Self-Respect and Self-Control
If you remember in our last article, we discussed self-respect and self-esteem. Well, a very insightful deviant pointed out that self-control is just as important as self-respect and self-esteem...
Self-control is "the ability to exercise restraint or control over one's feelings, emotions, reactions, etc." Self-control is not ever easy and most certainly is never mastered. We all have good days and bad days, can be sleep deprived, may have other issues like an emotional disorder to consider, and more! But that doesn't mean that we should just give up on self-control. It may be hard, but we can still do our best every day to have enough respect for ourselves and the people we interact with to try and control ourselves.
"Self-respect and self-control are also two sides of the same coin. When you respect yourself you will also learn to control how your emotions affect your dignity and self-esteem because you think or know how you want to direct your goals. Self-control is not eliminating emotions. It is putting purpose to emotions and making them work with the individual."
How does Self-Control create Respect?
Being able to control or redirect your disrespectful outbursts is a huge win for any person (and a sure sign that you respect those you interact with). You will get emotional and want to have a tantrum. You will be angry some days and want to just quit. You will want to smack the faces of many people throughout your life. This is just the reality of life. But you SHOULDN'T act on those impulses.
Self-control helps us to curb those negative and disrespectful impulses. It helps us to take that deep breath, step back from the situation, and it helps us to think clearly (or walk away until you can think clearly). Being able to control (or simply being willing to try and control) your impulses, emotions, actions, etc is not "letting go" or "burying your emotions." Your emotions have value and should be shared and known to you and those who the emotions are directed towards. However, there is no need attack the person with your emotions... Keep calm, breath deep, and think about how you would want someone to approach you if they felt the same way you were.
When you are able to understand why you feel the way you feel and take a step back, you are showing self-control. And by doing that alone, you are showing your respect for those around you and YOURSELF.
Self-Control and Respecting YOU
Yes, when you show self-control, you show that you respect yourself. It may seem odd, but it is so true. When you see people in your lives get so upset that they just make themselves look stupid or arrogant, you don't feel the deep need to really help them or even care that they are as upset as they are. The reason for this is because their lack of control over themselves shows that they don't really care much how the rest of the world thinks of them... It shows a low self-respect (remember, from the last article, self-respect is a sense or awareness of YOUR OWN dignity and integrity). In turn, that lowered self-respect can lower their self-esteem which will only farther remove them from being able to control themselves. And the cycle will continue.
Don't get caught in that cycle. Start by knowing what makes you great! If you don't know, ASK those closest to you - they are close to you because they know how awesome you are. Then make sure you remind yourself of your awesomeness whenever possible to help increase your self-esteem (or your emotional evaluation of YOUR OWN WORTH such as your self-confidence and your ability to make decisions). If you can find the worth within yourself, you can take that next step and grab onto some self-control - taking those necessary deep breaths when things don't go your way, ignoring all the negativity that gets thrown at you instead of throwing it right back, and understanding when enough is enough.
Using your Self-Control on deviantART
We have all been there... Someone leaves a scathing "comment" on our work, journal or profile that is just rude, disrespectful and unnecessary. What do you do? As a person harnessing their innate self-respect and self-esteem, you can puff up with pride knowing you have all the tools necessary to fight back without dropping down to the disturbing level of that person.
Grab that self-control and just leave that comment right where it is. Ignore it, or better yet, hide it and block the rude person. An epic win for self-control!
Do you just HAVE to say something to them? (yeah, I have to sometimes too... even against my better judgement...) Then take that step back, take a deep breath, and type up a response. Then delete that. Type it up again... And delete it again. Do that a few more times, and before you know it, you will have typed up a respectful and classy response to their complete rudeness. Another epic win for self-control!
Just keep in mind that no one has the right to leave garbage on your art, profile or journals. ...So don't let them. You have that power: BLOCK, HIDE and MOVE ON. That deviant has NO POWER unless you give it to them. Remember who you are: AWESOME! If you forget, ask your friends to remind you. Remember that you are CONFIDENT! And remember to step back from the bad situation so you can better control yourself and your actions.
I think my friend Hisa said it best...
