The hardest climb
Based on a true story
Puffing and wheezing, my legs shake as the rain hurling from the sky pushing me to the ground while I look at a set of 3 stairs to climb to gain access to my house. As tears stream down from behind the glasses that shield my eyes, I look at the stairs and wonder what is worth on the end of the stairwell and why I should climb them as the house that I now live in, will no longer be the same. In order to understand this part, I'll take you back 6 days to a day that caught me by surprise and made all problems disappear for just a few hours.
Waking up to the day of the 100'th day anniversary of my partnership with Sharon, I rise in regret as I begin getting ready for work. Noticing a letter my door I collect it and notice it is an a4 page folded into a small envelope and connected by a small sticker labelled "You make me smile". Seeing this I instantly smile and place it in my bag to take to work. All ready for work, I grab a brown bag and step out of my room locking it behind me. Walking past Sharon's room that is next to mine; I place the plastic bag in front of her door leaning against it and leave the house for a day of misery.
Skipping ahead to just as I was getting changed after a busy day from work, I message my girlfriend Sharon to see if she needs anything from the market before I make my way home. The text I get soon is beyond anything I expected charming me as I it read it. "All I need is you".
When I get home, I am greeted by Sharon with a kiss and a tight hug showing the excitement and joy of my appearance of just seeing me on this day, this telling me that she had gotten my gift that I left in the brown bag. Going upstairs to have a shower, Sharon tells me that she has prepared a small lunch for me before I head back to work for a night shift. Exciting as it was to see what she made, I quickly hopped in the shower and cleaned myself up to smell nice and not smell.
Finishing my shower, I walk into my room to dispose of clothes; I spot one of my favourite desserts sitting down on my desk, a cheesecake covered in candles. Walking downstairs to a smell of spicy and meaty food, my stomach rumbles as it collects the more and more toxins of what she is cooking. Getting to the bottom of the stairs, I see Sharon sitting down at the kitchen table with two plates in front of her, hands on her lap and smiling as she waits patiently for me to join her.
I smile and walk up to her to give her a rough yet sensual kiss while running my hands through her hair. Smiling back at me, she has a little laugh to herself and asks me to sit down for lunch. There lay a very simple few sausages in a baking tray, the most simple and cute meal which we ate and enjoyed. Feeling a bit sleepy, I suggest heading upstairs to have a nap as the past few nights had been very long and exhausting. Lying down in the dark next to each other in my queen size bed with Sharon facing me, I slowly drift to sleep as I can't help but think about any other time without her; even at work is a time I don't look forward to as it's a risky process of trying to text her let alone walk home just to kiss her on the lips. Waking up to my phones timer going off, I rise and instantly lean over to Sharon that has just turned the alarm off and give her a kiss on the lips making her smile which soon follows me leaving yet again for work.
The day had finally come that I had been dreading ever since I first thought of the idea to ask Sharon out on a date, the day of which I wake earlier in the morning to work as busy as I can before stepping into her room for the very last time of her being in there to hear her laugh, complain about it being cold just to get hugs, watch the same big bang theory episodes with her, and even for the smallest thing which was to just know that she is there. The day of her leaving the country is now apon me while I slave away moving boxes on a day which could be the very last day that I see her. Knowing this I push myself as hard as I can to finish but half an hour before she leaves the house to catch her flight otherwise the last memory I have of her could be of her half asleep kissing me goodbye after watching me walk off to work.
Arriving at the airport and booking in late, we both power walk to gate 49 as Sharon fills out her form while I direct her around people without crashing. Arriving at the gate, I read a large sign that stares at me in anger scaring me into something I knew was coming but didn't know it was going to be at this very second of this minute and hour of the day. Still filling out her form, Sharon hears me speak the message that dreads her soul into never seeing the sight of my eyes looking into hers, never seeing the smile on my face from her enjoyment, never hearing my voice that makes her laugh or feeling the tight hugs from my arms that surround her in protection. "This is for passengers only". Stopping herself from filling out the form, she turns to look at me with her eyes showing the most upsetting expression, she walks up to me and gives me the last kiss I may ever receive from her that in reality lasted over 5 seconds, but from my teary eyes, it lasted only but a split second.
Seeing her walk off into the checkpoint, the whole world gets slower, I feel my bones soften and my arms get sloppy, realising that this will soon lead to tears, I turn around and place my bag on the floor digging for my glasses. Grabbing them and zipping my bag up, I look up at the large area flooded with people sitting down with luggage and much others looking at me. As shy as I am, I throw my bag on my back and walk quickly off to the nearest bus stop.
Back at the stairs, my eyes shielded by my glasses, hair covered by a hat, body protected by a think leather jacket, but my legs trembling from the climb ahead of me that now leads towards a house that no longer exists with the one that I spoke words to the night before that have not been heard by many people from my mouth, no longer lives there and will not be around for a long time, possibly forever. Debating whether I should climb the stairs or not, I begin thinking of somewhere else I could go without being spoken to by my other flat mates about how I was feeling. Nowhere crosses my mind as there is nowhere else I want to be other than to be lying in my bed watching adventure time with Sharon.
I place my first foot on the first set of stairs, my body suddenly has the energy sucked from it like a child sugar rush crashing causing me to fall slightly but still catching my balance. Pushing myself to keep going, I begin climbing the stairs further up towards the main pathway outside my house.
