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About Other / Hobbyist Core Member Nikki35/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 14 Years
2 Month Core Membership
Statistics 1,017 Deviations 11,855 Comments 100,636 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

AuTalkz II - 078 - Family by mdchan AuTalkz II - 078 - Family :iconmdchan:mdchan 23 9 AuTalkz II - 077 - Greetings by mdchan AuTalkz II - 077 - Greetings :iconmdchan:mdchan 26 12 AuTalkz II - 076 - Confidence Boost by mdchan AuTalkz II - 076 - Confidence Boost :iconmdchan:mdchan 24 24
Prose - Independence in America
Independence in America
In April of 1775 in the country which would become known as America, the colonies decided to break away from Britain to govern themselves when heavy tariffs and taxes started to be laid upon them for the past 8-10 years.  By the summer of that year, all out combat had broken loose between the Thirteen Colonies and Great Britain.
Something which furthered the efforts was a pamphlet written by Thomas Paine in early 1776 as an inspiration for freedom.  The pamphlet, called "Common Sense", had the following written in it:  
"This new world (America) hath been the asylum for the persecuted lovers of civil and religious liberty from every part of Europe.  Hither they have fled, not from the tender embraces of the mother, but from the cruelty of the monster."
This basically was a reminder that many of the colonists had come here seeking new opportunities, new freedoms, and independence from the tyranny of their home countries.  This insp
:iconmdchan:mdchan 7 4
AuTalkz II - 075 - Pain Tolerance by mdchan AuTalkz II - 075 - Pain Tolerance :iconmdchan:mdchan 29 32 Chibi Raptor by mdchan Chibi Raptor :iconmdchan:mdchan 23 14 Sketch - At the Border by mdchan Sketch - At the Border :iconmdchan:mdchan 20 18 AuTalkz II - 074 - Patience by mdchan AuTalkz II - 074 - Patience :iconmdchan:mdchan 36 19 DCA - Adventures of Pippin and Dingdong by mdchan DCA - Adventures of Pippin and Dingdong :iconmdchan:mdchan 18 2 AuTalkz II - 073 - A Helping Paw by mdchan AuTalkz II - 073 - A Helping Paw :iconmdchan:mdchan 24 17 AuTalkz II - 072 - Outfoxed by mdchan AuTalkz II - 072 - Outfoxed :iconmdchan:mdchan 29 9 AuTalkz II - 071 - Repeat That Please by mdchan AuTalkz II - 071 - Repeat That Please :iconmdchan:mdchan 46 17 AuTalkz II - 070 - Knowledge by mdchan AuTalkz II - 070 - Knowledge :iconmdchan:mdchan 34 30 AuTalkz II - 069 - Allies by mdchan AuTalkz II - 069 - Allies :iconmdchan:mdchan 25 15 AuTalkz II - 068 - Willful Ignorance by mdchan AuTalkz II - 068 - Willful Ignorance :iconmdchan:mdchan 26 11 DnD - Sunshine Evelyn by mdchan DnD - Sunshine Evelyn :iconmdchan:mdchan 11 3

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Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
My name is Nicole, though you can also call me "Nikki" or "Kairy".
I'm an adult (according to the numbers, at least), and I have ASD (autism).

I don't need to be "cured", I'm not an idiot, and I'm not dangerous. I'm just another person who loves to draw, write, read (fanfiction and mystery fiction), play video games, and watch anime.

In fact, I'm pretty big on raising autism awareness. I've decided to dedicate my art to that, which is why I run the AuTalkz comic series, and do at least one drawing every April for Autism Awareness Month.
I may not be good at public speaking, but I can talk through my drawings (and writing).

I'm also pretty sure I'm asexual, as well as nonbinary (though I don't care if you refer to me as "he" or "she"; I've been called them both and I don't really mind). But, meh...those are just tiny things.

Anyways, I've been drawing for over 15 years, now, and I'm completely self-taught except for about 1-2 months of college Photoshop class (which I nearly failed miserably, to be perfectly honest).

I like getting comments on my artwork, and though I might not reply to all of them, I do read them. ^^

Nice to meet you!!

Personal Quote
"I'd rather be called weird a million times over than called homogeneous even once."

Other Media/Sites
Anime Planet
Fanfiction dot Net

Favorite Quote(s)
"Love people for who they are, instead of judging them for what they're not."

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Calvin & Hobbes)

"Two things in this world are infinite; the universe and human stupidity…and I’m not too sure about the universe." (Albert Einstein)

"Just cause you are divided by an LCD screen, 10000miles of copper wire, and 20 feet of radio waves, it doesn't mean you have an excuse to be rude."
So, Season 6 of Voltron LD landed yesterday...and wow, it was a doozy!  I had theorized one thing which actually wound up being true about a certain character and where they went (based off of evidence) which was really cool, but beyond that the finale of this arc was incredible.  I laughed, I shouted, I cried...a few things weren't properly explained, but they're minor issues.

Anyway, that's not what this entry is about.  Well, sort of but not sort of...

