I have a problem and I've finally admitted it to myself after about 3 years. So I'm wanting to write and leave this here to mark the occaison, so hopefully I can look back and feel like I've made progress.
Anyway, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression now since I was about 17/18. I've had several lots of counselling over the years and all the cognitive behaviour shit is now a regular part of my life. However, more recently since finishing university I have actually been getting worse to the point where I can't work anymore and have been told to take some time off and been put on medication.
I really don't enjoy this medication. So far I just feel exhausted all the time and I can't stop yawning. Apparently yawning is a major side effect of these pills. I've yawned 138 times today and my jaw hurts. I hope they kick in properly soon. The doctor did say it would take 3-4 weeks for them to kick in. I'm kind of kicking myself for leaving it so long, but honestly I kept telling myself that I'm okay and that 'I'm Fine if everyone else can do it, I can too.' and the truth is it's just been spiralling out of control. My two main coping mechanisms are work and food. I will work myself to death to distract myself from the constant existential dread that I feel every single day in doing so I've not really dealt with the problem but only made it worse. I worry about any thing and everything. From my health to possible events that may or may not happen in the future. I think everyone I meet hates me or doesn't want me to be around or doesn't want to listen to what I have to say or want to hang out with me. It's like I have this person in my head who is just constantly degrading me. My other coping mechanism is food and I just eat my feelings and then I just outright hate myself.
Anyway, here's to hopefully getting better. I've finished uni now and am currently not working so I have plenty of time to try and get better.