Lying down on my queen sized bed next to Sharon, we both watched adventure time on my two monitors beside the bed as we both cuddled together silently laughing to the jokes on the screen as Jake and Lady unicorn talk Korean to each other than translate to Finn in bad ways following with Sharon's real translation which brings a real celebration of culture and new worlds to learn and discover with someone to assist over the years.
Pushing myself to climb the soaking stairs from the rain, each step gets harder and harder as I remember all the things I did with Sharon and what I no longer have sitting at home waiting to see my face, hear my stupid jokes and taste my lips for but for a second and look forward to spending the smallest amount of time with me.
Coming home with a heavy backpack full of bottles over my shoulder, heavy jacket and thick jeans bulk me up to protect me against the cold windy weather that winter is throwing at me, I unlock the main doors to the house and step inside quickly closing the door behind me. Throwing my heavy bag on the kitchen bench with a big CLANG, I spot Sharon coming down stairs from her room quickly with a smile before leaping at me with a tight underarm hug. Hugging her back, I feel a sense of love flow into me taking all problems away relaxing me.
Reaching the end of the first set of stairs, I stand in front of the main gate to the property that requires nothing but to be pushed in order to open it. Yet the ability for me to place my hand on the gate feels as if there's a force pushing my hand back preventing me from opening it.
While on my lunch break at work, I get a txt from Sharon that scares me into revisiting an episode form my own past that could lead to her getting something that I know will lead to a whole day of her being in extreme pain. "I am so hung over that everything makes me vomit, even water". Realising this is a real version of alcohol poisoning, I quickly jump up from the table and go continue work as fast as I can in order to finish early and go assist her. Getting home I see Sharon curled into a ball outside her room almost crying. Looking up at me showing her pale and sad face, I can see that it's a serious case of alcohol poison and as a result she has to head to the bathroom to empty what's in her stomach already. Explaining to her that she needs to go to the hospital, she accepts and I ask one of our current flat mates to drive us to the hospital where she is treated with an injection that is one of her worst fears following her being able to sleep a few hours later and eat the next morning.
Pushing the gate open and stepping through almost tripping over, I arrive at the second set of stairs looking up at how the stairs go up then curse around the house hiding the top of the steps; which really had me thinking into this being the first moment that I really am single and no longer have the company and love of someone's else.
I finish work on a very busy day that is the considered our 30'th anniversary day that to Sharon isn't considered a day for celebration in her country, but after work I decided to do something nice for her and went to buy a bundle of her favourite coloured flowers with the last remaining money that I had for the week. Arriving home sneakily, I tip-toe over to her door and place the bunch on the floor and knock gently before exiting the house for a flat viewing.
Hours later during a flat viewing, I receive a txt from Sharon that gives me a sign that she had gotten my gift. "Did you put flowers in front of my door?" read the message, replying to it that it were me and that I were coming back later that day to spend the small amount of time that I could with her.
Arriving home and knocking on Sharons door, I await to see how she is feeling during this time that I were gone, imagining that she were sad that she didn't know about the occasion or happy that I gave her some flowers of her favourite colour. Opening the door to her room, Sharon sees that it's me standing there with a smile on my face that then transfers to her leading to a passionate kiss on the lips then a rough throw against a wall turning the atmosphere off having no one else but her and me in the room.
The stairs now look longer and longer, and the thought of not knowing what's on the other side makes it seem almost impossible to climb, especially with what I just achieved by climbing the other steps of memories and passion. So for one last climb and one last feeling of hurt and distraught, I throw myself up the stairs running as fast as I can to get it done and over with.
Reaching the glass covered double doors to the houses entrance, I take a deep breath and reach for the handle to open gain access to an area I cherished for the past 3 months. Turning the handle slightly, it jams going that it is locked. Letting go of the handle I sign and slouch down towards the floor digging for my keys that lay deep in my pockets. The door instantly gets unlocked and the door opens slightly for me by one of my flat mates that turn around and sit down on the couch.
Waking up in the morning, all my senses feel as if someone has flicked the off switch on them causing my whole body to go numb, and my state of mind feels as if in a coma and unable to wake up from a deep nightmare that shreds every muscle and nerve inside my body paralyzing me.
As I have been sitting down writing this journal and drinking a strong 1 litre bottle of mixed bourbon and cola, I look around my room and smile a little bit but then begin tearing up as it brings back small memories that as of this moment I cherish closely. A rapper that reminds me of when I bought a packet of After dinner mints for her and had one every day after dinner, my camera which she always shunned herself from, my washing basket that she brought back from the washing for me after a really busy night from work and being too tired to collect myself, my slippers that she kept laughing at then calling me grandpa every time I wore them, a piece of paper that she wrote prime numbers on to teach me how to identify them, even the tattoo on my shoulder that she helped me take care of when I got it reminds me of her and my eyes flood with tears until I take my minds off it.
This concludes the hardest climb, the climb of an international relationship that lead to watching them walk into another area and never walk back from it. Never have the same feeling that they gave me, a feeling that gives me the will to get on the nearest flight that drains all my money, drop all of my stuff just to spend one more day with her in the most unfamiliar environment that I could be in, learn another culture and language just to communicate with her in her native language along with her friends and family, and even to work in an area that is very unrelated to my qualifications just to support myself to live in her country is what I would do to spend the rest of my life in her comfort as well as put in as much effort as I could just to make her laugh and be happy.