My favorite character in the series is Lance, because he's the most relatable.  He's not a genius, but he's kind and thoughtful.  This season, one of my favorite moments was when he was reassuring another character and said: 

"Let me tell you, as someone who's made a million mistakes, all you can do is get up and try to make it right."

And that really hit close to home for me.  Lance is often showboating, but he has another side to him which not everyone has seen (I believe only Allura has actually seen it), which is an insecure teenager who doesn't know where he belongs, and who genuinely cares about his friends and despite past flirting has actually fallen in love with someone but thinks he isn't good enough for them.

He makes mistakes...he's relatable, which is one reason I think so many people like his character. 

But more than that, it got me thinking after coming out of a depression slip-n-slide for the past week and a half...that one line was inspiring to me.

Because when depression hits, it's like you're all alone in a void of darkness with chains attached to your limbs trying to drag you down.  Everything is sluggish...nothing matters.  There's that intrusive thought...that little voice in your head which keeps saying things like:
"You're alone."
"They don't care about you."
"Nobody would notice if you were gone."
"They don't even bother to try to understand you."
"You're a burden...they don't want you around."
"What are you doing with your life?"
"You've failed at everything you have tried.  You have a track record of failure."
"Isn't it tiring?"
"Why are you even still alive?"

And it's difficult to argue with that voice, because any little thing can make it worse.
Many people try to say:  "Oh, just ignore it or tell it to shut up."
Or they say:  "You need to grow a thicker skin."
Some might eve say:  "Maybe you need a higher dose of medication, or try another medication."


Even if there is at least one person outside of your head arguing with that voice, depression makes it difficult to believe that person.  Depression takes something and puts an evil spin on it; it twists words and actions, and makes you perceive something as threatening when it was not intended well as makes comments you'd normally be able to brush off hurt.

If I can talk about this honestly...I'm in the grey area of depression.  I don't want to die, but that doesn't stop these thoughts.
More medication is not the fact, I'm tired of everyone's answer being "medication".  Medication doesn't cure's not like antibiotics which gets rid of bronchitis.  Medication for a mental illness is more of a worn latch on a door.
Sometimes, the latch comes undone even though it's still on the door, and sometimes the latch is able to hold the door closed.

Medication isn't a cure-all.  It can help people manage, definitely...but it's never going to make depression or any other mental issue go away.

Topic of medication aside, as I was thinking about Lance's's pretty much about getting up after being knocked down.
And it's HARD to get back up when you feel like you're alone...when you're sitting in a void of emptiness.

It's hard to argue with that voice and come up with reasons to try, to move, to live.

This might not help everyone, but it's helped me recently...and maybe it's because I'm in that grey area of "have had intrusive thoughts but will never act on them because I'm afraid of dying", but I hope that maybe it can help others.

And that's something to look forward to.

I know that when you're in that void, you don't really look forward to anything.  You sort of forget about things you might have once looked forward to.  Greeting the new day is a chore...I know.  I've experienced it...I've been there.

Sometimes, I still don't know why I'm alive.  It's like that for many others who experience depression.

But before you act drastically, even if that voice is asking why you're alive...if you can just try to remember one thing you used to enjoy before you landed in that can help.

I have a calendar hanging on my wall, and I write down release dates of video games.  I might not be able to afford all of them at the time, but it's something to look forward to.
Recently, I had written down complete with a little doodle that the 15th of June was season 6 of Voltron LD...something I was looking forward to since season 5 ended.  I sketched out a doodle of a bold "V" for that it would show up easily on the that just a glance at it, and I can see for myself that I was looking forward to something.

Even something which might seem the next Pokemon main game coming out in 2019, or a new season of a show you like...that can become a temporary reason to live until you find or remember what you want to live for.
Because those things are NOT silly.  Any reason to live, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else, is not a silly reason.  The new season of Voltron LD was what kept me afloat in the void...knowing it was only a couple weeks away, every time I looked at my calendar, I could see that that was something pre-void me wanted to do.

That, and one of my friends happened to say "everything will be alright".  It might sound patronizing, but those were words I wanted to hear.  I stayed afloat once again.

I know that I'll's a guarantee with depression.  I'll slip down once more at some point in the future and have to wade through the void again.  I don't really have a "dream"...I create a webcomic on autism and other issues I've dealt with in my life so far...I write things like this to share my thoughts and what has helped me because maybe it can help someone else.

I know it's rough...I know it's an "easier said than done" thing...and I know it's a lifelong battle that many of us face.
But like Lance said in Voltron...the only way is to get up and keep trying.
And like my friend said, just breathe...everything is going to be okay.

Even if it doesn't seem like it, you'll get through this.  You have before, and you can do it again.  You've won before, and you can win again.  I know it's not easy, but you can do it...I know you can.  We all can...because we've done it before.  You can win.

Even if it means marking a calendar with things like video games and shows to look forward to until you remember that you're not alone.  I might not know every person who reads this, and you might not know me...but that doesn't matter, because we've experienced depression.  No matter what walk of life you come from, we've gone through the same thing and emerged victorious.  You're not alone, and you can win even when it feels like you can't.  You CAN.
Just can win.  Everything will be okay.

