It's raining outside. There's only one person whom I used to listen to the rain with. Sharing such moments was so unheard of in my past. It was so perfect every time I could see her smile. When I looked into her eyes, they shimmered so perfectly, so... Astronomically! Her laugh was something that I could always hear and never forget. Her voice was like that of an angel of the purest of love. She always made me feel so much more than I actually feel about myself. It wasn't just love, it was pure love. The kind of love where you can say or do anything and just fall more and more in love by the second. I always remember being able to hold her in my arms. The way she made me feel important was so amazing. I still feel so strongly about her but I know that it's too far to even consider a second chance to be available... Her friends... Well... Her "friends"... The backstabbers that talked so horribly about her and manipulated her to follow them into such a tremendous amount of hate. Why did you have to go? I would have never done anything to you. Things happen for a reason, but why? I have never loved somebody as strongly as I've loved her. She... She got me. She filled my heart with such love. Seeing her face. First being able to talk to her in art. The first kiss. The first time we fell asleep together. We held each other so close. I never ever meant to hurt her. I'm so sorry. I can never forgive myself for any harm I've caused her. I don't care if she caused me any because I loved her so much. I still do! I don't want us to hate each other, I want us to at least be friends. I don't want to push her away but I just can't help but love her so much! I had my first kiss in the rain with her. I got to share my first couple's necklace with her. She was my player one. My everything. I don't want to lose her but I know that that is exactly what happened. The car accident. The very night that everything changed. I cried so much. I fell to my knees. I screamed. I felt so helpless because the love of my life was put through so much. Hospitalized. Cut. Bruised. She was wearing my jacket during the accident. I want her to keep it. I don't want her to feel like she has to return it because I want her to remember me by it. I didn't want to take any of my stuff back. I want to return it all. I just can't help myself but cry when I hold her shirts. When I see the prom dress hanging in the window. I want it all to just go back to normal, before the hell broke loose. My senior prom night I shared with her. My first prom kiss... Was with her. Her glasses shimmered so delicately while we slow danced. Holding her in my arms while we danced. Keeping her near to me. I just want it all to come back. As I think of all the things we shared, I tear up. I miss her. I miss her mom, her little sister, her brother, her dad. I miss them all so much. They were my family. They all meant so much to me. Being able to spend time with them all made me feel so happy. But now. It's all gone. I can't go back. The damage has already been done and the forgiveness is already gone. She meant so much so me. Even when I got swarmed by yellow jackets, they were all there for me. I was trembling so much and she still held me in her arms, my head on her chest and my arms around her waist. I still have the pictures of us on the hay bale. I can't bring myself the strength to delete them or any of the pictures of us because I cherish those memories so much, so dearly. After she got her hair cut after it being long for so long, I was shocked at first, but seeing her with it, seeing her happy with short hair was so heart-warming. The hair style grew attached to me instantly and I really liked it. Running my fingers through her soft hair, short or long, it was stimulating and always brought such a smile to my face. Every time we hugged, every time we cuddled, I held her so close as though it would be the last because I loved her so much. I didn't want to lose her. I just want to be with her again. I want everything to go back to the way it was before the drama began. She thought I talked bad about her when I would have never done such a thing because I still care for her so so much. She still means so much to me. I miss her. I cannot stress enough the fact that I would do anything just to have her back. There's so many memories. So much love. So many places we went to together. So many experiences we could experience together. I just want to be with her so much... But I can't. It's torture but I knew that she would get tired of me. Am I mad at her? No. Was I upset about it all? Yes because the love of my life was the subject matter, but I set that aside and accepted the differences. I never judged her. If anything, I learned so much. She made me see so many things I missed in life. She made me feel so... Loved. So... Cherished. She showed me new music genres I didn't even know existed and since then I still listen to them! She showed me her artwork. Her glorious artwork is what made me feel so inspired to draw and everything! She even got me into shading, which is exactly why I love doing it now! She shared so many funny memes that I will always hold close to my heart because they impacted me so much in the best of ways throughout our relationship. Even after the accident, looking upon her face, even with the scars she had to bare, I still thought she was the most beautiful girl ever. Inside and out. If I could just have one more chance to show her just how much she means, I would take that chance in a heartbeat. We may have had our insecurities, but the fact that we accepted each other's insecurities so well and coped with them so greatly should prove just how much of a bond we once shared.
If only we could continue sharing what we once had. I wouldn't trade you for anything.