The LOL Corner
This regular news article promises to make you giggle, chortle, and laugh your ass off.
Every edition will feature a collection of the funniest chat network quotes.
dAmnIt! is a database of funny quotes submitted by deviants like you.
dAmnIt! has reached over 35,000 quotes!
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* awakeinautumn "i'm not emo, i'm goth" is like saying "i'm not drunk. i'm bellchild"
<bellchild> SHUT UP.
01:37:37 AM <Zailum> I don't poke fun at your intellect, SO DON"T POKE AT MINE!
01:37:55 AM <Deadrosebud> But it's wobbly and inferior.
01:38:01 AM <Deadrosebud> Like jello.
02:25:03 AM <DoItForTheLulz> Quick everyone, say PENIS~
02:25:11 AM <Roaring-Wind> PENIS
02:25:11 AM <Amastroph> PENIS
02:25:13 AM <Sye216> PENIS
02:25:23 AM <DoItForTheLulz> ...you damned comformists...
<Literary-Samson>They shouldn't ban vuvuzelas from the World Cup
<Literary-Samson>They should ban the World cup from the Vuvuzelas concert.
<Lacklusterious>In Soviet Russia, vuvuzelas ban World Cup
<Literary-Samson>No, in Soviet Russia Vuvuzelas blow you.
<Literary-Samson>No I regret that
01:03:42 AM <MC-Frizzle> IBinsanity: My mom was ranting at me
01:03:45 AM <MC-Frizzle> IBinsanity: The other day
01:03:53 AM <MC-Frizzle> IBinsanity: And I just hit the vuvuzela button and put speakers on full blast
01:03:58 AM <MC-Frizzle> IBinsanity: "CANT HEAR YOOOOU"
01:04:02 AM <MC-Frizzle> ... then she cut the power.
15:39:39 <Rasec-Wizzlbang> I'm going to see the new twilight movie.
15:39:51 <Rasec-Wizzlbang> And I'm going to play a Vuvuzela until I get thrown out
20:27:59 <Aroline> My mom is yelling her mustache off.
20:28:04 <Aroline> GO MOM
<Bussola> I need to get.
<Bussola> And whipping cream.
<XxTrinityxX> and raspberries.
<XxTrinityxX> and porn
<Cassed> and strawberries
<XxTrinityxX> and bondage gear
<Cassed> and black men
<XxTrinityxX> and latex paint
<Cassed> and batteries
<XxTrinityxX> and vibrators
<Cassed> and rolling pins
<XxTrinityxX> and anal plugs
<aSobearDesign> And lube
<Cassed> and yogurt
<XxTrinityxX> and cake batter
<aSobearDesign> and icing!!
<Cassed> and packing peanuts
<XxTrinityxX> and bubble wrap
<aSobearDesign> and ink pens
<XxTrinityxX> and sharpies
<Cassed> and jumper cables
<Bussola> And fruit.
<XxTrinityxX> and cocain
<rodeoXgurl> and hairbrushes
<aSobearDesign> ooooooo jumper cables
<Cassed> and a spare tire
<Bussola> Wait wait.
01:49:27 PM <LostTempest> Basically, I was having a picnic with some alcoholic jelly. I couldn't finish the jelly, so I threw it into a nearby river. The jelly dissolved, and the fish got reeeeeally drunk and started swimming backwards. The volume of fish swimming backwards meant that the flow of the river began to reverse, and the lakes at the tops of the mountains which feed the rivers began to overflow, and a large flow of water tumbled down the hillside, and it hit the room where dAmn's servers are kept, and all the water is playing havoc with the electronics.
01:49:30 PM <LostTempest> That's what's happening.
12:30:19 AM <cloakofshadow> this is why i only date myself. i'm never late. and if i am, i let myself know. then i make it up to myself, somehow. i buy myself dinner, watch a movie with myself, or just go bed and cuddle myself. i always know i'm sorry, and i know i won't let myself down again.
* FrauofGermanydances in the wind like Pocahantas-chan
<linawifeofL>IF YOU EVER
<linawifeofL>I WILL JURDER YOU
<linawifeofL>YES JURDER YOU
<linawifeofL>IT'S LIKE MURDER
<linawifeofL>BUT WITH JAM
<linawifeofL>THAT'S WHAT THE J IS FOR
<linawifeofL>YOU WILL BE SUFFOCATED BY A NEVER ENDING STREAM OF BOISENBERRY
<linawifeofL>And it still has all the seeds in it
<marythemango> MemoryResident: xD It's fun, til you accidentally stab yourself with a needle and have to get Tetris shots..
<marythemango> MemoryResident: TETANUS. XD
<MemoryResident> marythemango: Tetris shot?
<MemoryResident> marythemango: I'd hate to have the needle shaped like an L.
22:59:21 <BeardedRick> woah
22:59:29 <BeardedRick> my belly just made a beep noise
22:59:33 <BeardedRick> how the hell
22:59:38 <FDNT> stop eating grenades stupid
02:31:54 PM <Wizard-Kgalm> CoUlD i Be KiCkEd FoR tAlKiNg LiKe ThIs?
02:32:07 PM <IBinsanity> Wizard-Kgalm: by me, in the twat, at least.
02:32:07 PM *** You have been kicked by ananasjihad * I'm going to do it anyway.
04:46:26 PM <cuppas> obviously theyre wrong
04:46:30 PM <cuppas> and the world doesnt end in 2012
04:46:42 PM <cuppas> proof: marty mcfly has been to 2015
<bewareofthesnowman> ok, so, happy, dopey and grumpy go on a journey to see the wizard of oz
<bewareofthesnowman> happy wants to find out if he's the happiest person in the world, dopey the dopiest, and grumpy the grumpiest
<bewareofthesnowman> happy goes in first, and comes out smiling more than ever. "it's true!" he shouts. "i am the happiest person on earth!"
<bewareofthesnowman> dopey goes in next, and comes out with a dimwitted grin on his face. "guess i'm still the best at something!" he said. "i'm the dopiest guy alive"
<bewareofthesnowman> grumpy goes in next, and comes out even surlier than ever
<bewareofthesnowman> all he says is "who the fuck is ainslaight?"
<endosage> [link](link to page for buying a laser) <- If I'm reading it correctly, it's only like 200.00
<thederangedone> endosage: $200 that we could buy a pony with. D:
<endosage> thederangedone: Do you really want to take care of a pony?
<thederangedone> sesshoumaru: But it's like... part of the laptop.
<dxd> lasers > poines
<endosage> dxd: thederangedone: Actually, we could get a pony, and then attach this to his forehead and have a LAZERUNICORN.
10:55:35 PM <shooflee3> Fuck salt.]
10:55:45 PM <Eragonus> Dont fuck salt. it stings.]
10:55:49 PM <Eragonus> >.>]
10:55:50 PM <Eragonus> <.<]
10:55:55 PM <shooflee3> LOL]
12:19:55 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> My mother, as you know, plays L4D
12:20:12 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> I hear her, stomping and screaming, in the living room
12:20:25 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> The story is, she is 100 points away from winning
12:20:33 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> I sneak up behind her...
12:20:42 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> And give a huge, terrifying death scream
12:20:54 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> She jumps up, smacks my arm, screams back....
12:21:01 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> and Loses
12:21:08 AM <Xizix> |D
12:21:20 AM <The-Purple-Eco-Sage> I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard
07:46:35 PM <Chrizesu> IT'S A CHRIZ, RUN FOR YOUR SANITY.
07:48:06 PM * Anavar runs
07:48:08 PM <Anavar> ...wait
07:48:10 PM <Anavar> what sanity