Commissions are OPEN (patrons only), Requests are CLOSED, Trades are CLOSED.

Care to support my artwork?  Want early access to AuTalkz and exclusive sketches?  Check me out on Patreon!

AuTalkz; An observational comic providing insight about what it's like living with autism, OCD, and Anxiety!

AuTalkz Infinity, the official store for AuTalkz merchandise!

Toby's Tales - Curse of the Stairwell, a Visual Novel game.

Take a peek at The Mystic Den for Zellie items!  All proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society!

Link to Lightening Spliced, a novel written by my best friend who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer in September 2010.  Please check this out if you're interested; all proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society.
  • Listening to: Green Day
  • Reading: Fanfiction
  • Watching: Voltron LD
  • Playing: Pokemon Ultra Moon


AuTalkz II - 078 - Family
Next:  (coming August 24 for patrons; September 1st for non-patrons)

Previous:  AuTalkz II - 077 - Greetings by mdchan   (Greetings)

The mystery is now solved!  This is the last issue of this arc (Ruben's arc).  I plan on going back to Kairy next time, as there are quite a few things I want to cover.

Cait's family is a huge contrast to the others.  Kairy's father defaults to yelling and bounces between trying to understand and not trying, while Fletcher's family is pretty much an example of "doing everything wrong with a special needs child".

I don't often include/draw the parents, but we've heard from Kairy's father (and Fletcher's mother called to him in the last issue); there's also Fletcher's brother, Phil, who terrorizes Fletcher for being different and getting more attention than he gets because of it.

On the other hand, Cait's entire family is supportive, which makes a huge difference.  She isn't very confident around other kids her age (as per usual with being on the spectrum), but once she gets to know someone she gains enough confidence because she has the support of her entire family...from her older brother to her younger twin siblings, as well as her parents (who, in contrast to Fletcher's, are the "doing as much right as possible with a special needs child" sort).

Family isn't just biological, as I've had friends that were closer than my blood relatives.  But we spend the most time with our families since we have to live with them.  It's important for everyone (especially people on the spectrum or who deal with disabilities no matter what the age) to receive encouragement and confidence boosts.

Granted, just saying to them "you can do it" can come off as being patronizing, especially in a case where the one on the spectrum is getting frustrated over not being able to do something.  In that case, I'd suggest to just let them take a breather...and not to push so hard that there's a meltdown/shutdown.

It's a difficult balance when dealing with us; I understand that.  But if you ask me about driving, you'll get a frustrated answer in response because I used to be able to drive 10 minutes away and now get overwhelmed after just a couple minutes.  In cases where someone used to be able to do something and suddenly regressed, unless the reason is discovered (and worked on if possible; sadly, the health care system in the USA is terrible and I can't see the proper type of therapist for this specific issue), there's a chance that the person will never get back up to where they were.

It's frustrating for us, too; trust me on that, parents/caregivers.  As frustrating as it is for you to watch us idle because of it, it's ten times worse for us.

I got off on a tangent there...

My main focus of this arc was to introduce Ruben, Cait's older brother, and basically a representation of a character who tries to learn, understand, and do the right thing when it comes to a family member on the spectrum (especially since a lot of people were wondering about the families, and why Kairy's and Fletcher's are both impatient with them).

Personally...Kairy and Fletcher's families are based off of my family (Kairy's more than Fletcher's).  Cait's is the sort of family I wished I had and how I wished mine responded to me, so I hope I can portray them properly.

If you like this artwork and wish to help support me in doing them, please take a look at my patreon page at

AuTalkz has an official merchandise store called AuTalkz Infinity!  It's slowly building, but you can find it here:  AuTalkz Infinity

The immature pests have been out in full force lately, so I would like to remind visitors to my page to please be respectful and that I have a ZERO TROLL POLICY.

If you troll even once, your comment will be marked as spam, and you'll be blacklisted and reported to DA's staff for harassment. 

This applies to anything I post, my wall on DA, and anything someone else posts in comment sections.

I would like to once again remind my friends and watchers that if someone responds to you, I won't get a notification.  If they are nasty or trolling:
1.  Do not respond to them
2.  Add them to your blocked users (hover over your username on the top bar, select "settings", click on "general" on the left side menu, and scroll down a little to enter the user's name in that box)
3.  Please let me know so I can block them from commenting here
4.  If it's really bad, send in a ticket to DA that you are being harassed

I've been dealing with ignoring half of the Voltron LD community who have lost their shit over the last season and are being super toxic (some are sending death threats to the writers and voice actors; like wtf?).  I am especially not in the mood to deal with anyone being toxic as I've been largely avoiding getting into the entire drama situation over there yet still feel embarrassed and appalled by the toxic members of the community.

I will not let my DA page, and especially AuTalkz, become a toxic wasteland. 


Add a Comment:
Carodemi Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hey dude !!
mdchan Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Artist
Heya!  ^^

(sorry...I'm bad at "normal" conversations and getting them going  XD )
Carodemi Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
its ok xD im the same
Flagged as Spam
caselink69 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Do you roleplay?
mdchan Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2018  Hobbyist Artist
Not anymore, nope.
caselink69 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Just asking
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