minus the parasitic wasps that kill their hosts when they hatch.

I don't know how many people who will see this here have actually seen that anime/manga, but it's similar.

In No.6, the city-state was divided up. There were the rulers and scientists, then the elite, then the middle class...and then the poor in West Block who were divided by a literal wall from the city.

The people who lived within the city (the elite and middle class) thought that they were living in a utopia and an ideal society; that though not everyone would live in harmony, the police quickly dealt with any disruptions and their Mayor (the ruler of the city-state) and his people (the government) would handle anything that did and change what needed to be changed.

People labeled as criminals were either taken to the Correctional Facility (imprisonment or death) or dumped into West Block like garbage (West Block being like slums).

That's like this; people in the red states (and even the blue states) who are on Trump's side think that Trump and his administration will handle everything needed (and that the government is perfect and will save them and let them live a good life).
They think that because they're allowed to live where they do (in terms of No.6, in the city), they are valued and won't be harmed.

WRONG

In No.6, the poor were left for dead...but the elite who lived within the city were injected with parasitic bee eggs without their knowing. The very people who thought their lives mattered were used in a giant science experiment they were unaware of due to blind faith.

Any unusual death caused by a hatching wasp (which kills the host) was covered up to continue the illusion of the utopia.

In short, the 1%, the top, the leaders of No.6 valued the "elite" and their lives just as much as they valued the poor...and the elite couldn't see that (until the climax when shit hit the fan and the parasitic wasps were hatching everywhere).

Minus the bees/wasps, it's the same here. People blindly follow because they think that this administration will lead them to prosperity; they think that their lives are held higher than others because they're "one of us"...when in fact, they're valued at the same level as the poor.

The elite in No.6 were used in a giant experiment which claimed lives, and the poor were thrown to the slums (and occasionally rounded up in "hunts" for nefarious purposes) where they could easily die due to living conditions and lack of good healthcare.

Dystopia...many people are looking at America like one now. No.6 is a dystopian manga/anime (originally a light novel), but is a good example of blind ignorance and elitism.

The majority of the 1% don't care about the lives of the 99%; it doesn't matter if the 99% are "elite" (Republican or live in a red state) or if they're "poor" (middle-class, literally poor, Democrat, or live in a blue state).

Trump has held rallies in red states he won in; but the truth is that he doesn't care about those people. We're living in a soon-to-be dictatorship dystopia...and I can't understand how so many people can still fail to see that...especially with the firing of the freaking FBI director recently.



_______
Commissions are OPEN (see rules), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
Monthly (non-patron) commission limit:  0/2; 2 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.

  • Listening to: "The Call" by Regina Spektor
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Danganronpa
  • Playing: SoS; Trio of Towns
I've had a few people ask about this, so I'm going to make an entry on it.

I've decided to open commissions back up for non-patrons, but there are limitations/altered rules to them. 
Most rules have stayed the same in terms of what I'm willing/able to draw, but the non-patron rules for commissions is as follows:

Just like my typical rules, absolutely NO:
-requests which would exceed a PG rating
-porn, fetish, bodily fluids, gore
-official characters (aka, Sonic the Hedgehog, Naruto, Spongebob, Pikachu, etc)
-characters with a lot of small details (more than one of the following:  chains, rings, full armor, etc)

Also, I do not take DA points; payment is via PayPal.

Added to that list, for non-patrons:
-No more than one character per commission
-I can only take up to TWO commissions a month (possibly three depending on the cost of the first two
-No complex backgrounds; I'll only do simple backgrounds or no background at all
-I do not offer sketches and lineart for non-patron commissions; I might show you the sketch to make sure everything is in order, but that's all


Non-patrons do not get the discount (or options) that patrons get, so the prices are as follows:
Grayscale (HB pencil or ink):
$20 - Single character
Example:  DnD - Waffles the Owlbear by mdchan


Color:
$25 - Single character, no background
Example:  Comm - Stacey by mdchan

$30 - Single character + simple background
Example:  Cats - Snickers by mdchan



So, prices pretty much stay the same (might be a little increased), but there are a limit of how many commissions I'll do a month, and there's no discount for non-patrons.
Grayscale images can either be inked and shaded, or just shown like the example.  No backgrounds are done for those.


_______
Commissions are OPEN, Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!
April (non-patron) commission limit:  1/2; 1 available

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

AuTalkz Infinity, the official store for AuTalkz merchandise!

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Simple Plan
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Life with Louie
  • Playing: SoS; Trio of Towns
As everyone probably already knows, April is Autism Awareness Month.

Usually, I do one detailed drawing to honor it, and then keep up with AuTalkz.

Welp, I have BIG NEWS!

This April, there will be a new AuTalkz strip out every week

For the entire month of April in 2017 (barring unforseen circumstances), I plan on posting a new issue every week starting on April 1st...and no, this is not an early April Fool's Joke.

They all are going to tie into one another and cover a single subject, and might break some of the 3-panel format I usually use (some might even go half-page or full-page), but it's still going to be under AuTalkz.

Rather than the 1st and the 15th, there's going to be a new issue every Saturday (starting on the 1st).  That's five issues of AuTalkz next month...and no, you do not have to be a patron to view them.  The only thing I ask is that you please share the issues; there are share buttons to the top right of every page.  Though I do greatly appreciate donations, you don't need to donate money if you can't afford it...but sharing on social media will help spread the word.

April is Autism and AuTalkz month; get hyped and get ready to show your support for Autism Awareness!  ^w^


_______
Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.
Commission prices and rules can be found HERE!

Care to support my artwork?  Donations are much appreciated, and you can donate over at my page on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

3DS FC:  4785-5575-0704  (if you add me, drop me a note so I know, and don't forget to tell me your code, too!)

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Click to check out my fanfiction stories!

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Simple Plan
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Life with Louie
  • Playing: FFXIV:ARR Heavensward