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If you know me IRL, you may have heard that I'm having some problems deciding what direction I'm going to take with the rest of my college career. I'm currently studying music, but the more I see with regards to the current classroom environment, both in elementary and in secondary schools, the less I want to teach.

I don't know what it is about teaching that freaks me out so much. Maybe it's the fact that kids have no respect anymore. Maybe it's the prospect of my students giving me enough lip to make me snap and lose my job. I would never get violent, but when I lose my temper, it is scary. Either way, I don't want to teach, at least not in a classroom setting.

When I look back on the decisions I've made in college pertaining to my area of study, I can map things out based on whose choice each move was:
  1. The decision to study computer science was mine.
  2. The decision to switch to music was God's.
  3. The decision to study string bass was mine.
  4. The decision to study voice was God's.

When I look back on the reason I chose Music Education, it was the same reason I chose Comp Sci: I wanted to be able to get a job, and I wanted to be able to make a decent living. The decision to study to be a teacher was my decision, not God's.

The decision to change majors was made today when I discovered that I won't be able to finish the Music Education degree before I hit my credit hour limit for financial aid. And without financial aid, I cannot possibly pay for school. One path that my advisor suggested when I met with her in January was that I could potentially switch to a Music BA and double-major in Religion. That would definitely complement my desire to go into the music ministry. But due to my recent involvement with conlanging, especially after discovering the Conlangery podcast through Conlangers, I thought that my future brother-in-law's choice of major, Biblical Languages, would be a good match for me.

I think that my final decision might be to switch to a Biblical Languages minor, while changing my music path to a BA, rather than going for the BMus in Music Education. The only question is whether I can find a way to make a living with that degree. I do have several options. I could try and make a living writing fiction, which I believe I'm good enough a writer to do. I could make a living like two of my biggest inspirators, Erik Kleven and Jimmy O'Shea, by teaching private music lessons and playing in bands. I could supplement that with a position at a local church as a music minister. Another possibility is that I could marry somebody who will wind up making a living, and then work part-time somewhere, though this option isn't as desirable; I am a firm believer that one parent must be free to raise the children. In this day and age of women being commended for working full-time and men being admonished for staying at home, I don't know if that'll work at all, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Please keep me in your prayers as I move forward. I have to find some way to make this work.
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March 4, 2012
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